Stupid shit you've seen and heard

[Spikey M]

Today I heard a woman ask where she could find "Factory 15 Sun tan location"

Now, other than Factories 10, 15, 30 and 50, what does she think the other Factories are up to? Why specify the FACTOR you are after?

I can only assume the woman WHO WAS IN HER 40's is a fan of the early 90's Mancunian club scene.

To make this Fred worthy - expose your local cretins.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Is factory 15 sun tan location the new fashion accessory?

[Foe]

I tend not to notice other people's stupidity because I've done some absolute corkers myself.

Spent about 4 hours creating a vacuum sink plug remover device because I thought I'd broke the sink. Flat mate came home and showed me the lever behind the tap.

[igor_balis]

i once pulled a door which said push

[igor_balis]

My all time fave was from my dad. I was 11, and we had the classic post-Blair weekend dad arrangement. He phoned me up on the Tuesday saying " Igor, you won't fucking believe the stress I've had with the new TV remote. Hours it has taken me, I'll show you at the weekend, see if you can figure it out quicker than me".

I was obviously a bit confused because the phone call didn't really make sense and I was 11.

I came over on the Saturday morning, and he presented me the tv remote and the tv manual with a slightly smug grin, the kind of grin that says "alright smartarse, lets see you figure this one out".

"Look, Igor, look at the manual. Look at all those buttons at the bottom! And now look at the remote. The remote is about twice the size in the manual! .How the fuck do you [editor's note, I have no idea what the extra buttons did because it was 2002. Probably something to do with teletext]?"

I picked up the remote, looked at the manual, looked at the remote again then simply slid the bottom casing down to reveal the other controls.

My dad literally just stared at me with awe and bewilderment for about 10 seconds, then said "hours mate, it took me hours mate".

My second favourite idiot dad story was also tv remote related, but a lot simpler - his mobile rang and he tried to answer the tv remote. Bantz.

[Alan Shearer The 2nd]

Did (does?) your dad call you mate?

[Raoul Duke]

/dadlads

[igor_balis]

Did (does?) your dad call you mate?

aye. it's a weird one - i think because my dad was so useless and fucked up so badly (cheated on my mum, speed addiction, 6 months at her majesty's pleasure) that he realised he wasn't gonna be able to cultivate a traditional respectful hierarchical relationship with me cus i'd have seen right through it, so decided (probz subconsciously) to just take being weekend fun mate dad. that's my half-baked pseudo-intellectual 6 pints down analysis anyway. I think it worked because I can't think of many people I'd wanna follow in the footsteps of less, but i love him unconditionally anyway. and he's never been "dad" - i've called him mick as long as i remember.

[Lewis]

I call my old man by his first name because he used to tune out after work and it was the only thing he responded to.

[igor_balis]

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