Depression

[Spammer]

Yeah, this again. The thread served a decent purpose on the last place so here we are again.

I'm doing alright actually. How are you doing?

[Dquincy]

Better than that American kid.

[Lewis]

I bought some haslet but I've eaten it all. :(

[Giggles]

I'm on medication that's supposed to make me depressed, but it hasn't yet.

[Boydy]

I feel like mine's getting worse again after a spell of it not being so bad there. I got lazy and stopped meditating. I think that is probably a part of it.

[Lewis]

Sex change! Sex change! Sex change!

[Boydy]

What?

[Lewis]

That might be the solution.

[Boydy]

I doubt it.

[Adam]

Read an interesting article from the music producer and DJ Benga about mental illness and depression etc interesting stuff, I'd provide linkage but was on works pc.

[Mazuuurk]

Jesus fucking christ, Hammer, it's just a werewolf game.

[Smiffy]

.....

[QE Harold Flair]

Nobody can tell you what to do - only you know what you like doing. I'm not saying this from a 'depressed person' state but I enjoy playing football so I make sure I set the weekends aside for just that. Even venturing out for long walks with the headphones in makes you feel better.

[Spammer]

What are you interested in? Start from there and work outwards.

[mugbull]

I know this will sound dumb, especially coming from me, but i suggest you take acid or shrooms. Alone, in a comfortable environment. idk if youve ever done psychedelics before but one of the big things they did for me was remind me of how much i value music and how fun the music production process is. i dont have depression per se, but whenever i'm bored or feeling lonely i just go back to ableton and i'm bound to spend hours chugging away at something i'm proud of. psychedelics are wonderful if treated with respect, and i think most people could vastly benefit from an experience with them

[Pepe]

Top advice mate.

[mugbull]

You're a pointless poster these days pepe

[Pepe]

I really appreciate your feedback.

[Dark Soldier]

I know this will sound dumb, especially coming from me, but i suggest you take acid or shrooms. Alone, in a comfortable environment. idk if youve ever done psychedelics before but one of the big things they did for me was remind me of how much i value music and how fun the music production process is. i dont have depression per se, but whenever i'm bored or feeling lonely i just go back to ableton and i'm bound to spend hours chugging away at something i'm proud of. psychedelics are wonderful if treated with respect, and i think most people could vastly benefit from an experience with them

Yeah, no.

[mugbull]

In real life we justify so much shit to our brains as a defense mechanism. Everybody does it all the time. Psychs reveal all that shit which is why it can be a sobering, frightening experience. But at the end of the day you come out with better knowledge of what you've been repressing and what you need to work on, and that includes hobbies that you are truly interested in but that you've been too lazy to do anything about. It doesn't solve anything for you long term, but it gives you a much better perspective on your life than you had going in, which is something that I feel would be critically important if you were depressed or aimless. Especially if youve never done psychedelics before

[Dark Soldier]

Aye, having a condition which alters your mental state into that of a dark, fucked up hole, and then dropping some psychedelics is definitely a great plan mate. I get it, you like them, preach preach preach.

[simon]

Advising someone who has had a long history of depression and suicidal tendencies to take psychedelic drugs is lunacy. Simple as that.

[Dark Soldier]

"Here mate I've got this serious heart condition man, any heightened heart rate could severely fuck me up but it seems to be under control at the moment. Anyway pal, what we up to tonight?"

"Getting you smashed off your nut on coke mate!"

"Cracking idea"

[mugbull]

Have any of you ever tried any, or are you just making baseless assumptions?

[Adamski]

I've tried them and it's ridiculous. You've also been nowhere near them.

[Dark Soldier]

Have any of you ever tried any, or are you just making baseless assumptions?

Why would I try something that alters my mental state when I'm prone to deep depressive cycles? Use common sense.

[Pepe]

Smiffy has probably tried them.

[simon]

Have you ever been clinically depressed and nearly killed yourself, or are you just making baseless assumptions?

[Shindig]

Something about the line of work I'm in that really pisses me off is how my work colleagues chortle at claimants suffering hallucinations and paranoia during assessments.

[mugbull]

I've never had depression, but from my understanding it comes from a lack of direction, a lack of purpose, or any number of lifestyle factors that, when combined with a genetic predisposition to that sort of mental state, lead to depression. A lot of it is down to pessimism, and a feeling that the future holds nothing for one.

A lot of people see psychedelics as something that just fucks you up and puts you in a Alice in Wonderland type hole. There is a decent amount of research that suggests psychedelics are effective in treating depression, as well as anxiety and PTSD.

From my perspective, you can't get out of a mental rut as deep as the one that leads to depression without a significant shift in your outlook on life and the world in general. Medication can eliminate some of the depressive tendencies by changing the chemical composition of your brain, but it doesn't get rid of the line of thinking that leads you to feel a certain way. For that there is psychiatry, but that oftentimes feels forced and not genuine.

Don't dismiss something simply because it's taboo.

Some links:

http://www.theguardian.com/science/2015/mar/05/psychedelic-drugs-like-lsd-could-be-used-to-treat-depression-study-suggests

http://www.cnn.com/2010/HEALTH/08/24/psychedelic.drugs.depression/

[Jimmy Floyd]

Don't dismiss something simply because it's taboo.

Nobody's said that, so I can only assume this bizarre series of posts is driven by some pre-existing agenda that you have.

[mugbull]

Yes, the agenda is to try to rid peoples' general ignorance about psychedelics. Specifically to Smiff saying he can't be arsed to take up a hobby, which is something that an experience with a psychedelic drug could help solve.

[Sam]

Drugs and depression just don't work.

Want to feel great for an hour but then feel like utter arse for the following few days, most of it spent staring at the painting on the wall?

Sure, go for it, 2g of sniff please.

[mugbull]

Of course coke and bad vibes are shit together. Same with weed, alcohol tbh

[Reg]

Idiotic advice, go away mokbull.

Smiff, learning an instrument would be my first suggestion, unless you want something that gets you out of the house, in which case take up a sport. Try one you haven't before if you don't fancy taking up one you used to play again.

[Baz]

Binge watch Workaholics. Sure fire way to put a smile on anyone's face.

[Spammer]

Mixing depression with acid would be pretty fucking risky, though I see where he's coming from. I don't much like the 'it has nothing to do with my thought patterns it's just how i'm made' line of reasoning with depression and I think stuff can often be done to help people climb out of it in the right circumstances...but acid is far too fucking cerebral to be doing it in your room without proper supervision and it's a bit daft to off-handedly just suggest it like that. Those articles are about the possibility of it being used with professionals knocking about, both when they're up in the clouds and beforehand to figure out how they might respond to it in the first place.

I like David Nutt though. His book 'Drugs without the hot air' is a really good read.

[Manc]

I used to work with a guy who casually dropped acid. He resigned and spent all his savings on a few weeks in the states.

[mugbull]

Who casually drops acid? That doesn't even sound enjoyable

[Spoonsky]

There must be some things you enjoy doing for fun, Smiffy, or that you've enjoyed in the past. I would start with those.

Harold is right about taking walks too. One of the best ways to clear your mind and feel like you're "doing" something without any real commitment.

[Smiffy]

.....

[Reg]

Good stuff, Smiff. :) Enjoy it!

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

About 4-5 months ago I was feeling a lot better so decided to jack my citalopram but then a couple of months after that it felt like I hit close to the bottom.

My grief for my Dads returned, I lost all motivation to do anything, I felt depressed for the first time in my life and my sleeping was even worse.

Started counselling again with the Uni (I've had 2 sessions and it's helping) and I went back on my citalopram. However, the meds weren't working so last week I spoke to my GP. She decided to switch me to mirtazapine as it can help with sleep but I needed to be switched across slowly.

Last night was my first does of mirtazapine and I felt like I was going to face plant my keyboard after about 15 minutes.

I took it at around 1am and I'm still feeling ridiculously drowsy from it, she told me to go up to 30mg next week christ knows what I'll be like on that.

[Dark Soldier]

You'll be fine after a couple of weeks, its just working its way back into your system.

[Pavel]

I used to work with a guy who casually dropped acid. He resigned and spent all his savings on a few weeks in the states.

He obviously thought that this was a wise idea.


Who casually drops acid? That doesn't even sound enjoyable

I find tripping to be much easier craic' in general than even going out for a single pint, microdosing for instance can be done without any really massive repercussions on the day ahead and the next.

That said, proper doses of anything shouldn't be taken lightly, unless one is experienced enough to understand what they are getting into.


Mixing depression with acid would be pretty fucking risky, though I see where he's coming from. I don't much like the 'it has nothing to do with my thought patterns it's just how i'm made' line of reasoning with depression and I think stuff can often be done to help people climb out of it in the right circumstances...but acid is far too fucking cerebral to be doing it in your room without proper supervision and it's a bit daft to off-handedly just suggest it like that. Those articles are about the possibility of it being used with professionals knocking about, both when they're up in the clouds and beforehand to figure out how they might respond to it in the first place.

Personally, I've never had a bad trip; but then I've never been stupid enough to take LSD or any other kind of psychedelic when I've been bottomed out/having a polar dip. Anyone who takes a psychedelic thinking that it will make them inherently feel better is risking having a full blown episode, and I've seen people have them - key to remember is that whilst stimulants or uppers make you feel king of the world, all psychedelics are accelerating what already exists within you at the time.

Feeling bad without something to hold on to when you take trips, and it will make you feel worse times ten. However, in the right environment, accessing these emotions can be highly functional in dealing with and getting over them.

'Candy-flipping', can be constructive for instance; mixing doses of ecstasy and psychedelics.

None of which should be taken casually with mates while depressed.


As for the OP.

Yeah, I'm currently feeling really incredibly low myself - the majority of which stems from the fact that the majority of the people I've been socialising with over the last three years have grown into/turned out to be massive cretins of the highest order; and so I have shunned socialising with anyone really for the last year - and as Belfast is really rather small, meeting new people who aren't sucked into the faceless cretin machine that is drink/take-drugs/lie/cheat/steal/repeat is quite hard because the allure of hanging out with the few people who are exceptionally dead-on is too hard to resist for most folks.

Every time my house-mates go out for drinks or bring people back, all I hear is more fucking drama between the lot of them; and I'm stood there having a conversation which goes: "why don't you come out any more?" and "yeah, so x hit y because it turns out y was a thieving cunt all the time they were professing themselves bessies."

...there's only so many times you can say "I told you so" before a crippling form of depression caves down on your head. I feel like Cassandra at times. I really wish I didn't care so much about people who don't appear to have any care for anyone but themselves. It's sickening listening to people say that people are angels when you know better.

That and yet again one of the mad wee girls that everyone just lets do what she will/turns a blind eye for whatever reason, has turned around and claimed one of our mates assaulted her - that's the third time that she's tried to press charges in the last year for an imaginary event that's taken place when she's been wiped out of her tree. Our mate has been visibly in need of being kept an eye on since the charges were brought against him, but he's been feeling a bit better since he was cleared because the police realised she was a fucking melter.

Fuck it, Star Wars is out on Thursday.

If it's shit, Friday may be a day not to be alone.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

The mirtazapine is fucking brilliant, at least in terms of getting me to sleep.

I can't remember ever falling asleep as fast as I am and I'm sleeping through the night for the first time since last year.

[Dark Soldier]

Aye I'm on Mirtazapine too, 30mg, freaking phenomenal for sleep. Properly knocks you out. Don't mix it with drink btw, fucks you up.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Aye I'm on Mirtazapine too, 30mg, freaking phenomenal for sleep. Properly knocks you out. Don't mix it with drink btw, fucks you up.

I don't drink so no problems there.

I'm on 15mg until next Friday when I'm being moved up to 30mg.

Just knowing that I will be able to have an actual nights sleep is a huge boost to my mental health, let alone actually getting the sleep.

[Dark Soldier]

Be careful with 30. What you feel now re: drowsiness will be way more intense, and you'll feel like shit the next day, probably nap etc. It took about four weeks before it settled into my system.

First time you take 30 you'll sleep for about 14 hours straight. Can be hard to drag yourself out of bed at that strength.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I felt drowsy as fuck with 15 for the first night.

Pretty much knocked me out cold 5 minutes after taking it, I slept for 12 hours, woke up groggy and needed a 4 hour nap during the day. After that I was fine though.

I'm not too fussed about being out of it for Christmas though.

[Spammer]

Back with the parents and, as usual, a couple of days of it and I'm feeling really down. Ho hum.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

The day after I posted about the wonders of Mirtazapine it became so much less effective.

I had my first dose of 30mg last night and it didn't really do much, I did fall asleep quicker than I would have without it (took me about 45 minutes) but I kept waking throughout the night.

Also, it seems that it's making me extremely irritable. I'm usually quite calm and control my anger but I've been chimping out at little things (or very close to it) for the past 10 days or so.


I'll go to my GP in a week and if things don't improve I'll probably have to try something else.

[Spammer]

All my cunt friends have families that like each other which they're spending time with them today, so I've gone for a massive walk. Watching the United match in the pub and will probably arse around in here until 7ish. That or walk to another pub to grab some food.

[Dark Soldier]

The day after I posted about the wonders of Mirtazapine it became so much less effective.

I had my first dose of 30mg last night and it didn't really do much, I did fall asleep quicker than I would have without it (took me about 45 minutes) but I kept waking throughout the night.

Also, it seems that it's making me extremely irritable. I'm usually quite calm and control my anger but I've been chimping out at little things (or very close to it) for the past 10 days or so.


I'll go to my GP in a week and if things don't improve I'll probably have to try something else.

They can take weeks to settle in, ride it out lad. Doesn't matter that you've been on a lower dosage, your body has to adapt.

[Spoonsky]

Do y'all ever have periods where it's just hard to care about anything? I know I'm not depressed or anything, it will pass, but it's still annoying. I think it might have something to do with being away from my friends for a longer period, which is interesting because while I love my friends I don't see myself as being particularly reliant on them. I'm also seemingly finding it difficult to relax but that's probably because of applying to college and such.

[Shindig]

That's kinda how mine was. I was bored beyond belief but had no impetus to do anything.

[Spammer]

Feel down. Probably because I've been drunk for the last three nights. Really didn't need to have gone out last night.

[Manc]

Ever have the feeling that your just going through the motions? Same shit different day?

In a bid to "mix things up" I've turned to meditation (lol). If eastern philosophy is to be believed it's the tits. At a base level I can see the postives and twenty minutes away from the girlfriend is a blessing. I've told her in no circumstances is she to interrupt me. Brilliant.

[Smiffy]

.....

[Boydy]

We had a thread about meditation on the old board after quite a few of us depressives (and some who aren't) said they did it and it helped them. You don't have to subscribe to eastern philosophy either.

You sound like you don't really like your girlfriend from everything you say on here. Maybe that's why things feel a bit shit for you?

[Lewis]

Keep your girlfriend but meditate whenever you find yourself resenting her.

[Raoul Duke]

He'll probably just spend 20 minutes cracking one off thinking about the bird from work.

[Manc]

I've been at it a week or so now. 100% she thinks I'm tossing off.

[Manc]

You sound like you don't really like your girlfriend from everything you say on here. Maybe that's why things feel a bit shit for you?

She's an intelligent, caring, fun loving woman and one of the better things to happen in my life. At the moment it's hard to see those qualities through the toxic bullshit.

[Spammer]

You'd be better served finding a new hobby or stepping outside your comfort zone.

I'd go with this. Although, I guess he's doing both in his own way.

[Reg]

Take up a sport if life's a bit dull, Manc. Adults playing sport is underrated.

It's cool you're doing meditation, I heartily recommend it.

[Manc]

Any physical exertion outside of weightlifting would be hard to manage.

I'm all for going outside my comfort zone, but how?

[mugbull]

Any physical exertion outside of weightlifting would be hard to manage.

I'm all for going outside my comfort zone, but how?

Why?

Do music. Learn to code so that you can build cool shit. Hobbies are only really useful at alleviating this kind of feeling if they're legit involved hobbies, like not the kind of shit you do aimlessly. Sport is awesome as that, and gives you direction in the gym too. Maybe rock climbing?

[Manc]

I could always "compete". Grab the oil, Foe and lets hit the beds.

[Spammer]

Go and do a bungee jump. That'll sort you out.

[Giggles]

Why?

Do music. Learn to code so that you can build cool shit. Hobbies are only really useful at alleviating this kind ofu feeling if they're legit involved hobbies, like not the kind of shit you do aimlessly. Sport is awesome as that, and gives you direction in the gym too. Maybe rock climbing?

There's no point in suggesting things you think he should be interested in because you're interested in them. Hobbies are things that you're interested in yourself.

[Raoul Duke]

...and no-one must ever go beyond the boundaries they've reached thus far in life. All new experience is only a mirage leading to disappointment, resentment and self-loathing :dc:

Amen

[Spammer]

1 The words of the Preacher, the son of David, king in Jerusalem.
2 Vanity of vanities, saith the Preacher, vanity of vanities; all is vanity.
3 What profit hath a man of all his labor which he taketh under the sun?
4 One generation passeth away, and another generation cometh: but the earth abideth for ever.
5 The sun also ariseth, and the sun goeth down, and hasteth to his place where he arose.
6 The wind goeth toward the south, and turneth about unto the north; it whirleth about continually, and the wind returneth again according to his circuits.
7 All the rivers run into the sea; yet the sea is not full: unto the place from whence the rivers come, thither they return again.
8 All things are full of labor; man cannot utter it: the eye is not satisfied with seeing, nor the ear filled with hearing.
9 The thing that hath been, it is that which shall be; and that which is done is that which shall be done: and there is no new thing under the sun.
10 Is there any thing whereof it may be said, See, this is new? it hath been already of old time, which was before us.
11 There is no remembrance of former things; neither shall there be any remembrance of things that are to come with those that shall come after.

Ecclesiastes is fucking brutal :cool:

[ItalAussie]

There's no point in suggesting things you think he should be interested in because you're interested in them. Hobbies are things that you're interested in yourself.

The problem is that you need to try stuff to find out if it's your thing. The best thing to do with hobbies is try a wide range of things to see which ones tap into something and stick.

[mugbull]

There's no point in suggesting things you think he should be interested in because you're interested in them. Hobbies are things that you're interested in yourself.

I'm not saying he has to do those things, i'm just giving them as examples. i don't even rock climb. The point is a hobby needs to be intense for it to actually get you feeling you're doing something. I think creating things is the most rewarding type of hobby. It can be crocheting if you want, but it's got to have tangible results. Thats why things like watching movies, collecting things etc don't really count as hobbies in my mind.

[Lewis]

The lad's having an existential crisis, and you're all telling him to download Clash of Clans and/or collect trainers. Give your lass the heave-ho, play it out six months, and if it's still bollocks do yourself in.

[mugbull]

Clash of Clans is taking the Western world by fire. I'll hold out for a while longer but honestly if the biggest dogs start playing that grind, which they have, then you've extended your grasp into every conceivable market, so I can't claim to be immune

[Raoul Duke]

You are like the cool one from Saved By The Bell, with your lingo.

Lol young people

[mugbull]

I meant game instead of grind, but the biggest dogs are always the biggest dogs...

[TG09]

I am getting bored at work, last 2 week there is not alot of work so been training to pass Microsoft Exams. Not very motivated at the moment, and thinking of changing jobs.

Being bored at work sucks

[Giggles]

...and no-one must ever go beyond the boundaries they've reached thus far in life. All new experience is only a mirage leading to disappointment, resentment and self-loathing :dc:

Amen

I don't know how you managed to garner that from what I said about people shoving their own interests down throats, but it sounds like you just wanted to get it out there anyway :thbup:

[Spammer]

I feel absolutely horrible at the moment. It's a mixture of things but I haven't felt this bad for months.

[Manc]

Do tell, Hammer.

I've kept up the meditation for three weeks now and although not enlightened the very act seems to be balancing my mood. Along with sitting in silence, I'm reading a tonne, exercising 4+ times a week and perhaps more importantly "touching base" with friends and family with regularity. I'm far from content, but it's a noticeable improvement.

[Spammer]

Its a mixture of a few things. Relationship not working out the Iass was feeling really good about being the main thing, but also other stuff too. Got my pen and paper out when I got home from work and feel a lot better now.

Im lucky in that in general, unless something really shit has happened, i never seem to be down for more than a couple of days. I view it like a cold. I just keep an eye on it, keep trying to figure out what's lead me there, always have a pen and paper handy to write any insight that feels relevant as and when it comes to me, and just give it a bit of time to fuck off. I'm a lot more accepting when I'm feeling a bit rough nowadays too which has done me the world of good. I can just get on with letting it run its course rather than fighting it.

[Boydy]

It sounds like you're just a bit sad.

[Spammer]

Oh, right.

Is there a criteria for the level of shitness (or numbness, whatevs) we need to be feeling before we can post on here? Are there any credentials I need to show? Because isn't that the kind of fuckhead remark that is so frowned upon when people are talking about this kind of stuff?

[Lewis]

I thought it was harsh as well. :(

[Boydy]

'If you experience some of these symptoms for most of the day, every day for more than two weeks, you should seek help from your GP.'

http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Depression/Pages/Symptoms.aspx

[Spammer]

Yes, and what do you think helps alleviate those things before it gets to that stage? Talking about it, which is what I was doing. Tit.

[Boydy]

I wasn't entirely serious with my first post.

But at the same time, being a bit sad for a few days because a girl at work didn't want to marry you kind of undermines actual depression by labelling it as such.

[Spammer]

Quote where I called it depression.

Edit: And you know what? I've learned from experience what helps nip it in the bud and what doesn't, and talking about it helps. So fuck off anyway, as you've missed the point of the thread.

[randomlegend]

I suppose it's implied by posting it in the "Depression" thread, but I still think Boyd's being a bit of a nobgobbler.

[John Arne]

Boydy :moop:

[Toby]

My depression is more serious than your depression. My depression could batter your depression.

[Boydy]

I didn't say anything about myself.

Anyway, sorry Hammer. I was being a knob.

[Spammer]

http://www.letterrip.net/Christian%20Pages/Forgiven.jpg

[Lewis]

My depression is more serious than your depression. My depression could batter your depression.

Your depression would have its hands full.

[Shindig]

I wasn't entirely serious with my first post.

But at the same time, being a bit sad for a few days because a girl at work didn't want to marry you kind of undermines actual depression by labelling it as such.

I dunno. When my workplace relationship went tits up I felt shit for weeks. Cos, like, that lass is still working in the same office as you, like.

[Giggles]

It sounds like you're just a bit sad.

Even though i knew this was coming, just the way it's written made me lol enough to near have to heimlich my toast back up.

Classic Boydy :D

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

The day after I posted about the wonders of Mirtazapine it became so much less effective.

I had my first dose of 30mg last night and it didn't really do much, I did fall asleep quicker than I would have without it (took me about 45 minutes) but I kept waking throughout the night.

Also, it seems that it's making me extremely irritable. I'm usually quite calm and control my anger but I've been chimping out at little things (or very close to it) for the past 10 days or so.


I'll go to my GP in a week and if things don't improve I'll probably have to try something else.
30's didn't do shit.

I went to my GP today and he said the other GP that I spoke to is a fool who is young enough to be his daughter.

He said that she should never have taken me off citalapram as she should have told me to use both. He's bumped me up to 45mg of mirtazapine and told me to take them with 20mg of citalapram a day.

[Chrissy]

Fingers crossed from today onwards you level out on the meds dude. Some GP's need a good slap for their stupidity in mixing things up.

[Manc]

Your attitude towards anti depressesants seems quite casual, Mahow. Guessing you've been knocking them back for a few years?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Your attitude towards anti depressesants seems quite casual, Mahow. Guessing you've been knocking them back for a few years?

Has been now, yep.

Although I went off them (idiot) for a few months during the Summer as I felt I didn't need them anymore.

[Manc]

Think you'll be on them for life?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I don't think so.

I've only recently been using them for depression, before that it was strictly due to social anxiety.

It wont be a quick fix but I do think there's light at the end of the tunnel.

[Spammer]

https://theconversation.com/blame-it-on-biology-how-explanations-of-mental-illness-influence-treatment-48578

Interesting article there. I agree with the point that solely biological/medical interpretations of these things can disempower people.

[Smiffy]

.....

[Manc]

I don't think so.

I've only recently been using them for depression, before that it was strictly due to social anxiety.

It wont be a quick fix but I do think there's light at the end of the tunnel.

Social anxiety is a bitch. Solely ruined my early teenage years.

[Spammer]

Are you still being active, Hammer? It reads like you're stuck in a rut in here.

Nah I'm good. I think I last posted in here a few weeks ago now but I've been ok recently.

I've started writing a series of blog posts about the different kinds of psychotherapy, if anyone's interested. Partly out of my own interest (get to learn about them all a bit more and I find it fascinating anyway), partly because it'll be useful for my career/the course, and partly because it's started getting on my tits the amount of people who have said they've 'had therapy but it was shit' and are then unable to tell my what kind of therapy. Different approaches are so varied that it could just mean that they're not well suited to that particular one and another one could be perfect for them.

Anyway, yeah. It's only the introduction so far as it's ended up being a lot longer than I anticipated, but it's in case anyone is curious. I've been reading about all this stuff for quite a few years so I want to put the effort in.

Edit: Forgot the fucking link (https://thebraindumpsite.wordpress.com/2016/02/11/counselling-and-psychotherapy-a-beginners-guide/) :face:.

[Spammer]

A very interesting open letter to Stephen Fry about his series on mental illness. It expresses concerns that Fry focuses largely on genetic causes for mental illness and presents his bi-polar disorder (/manic depression) in largely biological, deterministic terms. The following sums it up:

"Research shows that exclusively biological theories of mental illness contribute to the stigma experienced by mental health patients, which I know you want to reduce[27]. The more that ordinary people think of mental illness as a genetically-determined brain condition, and the less they recognise it to be a reaction to misfortune, the more they shun mental health patients. The biomedical model of mental illness, which your programme showcased, makes it all too easy to believe that humans belong to two sub-species: the mentally well and the mentally ill."

https://blogs.canterbury.ac.uk/discursive/all-in-the-brain/

I'm wary of the deterministic 'oh this is just how I'm made' rhetoric although I haven't seen Stephen Fry's programme yet so I can't say how bad it is. Letter is worth a gander though for anyone interested.

[Spammer]

With three posts in a row I feel like I'm hijacking this thread. This isn't about me as such but something that's bothered me, and this is the closest thread to one that's relevant.

So, yeah. A bloke I work with killed himself this week. I played football with him a lot and squash with him a couple of times too. We were meant to play squash again in the next couple of weeks, and now I need to find a new squash partner :nono:. But yeah. Its messed me up a bit, as it did genuinely occur to me recently that I knew hardly anything about the bloke as he never talked about himself at all. I thought it was a bit strange and thought about asking him out for a drink a few weeks ago but didn't get around to it. I dunno, it's all a bit weird really.

[ItalAussie]

That's really tough. One of the PhD students in my department committed suicide last year, and it really threw me quite badly. I knew him, although not very well. It was still really jarring, and it took me a week or so to really process that it had happened. I can't say that I saw it coming though, not that anyone ever does.

I think there's a particular emptiness that comes when someone commits suicide, which makes it tough to deal with. :(

[Shindig]

Especially if you seem them on a daily basis.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I've felt like utter crud for just over 2 weeks now.

I woke up on the last Monday of February and felt so down and just can't seem to shift it. When I last spoke to my counsellor he thought it might be a delayed reaction to the anniversary of my Dad's death which I thought was plausible. Mirtazapine hasn't been as effective for the last week too which hasn't helped as I haven't been sleeping. I've tried to pick myself up through various methods but everything just seems to have a positive effect only temporarily.

Went to the doctor a few days after I first started feeling like shit and he upped my citalapram but it's not done anything :\

[Chrissy]

I've felt like utter crud for just over 2 weeks now.

I woke up on the last Monday of February and felt so down and just can't seem to shift it. When I last spoke to my counsellor he thought it might be a delayed reaction to the anniversary of my Dad's death which I thought was plausible. Mirtazapine hasn't been as effective for the last week too which hasn't helped as I haven't been sleeping. I've tried to pick myself up through various methods but everything just seems to have a positive effect only temporarily.

Went to the doctor a few days after I first started feeling like shit and he upped my citalapram but it's not done anything :\

That's the thing with meds, if they aren't balanced right or take effect they are pointless. I'd go back on Friday if they haven't kicked in yet. Sounds like you are in a shit place dude.

[Spammer]

Sorry to hear it mate.

What kind of counselling are you having, out of interest? Just curious.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Has anyone tried compassion focused therapy?

I was referred to someone to help with assignments by uni and after a brief chat regarding my situation he mentioned it. His explanation about it sat really well with me and wouldn't mind trying it out. There's no real type of therapy that I'm doing at the counselling service (it's pretty much just me talking about how my week went, what I'm feeling and the counsellor chipping in to try and make me think differently about it all) and maybe this might help.

The guy talking about 'your inside voice' always being negative is exactly what I've had for most of my life and trying to get it saying positive things just seems sound. I'm not entirely sure if I can turn around and start making my inside voice say something like 'you're amazing mate' but even just thinking about how I don't have to listen to the negative voice if it's there just made me feel quite uplifted.

I'm definitely going to read up on it.

[Spoonsky]

Panda Bear has talked about that sort of thing I think.

[Shindig]

A little bit of an ego can help. I got through school thinking, "Well, I'm getting bullied but those guys will be skint in 20 years with 4 kids whilst I'll be doing alright for myself." Sometimes just still being around is reason enough to smile.

[Spammer]

Has anyone tried compassion focused therapy?

I was referred to someone to help with assignments by uni and after a brief chat regarding my situation he mentioned it. His explanation about it sat really well with me and wouldn't mind trying it out. There's no real type of therapy that I'm doing at the counselling service (it's pretty much just me talking about how my week went, what I'm feeling and the counsellor chipping in to try and make me think differently about it all) and maybe this might help.

The guy talking about 'your inside voice' always being negative is exactly what I've had for most of my life and trying to get it saying positive things just seems sound. I'm not entirely sure if I can turn around and start making my inside voice say something like 'you're amazing mate' but even just thinking about how I don't have to listen to the negative voice if it's there just made me feel quite uplifted.

I'm definitely going to read up on it.

I'm not sure if it actually will be but it sounds a lot like person-centred therapy, which is what I'm training in. Google that, or Carl Rogers who developed it. Its much different from CBT and is largely based on compassion and positive regard. Not heard of anything actually called 'compassion therapy' but person-centred is basically it. I'm writing a blog post outlining the main philosophy and the ideas behind it for people who have never heard of it (mostly for family and friends who are interested). I'll stick it up here when I've done it, which'll probably be Sunday or Monday.

I'm a bit of an evangelist when it comes to the person-centred approach, in honesty. When its done properly I think it can really help people a lot.


Panda Bear has talked about that sort of thing I think.

Yeah he was big on his phenomenonology from what I remember so I imagine he's well into it.

[Spammer]

Here we are (https://thebraindumpsite.wordpress.com/2016/03/27/the-person-centred-model-of-therapy/), if y'all are interested. It's quite long but I wanted to cover it properly.

[Magic]

Can you get prescribed sleeping pills for rare use?

[Giggles]

Can you get prescribed sleeping pills for rare use?

Go and get prescribed strong difene for your back. They knock you out like a light.

[Magic]

This is unrelated to my back. Going to phone the physio for that tomorrow.

It's for my anxiety.

[Giggles]

This is unrelated to my back. Going to phone the physio for that tomorrow.

It's for my anxiety.

Yeah but they'll do the same job. Just make out you need them for your back.

[John]

Get some tramadol. They'll put you to sleep and bring back memories of taking pills when you were younger, then when you don't need them anymore you can sell the rest to fund your attempts to appear middle class.

[Magic]

I was on that for my jaw.

Seriously though will I be laughed out of the doctors if I say I only need something to knock me out once or twice a month.

[Shindig]

Just ask your kid to lamp you.

[Spammer]

Written a blog post on how CBT/REBT/ (https://thebraindumpsite.wordpress.com/2016/05/22/the-cognitive-behavioural-model-of-therapy/) works if anyone's interested. I don't think it's for everyone - I don't like it as a form of therapy for myself - but the ideas are dead interesting and any therapy is enhanced if the person understands how it works, so here we go.

It's being promoted like fuck by the NHS as it lends itself to measurable results, so anyone who's gone for therapy in the last few years has probably had CBT. Which is fine, but I find it annoying when people hammer counselling in general because simply because they didn't get on with CBT, because there's a lot of other approaches out there which can work equally well.

But yeah, politics inside, it's interesting.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I've been thinking of asking my GP to see a counsellor/specialist from the NHS. I don't see the one provided by my Uni that much (especially now that it's not term time) and he doesn't help all that much. I talk, he listens and that's about it. I feel that I need someone who is a bit more pushy and who will actually look to help, especially as I'm not the quickest to share information.

Feels like I'm just at a safe level right now but I need to be a level or two higher. Especially as I'm still finding it so hard to knock assignments out (I've finished 1 from the first year but 0 from the second so far, so I've still got loads that I owe).

My sleep still being shit isn't helping either, the mirtazapine only seems to sort of work once or twice a week.

[Dark Soldier]

An NHS counsellor is a waste of time, from my experience. They want shot of you as soon as possible. Think I had four sessions, she asked me on the fourth if I was feeling any better, I said yeah, I'm getting there, and bang, no more seeing her. The four sessions helped but another five to ten would've helped massively.

[Bartholomert]

Serious non-patronizing question:

To what extent would people in this thread say that depression is a product of extrinsic, modifiable (or temporary) factors versus intrinsic unchanging conditions (either genetic or biological)?

[Giggles]

Which one of you cunts lent mert the thesaurus?

[Spammer]

Serious non-patronizing question:

To what extent would people in this thread say that depression is a product of extrinsic, modifiable (or temporary) factors versus intrinsic unchanging conditions (either genetic or biological)?

It's a great question, and truthful answer is that we don't really know. The evidence suggests that genetics can play some part, with bi-polar and schizophrenia having the most evidence for being linked with genes. In general though, genetics seem to make some people at risk but it's in no way deterministic. I think environment factors generally play a large role in whether or not it actually manifests itself.

How a person sees their own condition plays a massive part in how they deal with it though. That much is quite well established. Someone who is convinced that their condition is a fundamental part of who they are and that they are completely powerless is much less likely to ever improve than someone who sees themselves as ultimately being capable of change. I guess the difference is hope. In any case, I'm wary of the genetic/biological perspective being emphasised more than it ought to because it can give the impression to people that there's literally nothing they can do. The reality is that the genetic element, as mentioned, isn't necessarily deterministic anyway, and even if there is a genetic element it doesn't mean they can't do anything.

There's a bit of variation but lot of major therapists (Freud, Ellis, Rogers) generally side on the environmental side of things, but then they would because they're therapists.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I've been weened off mirtazapine as it wasn't helping my sleep at all and I'm to start dropping my citalopram to try something else in a couple of weeks. I've also been given the aptly named propranolol which is a beta blocker as my GP thinks it could reduce the negative effects associated with my social anxiety.

Also been referred to an NHS wellbeing service down here for, potentially, some CBT but that wont start for a few weeks.

Hopefully the new meds currently and what I will have soon will provide a proper boost along with the CBT.

[randomlegend]

At some point every day this week I've just sat and cried. I'm so exhausted.

I hate who I am at the moment. I hate how shit I must be to be around for my girlfriend (I keep the mask up for everyone else; they all think I'm super laid back lmao). I hate having migraine. I hate that it stops me achieving what I could. I hate that I can't even be free to do the sports I want to do. I know how well I could be doing but I can't because of something I can't control and it's soul-destroying to be honest.

I feel totally trapped. I have no option to re-evaluate what I'm doing at this point other than to quit completely: either I trudge on like this, or I throw what I've fought for for 6 years down the drain. At this moment I feel like "fuck it honestly, I don't care" but in 5 years I might look back at it as the biggest regret of my life. Or I might be doing something else I really love and my only regret is that I didn't give it up sooner, but who knows. Obviously the sensible thing is to just (try to) get to the end and then whatever I decide, I can always go back to it, but even though it's less than a year it feels like a million miles through broken glass from my perspective. Which is fucking pathetic but hey.

It's such a shit fucking position and I am really coming to the end of what I can cope with. I dunno how it got to this, I was never this person, I was always so confident in my ability and so able to perform and this illness has just taken that away from me. It's such a horrible feeling.

And yeah I guess I'm fucking retarded for not getting help before this, but medics make the worst patients right?

[Lewis]

Grow up, mate.

[randomlegend]

You're such a dick :D

[Lewis]

It's cheered you up, hasn't it?

[randomlegend]

If I didn't laugh I'd cry.

[mugbull]

Do painkillers not help migraines? Or what kind of illness doyou have

[randomlegend]

There are lots of treatments for migraine, some to relieve them once they've started and others taken regularly as a preventative measure. I've had pretty much all of them and nothing has controlled them properly.

What I'm on is definitely better than nothing at all, but it's still pretty debilitating.

[Dquincy]

Chin up me old mucka.

Go see someone professional discuss your worries.

[randomlegend]

I really can't take any more.

[Lewis]

At least see the transfer window out.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Been moved onto venlafaxine as my GP said it can help with motivation.

Hopefully it kicks in soon.

[Magic]

Lol at RL being ignored despite his desperate suicide plea.

[ItalAussie]

Have you been to see a doctor yourself? It seems like you shouldn't try and fight through alone, at any rate. I'm sure the people around you will support you, and professional help is important.

[Magic]

I hope RL reads the content of my PM and not just the title.

Oh...oh God.

:uhoh:

[randomlegend]

I don't think I could ever kill myself.

I think about it - probably most days - but no matter how much I wanted to I couldn't inflict that on the other people it would affect. Also I'd probably be too much of a coward.

Hopefully get through these exams and elective and then get some help.

[Magic]

Jesus fuck I was half expecting this to be your mum saying you were no longer with us.

[randomlegend]

It'd be my brother if anyone. My mum can barely use email and still goes through the program guide on sky to change from BBC1 to BBC2.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

The younger one or the mental one?

I think the mental one would fit in well here.

[Shindig]

That's a plus. I never felt that way inclined either. Life is the longest (and only?) thing you'll go through and you might as well stick it out because it always ends in death. Persevere. Something positive will come of it. The further away I get from my depressive spell, the more I start thinking I'll never hit that point again.

Brains are weird.

[Magic]

Can you get your brother on here? If you don't feel comfortable just off yourself and leave one of Baz's calling cards in your pocket.

[Magic]

Also why didn't you reply to my supportive PM? I was genuinely worried.

[randomlegend]

That's a plus. I never felt that way inclined either. Life is the longest (and only?) thing you'll go through and you might as well stick it out because it always ends in death. Persevere. Something positive will come of it. The further away I get from my depressive spell, the more I start thinking I'll never hit that point again.

Brains are weird.

The problem is, I don't know if I'm ever going to be happy doing medicine. But after all this time and effort and fighting I've done to get through it, it feels incredibly hard to leave and basically throw it away.

[randomlegend]

Can you get your brother on here? If you don't feel comfortable just off yourself and leave one of Baz's calling cards in your pocket.

Older one? There's no way he'd cope :D


Also why didn't you reply to my supportive PM? I was genuinely worried.

I was crying too much, to be honest.

[Magic]

If you were my doctor I'd probably get a second opinion.

[randomlegend]

Same.

[Magic]

:)

Good to have you back kidda.

[Bartholomert]

Didn't realize you weren't doing so well RL, hope you feel better as meaningless as this post is :hug:

We are a community at the end of the day. TTH has got me through a lot over the years (however much I haven't discussed it).

[7om]

Is it migraines that are your problem, RL? I'm assuming the medications you're on don't work?

[randomlegend]

Is it migraines that are your problem, RL? I'm assuming the medications you're on don't work?

I think the fact I have the migraines has really not helped, but whether I'd be enjoying medicine without them I really don't know.

I've just had so many years now of health problems stopping me doing what I want to do and being what I want to be and achieving what I'm capable of and it's EXHAUSTING. The migraines started at sixth form which was a nightmare - my attendance was barely 50% through my A-levels - but they were pretty decently controlled for the first couple of years of Uni. Then I had chronic fatigue and had a year out with that.

Since then migraines have been a varying but constant problem. I'll have a good spell but then it'll all go to shit and I'll have 5 days off in 2 weeks and feel shit and under pressure to catch up and I don't know...it just takes so much effort to pick yourself back up after every shit run with it. It's affected how well I've done - particularly on the clinical side - and given me a bit of a mental block with clinical exams. I have really crippling anxiety for them now (written ones are alright) whereas when I was 15 my self-belief in my ability to perform in exams/academically knew no bounds to be honest. I still know I'm capable, but I constantly get knocked down and have it taken away from me by something I don't have a lot of control over and it's really, really hard to deal with.

It's just stupid things as well, like I really love sport and in particular I've really got into playing badminton to a higher level in the last year or so. If all things were well I could get to a decent county standard I think. But then I get arthritis in my toes. And then I get diagnosed with chronic exertional compartment syndrome and I've got to have surgery for that, and it's just another thing I love that I can't get to my potential in and it's so frustrating. And I can't exercise much because of it (and I comfort eat) so I've put on weight.

On the topic of migraines and medications and stuff, I've tried everything anyone's ever heard of and ten things they haven't. I've seen GPs, neurologists, headache and facial pain clinics and been to the national migraine centre in London. The advice and treatment I'm on now helps massively - without it I have 2 or 3 migraines a week, every week and each one is a full day out with the headache and then another day being useless from the 'hangover' - but it doesn't take them away, and I still have really shitty spells as I said. Stress/tiredness is a big trigger for me and medicine is stressful and makes you tired - I'm just not sure I'm ever going to be able to sufficiently manage them whilst I'm doing it and to be able to do it.

So as I started off saying, whether I would have come to feel like this about medicine had it all been relatively smooth sailing, I don't know. Probably not, since it wouldn't have been anywhere near as stressful and I'd have had more opportunity to find the enjoyment in it (I did enjoy it in the dim and distant past). But I do have them, and this is how it's happened and this is how I now feel.

It's so hard to know what the right thing to do is. Every option has a million "Yeah, but...."s attached and I just don't know. I don't know whether I'll feel better about medicine if I'm on a whacking great dose on sertraline. I don't know if my migraines will ever be manageable enough to do it, even if I want to. I don't know if if I quit, I'll just hate something else just as much because the same issues will affect me. I don't know if I even can push on to the end....I've seriously felt like I was going to just fucking lose it at points over the last month or so. Maybe I'll fail anyway.

Really what I need is a break, but I've now got a 4 week elective on a forensic psychiatric ward. Perhaps one of them will do me in and make my decision for me.

[Lewis]

Lyme disease, mate.

[Magic]

There was a girl in my school who was never well and it was always to do with some migraine bullshit. We just assumed she was a needy lesbian. I guess that's also the case here.

[randomlegend]

I was about to post something for you in the babes thread but you can go fuck yourself.

I'm not sure whether that just sounds creepier than it's meant to, or whether it really, really is.

[randomlegend]

There was a girl in my school who was never well and it was always to do with some migraine bullshit. We just assumed she was a needy lesbian. I guess that's also the case here.


I was about to post something for you in the babes thread but you can go fuck yourself.

I'm not sure whether that just sounds creepier than it's meant to, or whether it really, really is.

Although I suppose fucking yourself is what you'll be doing if I do post it anyway, so:

G0tUczc

[John]

It was Benny who was madly in love with her, was it not?

[randomlegend]

Really? I could have sworn it was magic.

[Lewis]

Lyme disease, yeah?

[randomlegend]

I'll get tested, mate, thanks.

[Lewis]

Has it ever been suggested? I am actually being serious. John Caudwell was bealing all over the radio about it last year because his son spent years doing what you have described, moping around like a mimsy and thinking he was depressed, and it turned out to be that.

[randomlegend]

It's never been suggested, no. I think it's pretty unlikely for a number of reasons, but I'll mention it next time I see the GP.

[Lewis]

If it is I expect a hamper full of bakery things.

[Shindig]

If Greggs don't do gift baskets, they fucking should.

[7om]

Lyme disease is something we have to be wary of here. That certain tick is rife around here. I did a bit of gardening s few weeks back and when I was getting into the shower I noticed one of the little bastards digging into my arm. Got him out pronto.

On the subject of headaches, I've started developing them often. Usually on the right side of my head going into my neck and shoulder and there is always a bit of vertigo thrown in for good measure as well. I'm not sure if it can be classed as migraine though because I don't get photophobia or nausea. I don't even know what the trigger is either, if there is one. I saw a doctor last year and had an MRI and CT scan and found nothing so kind of fucked it off and tried to forget about except it's persistent. Dot really know what to do about it.

Don't even bother with "grow up" either, Lewis, you pleb.

[John]

Maybe you didn't get the tick out quickly enough.

[Lewis]

It's all that squinting at family gatherings.

[7om]

You twat.

[Pepe]

Can you get your brother on here? If you don't feel comfortable just off yourself and leave one of Baz's calling cards in your pocket.


It's all that squinting at family gatherings.

:D

[Danny]

It's all that squinting at family gatherings.

:lol:

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

These CBT sessions really are making me realise just how fucking mental I am.

[Boydy]

Go on, give us an example.

[Pepe]

We could have told you that for free.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Go on, give us an example.
TTH has had plenty of examples.

We could have told you that for free.
I'm not paying for it (the tax payers are, so lol at them) and I'm hoping they can fix me.

[Pepe]

I know you're not paying for them you parasite. It is the hard working Brits I worry for.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Don't worry, Chinny will have me shipped out soon enough :(

[Dquincy]

Stop attention seeking Moam. Just cheer up and stop dwelling on things.

[Manc]

Prescribed some antidepressants today with some cbt to follow. Fucking brilliant. :moop:

[leedsrevolution]

Prescribed some antidepressants today with some cbt to follow. Fucking brilliant. :moop:

Join the fucking club. Is everyone on these nowadays?

[Manc]

Everyone in my immediate family has at some point or another. Them genes. :drool:

[Smiffy]

.....

[leedsrevolution]

Nope.

I've found that eating healthier, exercising more and generally countering negative thoughts with positive ones has worked better than any tablets I've had.

I'm not taking mental health advice from you, you fucking fruitcake.

[Spammer]

I love the word mimsy. I'm gonna call my flatmate one when I get a chance.

[Smiffy]

.....

[Lewis]

It was good advice as well, given what a state he is.

[Giggles]

I'm just wondering why smiffy hasn't sold his magic cure to the NHS yet.

[Shindig]

Maybe he has. He's a mental health nurse, isn't he?

[Giggles]

Maybe he has. He's a mental health nurse, isn't he?

Just remove the health nurse.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Friend told me this morning he has severe depression. Waking up in the middle of the night in pain, all sorts of other shit. He told his mum last night (was seeing a doctor/CBT person on the sly before), and then told me this morning - even though we're not really long, long term close mates - because I'll 'understand' and his other friends won't. Knocked me back a bit. Anyway, we had a chat about how he was feeling, and I said he could always talk to me whenever he needed / ask me to help him with anything practical, but that aside, is there anything I should be doing?

[Dark Soldier]

Just be there for him if/when needed. What he needs at this point is support more than anything, its just a long road to feeling better.

[Spammer]

Simply put, I'd say the main thing is to show him that you give a shit.

[randomlegend]

Don't try and rationalise him better. It feels like shit.

[Jimmy Floyd]

OK, well ticked all of those so probably in the right ballpark. Thanks.

[Lewis]

Friend told me this morning he has severe depression. Waking up in the middle of the night in pain, all sorts of other shit. He told his mum last night (was seeing a doctor/CBT person on the sly before), and then told me this morning - even though we're not really long, long term close mates - because I'll 'understand' and his other friends won't. Knocked me back a bit. Anyway, we had a chat about how he was feeling, and I said he could always talk to me whenever he needed / ask me to help him with anything practical, but that aside, is there anything I should be doing?

Changing your phone number.

[ScousePig]

You don't need to do anything else really Jimmy, just try to be open and available for him and make sure he knows that you are. You don't need to be all up in his business or instigating things or anything, but the odd phone call/chat/whatever asking how he's doing/feeling would be nice.

If you're close but not so close that he'll feel uncomfortable talking about these things then that's great really. That he's come to you in the first place is good.

[Chrissy]

Having a really hard time getting through each day unscathed from the black dug humping me.

Trying to keep myself busy, exercising etc. It's these hours in the morning though that are a cunt. Can't switch off at all. Head is totally fried. Stayed off the drink and anything else that might or has made things worse in the past.

I know it's very self indulgent but it felt good just typing that there.

[Spammer]

Nothing self-indulgent about it. If it does you good, say it. Especially in here :thbup:

[Chrissy]

Nothing self-indulgent about it. If it does you good, say it. Especially in here :thbup:

Cheers dude. Reading this thread and others helps no end. Sometimes getting that wee bit of support makes a massive difference, thanks.

[Reg]

Definitely a useful thing to do, Chrissy. Also writing down your thoughts by hand each day, especially when you're not feeling too good, is absolutely worth it. :thbup:

[Spammer]

Yeah putting words to things helps process your experience and give distance to it, whether it on here or to someone IRL or in writing. As part of my counselling training I'm expected to keep a journal and even though I thought it was a bit daft at first it's definitely helped me personally to have this little book I can confide to about anything at all. It was interesting to read it back over the last year or so too, actually.

[-james-]

I've always known my girlfriend to have mild/moderate anxiety issues but for years it never impacted her life much. A month or two ago she had her first panic attack, then they became daily, and now she seems to have full blown depression.

I'm finding it really hard dealing with it on a daily basis, which makes me feel like a massive cunt because I'm not the one that's ill. I spend a lot of time trying to rationalise it, which as RL has pointed out is a bad idea. I guess it's human nature to ask someone what's wrong when its evident they feel like shit.

I do feel like it's her work environment that triggers it though. She had a week off recently and it subsided a lot during it. She says she doesn't want to quit because having something to do helps. I dunno. She is meant to be starting on Prozac but is freaked out by the list of side effects. Think I've talked her into it, we'll see how it goes.

[randomlegend]

Not for depression, but diazepam is nice.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Had my worse CBT session on Friday.

Had to go out into town, sit on a bench and look around. It was probably only 5-10 minutes that she made me do it but it felt like at least half an hour. I've never just sat in public on my own with no distractions.

Near the end I told her how anxious I am about returning to Uni because it will be with people I've never even seen before due to being held back a year. Due to this she wants me to introduce myself to 3 people (doesn't count if they introduce themselves to me first) and I'm fucking bricking it. I've been a mess ever since she told me to do this. I have never introduced myself first to anyone.

[Panda Bear]

Had my worse CBT session on Friday.

Had to go out into town, sit on a bench and look around. It was probably only 5-10 minutes that she made me do it but it felt like at least half an hour. I've never just sat in public on my own with no distractions.

Near the end I told her how anxious I am about returning to Uni because it will be with people I've never even seen before due to being held back a year. Due to this she wants me to introduce myself to 3 people (doesn't count if they introduce themselves to me first) and I'm fucking bricking it. I've been a mess ever since she told me to do this. I have never introduced myself first to anyone.
You're Mahow, though, and you're likeable.

You can do it.

[randomlegend]

I don't understand how you managed to fly yourself to fucking Ukraine to meet someone off the internet despite all these problems. 99% of people wouldn't come close to having the stones to actually go through with that.

[Lewis]

I respect the dead dad depression, but isn't this more of a confidence thing? There may have been some details missing, but you admitted on the Old Board that your improvement ages ago (when you got into archery lol) coincided with losing weight and feeling better about yourself. Have you packed it back on since then? Would that not be a more sustainable solution (not to mention something to focus on) than sitting on benches and starting conversations in Waitrose like a weirdo?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I respect the dead dad depression, but isn't this more of a confidence thing? There may have been some details missing, but you admitted on the Old Board that your improvement ages ago (when you got into archery lol) coincided with losing weight and feeling better about yourself. Have you packed it back on since then? Would that not be a more sustainable solution (not to mention something to focus on) than sitting on benches and starting conversations in Waitrose like a weirdo?

This is completely confidence and social anxiety. I think the depression is gone or being suppressed by the meds I'm on, it's working on that level.

Yeah losing weight would help a lot but they won't make all the negative automatic thoughts that I have about myself just disappear.

[Adamski]

And talking to a stranger in the park would?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

And talking to a stranger in the park would?
Stranger at uni, I need to introduce myself to 3 students.

It's more to show that my irrational ideas about what will happen are wrong.

[Lewis]

This is completely confidence and social anxiety. I think the depression is gone or being suppressed by the meds I'm on, it's working on that level.

Yeah losing weight would help a lot but they won't make all the negative automatic thoughts that I have about myself just disappear.

Well, no. Nothing solves everything. But what 'negative thoughts' about yourself and 'irrational ideas about what will happen' in social situations do you have, and how are they linked to how you believe people perceive you (elements of which will be based on your appearance)?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I see myself as shit and worthless. The weight obviously doesn't help with those.

The irrational ideas are that they'll ignore me/reject me thus fuelling those negative thoughts that I have.

[Smiffy]

.....

[Lewis]

Right. Well, in the meantime, why not also lose some weight and see what happens? I don't want any of this to sound harsh, but it just seems like the most obvious thing you could be doing. Do the CBT people suggest it?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Right. Well, in the meantime, why not also lose some weight and see what happens? I don't want any of this to sound harsh, but it just seems like the most obvious thing you could be doing. Do the CBT people suggest it?

They haven't, at least not yet.

[igor_balis]

I found CBT a bit shit (mostly because my person was a horrible bitch), but the ideas behind it are quite sound. It is really easy to forget that like, people are generally alright. I used to have fucking awful social anxiety and that stuff would make me brick it too.

University was an obvious example - I'd get really nervous about going to seminars and lectures and thinking oh no what will people think about me, but I forced myself to be polite and friendly and set myself little target of making conversation with a couple of people waiting outside before and afterwards, or have little chats with fellow smokers during fag breaks between 2 hour lectures etc etc. 99% of the time people will be receptive and friendly because people are, and by the end of 3rd year I'd given myself the social anxiety all-clear.

Your head makes this stuff really hard, but the reality is a piece of piss. And I agree with Lewis that losing weight will massively help the self-confidence, but it's hardly a prerequisite. Just forcing yourself to make conversation with people (not total randoms on the street, but people in lectures and stuff) will have far quicker results than cutting back on the sweeties.

[Shindig]

I mean, exercise might at least give your brain the hit it needs whilst being an alright conversation topic but I think igor's summed it up. I mean, you'll make friends at uni because that's just what happens. It doesn't need to be forced.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Didn't happen in the first year (or the few times I was in during my first attempt at the second), although that was largely due to my default face being 'pissed off, angry and bored' and being too anxious to say much other than one word answers.

Obviously it will happen if I'm more open, especially during group work tasks where I just go largely mute as I think that none of my ideas will be good enough. I then ask to see what has been done, fix everyone's mistakes and question why I didn't speak up as my ideas were clearly better.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I agree with Lewis tbh. I think if you try and lose some weight at the same time as trying to do these other things, then even if you only manage to do one of the two, you should still get some increase in confidence. If you do try to consciously lose some weight, but think you won't stick at it, then maybe create a thread on here or something.

Why don't you do archery anymore? Taking up a hobby where there's some involvement with others seems an obvious route to go down.

Money.

I'd have had to pay for a bow, arrows, accessories, member fees etc etc. I did a 4 day beginner course and that was it.

She's also pushing me to join a group on that meetup place, none of them near me appeal to me though.

[Lewis]

This is equivalent to telling an alcoholic to work on their tolerance.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

This is equivalent to telling an alcoholic to work on their tolerance.

http://www.meetup.com/cities/gb/f8/hitchin/

I should join up with the 'Footy Fanatics' and get them to join this place.

[Lewis]

Posting forty times a day like he used to. :cool:

[igor_balis]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=juX75Nid6eg

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Forgot how hot the University corridors were, coupled with my anxiety I made Lee Evans look dry.

[Spoonsky]

Mahow, your doppleganger had to a presentation in my Italian class today and totally bricked it, he forgot everything he knew despite being pretty good at Italian. The thing was that everyone in the room was rooting for him, people are nice and if they can tell that you're struggling they're double nice. In addition probably a majority of people will have felt shy or socially anxious at some point so they'll know how you're feeling and won't be a dick about it.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Didn't help that EVERYONE knew each other in the one lecture and seminar I was in today.

Oh and fuck my doppelganger, despite my anxieties I'm amazing at presentations so 1-0 me.

[Spammer]

If you just say 'Hey I'm Mahow, I'm new here' (or whatever reason it is that you don't know anyone), you'd smash your quota immediately.

[Shindig]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zK817pV2Xks

There's some good advice here.

[Spammer]

I've written a blog post about finding meaning in life, especially as an atheist, if anyone's interested. This isn't about depression/mental illness per se, but it's definitely related. Not sure if anyone's gonna be fussed about it but I'm chucking it up anyway, just in case:

https://thebraindumpsite.wordpress.com/2017/01/02/atheism-and-meaning-in-life/

[Spammer]

Dad's been a bit of a cunt this week. It's his 60th so me and my sister bought tickets for the three of us to go to a gig. Sister gave him the tickets on Tuesday and he immediately told her to get a refund and started shouting at her for being 'presumptuous' and 'not giving him a choice'. Then he decided he didn't want to go out for a meal for his birthday, which is fine - whatever - except I'd booked the day off to come over for it. Sister was on the phone to me on Tuesday crying about how much a twat he'd been with her. He's depressed as fuck but won't ever talk ar even acknowledge any of his feelings about anything, so he just projects his own misery onto everyone else, which is fucking shit.

On top of that, I've had to put in a child protection concern for a kid after he basically told me that he didn't want to go home because his dad was picking him up from school. His dad isn't allowed contact with them because he's in the habit of beating the shit out of him and his brother. The kid hasn't ever really 'let go' in the therapy room and been able to just play freely, and I've reflected on how I am with him to make sure it isn't me. When I saw him with his brother I could see why though. He's the older brother and he's basically the carer for the younger one - we brought them together and he was like a little parent, comforting him and making sure he was alright and so on. I've done CP concerns before in this role and as a teacher but to see him be like that was hard, and made sense of how he's been in the therapy room. Kid is fucking 8 years old, he shouldn't have to be like that.

Stuff has caught up with me really and I've a lot of shit swirling around. I kinda just want to piss off somewhere random for a few days and forget about everything.

[Baz]

My mates been prescribed anti-depressants. Does that mean she's officially clinically depressed? (Or whatever the correct terminology is) I know nothing about it. When does it go from just being really down, to being depressed and getting medication?

Also, any advice for me as a bystander?

[Offshore Toon]

Just get her out as much as you can. The mind plays tricks and all that.

[Boydy]

I've never really thought of it as 'being official' but I suppose it is, yeah.

Just be a good friend to her. Listen to her if she wants to talk about it. Invite her to things or whatever and don't be offended if she doesn't want to go sometimes. Don't stop inviting her either even if she says no often. Don't try to force her to have fun though. Just makes sure she knows you care about her.

[Baz]

She's a miserable cunt these days though. :baz:

Do people still drink when on antidepressants? We only see each other when we go the pub.

[Offshore Toon]

Tell her you've noticed she hasn't been happy as a subtle dig at her being miserable and that you want to help. She should get the message. Ultimately, there's only so much you can do, so outlining that you're there for her and inviting her to stuff is as good as it gets. She has to want to get past it, even if it takes a while for her to realise what's required.

[Offshore Toon]

I cottoned on to the fact that my mate's been depressed recently. He came back with "I just can't do anything right, can I?" after I took the piss out of him for something. A few hours after telling him he sounds like a broken housewife, I went back and told him that acting like that doesn't help anybody and if there's something going on that's stressing him out about then its better to talk about it. That conversation soon exploded and I've given him some advice and told him to get to the doctor. He's gone through 'miserable' episodes too where I haven't wanted to hang out with him, so it might be similar. Just get it out in the open and then you can sort it out and move on.

[Lewis]

She just needs something to take her mind off it, so start stalking her.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I jacked in the CBT as my self confidence was holding me back massively.

NHS have referred me to a counselling service so I'm waiting for them to call.

I also think that I'm going to request a different medication. The venlafaxine seems to be working less and less lately so I don't see much point, it's also taken away my ability to lucid dream (my kryptonite) and I've been having some rough nightmares as well as dreams that my Dad is still alive having faked his death for no real reason.

[Offshore Toon]

Venlafaxine was dreadful for me. It had the side effect of making me sweat ridiculous amounts, which brought out anxiety. Given my experience I think doctors are far too quick to hand out this stuff. They're not really sure which one is going to work, and then they faff about with doses even if its not working, before conceding a switch might be best. I think the experience of being told you're depressed and constantly trying to figure out why only makes things worse. Or did for me, anyway. I got put on anti-depressants because I'd never been able to sleep well, and one of the reasons was a 'racing mind.' Its only when coming off sertraline and venlafaxine that I've felt seriously depressed. Now I'm on mirtazapine which is taken before bed and helps you sleep. I'm carrying on until I'm done with uni because I could do without the 'coming off' week which is absolutely hellish. Though I've been told its not addictive, I don't really trust their word.