How to apply butter to toast

[Mazuuurk]

OK while there is only one correct way to apply butter to toast, and you'd have to be fucking retarded to not know it, it has recently dawned on me that some people are fucking retarded and don't know this.

Since we have some less gifted people here as well, I'll share the wisdom. Maybe some retard can learn how to do it.


So you have 4 toast, and butter. You start spreading it on the first one, it melts, niiiice. But when you get to the last, that toast is all stiff and cold, the butter doesn't melt very well. Your life kind of sucks at this point...

THATS BECAUSE YOU'RE A RETARD.



This is how you obviously do it:
You slab a knob of butter on the first toast, then the second, third and fourth.
You THEN proceed to SPREAD the butter on the FIRST toast, which will be all melty and nice. When you reach the FOURTH toast, the butter will have ALSO melted, and spreads easily.

You can then proceed to apply marmelade (same principle applies if you do not want butter in your marmelade jar), cheese or whatever the fuck you want on your perfectly buttered toast. At this point you think life is pretty sweet.

[Magic]

Or you can just use marge.

[Disco]

This just isn't an issue of you like your toast cold like me.

EDIT: Magic - Scottish much?

[Lewis]

It's better to leave the toast for a minute anyway, otherwise the butter just soaks in and turns it into a shitfest (especially if you're putting jam on as well).

[TG09]

I don't use butter, just put peanut butter straight on the toast and eat. Yum!

[Pleb]

Just spread the toast. There's no proper way doing it.

[Mazuuurk]

It's better to leave the toast for a minute anyway, otherwise the butter just soaks in and turns it into a shitfest (especially if you're putting jam on as well).

That's a clear indicator of not having toasted your toast enough, actually. A perfectly toasted toast will be crispy enough to maintain it's structure even though exposed to butter and certain liquidy spreads. There's a balance, naturally.

[Magic]

Of course I don't use marge. But a few minutes out of the fridge is all my organic butter needs to be spreadable.

[Vim]

You can also not eat four slices of toast with butter.

[Magic]

Does he mean halved?

Also why are triangular cut slices of toast more appealing but less filling than rectangular?

[Mike]

I think we should take a little bit of time to just give a quiet nod to toast and just how brilliant it is.

[QE Harold Flair]

It's easy - you leave the grill on and just place any toast with non-melted butter under the grill for a few seconds. Margerine is a disgrace.

[Magic]

What a farcical way of operating Bish. Nonce cunt.

[Mike]

Who isn't using a toaster to make toast in 2015?

[QE Harold Flair]

Tragic - What? With the easiest solution? Go and sit in the corner and think about your actions.

Mike - No point in toasters if you're having one cheese, and toast always tastes better out the grill for some reason.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

You toast 2 slices then another 2...

[Disco]

A grill for normal toast? You could whack it through the mangle afterwards and check the gold standard while you're at it.

[Magic]

Do you have one of those ancient ovens with a tiny grill bit at head height?

[Mazuuurk]

It's easy - you leave the grill on and just place any toast with non-melted butter under the grill for a few seconds. Margerine is a disgrace.


Who isn't using a toaster to make toast in 2015?


Yeah, right?

Although Harolds solution is not bad in itself.

[Mike]

You toast 2 slices then another 2...

To be honest.... that's the solution.

[Magic]

Are we all in agreement that white toast is disgusting?

[Mazuuurk]

You toast 2 slices then another 2...

That's also retarded. It means I need to get up from my breakfeast table, where I'm comfortably sitting reading my paper.

[Magic]

To be honest.... that's the solution.

Us two slice toaster owners don't have much choice. :(

[QE Harold Flair]

Are we all in agreement that white toast is disgusting?

No, it's better than brown. Most unhelathy things taste better.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

That's also retarded. It means I need to get up from my breakfeast table, where I'm comfortably sitting reading my paper.

But then you've eaten 4 slices at a prime temperature.

[Mike]

Us two slice toaster owners don't have much choice. :(

I was so poor when I bought my toaster that a slice of bred needs to be trimmed to fit in properly.

[Mazuuurk]

But then you've eaten 4 slices at a prime temperature.

Did you not read my first post? It solves that very same problem.

You could potentially place your toaster on your kitchen table, but it still doesn't solve the fact that you have to interrupt your breakfeast by preparing the toast and I'm having none of that. I also occasionally want to eat my toast in the living room and that definitely means several trips to the kitchen is out.

[Magic]

What a weird turd of a man you are Maz.

A happy relationship wouldn't mean having a meltdown over some toast. Has she left you?

[Mazuuurk]

I do appreciate your choice in words.

But I don't see the connection. I'm just trying to educate people here, you do as you bloody well please of course (if you want to be a little more miserable).

[Lewis]

That's a clear indicator of not having toasted your toast enough, actually. A perfectly toasted toast will be crispy enough to maintain it's structure even though exposed to butter and certain liquidy spreads. There's a balance, naturally.

Don't think to lecture me on toast, cue ball.

[QE Harold Flair]

I've recently discovered the joys of a proper toasted cheese sarnie, too. Frying pan, a bit of olive oil, butter one side of 2 pieces of bread and then fry for a minute or so each side. Much better than the breville variety.

[Magic]

We invented toast mate.

[Disco]

I've recently discovered the joys of a proper toasted cheese sarnie, too. Frying pan, a bit of olive oil, butter one side of 2 pieces of bread and then fry for a minute or so each side. Much better than the breville variety.

If you want to get crazy, when it's nearly ready take it out and cut a hole in the middle, return to pan and crack an egg into the hole. :drool:

[QE Harold Flair]

If you want to get crazy, when it's nearly ready take it out and cut a hole in the middle, return to pan and crack an egg into the hole. :drool:

I'm not some savage refugee, you know.

[Disco]

I'm not some savage refugee, you know.

There's no need to be a pompous internet wanker all the time you know.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I've recently discovered the joys of a proper toasted cheese sarnie, too. Frying pan, a bit of olive oil, butter one side of 2 pieces of bread and then fry for a minute or so each side. Much better than the breville variety.

Olive oil? I didn't know you were a homosexual.

[Magic]

:cool:

[Raoul Duke]

Simply stack the toast on top of one another. Butter one slice then put it to the bottom of the stack (thereby further melting the spread) and repeat.


Us two slice toaster owners don't have much choice. :(

LOL @ 3rd world poverty ^^

[niko_cee]

Keeping butter in the fridge is properly depraved.

[QE Harold Flair]

Olive oil? I didn't know you were a homosexual.

Racist.

[Mazuuurk]

Don't think to lecture me on toast, cue ball.

Oh but I just did.

:sst:

[The Merse]

Lurpak spreadable. Taken out of the fridge 3 minutes prior to spreading.

No need to fuck about.

Crumbs in butter. That's how you make enemies with me.

[niko_cee]

Or have taste buds.

[ScousePig]

Tragic - What? With the easiest solution? Go and sit in the corner and think about your actions.

Mike - No point in toasters if you're having one cheese, and toast always tastes better out the grill for some reason.

You haven't lived unless you've toasted your bread next to a log fire for a few seconds :drool:

[QE Harold Flair]

You haven't lived unless you've toasted your bread next to a log fire for a few seconds :drool:

I'm not interested in your sordid activities.

[ScousePig]

I'm not interested in your sordid activities.

Confirmed.

[Giggles]

I just skip the butter and put the Bovril on straight.

[Magic]

Keeping butter in the fridge is properly depraved.

Why?

[niko_cee]

Because it makes it unfit for purpose.

[Boydy]

Four slices of toast for breakfast? That's a bit much.

[Davgooner]

How slow are you buttering them to not have the butter melting on the fourth?

[Giggles]

There's absolutely no need for butter to be in the fridge unless specifically required for making certain pastry.

[QE Harold Flair]

Most butter is fine in the fridge. It's only that block butter which isn't.

[Mazuuurk]

Four slices of toast for breakfast? That's a bit much.

I may not eat them all myself. I have a family to feed as well.

Although I could easily have four toast myself, who am I kidding. 4 toasts are nothing. When I was small I'd eat almost a whole loaf after school. Real men aren't scared of a bit of food.

[QE Harold Flair]

Although I like the tough talk and manly nature of your assertion, I'm not sure a dignified man would propose eating 4 slices of toast. Especially all with the same topping.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I actually agree with Harold there.

Block shouldn't be in the fridge but things like Lurpak Spreadable should be.

[Magic]

It doesn't feel right at all putting mayo on toast does it?

[Yevrah]

Who the fuck has 4 slices of toast in one sitting?

[Boydy]

It doesn't feel right at all putting mayo on toast does it?
You sick fuck.

Who the fuck has 4 slices of toast in one sitting?

Maz, apparently. I thought it was ridiculous as well.


Foreigners saying 'a toast' or 'toasts' makes me laugh as well.

[Magic]

I hadn't defrosted my 9 seed wholemeal organic bread in time for lunch so had no choice. :(

[Yevrah]

Tuna mayo on toast is good.

[Boydy]

Tuna mayo on toast is good.

Yeah, tuna melt toasties are great but Magic seemed like he was saying he was just putting mayo on his toast and nothing else.

[Yevrah]

Yeah, that's something only a pervert would do.

Fits really.

[Boydy]

I hadn't defrosted my 9 seed wholemeal organic bread in time for lunch so had no choice. :(

You freeze your bread? Lol, peasant. I thought you'd be buying it fresh every day from the local boulangerie.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

If it's just toast, it's rank.

However, as Harvey says, tuna mayo on toast is nice as is a BLT using toast.

[Magic]

Yeah, tuna melt toasties are great but Magic seemed like he was saying he was just putting mayo on his toast and nothing else.

Nah it just feels wrong. I had turkey pepper cheese and cucumber to go with it.

[Magic]

You freeze your bread? Lol, peasant. I thought you'd be buying it fresh every day from the local boulangerie.

Bread isn't part of my staple diet. Carbs are for the poor.

[Yevrah]

If it's just toast, it's rank.

However, as Harvey says, tuna mayo on toast is nice as is a BLT using toast.

Why do you keep using my name? Are you gunning for some sort of rise?

[Dquincy]

I butter my toast as I eat it. One small bit at a time.

...apply a bit of butter, eat a bit of toast, repeat.

It gets odd looks at work.

[QE Harold Flair]

Do you wipe your arse as you shit?

[Dquincy]

Do you wipe your arse as you shit?

That's a whole new thread. But, no. Nor do I spread my shit on toast.

[Giggles]

Do you butter your arse?

[Reg]

Does your arse eat toast?

[QE Harold Flair]

I got 2 pints of milk from Tesco Express for 8p earlier. Lovely stuff.

[Dquincy]

Do you butter your arse?

Does your arse eat toast?
Excellent :D


I got 2 pints of milk from Tesco Express for 8p earlier. Lovely stuff.
It will be like cheese the following day.

[QE Harold Flair]

No, it was fine. It's gone now but stuff usually lasts longer than you think.