Weekend football 28/10 - 30/10

[Mazuuurk]

We're getting so shit at these threads. It's Reg et als responsibility really so sort it out.

I traded Lukaku for Kane in FPL so I'm expecting an emphatic United win.



SATURDAY

12.30
United - Spurs

15.00
Arsenal- Swansea City
Crystal Palace - West Ham United
Liverpool - Huddersfield Town
Watford - Stoke City
West Bromwich - Manchester City

17.30
AFC Bournemouth - Chelsea


SUNDAY

13.30
Brighton & Hove - Southampton

16.00
Leicester City - Everton


MONDAY

20.00
Burnley - Newcastle

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

http://ichef.bbci.co.uk/live-experience/cps/1056/cpsprodpb/vivo/live/images/2017/10/25/fddae97d-82c6-4eaf-902f-163d0b314778.jpg

[Mazuuurk]

sum lad looks like he's about to rape them both

[Reg]

We're getting so shit at these threads. It's Reg et als responsibility really so sort it out.
I've done my time. Pleb's the unsung hero of thread making.

I think we'll win on Sunday. Knockaert and Izquierdo both having scored should help us.

[Spikey M]

Sum lad is related to Lofty.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The Rangers manager is sacked, here's what the BBC's man makes of it all:


Analysis - BBC Scotland's Tom English

The big surprise is not that Pedro Caixinha has lost his job as Rangers manager. The remarkable thing is that he ever got it in the first place.

His track record did not support such an appointment. The only thing that Caixinha seemed adept at was talking a good game rather than delivering one.

Over the course of his brief reign the headlines he created were more about the bombast of his words rather than the performance his side. Eventually, the board that took such an unnecessary gamble in giving him the job, admitted that there was no future with him in charge.

Those men who made the decision to appoint him are the director Graeme Park, the managing director Stewart Robinson and the director of football administration Andrew Dickson. Having assessed their now ex-manager a period of self-reflection is in order.

This has been a desperate mess from start to finish.

Load of absolute toss. If you're going to be xenophobic, at least do it properly like I do and call him a rotten fish sniffer with pubic lice.

[Baz]

I reckon our game might be delayed, while Wagner and Klopp suck each other off in the changing room.

[Shindig]

Wenger will probably need treatment afterwards. And rabies shots.


MONDAY

20.00
Burnley - Newcastle

OH, BOY!

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Harry Kane is out of the game :drool:

[Reg]

I just wanted to leave this here and see what TTH thinks of the latest Barney article. I don't quite know what to make of it. https://www.theguardian.com/football/blog/2017/oct/27/liverpool-alex-oxlade-chamberlain

[Lewis]

Why does every football article in the Guardian start with some crap forced metaphor about something else? They always take up about a quarter of the piece as well, which is just thieving a living.


Plus, of course, there is something else, too, a quality that has followed Oxlade-Chamberlain from Arsenal, that unavoidable sense of category confusion about a player who has every attribute – brains, skill, speed, athleticism, elite academy education – to be a high-functioning elite footballer; apart from the ability to make any really discernible mark so far as a high‑functioning elite footballer.

*sucks teeth*

[John]

Another quarter of the article will be made up of shady similies he's used before, most of them within the last month.

[Disco]

So he reckons he's really good but doesn't actually provide any useful results. Sounds like a metaphor for the Guardian.

[Reg]

Why does every football article in the Guardian start with some crap forced metaphor about something else? They always take up about a quarter of the piece as well, which is just thieving a living.
Those'll be the Barney Ronay and Jonathan Wilson articles.

[Ian]

So he reckons he's really good but doesn't actually provide any useful results. Sounds like a metaphor for the Guardian.

He's basically describing him as the opposite of Thomas Muller.

"What's that Thomas Muller good at?"
".....er, winning stuff?"
"Yeah but what does he contribute?"
"Oh, y'know, he just sort of.... wins. Like, quite a lot of the time."

[Disco]

It's more annoying the more I think about it, he doesn't even attempt to go into why he isn't as good as he thinks he should be (probably because the answer is: the author is a moron) it's just shitting out words for the sake of it.

Here's 1500 inconclusive words on something pointless I managed to relate back to communism. When do I get paid exactly?

Dickhead.

[Spammer]

The mighty FUCKING Blades :cool:

[Waffdon]

Sanchez isn’t playing for some odd reason and Man Utd have went to a five at the back.

Son masterclass incoming

[Lewis]

This interview. :lol:

[John]

Terry Henry reckons Zlatan is one of the five best strikers he's ever seen. I wonder what that list looks like.

[Baz]

Mourinho is such a dickhead.

Cmon you Spurs.

[Giggles]

Have Spurs injuries in midfield or is Winks supposed to be competent now?

[John]

He is competent.

[Giggles]

He always looks like a 14 year old playing with proper sized men to me.

[Ian]

This United formation looks a laugh if the personnel is anything to go by.

[Baz]

He always looks like a 14 year old playing with proper sized men to me.Yeah but I can relate to that. :baz:

He is a freckly sod though.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Lukaku should never shoot with his weak foot.

Christ.

[Giggles]

This is mind numbingly horrendous so far.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Young getting into Alli's head :drool:

[Magic]

Sevco. :harold:

[Baz]

Dele’s having a shocker.

Sky commentary seems very United biased too.

[Jimmy Floyd]

This referee has lost control of the game.

[Lewis]

Romelu Lukaku is rubbish.

[Giggles]

Gary Neville sounds like someone who's burnt his tongue.

[Ian]

Romelu Lukaku is rubbish.

It's fine. We can have the Swede for the good opponents and then Lukaku can score 30 a season comprised entirely of second and third goals against the crap. Er, other than Huddersfield.

[Jimmy Floyd]

He may be rubbish, but it's all put in perspective when that Peter Kay bread advert comes on.

[John]

There's a 16 year old playing for Hearts here who's a dead ringer for Katherine Waterson in Alien Covenant.

[Waffdon]

Lloris is average as fuck. Makes incredible saves but makes as many mistakes.

Ben Davies is quality.

[Baz]

There's a 16 year old playing for Hearts here who's a dead ringer for Katherine Waterson in Alien Covenant.Harry Cochrane:http://cdn.bloody-disgusting.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/alien-covenant-katherine-waterston.jpg

Katherine Waterson:
https://i2-prod.dailyrecord.co.uk/incoming/article11176594.ece/ALTERNATES/s615/13684214.jpg

[Waffdon]

Rashford is also horrific at set pieces.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I don't get Rashford being on any set piece bar longish free kicks.

All he does is smash it and in corners and short free kicks they just hit the first man as he puts no lift on them at all.

[Lewis]

The best thing about these corners is Ashley Young - excellent crosser, crap everthing elser - lurking outside the box as if he stands a chance of smashing any rebounds in.

[Ian]

Crap set pieces or not I'd have still hooked Lukaku instead of Rashford, given the latter occasionally looked like doing something.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Tony :drool:

[Ian]

:dance:

[Waffdon]

What’s Dier doing? :D

[Giggles]

Dier has looked so bad today.

Jose 1-0 :cool:

[Waffdon]

Tony :drool:

Get tae fuck

[Lewis]

Quality football. I think he meant that 'scruffy' finish as well.

[Giggles]

:D Lingard. Looked like that panic when you first get the ball at under 11.

[Lewis]

How long has Young had those full-arm tattoos? Probably about six years.

[Reg]

Him and Alli looked like complete spanners with their spat but Young played well today.

[John]

Lovren injured immediately. :D

[-james-]

Klavan in. Will end 5-4 or something.

[John]

'David Bracegirdle reporting from the AESSEAL New York Stadium'.

None of those things are real.

[Giggles]

That's some shit City defending.

EDIT: Though it doesn't really matter when you can score that easily.

[niko_cee]

Nice call in the U-17 final.

:cab:

[John]

I turned it on just as the last replay was ending but short of there being someone leaning on the corner flag I don't see how the kid who finished it isn't offside.

[Jimmy Floyd]

How did they fuck that break up? It was two against zero.

[Baz]

I struggle to remember when Petr Cech was actually good. He’s laughably garb nowadays.

[John Arne]

Salah famous for bottling one-on-ones... on pens. Strange one.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

https://mobile.twitter.com/PenaltyKickStat

Expected penalties now.

Just end it all.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Foden is a magical player to watch. So rare people like that come through in this country.

[niko_cee]

I turned it on just as the last replay was ending but short of there being someone leaning on the corner flag I don't see how the kid who finished it isn't offside.

Turns out there was.

:D

[Weaver]

Foden is a magical player to watch. So rare people like that come through in this country.

Only put it on 20 minutes ago and he’s the standout.

Hopefully he won’t have this style of play beaten out of him as he moves up the ranks.

[Jimmy Floyd]

England just miles ahead of Spain here. Pity they gave up those two goals, the gulf between the sides is enormous. This half has been a total thrashing.

[Ian]

So at what age is it that these U17s will have their backbones removed? Is it upon their Premier League debut?

[-james-]

This co commentator genuinely can't speak.

[Disco]

It takes a lot of work but by their early twenties they should all be earning a decent living in the championship.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Total Spanish implosion, genuinely beautiful to behold.

[Shindig]

Wow. That was good.

[Jimmy Floyd]

This co commentator genuinely can't speak.

They've both been calling McEachran 'McCracken' throughout. How hard can it be?

Ah, here comes the Mediterranean head-losing. Mostly from the ref.

[Lewis]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XLV3d1qJ1Dk

[John]

Foden looks like he could be genuinely great.

[Giggles]

Is there no real soccer on?


EDIT: Ah, not til half past. Carry on.

[Shindig]

Yay! What I can only assume was Spanish racism.

[Lewis]

lol at the Spaniards crying.

[Shindig]

In fucking sports bras.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'm not bothered about Hudson-Odoi as that was physical bullying, but Foden was just mega. McEachran is basically like they've taken all his brother's talent and pumped it into a younger, more photogenic body for a second crack at a Nike deal.

Brewster it's hard to tell.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Jesus Christ beeb, how can you end the show with 'Maybe this is the golden generation after all!'

[Lewis]

Phil Foden is a manlet and will become a piss 'n' wind merchant.

[niko_cee]

That was probably the best age-group England game I've seen for a while, maybe ever (or at least the best late stage tournament game). Usually even when we do well it's through graft, but that was just a complete hammering. Were all over them throughout the whole match, 2 goals against the run of play really and then just one way traffic. Foden looked quality, as did that Chelsea winger although his decision making may need some work.

Shame Woodburn decided he was Welsh, the twonk.

[Giggles]

Jesus Christ beeb, how can you end the show with 'Maybe this is the golden generation after all!'

Lineker is already tweeting about it being one. It's the hope that entertains us all.

[Ian]

Why are they all wearing their shirts backwards?

[Jimmy Floyd]

I don't understand why 17 year old boys need to wear sports bras. Maybe they're an accounting trick so that St George's Park isn't accused of an underspend.

[Danny]

Antonio with the Barnes/Ginola moment :face:

[Baz]

Why are they all wearing their shirts backwards?So people learn their names.

[Ian]

I feared that might be it.

EDIT: Catching up on Joy of Six and have been reminded of this (specifically the last goal):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L6Z-L95ebpE

Essandoh. :cool:

Teletext. :drool:

[John Arne]

I saw two lovely goals today, unfortunately, both for the oppo (...in the derby)

https://gyazo.com/6e697007f1088d9a8cc3723e731f9299.gif

https://gyazo.com/2cf5702774d34ada279790d2ed5b73e8.gif

[Baz]

Funny how in the second one he managed to get his shot away at the same time the sniper pulled the trigger.

[John Arne]

He died.

[Giggles]

That first Leicester goal was tidy.

EDIT: Shit, the second :D

[John Arne]

Big Sam on with Keys & Gray :drool:

[Magic]

Everton relegated is terrible news for the Champo. One auto spot gone straight away.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Real Madrid have just lost to Girona. Useless.

[Giggles]

If someone had asked me about Girona I would have said they must have came up from Serie B.

[Lewis]

Everton relegated is terrible news for the Champo. One auto spot gone straight away.

Back when they were bollocks (like proper Sunderland bollocks) me and my friend spent about six years wanting them to go down and annoy our Scouse friend, and we concluded that Everton will never get relegated ever. If the league went to four teams, or if an asteroid wiped out all human life, 'The People's Club' would somehow hang on to their top flight status.

Imagine Wayne Rooney saving them on the last day though. :drool:

[SvN]

They should've gone down in the 90s. A Hans Segers clanger on the final day kept them up as they came back from 2-0 down against Wimbledon to win. And the next year he was charged with match fixing.

[Spoonsky]

Real Madrid have just lost to Girona. Useless.

A victory for all Catalonia.

[Magic]

Back when they were bollocks (like proper Sunderland bollocks) me and my friend spent about six years wanting them to go down and annoy our Scouse friend, and we concluded that Everton will never get relegated ever. If the league went to four teams, or if an asteroid wiped out all human life, 'The People's Club' would somehow hang on to their top flight status.

Imagine Wayne Rooney saving them on the last day though. :drool:

With his 30th goal. :drool:

[Jimmy Floyd]

Everton's last second tier season was 53/54. For a team that has had about 6 title challenging years in all that time, it's a remarkable record.

[Disco]

They had some god-awful shite during the 90's, they should have gone on several occasions.

[Magic]

Big Dunc leading the line. :cool:

[phonics]

I remember a 47 year old Kevin Campbell turning up and save them one year. They had some players even when they were shit.

[Lewis]

I think they actually just had better managers than they should have done. All of their players were shit.

[Magic]

They desperately need Moyseh in to save them.

[Lewis]

Walter Smith isn't even seventy the lazy cunt.

[SvN]

How is that possible? He looked 70 when he was at Everton.

[John Arne]

I’ve just heard Asmir Begović talk... never realised he had an American/Canadian accent - assumed he was proper Slavic.

[Jimmy Floyd]

How is that possible? He looked 70 when he was at Everton.

He's from Glasgow, statistically he's lucky to be alive.

[Reg]

£3million man Gross setting up another goal for us today.

[Spoonsky]

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/football/article-5029559/Joey-Barton-slams-Everton-manager-David-Unsworth.html

What a dick. :D

[niko_cee]

Real Madrid have just lost to Girona. Useless.


A victory for all Catalonia.

Rajoy is bound to be a Madridista (internet check confirms).

Good to see 'Zizou' getting outed as the chancer's chancer, or is this the sticky patch his club blazer gets him through? I forget. Barcelona's new binman already lolling his way to the title isn't something I had envisaged happening. Nor Balenthia's heady position for that matter.

[Magic]

LOL @ the video ref in Italian football. They've had to play until it went out of touch, then they spent ages deliberating then FINALLY he chose to look at the video and he's awarded a penalty. :D

EDIT: And now the Inter players are going mad LOL. I suppose its because they had to wait 5 minutes.

EDIT 2: Pazzini being subbed on to score his 4th pen of the season. :drool:

TROLLED.

[John]

Danny Murphy has kicked off about the Under 17s turning their shirts around because it means there was no England badge in the photo of them lifting the cup. It would be a laughably petty thing to moan about anyway, but he seems to have forgotten the shorts have badges on them too.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Danny Murphy complaining about the manner in which an under 17 team celebrates a World Cup win is a laughable situation in itself.