The perfect fry up

[-james-]

Bacon, sausage, egg (poached/fried), hash brown, fried tomato, toast.

Beans optional, but certainly no huge quantity if present.

Discuss.

[phonics]

You didn't put toast on there you nonce.

[-james-]

You're the bigger nonce for setting 10 as the maximum number of poll options. Anyone that doesn't want toast is nonce king.

[Cord]

Fried bread > toast.

[phonics]

I thought fried bread was called larver bread. Then I went to Swansea and got that shit. Rough.

[mo]

You're the bigger nonce for setting 10 as the maximum number of poll options. Anyone that doesn't want toast is nonce king.

And yet you chose to put 'chips' as one of the ten?

[Reg]

Why wouldn't chips go with a fry up? Chips go with everything.

Keep it minimal and meaty: bacon, sausage, fried egg, tomato, chips.

[-james-]

And yet you chose to put 'chips' as one of the ten?

I thought toast would be a given for most tbh. Chips are on the list so we can eliminate anyone that votes for that option .

[Lewis]

I think the only essentials are sausage, bacon, fried egg (scrambled will do), beans, and something bread. I would then like to see some black pudding and hash browns on there, but they're not going to make of break it. Mushrooms 'n' tomato (paired together as shit) can do one. They're only included to get women involved.

I had a cooked breakfast earlier, and when I asked them to swap the mushrooms 'n' tomato for another sausage they said no it has to be meat for meat or crap for crap. Okay, love, do me another hash brown. Oh sorry, not like that. Fortunately for them it was too hot for a talk on consistency, but fucking hell. I also had it outside and nearly died. I imagine it was what soldiering on the Indian frontier must have been like.

[Giggles]

Basically a mixture of an Irish and an Ulster.

2 sausages (pork)
2 rashers
1 black pudding
1 white pudding
2 fried eggs
1 halved fried tomato
Fried soda bread
Fried brown bread
Mushrooms
Beans (in a separate dish)
1 Hash brown or potato cubes
Brown sauce

[Byron]

2 Sausages
2 Bacon
Hash Browns
2 Fried Eggs
Mushrooms
Grilled Tomato
Fried Bread
Black Pudding

[SincereTheRebel]

That black pudding is hideous.

Hash browns are nice though.

[Disco]

If I was making one myself then I wouldn't bother with mushrooms but I'm not taking them off if they're there. Tomatoes though, top drawer.

[Spikey M]

Which absolute fucking wrongun isn’t having sausage?

[SincereTheRebel]

Vegetarians

[Danny]

Bacon
Sausage
Egg
Beans
Tomatoes
Hash Browns
Some form of bread (fried or toast)
Brown Sauce.

There is a place for mushrooms and black pudding but i am not a fan

[Spikey M]

Vegetarians

I’ve got some news about bacon for them.

[Lewis]

Trancemeister. The mouth hole on his gimp mask can probably only get bacon through it.

[SincereTheRebel]

I’ve got some news about bacon for them.

Some people eat that fake meat. Mo Farah Quorn. Why?

[Dark Soldier]

3 x Bacon
3 x Sausage
2 x Fried Egg
Full tin of beans
Thick, butter drenched toast

Can chuck in a hash brown or two and some black pudding if ya like. Any veg goes directly in the bin.

[Disco]

I could happily leave the beans off, utterly superfluous for me.

[phonics]

Beans are a substitute when you run out of eggs.

[-james-]

The tomato is there for moisture. Any two of egg/beans/tomato is fine really.

[-james-]

I like mushrooms, but they don't really serve a purpose on a fry up. The ones you get at a greasy spoon are always shit as well.

[Disco]

You see I'd have some sauce (red or brown, whatever your preference) in the role of moisture provider if there's no beans.

[Dark Soldier]

You dip everything in the beans some of you are just mental

[Giggles]

Good squeeze of brown sauce mixed into the beans :nodd:

Especially if they're those nasty beans with loads of sauce on them. At home I'd strain them.

[Disco]

Good squeeze of brown sauce mixed into the beans :nodd:

Especially if they're those nasty beans with loads of sauce on them. At home I'd strain them.

I like a splash of Worcester Sauce in the beans while they're cooking for a similar effect.

[Spikey M]

Are we talking tinned plum tomatoes or some grilled disappointment?

[Giggles]

Are we talking tinned plum tomatoes or some grilled disappointment?

A real tomato halved and put on the pan after the rashers come off. I'd do some tinned plum either though if needs be.

[Disco]

Half a fried tomato, what do you even do with plum tomatoes in a fry up?

[-james-]

Tinned tomato in a fry up, u wot?

[Clunge]

2x sausage (or 4x if chipolata)
2x bacon
2x black pudding
2x hash brown
1x egg
1x toast (buttered, ofc)
beans
brown sauce

If there is to be tomato, no tinned bollocks, I want a decent tomato, sliced in half and grilled with some seasoning.

[Samadini]

There aren't many things more tragic than tinned plum tomatoes chucked onto a plate, sauce and all.

[Giggles]

No grilling. It's a fry (up).


.

[Spikey M]

Tinned tomatoes. :drool:

[Yevrah]

Fry ups need a tomato. Mushrooms can do one though.

[Shindig]

The correct answer is everything. The best fry up is the most fry-up.

[Baz]

Haven't we already had this discussion? I remember bruhnaldo whipping up a classic pic on Paint.

Anyway anything goes except tomato.

Oh and plenty of brown sauce on everything.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I need the beans for liquid reasons (and prefer scrambled egg to the pointless fried version) but don't need any kind of bread in there really.

Bacon
Scrambled egg
Sausage
Beans
Hash browns if available
Mushrooms if I'm in a poncey mood

Having chips with it is deviant. Potatoes at breakfast should come in a breakfast-only form. That said, 'breakfast potatoes' from the United States are one of the worst and most pointless things I've ever eaten.

[Dan]

Sausage, bacon, eggs, hash browns, beans & toast is probably what I’d consider the optimal fry up, but if I do it at home it’s probably more likely to have mushrooms & tomato instead of the hash browns since they’re in the house already & hash browns aren’t.

Hash browns are great, and chips is completely wrong for a breakfast fry up, but I can probably accept them on a brunch fry up. It should really be sautéed potatoes in that case though.

[Giggles]

The fried white sliced pan is so wrong but so right.

[mugbull]

Good fucking God, how did the French not introduce a fucking cuisine during the hundreds of years they lorded over you

[Andy]

Needs two of everything, that's all that's bothers me. Hate it when you get one egg, hashbrown, sausage etc.

[mugbull]

Jk these sound pretty good

[Giggles]

Good fucking God, how did the French not introduce a fucking cuisine during the hundreds of years they lorded over you

Nobody needs most French food in their lives. The British did well not to take it on.

[mugbull]

Nobody needs most French food in their lives. The British did well not to take it on.

Well that’s a lie. You’ll get Jimmy Floyd on your side though.

[Giggles]

Well that’s a lie. You’ll get Jimmy Floyd on your side though.

The pastry stuff is good but they can keep all those greasy bony stews.

[Spikey M]

Pastries are shit unless they contain meat. Croissants can fuck right off.

[Jimmy Floyd]

For a country which has zero native spices, I think we do alright.

[Spikey M]

We have nettles. Nettle tea, nettle wine, what more do you need?

[Giggles]

Pastries are shit unless they contain meat. Croissants can fuck right off.

:nodd:

[mugbull]

For a country which has zero native spices, I think we do alright.

Yeah it’s not that bad really, and i don’t want to take over the thread by shitting on it, so you win this one

[igor_balis]

Sweet pastries are a bit rubbish, but croissants with shit loads of butter and posh jam (taste the difference raspberry conserve is igor's tip of the day) are nice occasionally.

Would much prefer a nasty sausage roll off the hot plate thingy though. Cold sausage rolls are rank though, all dusty and dry.

[Spikey M]

Agreed on all counts.

[Lewis]

What an absolute mong describing any type of sausage roll as 'rank'.

[igor_balis]

Ones straight out of the fridge at the supermarket are fucking gross, and I love stodgy meat-based food. Even room temperature would be acceptable, but cold sausage rolls are shit and you're the fucking mong LEWIS.

[Spikey M]

I can’t eat anything that should be hot when it isn’t. Buffets are a fucking nightmare if there isn’t a microwave handy.

[Lewis]

No, sorry. You're still a daft cunt. That said, cold pasta makes me retch.

[Giggles]

I ate a cold scotch pie today. I wouldn't have bought it had I realised it was but it was still grand.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Cold cornish pasties are the absolute dog's bollocks.

[igor_balis]

I don't mind cold cornish pasties, it's just a certain kind of supermarket sausage roll. I think it's because the pastry is really thick. When they're poncy thin filo pastry type sausage rolls (admittedly the inferior sort), they're alright cold. An old friend of mine used to have two cheap sainsburys sausage rolls straight out of the fridge for his lunch at school every day, washed down with a litre of chocolate milk, and he was the one guy who always ordered the english dish at the curry house. Obviously.

[igor_balis]

I'm saying you have food autism basically, Lew.

[Lewis]

1215947508888866816

Read it and weep you anti-bean [remainer] nonces. The Will of the People.

[Giggles]

Needs white pudding.

[Shindig]

You need beans on it otherwise it's a dry mess.

[Disco]

Only 35% for black pudding though so they must asked a bunch of utter geeks.

[Spikey M]

Tinned tomatoes > Grilled tomato.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I hate baked beans, the sauce is way too sweet.

[Lewis]

Salt them up then you embarrassment.

[mugbull]

Beans is the only thing that makes this unique, otherwise it’s literally the same breakfast that everyone eats everywhere

[Spikey M]

I hate baked beans, the sauce is way too sweet.

Finally we find out the real reason why Monghow doesn't feel British.

[Spikey M]

Beans is the only thing that makes this unique, otherwise it’s literally the same breakfast that everyone eats everywhere

Go and put maple syrup on your waffles you cunt.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Salt them up then you embarrassment.

The embarrassment is the sauce.

It needs some smokiness and a bit of chilli heat running through it.

[Lewis]

'What Liverpool need is a nice blue home strip.'

[mugbull]

Go and put maple syrup on your waffles you cunt.

Sounds like a good way to get fat

[Spikey M]

It's an awful way to get fat. Get some beans in ya.

[Giggles]

I hate baked beans, the sauce is way too sweet.

Fry the rashers and then heat the beans in what's left in the pan from them.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

That sounds really good tbh.

[Spikey M]

Giggs is wasted as a delivery driver. He should be cheff.

[Giggles]

Giggs is wasted as a delivery driver. He should be cheff.

Marcus Wareing would do some looking at that.

[igor_balis]

Can't resist replacing toast with fried bread.

[Spikey M]

It's not an either / or situation.

[Spikey M]

I think possibly the most disappointed I've ever been was in Cuba, where - catering for dick head Canadians - they dusted the fried bread with icing sugar. Un fucking forgivable.

[Giggles]

The last breakfast I had in England had bubble & squeak as one of the options. Cabbage flavour does not belong with a fry.

[igor_balis]

The most questionable thing I ever did with a fry up was when I fried off some chorizo (not the pre-sliced shit stuff), cus I was too hungover to go out and buy proper sausage. Was pretty great tbh. Chorizo first then fried everything else in the sweet red nectar.

[Spikey M]

The last breakfast I had in England had bubble & squeak as one of the options. Cabbage flavour does not belong with a fry.

It's an odd one. It tends to be an option at the Premier Inn breakfast buffet, but I've never tried it (for breakfast) and I'm not sure I've ever actually seen someone eating it.

[Giggles]

It's an odd one. It tends to be an option at the Premier Inn breakfast buffet, but I've never tried it (for breakfast) and I'm not sure I've ever actually seen someone eating it.

That's exactly where I was actually.

[randomlegend]

Baked beans are rank.

[Disco]

That sounds really good tbh.

Or grate a bit of cheese into them while they're cooking. Or Worcestershire sauce, that works too.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I put all sorts of shit into baked beans. Paprika, chilli powder, pepper, whatever the occasion demands. Hardly ever have them vanilla.

[Spikey M]

That's exactly where I was actually.

I reckon they just have a load of potatoes and greens hanging around from the night before so fry it up and shove it out.

[randomlegend]

That's why bubble and squeak was invented isn't it? To use up leftovers?

[Giggles]

Isn't that why bubble and squeak was invented isn't it? To use up leftovers?

But for breakfast?

[Disco]

Isn't that why bubble and squeak was invented isn't it? To use up leftovers?

Yup, which makes it a strange thing to find on a menu.

[Offshore Toon]

I quite like Spoons and baked beans, but people eating at Wetherspoons, with neither any teeth nor taste, shouldn't be deciding anything on behalf of this country.

[John Arne]

Replace the banh mi with proper bread, and add another sausage, and we are good to go...

https://gyazo.com/d906085297e5545ac09ec712aea69c9b.jpeg

[Shindig]

I'm sure it's fine but I need that sausage to be charred.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I am a convert to the fried tomato. On its own it is a worthless item, but it really helps to balance the plate when it comes to a fry up. Like one of those unglamorous footballers who the fans all moan about but managers love.

[Giggles]

I'm sure it's fine but I need that sausage to be charred.

Bacon looks good though.

[Giggles]

Is banh mi viatnemese for baguette to did your autocorrect fuck up something?

[John Arne]

I'm sure it's fine but I need that sausage to be charred.

Agreed. It could do with an extra 10 minutes.


Is banh mi viatnemese for baguette to did your autocorrect fuck up something?

Yeah, banh mi = little baguette. The Viets do cracking baguettes (thanks France), but awful sliced bread (Fuck you France). Baffling.

[igor_balis]

I am a convert to the fried tomato. On its own it is a worthless item, but it really helps to balance the plate when it comes to a fry up. Like one of those unglamorous footballers who the fans all moan about but managers love.

Exactly right. It's the same reason I regret most "meat feast" pizzas, despite always being tempted to get them over more balanced options, like a bloody idiot.

[Giggles]

Speaking of baguettes :drool:

For the man who hasn’t time to sit at a plate.

https://cdn.extra.ie/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/26132342/Breakfast-Roll-2.jpg

[Giggles]

Exactly right. It's the same reason I regret most "meat feast" pizzas, despite always being tempted to get them over more balanced options, like a bloody idiot.

That’s what the red pizza sauce is for.

[Adamski]

Speaking of baguettes :drool:

For the man who hasn’t time to sit at a plate.

https://cdn.extra.ie/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/26132342/Breakfast-Roll-2.jpg

Oh my :drool:

[John]

I do that about twice a month using those half cooked baguettes that you finish off in the oven yourself.

[Spikey M]

That bacon is raw, but otherwise a solid effort.

[Lewis]

It is as well. Returning to the polling from yesterday, terrible bacon like that is why sausages are actually the meat top boy.

[Baz]

There’s clearly not enough brown sauce on it, if any.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

We once had someone from Poland stay with us and they actually ate a few rashers out of the pack completely raw.

[Lewis]

Was it Molton or that Stalin gimp who lived with some Poles who used to do that?

[Andy]

Went to Edinburugh last year for the fringe festival and had 2 of the best fry ups ever. Far better than anything I've had in England.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Food ingredients tend to be better in Scotland, it's just what they do with them which can be a bit questionable.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I had doughnut French toast with rashers of streaky bacon for a breakfast in Scotland.

[Giggles]

That bacon is raw, but otherwise a solid effort.

Yeah it’s hard to get a deli counter here that cooks rashers properly. I’d say 90% are like that.

[Giggles]

Was behind a lad the other day getting the absolute works on one, don’t know how the fuck he managed to handle it.

2 eggs, 2 rashers, 3 sausages, black pudding, white pudding, 3 hash browns, and mushrooms. On butter and red sauce.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Loses points for not taking brown sauce the goon.

[Lewis]

Hash browns in that sandwich is a bit much.

[niko_cee]

Went to Edinburugh last year for the fringe festival and had 2 of the best fry ups ever. Far better than anything I've had in England.

The Full Wilson as my late Glaswegian uncle referred to it.

Square slice is a legendary thing.

Good for the tastebuds, not so much for the life expectancy.

[Giggles]

Hash browns in that sandwich is a bit much.

Wouldn’t be for me either. I’d be leaving the mushrooms out too.

[igor_balis]

The music journo neil Kulkarni shared an anecdote on the top of the pops podcast I listen to of some shitey breakfast tv news show interviewing some 100 year old women in the black country, asking them the secret of their longevity, and they said they had a daily snack compatible to spreading pate on crackers except it was raw sausage meat on toast. Fucking hell.

[igor_balis]

Went to Edinburugh last year for the fringe festival and had 2 of the best fry ups ever. Far better than anything I've had in England.

I remember the raised eyebrow and deep blush of shame I gave when I asked for a "full english" in an Edinburgh cafe the week I moved there. It was excellent though.

What comedians did ya see?

[Offshore Toon]

Typical toff.

[Adamski]

The Full Wilson as my late Glaswegian uncle referred to it.

Square slice is a legendary thing.

Good for the tastebuds, not so much for the life expectancy.

Finally a mention for square sausage. The GOAT of breakfastery. That and potato scone.

[Ian]

Links are better.

[Adamski]

Put those hands together.