Midweek Football Thread Sponsored by feckless lazy boys and the playoff draw

[phonics]

Can't believe I'm making this thread

https://i.imgur.com/XRRYpDR.png

Sweden got fucked again.

Tonights matches:
https://i.imgur.com/OYzIWtH.png

Tomorrow:
https://i.imgur.com/f0AESK7.png

[Magic]

City Napoli and Chelsea Roma for me. :drool:

As amusing as it would be to see the Tims get fucked tho.

[Bernanke]

Fuck. :moop:

[Smiffy]

I can see all the English teams drawing this round of fixtures.

Good price too.

[Max Power]

Craig 'Shakey' Shakespeare sacked.

Fair enough but our problems run deeper than head coach. #NIGEBACK

[Lewis]

I thought everyone there liked him and gave him credit for them being good?

[Max Power]

Some “key players” aren’t happy about the sacking apparently which sort of says it all.

Structure of the club is a mess. Still have a director of football who is little more than a P.E teacher, a head of recruitment who seems to be recruiting for a different team and has had about a million jobs and none of them talk to each other or the coaching staff.

[Giggles]

Ah, I hadn't seen the draw in this thread. Are Italy not fucked?

[-james-]

Shakespeare sacking seems bonkers to me. Their schedule so far has been harder than anyone's I think, and I thought they looked very good against Liverpool. Hope they go down.

[Lewis]

'Hard to believe that TWO YEARS AGO...'

[phonics]

Ah, I hadn't seen the draw in this thread. Are Italy not fucked?

Why would they be? They're a much better side than Sweden.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It throws the 'ooh, great decision' Ranieri sacking into a new light. At least until they now hire Ancelotti and finish 4th.

[Magic]

SHAKUHSPEARE NOT IN LUUUUUV.

Knew that fat English UKIP voting white cunt had it coming.

[Magic]

Didn't see Madrid v the Yids. Would love to see them take a fisting.

[Giggles]

Didn't see Madrid v the Yids. Would love to see them take a fisting.

Pretty good chance I'd assume.


Why would they be? They're a much better side than Sweden.

There's just been talk about them during the week as potential opponents and the general media view was that, although they'd beat us, they're in DISARRAY.

[Magic]

Jammy cunts Citeh

[Waffdon]

De Bruyne is fucking incredible for Man City. Christ.

[John Arne]

This is going to finish about 6-2 to Liverpool.

[John Arne]

3-0. Maribor have passed it to us twice for us to score.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Varane :harold:

[Waffdon]

English football is back!!!

[Baz]

De Bruyne is fucking incredible for Man City. Christ.:nod:

[Magic]

Unexpected night is unexpected.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Walker is so shit.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Dries :face:

[Magic]

Papoli. :(

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Aurier is shit too.

So overrated.

[niko_cee]

Someone was always going to be on the end of a shoeing but did it really have to be Maribor?

[Magic]

LMAO De Groiny acting like a lil high pitched BITCH.

[Magic]

Richard Dunne? Are you fucking kidding me? :D

[Baz]

I’ve been on his driveway.

[Shindig]

Shakespeare's gone already? They should just take the inevitable drop they've been flirting with.

[Magic]

I’ve been on his driveway.

Pity it wasn't under his no doubt obscene Range Rover.

[phonics]

Shakespeare's gone already? They should just take the inevitable drop they've been flirting with.

In what way since winning the league have they been flirting with an inevitable drop?

[John Arne]

In the first half we actually delivered a decent corner for the first time in 3 years. Left footer (Salah) in-swinger from the right. For some reason we are back to Milner out-swinging to the first man again. How is this still not being rectified??

[phonics]

920365307365150721

Who needs Keita :drool:

[Magic]

Hamsik been on the lash? He's been appalling.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

APOEL :cool:

Dortmund keeper made about 3 fuck ups to allow them a goal.

:rave:

[Magic]

What the fuck are they doing? I get playing it out but if under pressure just lace it surely?

[Shindig]

In what way since winning the league have they been flirting with an inevitable drop?

They sacked Ranieri when he was a point off the drop zone. They'd only five league wins that season until he was sacked. They're 18th now, albeit early in the season. It's such a Pardew team.

[John Arne]

Imagine how good Spurs would be if half the team weren’t fucking morons.

[phonics]

They sacked Ranieri when he was a point off the drop zone. They'd only five league wins that season until he was sacked. They're 18th now, albeit early in the season. It's such a Pardew team.

They finished 2 points behind Southampton. There's 90 points to play for this season. What part of that is inevitable? Normally I wouldn't pick people up on such nonsense but you claim to be a writer.

[Shindig]

Because I've seen this shit with Newcastle. Twice.

[phonics]

Famous winners and not continual punchline for a decade, Newcastle. Strong counter.

[Magic]

Never scored ever. Best penalty. :cool:

Could have sworn it would be a row Z.

[Waffdon]

Eriksen has been a mess tonight.

[Shindig]

Famous winners and not continual punchline for a decade, Newcastle. Strong counter.

'Quiz question' Leicester.

[Magic]

Battle of the Auts here guys.

[Giggles]

What's happened Seville?

[John Arne]

7 (SEVEN) for Liverpool.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Promes :drool:

[John Arne]

Just noticed that my iPhone recognises (and autocorrects to) ‘R.E.M.’, which is strange.

[Smiffy]

It's only Maribor but good all the same. Have we any goals left for Tottenham though?

[Magic]

Uncapped Allan has been pretty good here. Tenacious little fuck.

[Waffdon]

Tottenham looked pretty good tonight. Sanchez will be some player. Aurier would also be fucking good if he wasn’t dense as fuck - he was excellent going forward.

[Giggles]

7 (SEVEN) for Liverpool.

They're BACK.

[Spoonsky]

Liverpool is one thing, but what happened to Sevilla today?

[niko_cee]

Sevilla getting seriously turned over in Moscow is a welcome surprise.

[Spoonsky]

I've just seen Harry Kane speak for the first time. What??

[Jimmy Floyd]

He has the twin problems of never having been taught how to speak, and trying to speak like a black man.

[Raoul Duke]

He has the twin problems of never having been taught how to speak, and trying to speak like a black man.

He also looks like he's bald, but he has hair. Weird.

[John]

Something about him reminds me of Nick Sobotka.

[Waffdon]

Is Wullie skinny and bald? Some Coventry fan walked on the pitch in the middle of the game and started having a go at the Coventry players hahahah

[Raoul Duke]

Something about him reminds me of Nick Sobotka.

Kinda - although he looks a lot like Sergio Ramos to me (in his American Gods look).

Kane looks like Nick Cage crossed with a startled owl.

[Baz]

I've just seen Harry Kane speak for the first time. What??Yes, he is deaf.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I've always thought that he has cerebral palsy.

[Shindig]

Yes, he is deaf.

A quick google brings up him blaming his Beats headphones for his poor Euro 2016 performances. :D

[Magic]

He's fucking retarded if nothing else.

[phonics]

Everyone seems to be bigging up this Spurs performance, I only watched the first half but it looked like they were getting bummed.

[Mazuuurk]

It was quite an open game most of the time, bar the first 20 minutes maybe.

Not much passing around in Midfield. Spurs were decent on the counter, save for finishing. And seemed to have the idea right with having Sissoko bombing down the right (which Marcelo leaves empty) and playing Kane & Lloriente up front, Eriksen did whatever, and basically the remaining 6 just defended.

Then it's Real, so.

[-james-]

They'd have lost if Benzema wasn't a spastic. Still a decent showing though I think. Harry Winks is suddenly good.

[Mazuuurk]

That always seems the case with these Spurs youngsters. Something they are doing right.

[phonics]

They said the same about Mason and he was at Hull a year later.

[Baz]

Our Jurg wants winks. Would be good.

[Mazuuurk]

They said the same about Mason and he was at Hull a year later.


Better than holding on to him for a splendid 10-year-run of "this is HIS year!" à la Arsenal.

[Reg]

Benfica v United is on BT Sport Showcase, which is the free channel. :thbup:

I think I've turned into one of those many strange people who'd like each of the English teams to do well in Europe. I think they'll all get through their groups and 2-3 will reach the quarters.

[Magic]

:sick:

Rather watch my own death tbh.

Chelsea Roma. :drool:

I'm the opposite Reg, I take simply fantastic pleasure in watching THE BEST LEAGUE IN THE WORLD teams crumble in front of our eyes. That's why last night sucked a bit.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/41617223

So Prince Philip goes 'Is it bigger than a bread bin'...

[Magic]

Aluko is one of the weirdest looking cunts I've seen, really.

EDIT: Just Googled 'Drew Spence'. Wat. :harold:

One can only imagine his comments were wholly accurate.

[Magic]

"HE CALLED ME WHAT...?!?!?! HOLD ME BACK SONE"

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2017/08/25/21/438BFC1800000578-4824334-image-a-69_1503691678881.jpg

LOL OMG it's his sister. This gets better. :D

[niko_cee]

They said the same about Mason and he was at Hull a year later.

They have a core of very reliable senior players, particularly in the spine of the team. This tends to make the peripheral/youth players seem better than, often, they are. See generally some of the absolute wank that turned out for united over the years and were fairly useless when moved on.

[Lewis]

Poor old Mark Sampson just sounds like a bit of a try-hard/wally, but the FA have somehow managed to end up looking even more fucking useless than everybody already thought.

[Magic]

Wasn't this pretty much forecasted on here when this first came out?

[Weaver]

Seems a long time ago since Spurs were rocking a midfield pair of Mason and Nabil Bentaleb, with Paulinho as the substitute to ‘change the game’

Sissoko was really good last night.

[Lewis]

The Nigeria-born striker accused England goalkeeping coach Lee Kendall of speaking to her in a fake Caribbean accent.

As you do like.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Really doesn't surprise me that they're all cracking racist jokes.

Probably doing the same in the Men's set-up too but the players are in on it.

[Baz]

Yeah it’s crazy that ”your family’s coming to watch a match? I hope they don’t bring Ebola with them” wasn’t the worst part about it all. Terrible.

[Magic]

Yeah it’s crazy that ”your family’s coming to watch a match? I hope they don’t bring Ebola with them” wasn’t the worst part about it all. Terrible.

Were they coming over from Libya in 2015? If so it's a legitimate concern.

[Baz]

Were they coming over from Libya in 2015? If so it's a legitimate concern.No, from Hull in 2017. :harold:

[Magic]

No, from Hull in 2017. :harold:

Again a legitimate concern.

[Lewis]

Your wife has probably taken more outsiders in than Hull.

[Waffdon]

They'd have lost if Benzema wasn't a spastic. Still a decent showing though I think. Harry Winks is suddenly good.

Same with Kane and Eriksen’s chances though. It was a fairly even game. Winks did look pretty assured on the ball - something I don’t think you could have ever said about Ryan Mason. He was just a workhorse.

[Disco]

Wasn't this pretty much forecasted on here when this first came out?

:evictory:

Where do I collect my points?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Atletico :harold:

[Magic]

Radja cut his hair thank fuck.

[Magic]

Luiz what a pearler.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Juventus carved up to fuck :harold:

[CJay]

Just got access to BT Sport so I’m watching the Goals Show for the first time. It’s quality. Like Soccer Saturday done well and with actual action. James Richardson really does have the perfect voice for punditry.

[Magic]

The only Italian in this game plays for Chelsea? Lol.

Cracking game this btw.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

lol at Pique.

Scores with his hand and gets a second yellow.

[Pepe]

Your wife has probably taken more outsiders in than Hull.

:lol:

[Magic]

:lol:

Don't laugh at our regional jokes. You've never been to Hull and have no concept of this.

[Pepe]

I was going to say that I have been in your wife but then I remembered it was Taz's ting.

[Lewis]

United should just rush Paulp Ogba back and tell him not to run.

[Magic]

I was going to say that I have been in your wife but then I remembered it was Taz's ting.

Whatever just don't diss Hull ok.

[Magic]

Fuck ME. What. A. Goal.

[Waffdon]

Dzeko :drool: :drool:

[SvN]

Hilarious goal for Rashford.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Rashford :cool:

[Lewis]

The 'keeper pulling a stupid face after made it.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Chelsea :D

[Magic]

HAHAHAHHA. Fucking take that you Chelsea cunts.

[Magic]

Kolarov and Dzeko shiteing on them lol.

[Kikó]

Keepers a bit Sunday league. I get the rationale from Rui Vitoria to give youth a chance but they're not going to win anything this year with two kids rotating goalkeeper duties.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Getting donned by the Man City 'rejects' in Kolarov and Dzeko.

[Waffdon]

Conte will be a goner.

[Reg]

Keepers a bit Sunday league. I get the rationale from Rui Vitoria to give youth a chance but they're not going to win anything this year with two kids rotating goalkeeper duties.
Why don't they play Cesar? Is he not good anymore?

[Kikó]

I think he's trying to rebuild so giving kids a chance. Hoping he gets another Ederson. César looks a bit of a pie these days as well.

[Magic]

"If you're a football purist, this game wasn't for you"

Please explain this utterly ridiculous statement? Reg?

[Lewis]

That was painful.

[Danny]

https://streamable.com/z2l31

Scholes :D

[John Arne]

Just watching the highlights from last night. Can someone tell me exactly what Pedro was doing in this "wall"....

https://gyazo.com/7853d8b950221bca27936e2058515bbf.png

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

https://streamable.com/z2l31

Scholes :D

So good.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Speaking of keepers, Thibaut Courtois is one of the most overrated ones in the world.

[Mazuuurk]

Elaborate? I always found him quite good and solid, one of the best really.

[Jimmy Floyd]

He's a tremendous shot stopper, but his distribution is woeful and his decision-making at times is pretty bad (he's good for at least 1 red card a season and about 3 penalties conceded). He's a good keeper but nowhere near best in the world material, as people tout him for.

[Spikey M]

Is he that highly rated? He’s good and should be recognised as such, but I’ve not heard him being particularly lauded.

[Mazuuurk]

For me Manuel Neuer and/or De Gea is the best in the world. De Gea has sort of gotten close enough in skill and consistency I think that they are almost equal. Neuer if I have to pick one.

After that, I'm not so sure.

I hold Courtois over Lloris. Cech is still around up there, and you can never really exclude Buffon even if it's starting to be a bit more on merit these days.
Then theres Oblak, Handanovic, Navas et al, all which aren't quite up there IMO.

But yeah for the 3rd spot I'd probably go for Courtois to be honest.

[SvN]

Neuer is Barthez-like in that he's always got a clanger in him. I'm probably biased, but I think De Gea has surpassed him.

[Spikey M]

Lloris is possibly the best shot stopper there is. Unfortunately he is also the worst distributor scince Yodel were caught chucking parcels about on the hard shoulder.

[Giggles]

Lloris is always good for a massive fuck up too.

[Mazuuurk]

Yeah hence why I hold Lloris below Courtois, personally.
SvN you might be right really. Haven't seen Neuer that much in a while so.

[Bernanke]

Oblak is underrated.

[John Arne]

Jan Oblak is quickly becoming the new Dennis Irwin.

[Spikey M]

I’ll let someone else have this one.

[Lewis]

Dave Gayer is the best by miles, and has been for at least two years.

[Adramelch]

He's a tremendous shot stopper, but his distribution is woeful and his decision-making at times is pretty bad (he's good for at least 1 red card a season and about 3 penalties conceded). He's a good keeper but nowhere near best in the world material, as people tout him for.

You forgot to mention he's Belgian. That can never be a good trait, can it?

[Waffdon]

De Gea > Oblak > Neuer

Oblak’s stats are ridiculous though. More clean sheets than goals conceded in La Liga.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I suspect Atletico Madrid are prone to making goalkeepers look good.

[Giggles]

I've never heard of Oblak til this thread. Is he an international?

[Adramelch]

I've never heard of Oblak til this thread. Is he an international?

Slovenia, so essentially no. He's Atletico's main keeper for 3 seasons now, though.

[Waffdon]

I suspect Atletico Madrid are prone to making goalkeepers look good.

That’s a bit harsh. Slovenia don’t exactly have world renowned defenders and his record for them has been fairly impressive - especially at home.

[John Arne]

I’ll let someone else have this one.

?

asdf

[John Arne]

Can we sack every one of them?


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W_3Dmaa4exA

[Mazuuurk]

Already thinking about different career choices, might be wise.

[phonics]

It appears that we'll be playing 4 at the back with Debuchy (hasn't played since we lost to Sheffield Wednesday a year ago), Holding, Elneny (midfielder) and Reiss Nelson (a winger)

Respect the point lads.

[Adramelch]

Ostersunds winning against Bilbao. That's them at 9 points already. Zorya 2nd at 6 and Bilbao and Hertha at 1 (provided the results stay as they are in the last 10 minutes).

As a reminder, last season was their first at the Swedish top tier and this one is their first ever appearance in Europe.

[-james-]

It's pretty impressive. Graham Potter for king.

[Adramelch]

Ah damn, late equaliser. Still a win at home against Zorya and they are through.

[phonics]

Jack Wilshere is a fucking boss. He'll be starting at the World Cup.

[Giggles]

Jack Wilshere is a fucking boss. He'll be starting at the World Cup.

Doesn't this happen every time it doesn't matter?

[Spikey M]

Jack Wilshere is a fucking boss. He'll be starting at the World Cup.


Or watching it with his knee in ice.

[Waffdon]

Jack Wilshere is a fucking boss. He'll be starting at the World Cup.

As if he’ll go that long without getting on the gear.

[phonics]

Or watching it with his knee in ice.

Ankle but yeah these are the only two options.

[phonics]

I'm incredibly disapointed to find out that the Le Tallec playing was the younger brother of Anthony not the man himself.

[Baz]

Wilshere has been pretty incred in the europa league, to be fair.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Must be tough looking good against goat herders and milkmen.

[Magic]

I'm incredibly disapointed to find out that the Le Tallec playing was the younger brother of Anthony not the man himself.

Florent cinnamon Mongol was his cousin. How did he end up at United Waffdon lolol

[Reg]

If he starts in the World Cup we might as well give up.

[niko_cee]

That's Champions League winners Le Tallec and Pongolle to you lot.

I assume they got medals anyway.

God that team was so full of shit.

[Yevrah]

Jack Wilshere is a fucking boss. He'll be starting at the World Cup.

He's an absolute waste of space.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Phonics has the same disease with Wilshere that I used to have with Joe Cole.

[Lewis]

It sounds like the Goodison Seethe (which is another unique TTH Google result) finally boiled over.

[phonics]

Phonics has the same disease with Wilshere that I used to have with Joe Cole.

https://i.imgur.com/k9MLIGt.png https://i.imgur.com/1RpL9uK.png

I was spot on about him starting at the Euros and I'll be right with this one.


He's an absolute waste of space.

Yeah Jake Livermore though, he's world class.

[Lewis]

I would probably start him as well, but he is still a waste of space. :radicalcentrism:

[phonics]

I would probably start him as well, but he is still a waste of space. :radicalcentrism:

Yeah, I said he'd start, not that he'd be any good.

[Baz]

England would be better off starting Eniola Aluko.

[Yevrah]

He's a tosser who's absolutely squandered the talent he has whilst simultaneously managing to convince the media and footballing hierarchy that he's worth persevering with.

That he went to the Euro's was an absolute scandal.

Albeit being managed by Wenger is one mitigating factor.

[phonics]

An Everton fan, carrying a small child just used his free arm to punch the Lyon goalkeeper. #FamilyClub

[Lewis]

https://s1.postimg.org/zmrrmkyan/180024764-16022011205419.jpg

I think we're all forgetting.

[phonics]

921112720346370049

[Waffdon]

Hahahahaha that’s amazing.

[phonics]

Am absolutely loving the downfall of total arsehole Ronald Koeman btw.

We're also going to lose to them on the weekend for maximum banter.

[Kikó]

He's a tosser who's absolutely squandered the talent he has whilst simultaneously managing to convince the media and footballing hierarchy that he's worth persevering with.

That he went to the Euro's was an absolute scandal.

I've been saying this about Rooney fo...


Albeit being managed by Wenger is one mitigating factor.

Ah. As you were.

[John Arne]

That Everton fan is obviously a massive dickhead, but the reaction of the Lyon players is hilarious - you'd have though they had just been stabbed... one second acting all hard, pushing and shoving, then suddenly acting like little pussies wanting mum to come and save them.

[Giggles]

I've watched it 3 times and still can't see the guy with the kid.

[John Arne]

It's near the end (00:10), kinda in the background. He punches the arm of one of the Lyon players.

https://gyazo.com/fbbec2c6d213a2eeb906a0a2f0d6b8f7.png

EDIT: Actually, he might make contact with the 'keepers head :D

[Adramelch]

I've watched it 3 times and still can't see the guy with the kid.

If you pause it at like 5 seconds in, you can see him approaching with a grey tshirt/blue jacket holding a kid dressed in blue. You can briefly see the punch at 0.10-0.11 and then he's held back and the Lyon players are shouting at him.