[FOOTBALL] Midweek Fixtures - Champions & Europa League QF 1st Legs (11-13 April)

[Reg]

On the various BT channels. http://www.live-footballontv.com

Tuesday 19:45
Borussia Dortmund v Monaco (BTS Showcase)
Juventus v Barcelona

Wednesday 19:45
Atletico Madrid v Leicester City
Bayern Munich v Real Madrid

Thursday 20:05
Anderlecht v Man Utd
Lyon v Besiktas
Celta Vigo v Genk
Ajax v Schalke 04 (BTS Showcase)

Wigan Athletic v Barnsley - 19:45

[Davgooner]

Fucking buzzing for the Dortmund-Monaco game tonight. Got a couple of microwaveable pasties: one for each half. Picking up some ketchup on the way home.

[Dark Soldier]

What's this about an explosion/attack on the Dortmund bus and Bartra going to hospital?!

On Redcafe and Twitter (albeit in German)

[Dark Soldier]

https://twitter.com/SquawkaNews/status/851855232913084416

[Weaver]

Just seen it when I stuck Channel 59 on there.

Dav's pasties :(

[Adamski]

Sounds like it's being postponed. It's delayed for now anyway, emergency talks going on in the stadium.

[Dark Soldier]

Aye, waste of £15 Dav.

[Adamski]

Postponed till tomorrow.

[Giggles]

Makes the match choice handy enough then.

[Magic]

Fucking buzzing for the Dortmund-Monaco game tonight. Got a couple of microwaveable pasties: one for each half. Picking up some ketchup on the way home.

:(

[Reg]

Aye, waste of £15 Dav.
Was he buying microwaveable pasties made of gold?

[Dark Soldier]

Was he buying microwaveable pasties made of gold?

Its London, they go for about seven quid each.

[Offshore Toon]

My thoughts are with you, Dav.

[Spikey M]

Poor Dave.

[Lewis]

lol at Dave.

[Giggles]

That was septic from Higuain.

[Magic]

Its London, they go for about seven quid each.

When did he move to London?

[Offshore Toon]

Having Higuain is all fun and games for 95% of the season, but when you really need quality you can't rely on him. Something popped up on my news feed the other day about how many more goals Aguero had scored than Drogba, but Drogba turned up and donned the big games while Aguero has bottled it time and time again. They're just slightly more prolific versions of Kevin Phillips.

[Adam]

Fucking buzzing for the Dortmund-Monaco game tonight. Got a couple of microwaveable pasties: one for each half. Picking up some ketchup on the way home.

:D

[Giggles]

When did he move to London?

Wasn't he always there? I always pictured him as a lower rent Danny Dyer.

[Dark Soldier]

When did he move to London?

Dav has always been a London ponce, where he currently lives has no bearing, you know the cunt drives there every day to buy his wares.

[Offshore Toon]

Lovely finish. :drool:

[Magic]

This will be a repeat of the PSG game.

[Magic]

Lol at Neymar looking like a scummy Brazilian Luca.

[Giggles]

That was fucking lovely :drool:

[Dark Soldier]

Dybala :drool:

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Dybala :rave:

[John]

Dybala is a wonderful player.

[Magic]

:harold:

[Giggles]

Keith Andrews' waffle is almost ruining this.

[Magic]

Wasn't he always there? I always pictured him as a lower rent Danny Dyer.

Rugby.

[Giggles]

This has fizzled out to shite now.

[Waffdon]

Khedira/Pjanic combination is so good.

[Raoul Duke]

This has fizzled out to shite now.

Classic Italian football

[Reg]

Alex Sandro's looked really solid so far, he's kept Messi quiet.

[CJay]

How can your £80m striker bottle situations like that?

[Giggles]

That will do.

[CJay]

Lol. Barca had started the half alright, too. This could be a hammering.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Higuain is a fucking shambles.

Chiellini though :cool:

[phonics]

Not sure if everyones got the same commentary as me. The commentator just blamed zonal marking when the defender has both arms all over the guy and follows him the whole way.

[Offshore Toon]

At what point did Chiellini become such a good player? I know he's been at this level for a while now, but I still remember the dirty unreliable left back.

[phonics]

He hasn't played left-back in near half a decade so since before then.

[Offshore Toon]

Was it the Serie B season, then?

[Offshore Toon]

Shit, that was TEN years ago?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

What a save that is.

[Magic]

This will be a repeat of the PSG game.

:)

[Giggles]

Mandzukic is a beast of a player. Never stops.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The jig is up this time. You don't beat cold hearted Piedmontians 4-0 in the second leg.

[Magic]

What the absolute fuck was that music?

[Offshore Toon]

That music was so good. :D Yooooo-vay!

[Offshore Toon]

Here's the bastard.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U9yPVNfSZ3E

I wanna go to a Juventus game now.

[Lewis]

Isn't this geezer the current favourite to take over at Arsenal? Why would he?

[Pen]

Money and the opportunity to work with Theo Walcott are hard to turn down.

[Lewis]

Money, yeah; but Arsenal aren't going to pay a new manager two hundred grand a week when it pains them to pay their better players that.

[Giggles]

How long have they had that stadium?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Long enough that Arsenal bores on my twitter are seething about it 'not having made an impact'.

Unless you meant Juve, in which case not long.

[Giggles]

Long enough that Arsenal bores on my twitter are seething about it 'not having made an impact'.

Unless you meant Juve, in which case not long.

Yeah Juventus. I didn't know about them moving from the Delle Alpi.

[ItalAussie]

The jig is up this time. You don't beat cold hearted Piedmontians 4-0 in the second leg.
http://www.uefa.com/uefachampionsleague/season=2016/matches/round=2000635/match=2015773/

I'll believe it when the final whistle goes.

[ItalAussie]

Having Higuain is all fun and games for 95% of the season, but when you really need quality you can't rely on him. Something popped up on my news feed the other day about how many more goals Aguero had scored than Drogba, but Drogba turned up and donned the big games while Aguero has bottled it time and time again. They're just slightly more prolific versions of Kevin Phillips.

Higuain helps you beat the rubbish teams, and Dybala gets the goals against the good sides. It's not the ideal system, but it seems to hold up.

[Magic]

Vim's tears when Barca destroy next week. :drool:

[Mazuuurk]

I missed a few bits of that, but every time I tuned in Mandzukic seemed to be playing in a different position. The team sheet seems to suggest he was some sort of left winger or, I dunno, leftish attacking midfielder.

In my world he's always been a slow, tall powerstriker. But reading up on it now a bit on Wiki (for what that's worth...) it seems he's actually a bit of a Duracell bunny, apparently.

Still it's weird to see him in midfield.

[Waffdon]

Aye, proper workmen like. Seems to suit them quite well with Cuadrado/Alves tearing up the other side.

[Lewis]

I remember a few people over the summer writing that that BOTTLER would take Juventus to the next level. If he was capable of doing that, he would still be at Madrid.

[ItalAussie]

I remember a few people over the summer writing that that BOTTLER would take Juventus to the next level. If he was capable of doing that, he would still be at Madrid.
I would argue that we needed to be sure that we win the league in a canter, Bayern style, so we could focus on the big prize. He's not going to win us the CL, but he'll ensure we keep making it into the competition.

[Lewis]

Yeah, but there must have been cheaper options for that.

[GS]

It also weakened Napoli quite a bit, which makes winning the league easier. The Bayern strategy of beating the opposition by signing their best players on them.

[ItalAussie]

Yeah, but there must have been cheaper options for that.

It was basically a sure thing. He'd been doing exactly the job we needed him to do (being prolific against rubbish to ensure that we don't get jammy 0-0 draws against Pescara), but for our nearest rival.

There's not many sure-thing investments in football. Would you front half the money for a 50/50 shot at failure?

[Lewis]

True. In hindsight, they would have just spent the forty million on Edinson Cavani in 2012, so they were probably exorcising that as well.

[ItalAussie]

I think Verratti was out of favour for a bit. That would have been a nice purchase. Still, buyer's remorse.

[Davgooner]

Just to confirm the pasties were consumed.

[Mazuuurk]

Thank God, we were all worried.

[Yevrah]

I nearly bought some pasties last night too. Close shave.

[Magic]

Bit shit as normally the wean is down to bed by the time the games kick off. Got a decision to make tonight between parenthood and a potentially amazing game.

[Offshore Toon]

Its a tricky choice tonight, but its got to be Leicester.

[Mazuuurk]

Bit shit as normally the wean is down to bed by the time the games kick off. Got a decision to make tonight between parenthood and a potentially amazing game.

Give her a phone and put on Youtube. It's like hypnosis.

[Magic]

Give her a phone and put on Youtube. It's like hypnosis.

I can't phone her mate she hasn't got a phone. Plus the match isn't on YouTube it's on BT Sport Europe.

[Mazuuurk]

You give your daughter YOUR phone so she get's enthralled by YouTube.
You then proceed to watch the game on BT Sport or wherever you so fancy.

[Magic]

You give your daughter YOUR phone so she get's enthralled by YouTube.
You then proceed to watch the game on BT Sport or wherever you so fancy.

Last time I did that unsupervised she ended up watching Worldstar videos, and no I'm not fucking joking. :D

[Mazuuurk]

Yeah you get the occasional freakshow. Actually, sooner or later all they watch is some freakshow or another.

[Magic]

She says to me over breakfast (organic porridge, organic blueberries and organic Acacia honey) 'yey fam wen we bouda git on dem yeezy boost 350, ratchet needs some dece tread on deez nuts yo'

[randomlegend]

Last time I did that unsupervised she ended up watching Worldstar videos, and no I'm not fucking joking. :D

Her father's daughter :wub:

[Offshore Toon]

Her father's daughter :wub:
Hardly. Worldstar isn't just kickboxing videos.

[randomlegend]

I thought worldstar was the one with all the videos of people getting run over by trucks?

[phonics]

Max Power is over in Madrid endearing himself to the locals

852170418425393152

[Magic]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=utOBjtazEe4

:harold:

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

He sounds drunk.

[Lewis]

Is he there as some sort of elaborate Paddy Power stunt? Also, it should really be 'Ten Spanish Galleons' if you're over there, with Sir Francis Drake of England sending them down.

[rush]

Is he there as some sort of elaborate Paddy Power stunt? Also, it should really be 'Ten Spanish Galleons' if you're over there, with Sir Francis Drake of England sending them down.

It's looking more and more like that by the day; he's brought in Kieran Richardson and Nigel Reo-Coker on trial.

[Magic]

Ahaha that was pure luck.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

That penalty :drool:

Offside and he didn't know much about it.

[John]

Monaco are winning this whole thing. Lightning in the counter.

[Magic]

Clortymund falling apart here.

[John]

That's your worst one ever. Absolutely abysmal.

[Giggles]

Doing the word abysmal a disservice.

[Magic]

Worst, or most creative?

[Giggles]

Worst.

[Offshore Toon]

What a back heel.

[-james-]

Oh my god. He is incredible.

[Magic]

Lololololo hilarious.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Shinji :drool:

[John Arne]

Jonathan Pearce really is awful. When Monaco scored their 3rd, he was giving it "game over, tie over... Monaco are on the brink of the semi-final"... obviously, that's bullshit. Lo and behold, Dortmund get their 2nd... "GAME ON!!!.... it's never over".

Fucking Bein Sport.

[Shindig]

Its a shame Jonathan could never develop a proper voice.

[John Arne]

Is Tuchel wearing leggings?

[Magic]

Hope Atleti obliterate these cunts.

[Reg]

Robbie Savage on the Leicester game.

Bayern-Real Madrid it is.

[Magic]

Take that Savage and Lee you cunts.

[Raoul Duke]

I swear keepers would save far more penalties if they just went (their) right for left-footed players and vice-versa.

[Giggles]

Robbie Savage on the Leicester game.

Bayern-Real Madrid it is.

I've done 10 minutes and it's my limit. Back to Bayern.

[Magic]

My enjoyment of seeing these cunts get demolished outweighs my hate of Savage.

[randomlegend]

Christ that's a harsh penalty against Madrid.

[Reg]

I'm always a bit disappointed when I see a player who I've never seen miss a penalty finally miss one.

[Magic]

Love seeing how out of his depth that fat nobody Shakespeare is.

[Reg]

That was a brilliant save by Neuer. Thought it was good at the time but that last angle, woof.

Edit: That finish - also woof.

[John]

Love seeing how out of his depth that fat nobody Shakespeare is.

You talk a power of shit at the best of times but the palpable bitterness when you post about Leicester takes it to new heights. Just complete waffle.

[Magic]

How is it? He's sweating like a paedo.

[Boydy]

Torres. :lol:

[John]

He's a fat Englishman in Spain. He could be wearing a linen trouser and sitting by a pool and he'd be sweating like Mahow in the changing rooms.

[Offshore Toon]

How is Torres still starting?

[Raoul Duke]

£50m striker there

[Adamski]

Dortmund Monaco was excellent earlier.

These two games are literally the four most boring teams left in the competition (maybe the world), terrible for the competition for them all to be drawn against each other.

[Magic]

This Benyloun guy is a beast.

[Reg]

De Gea would have saved that with his feet.

[John]

Mahrez has been absolutely terrible. I can't think of a single pass or dribble he's successfully completed. He's been rotten all season, but he's looked like a raffle winner tonight.

[Giggles]

Mahrez has been absolutely terrible. I can't think of a single pass or dribble he's successfully completed. He's been rotten all season, but he's looked like a raffle winner tonight.

Haven't seen a big pile of them this season but I was surprised to see him on the bench vs Everton on Sunday. Has he gone to shit?

[Reg]

Opposition players know that he's left footed now.

[Magic]

:yawn:

[Boydy]

I hope Leicester put these boring bastards out next week.

[Offshore Toon]

Juve, storia di un grande amore!

[Giggles]

Ronaldo :D

[Reg]

That Ronaldo fall is a Photoshopped vine waiting to happen.

[Lewis]

Ronaldo. :cool:

[Jimmy Floyd]

Juve, storia di un grande amore!

It's this sort of shit that made Brexit inevitable. Europeans are just so crap at everything.

[Offshore Toon]

It's this sort of shit that made Brexit inevitable. Europeans are just so crap at everything.
Are you kidding? Its amazing, especially in comparison to Crystal Palace's cheerleaders and Brighton trying to get the crowd singing Sussex By The Sea as the teams come out. Very few people sing it despite them putting the words on the screen. Terrible song.

[phonics]

Fucking Pogba and Ibra appearing has led to us breaking the wage structure at the club. Both Sanchez and Ozil are going to get the 300k a week they've been asking for while Walcott will be in 3rd on 100k...

[Lewis]

That doesn't so much break the wage structure as desperately bum it to death.

[AyDee]

Billericay's pre-match speech prior to their insignificant cup final:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=share&v=t48GzrhCyR4&app=desktop

Paul Konchesky must be questioning where it all went wrong for him.

[Lewis]

Is that Bam?

[phonics]

That doesn't so much break the wage structure as desperately bum it to death.

Maybe it means the death of Wengers 'democratic' structure where the 18 year old training with the first team can't be too far away from the star player because Jeremy Aliadiere would have been distraught to be earning less than Thierry Henry.

[John]

How is that down to Pogba and Ibramihovic? And why do you give even a hint of a shit about the wage structure?

[Reg]

Are you kidding? Its amazing, especially in comparison to Crystal Palace's cheerleaders and Brighton trying to get the crowd singing Sussex By The Sea as the teams come out. Very few people sing it despite them putting the words on the screen. Terrible song.
These little digs at Brighton. :D Loads of people sing it.

[phonics]

How is that down to Pogba and Ibramihovic? And why do you give even a hint of a shit about the wage structure?

Pogba and Ibra are the ighest earners in the league, they want parity.

P.S. Didn't realise I should only post about the things that are life and death to me on this forum with an average of about 3 posts per afternoon. Can't clog up the pipes. Try not to be a twat.

[John]

I like that the new version of that post tells me to try not to be a twat, when it originally told me to fuck off. You've been a properly nippy arsehole recently, sort it out.

There are a fairly high, almost infinite number of levels of caring between 'give a hint of a shit' and 'life or death to me'. You should respond to what's been written, rather than the imagined version where someone is having a pop. You're approaching Smiff levels of victim complex with that.

[Mazuuurk]

I think it's perfectly fine to be a bit aghast at the level of wages a lot of football players demand.

Of course it's a consequence of transfers (cash I suppose) in general having skyrocketed, not just wages.


EDIT: I see you two are having a right ladies fight about the way you said it so I'll shut up and leave you to it.

[Jimmy Floyd]

More admin turf wars please.

[Disco]

You've been a properly nippy arsehole recently

The irony of that, I can almost hear the clang from here.

[phonics]

I like that the new version of that post tells me to try not to be a twat, when it originally told me to fuck off. You've been a properly nippy arsehole recently, sort it out.

There are a fairly high, almost infinite number of levels of caring between 'give a hint of a shit' and 'life or death to me'. You should respond to what's been written, rather than the imagined version where someone is having a pop. You're approaching Smiff levels of victim complex with that.

1) I'll care what I want to care about?

2) There's no victimhood, I just told you to fuck off as I would to anyone else in the situation and decided to tone it down as lifes too short. As you were.

[Offshore Toon]

These little digs at Brighton. :D Loads of people sing it.
Do they fuck. To be fair, though, Sussex By The Sea isn't anywhere near as bad as 'Fan Zone' with the dubbed over version of Put Your Hands Up For D̶e̶t̶r̶o̶i̶t̶ Brighton.

[Reg]

It's Fatboy Slim's version, he can do what he wants. :cool:

[Offshore Toon]

Is it? It sounds like some bloke from HR recorded the vocals on his phone.

[Raoul Duke]

Why is Klopp doing adverts for some betting company? Shithouse

[Giggles]

I'd hazard a guess at the reason being they paid him.

[Byron]

Looks like Turks being Turks at the Lyon game.

[Raoul Duke]

Yep. Bunch of wankers

[Adamski]

Excuse me Byron, they like to be called white ethnics now.

[Reg]

Wonder if Mourinho's default "protect the lead" tactic will ever change from bringing Fellaini on, which always gives the opposition more shots and possession.

[Shindig]

Oh, Ajax are doing well. Imagine that.

[Lewis]

He's blaming the attackers being bollocks (true), but I don't suppose orbiting 'Zlatan' and waiting ten minutes to get the ball out of midfield helps. I read yesterday that if Madrid come back in for Dave Gayer they will DEMAND Toni Kroos in return, and I think that would actually work in their favour.

[Reg]

He would be a huge deal. But still brought off at 60 minutes for Fellaini.

[Lewis]

Wasn't the hope when they extended his contract that they only did so to get some money for him his summer? He can't survive another summer window, surely.

[Reg]

I'm not sure, it all seemed to go quiet after a while. Wouldn't be surprised if de Gea has an "unofficial agreement" of some kind with the club.

[Lewis]

I meant Capt. Fellaini, the United legend in the wrong lifetime.

[Reg]

Oh. I don't get the feeling Mourinho will want rid of him. He has a mysterious pull over managers.

[Jimmy Floyd]

De Gea would be a huge loss. There aren't many keepers around who make the saves he does.

Hart would be a good replacement, but presumably Mike Summerbee would suicide bomb the press conference.

[Smiffy]

If De Gea goes then I really hope they get the replacement wrong. It took how many keepers to get from big Pete to van der Saar?

[Lewis]

People always exaggerate those issues. In terms of actual first choice goalkeepers, Mark Bosnich was decent in 1999/2000 when they pissed the league (and was just about their best player over those European defeats to Madrid); Fabien Barthez was only ever as shambolic as the defence in front of him (that handball against Madrid in 2003 would be in my top ten United moments); and Tim Howard was pretty sound, and could probably have had a good career there had he arrived via a smaller English team, rather than the other way around. Really, the most prolonged period of crap 'keeping was 2011 to 2013, between Edwin van der Sar realising he should have chucked it the year before and Dave Gayer going through puberty.

[Giggles]

Lloris would be an adequate ready made replacement.

[Lewis]

I would go for Claudio Bravo and try to build from the back. Failing that, shopping at Atletico Madrid again would be worth a go.