How long does it take you to do a shit?

[Offshore Toon]

On average, obvs.

Personally, I'm a bit of a bog hog. It's very rare I'm in there less than two minutes and I tend to sit around for five to make sure the job is done. In extreme circumstances it could be around ten.

[Lewis]

Two hours.

[Lewis]

And - and - I go six times a day.

[Offshore Toon]

I'm barely managing once a day atm, but in usual fat shit mode it's either one huge one or two a day.

[Giggles]

Until I can't feel my feet.

[Dark Soldier]

Fucking ages as I read on the bog.

[Offshore Toon]

I take my phone in and take my time, which I thought was fucking ages until I started becoming aware of the clock whilst I'm in there. I used to assume about ten minutes, but it's under five normally.

[Pleb]

Depends how I feel.

[Offshore Toon]

The average time it takes you to shit depends on how you feel?

[Pepe]

Usually a 1-2 minute affair. Sometimes I bring my computer in and take longer, but then I'm not really shitting, just sitting around.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

The actual shit, about 2 minutes but I'll spend at least another 10-20 playing on my phone.

[Waffdon]

The actual shit, about 2 minutes but I'll spend at least another 10-20 playing on my phone.

why

[phonics]

Because he's a pervert who loves the smell of fecal matter.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Everyone knows you don't smell your own as you're shitting.

[Offshore Toon]

Mahow probably sweats a fair amount getting it out so requires a cool down period.

[Waffdon]

Does the shit not start getting hard? Disgusting bastard.

[7om]

Yeah, I don't mess about with shitting. In and out in under two minutes usually.

How do I wipe you ask? Sitting, how every normal person should.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Does the shit not start getting hard? Disgusting bastard.

Not at all.

Oh and wiping standing up. I had no idea you could do it sitting until this debate came up on the last board.

[Pepe]

Sitting and from the back.

[Pepe]

If you need to stand you're too fat.

[phonics]

Wiping standing up... I just wretched.

[Shindig]

No longer than five minutes, usually.

[Lewis]

Wiping standing up... I just wretched.

With his phone still in his other hand.

[Magic]

It really depends. If it's a loose one about 30 seconds. A proper clumper can take 5-10 minutes.

[Spammer]

As quick as possible, generally. I'm in the habit nowadays of not forcing it too hard though. It can hurt if you push it out too quickly, especially if it's massive.

[Yevrah]

Having a shit with sufficient reading materials is one of life's little pleasures.

I'm guessing it's because the turd massages the g-spot on the way out, but hey ho.

[Mellberg]

:|

20 minutes.

[Smiffy]

How many chapters?

[Panda Bear]

The act itself? Usually like four seconds to get everything out in one smooth take.

I got great bowels.

[Spikey M]

Having a shit is great. I use it as a chance to get some time to myself. Sometimes I even treat myself to a sit down wee.

[Shindig]

No, it's the comments as you're older when you just sit in the hope that you'll manage to do something. That point is terrifying.

[Raoul Duke]

12 seconds:

https://arstechnica.com/science/2017/04/speed-of-poop-big-or-small-mammals-drop-a-deuce-in-12-secs-study-finds/