[FOOTBALL] The Return of Football After the Longest Break Ever (1-2 Apr)

[Giggles]

Saturday April 1st

12:30 Liverpool v Everton SS1
15:00 Burnley v Tottenham Hotspur
15:00 Chelsea v Crystal Palace
15:00 Hull City v West Ham United
15:00 Leicester City v Stoke City
15:00 Manchester United v West Bromwich Albion
15:00 Watford v Sunderland
17:30 Southampton v AFC Bournemouth BT1

Sunday April 2nd

13:30 Swansea City v Middlesbrough SS1
16:00 Arsenal v Man City SS1

[Mazuuurk]

Oh my fuck, finally.

[The Merse]

It can fuck off and never come back again.

[Magic]

:drool:

[wullie]

The big game is the Checkatrade Trophy Final where we lose to Oxford having vanquished the B-teams and academy sides. The main salvation is that we've just about avoided being mathematically relegated to League 2 before walking out for a cup final.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The summer break is like 3 months. I suppose transfers are more avidly followed than the actual football now anyway.

[Mazuuurk]

In the summer there's stuff to do, as well.

[Jimmy Floyd]

On the subject of transfers and wankery, Dortmund signed some kid from Gladbach the other day, and my twitter feed was rammed with Arsenal fans saying 'FFS these are the great deals out there why don't we sign anyone sack Wenger sack the board'.

It was a wanky, lightweight attacking midfielder who has as yet achieved zero in the game.

[Disco]

I can see why Arsenal would want him, they've only got six or seven of those.

[John Arne]

Sunday
18:00 Becamex Binh Duong v Ho Chi Minh City

#Awaydaysinconcretestadiums

[phonics]

Saw this on F365 earlier and it seems absolute madness


Southampton played 12 games in the 39 days between 28 December and 4 February. In the 55 (FIFTY-FIVE for Teleprinter nostalgics) days since, we have played just 4. All away from home. Saints last home game was on the 4th of February, 8 long weeks ago.

It has been a really bad year for this it seems. What happened?

[John Arne]

Yeah, it's stupid. We (Liverpool) had it similar, but not as bad. Something like 9 games in January and then 3 in February.

[Kikó]

Is checkatrade on Sunday? I might try and go and watch.

United have a massive week, two home games against teams that are decent. Hopefully Liverpool and Everton knacker each other out ahead of Tuesday.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Saw this on F365 earlier and it seems absolute madness



It has been a really bad year for this it seems. What happened?

Late Easter innit?

[wullie]

I only went to one home game between the end of November and the end of January, but since March they've been coming thick and fast. Suits me as freezing toes would have just piled on the misery.

[phonics]

Are your lot back from Northampton yet?

[wullie]

Nearly three years back now, although as we're suing Wasps and the council and currently have no confirmed home venue after the end of next season we could be off again.

[phonics]

Three years? Jeez, time flies when Coventry fans are miserable.

[Lewis]

Does Coventry really even need a football team?

[phonics]

Just have Darren Huckerby play in a five a side once a week.

[Mazuuurk]

Late Easter innit?

How does that affect it? Isn't it all just TV MONEH and that?

[Smiffy]

It's been a long time since we lost to Everton at Anfield and I don't think that will change tomorrow.

12:30 Liverpool v Everton SS1
15:00 Burnley v Tottenham Hotspur
15:00 Chelsea v Crystal Palace
15:00 Hull City v West Ham United
15:00 Leicester City v Stoke City
15:00 Manchester United v West Bromwich Albion
15:00 Watford v Sunderland
17:30 Southampton v AFC Bournemouth BT1

Sunday April 2nd

13:30 Swansea City v Middlesbrough SS1
16:00 Arsenal v Man City SS1

[Jimmy Floyd]

How does that affect it? Isn't it all just TV MONEH and that?

I'm guessing it elongates the calendar in the first bit of the year as far as where fixtures go? So the League Cup final is also late, etc but Christmas is always at the same time.

I could be talking fluff though.

[Jimmy Floyd]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/39429946

Lol, what a walkover that is defeating the United fanbase with a split vote.

[Smiffy]

At what point does he overtake Messi?

[John]

Rachel Brown-Finnis needs lolled out of the conversation. Two Burnley players, no Chelsea players.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Her justification for it is great as well.

[Mazuuurk]

To be honest apart from Kante, I sort of agree with her. Hazard, Pedro and Costa are all great, but they aren't carrying the team individually, I feel.
Then again the same could be said for Alli, Kane & Erikssen (who got surprisingly little love there I reckon).

Kante is, more or less, though.


It's also funny how Zlatan is up there (he should be) but Sanchez isn't. If possible, Sanchez has carried Arsenal almost more than Zlatan has carried United this year. Or maybe it's a tie.

[Lewis]

I would go with Eden Hazard, but why not give it to Mesut Oezil just to throw Arsenal Twitter into civil war?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Hazard has been in and out of the season. Kanté is our best player by a factor of about 5 from Costa.

[Lewis]

Corporate Mourinho has sort-of apologised to Hermann the German. Is that a first?

[Giggles]

The summer break is like 3 months. I suppose transfers are more avidly followed than the actual football now anyway.

Really? Fuck, I had actually thought 2 weeks was longer than the summer and all.

[Shindig]

Because during summer, you have the transfer talk and pre-season toss. In this two week gap, you get some England chatter.

[Giggles]

Meow.

http://www.fai.ie/ireland/news/statement-from-martin-oneill

[Reg]

Rachel Brown-Finnis needs lolled out of the conversation. Two Burnley players, no Chelsea players.


Her justification for it is great as well.
She has a point about Chelsea's system and that, but I'm never a fan of "Who has done the most relatively for their team?" and such, because once you get into anything more complicated than "Who's been the best player in the league" you could go down all sorts of avenues.

[John]

She doesn't have a point about Chelsea's system. She barely bothers making a point, really.

[Reg]

"Several of Chelsea's players have been excellent but I see their strength as a team unit, and in their shape and tactics, rather than relying on outstanding individuals."

Seems a pretty fair reason for not including Chelsea players.

[Waffdon]

Really hoping Everton turn up tomorrow but it'll be an inevitable Liverpool win. It has taken over Hearts/Hibs as the most predictable Derby since Hibs have actually bothered turning up recently.

[Jimmy Floyd]

"Several of Chelsea's players have been excellent but I see their strength as a team unit, and in their shape and tactics, rather than relying on outstanding individuals."

Seems a pretty fair reason for not including Chelsea players.

Whereas Burnley...

[Reg]

I'm not the one who thinks Tom Heaton is the next Ballon d'Or winner, okay!

[Jimmy Floyd]

This Martin O'Neill / Ronald Koeman spat is properly world class.

http://www.fai.ie/ireland/news/statement-from-martin-oneill

Imagine being so small time you feel the need to put that on the national FA's official website.

[Lewis]

Hopefully during the next World Cup the BBC will do a segment on the twentieth anniversary of him de-railing Robbie Williams' life.

[Giggles]

This Martin O'Neill / Ronald Koeman spat is properly world class.

http://www.fai.ie/ireland/news/statement-from-martin-oneill

Imagine being so small time you feel the need to put that on the national FA's official website.

Hadn't seen that.

Koeman would have much more of a point if he actually wanted McCarthy at the club.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Hopefully during the next World Cup the BBC will do a segment on the twentieth anniversary of him de-railing Robbie Williams' life.

'Your Angels song was top class, absolutely top class'.

[Kikó]

I admire Martin's totally inability to not seethe visibly. It's pretty refreshing.

[Shindig]

"I played under Brian Clough and therefore inherited all his power."

[Giggles]

:cool:

847937154147811328

[John Arne]

Liverpool: Mignolet, Clyne, Matip, Lovren, Milner, Can, Lucas, Wijnaldum, Mane, Firmino, Coutinho.
Subs: Karius, Grujic, Klavan, Moreno, Origi, Woodburn, Alexander-Arnold.

Everton: Robles, Jagielka, Williams, Holgate, Pennington, Davies, Gueye, Baines, Barkley, Lukaku, Calvert-Lewin.
Subs: Kone, Mirallas, Barry, Valencia, Stekelenburg, Lookman, Kenny.

[Giggles]

Never heard of Holgate, Pennington, or Calvert-Lewin. They all youths?

[John Arne]

Fair play to Koeman for giving them a chance.

Pretty depressing that we are starting with just 2 Englishman in the team. #Arsenalindisguise.

[Giggles]

Are Everton going to be Liverpool's new feeder team then or are they just going to pay £25m for Jack Stephens in the summer?

[John Arne]

So, Barkley has made two late challenges... yet the ref has a word with captains to calm down the players.

[John Arne]

Are Everton going to be Liverpool's new feeder team then or are they just going to play £25m for Jack Stephens in the summer?

Targett, Stephens and Ward-Prowse in a $70m triple swoop.

[Giggles]

Aaand I've seen enough of this game.

#seething

[Smiffy]

Everton at Anfield, Giggles. You were hoping.

[Spammer]

THE MIGHTY BLADES aren't playing today.

[Serj]

Barkley needs to be sent or taken off, before he seriously injures someone.

[John Arne]

Horrible tackle from Barkley. That's 3 so far.

[Magic]

Lol at this shatmosphere?

[John Arne]

"It's fair to say that Martin Atkinson needs 2 ears... 1 on each side of his head... because they are being filled today".

Great punditry.

[Giggles]

"It's fair to say that Martin Atkinson needs 2 ears... 1 on each side of his head... because they are being filled today".

Great punditry.

Only for I seen he wasn't on it earlier I'd have definitely put that one down to Redknapp.

[Gray Fox]

Game hasn't really kicked into life yet. 45 minute midfield scrap so far with 2 good strikes and a tap in.

Hopefully we get our passing game going in the 2nd half as once Everton stop this 3/5 at the back bollocks they're going to threaten big time.

[Magic]

Red hot atmosphere. :harold:

[Reg]

I think it's been quite good. Well the goals have made it quite good, the general play has been meh.

Magic I reckon Friday night and Saturday lunchtimes are the worst atmospheres.

[Magic]

Has there even been one chant? At all home or away? Sounds like fucking Hull vs Swansea.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Robles is a mong.

[Smiffy]

Divock. He'd be smashing them in weekly if we were a different sort of team.

[Reg]

Is Robles a bit crap? He hasn't dived for any of the three goals. And during the behind the goal replay for Mane's he looked like a poorly programmed 90s video game goalkeeper, only turning to the ball when it had already passed him.

[Serj]

Liverpool will be without a midfield after the game at this rate.

[John Arne]

Some terrible challenges going in from Everton today.

[Smiffy]

Liverpool will be without a midfield after the game at this rate.

I was about to say never fear, we have Milner who can fill in. I then remembered who would replace him.

We're fucked.

[Magic]

Some terrible challenges going in from Everton today.

Weird given what happened to Coleman too.

[John Arne]

I've just seen an advert on MSNBC for an energy drink.... Chocolate Milk.

[Giggles]

This Tottenham Burnley game is dire.

[Magic]

St Johnstone players fighting with each other. :harold:

EDIT: Two of them have been sent off apparently. :D

[Pleb]

I see Crystal Palace are having a laugh at Stamford Bridge.

[Giggles]

Yeah what's going on there?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Yeah what's going on there?

Zaha has decided to turn up.

[Shindig]

3-2 win in Chelsea's favour with Big Sam seething all the way home.

[Lewis]

United vs West Brom sounds like a classic.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

United vs West Brom sounds like a classic.

You're underselling it.

Best game ever.

[Giggles]

United vs West Brom sounds like a classic.

Can't be any worse than this. Harry Winks doing his ankle falling over some water bottles has been the most entertaining part.

[Smiffy]

Title race could get interesting if results stay the same. Aren't Chelsea against City next?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Big Sam loves coming to Stamford Bridge and 'getting something'. I think all the new money around gets his nose twitching.

Delusional to suggest there's still a title race though.

[Lewis]

Tottenham ever winning a title would be second only to Liverpool doing so in the avoid football for six months stakes, so let's hope you're right for once.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Tottenham ever winning a title would be second only to Liverpool doing so in the avoid football for six months stakes, so let's hope you're right for once.

As soon as they get a sniff of it they'll get a nosebleed, like last season. Easy to string wins together when you're 10 points behind. If we completely collapsed for whatever reason then City would come through and win it.

[Giggles]

Doesn't matter what the gap is, if Tottenham are the other team then it's never a title race.

[Lewis]

Hull though. :cool:

[Giggles]

Hull though. :cool:

Every time they win I think of Merson and Thompson and it warms the cockles.

[Pleb]

Well that was a barrel of laughs.

Where the fuck did 10 minutes added time come from? :D

[Jimmy Floyd]

Dann was down injured for about a year early in the second half.

The hope on Sky's little faces :cool:

[Shindig]

8 to go, 10 points clear of third. Grand.

[Lewis]

It sounds like Ben Foster had his first decent game at Old Trafford, the 2009/10 title-costing BOTTLER.

[Smiffy]

Is that going to be the Mourinho Moan of the Match? "Superkeeper'd. Again".

[Lewis]

Unless he blames his own players for being rubbish.

[Shindig]

It's April 1st, man. He should blame that.

[Magic]

St Johnstone players fighting with each other. :harold:

EDIT: Two of them have been sent off apparently. :D

Now been arrested. :lol:

[Shindig]

Do we have Graeme Sounness available for an uncomfortable handshake for the press?

[Kikó]

Fewer defeats than Chelsea :cool:

More draws than Middlesbrough.

Fuck sake.

[Lewis]

It's like an extreme version of 2005 and 2006, which is reasonably promising I suppose. Unless they spend the next five years throwing money at the 'Missing Piece'.

[Giggles]

This has been decent enough. Some shocking finishing though.

[Magic]

This is fucking shocking.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Just noticed Burnley are approaching Poo Corner. God the joy if that wanker took them down.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Ali Al-Habsi is one of the dodgiest keepers, over a long period, that I can remember. How is he starting for a top six Championship side?

[Giggles]

That's one of the worst penalties I've ever seen. Sums up the finishing in this one though.

[Magic]

Ali Al-Habsi is one of the dodgiest keepers, over a long period, that I can remember. How is he starting for a top six Championship side?

He's done nothing but look really questionable.

[Max Power]

Ndidi will go for MASSIVE MONEY. Absolute quality that lad.

The Bard doing the business again. Five straight wins :cool:

[Jimmy Floyd]

He's done nothing but look really questionable.

Reading are basically shit. You would have won this if you hadn't turned up half asleep and seemingly not caring.

[Magic]

Reading are basically shit. You would have won this if you hadn't turned up half asleep and seemingly not caring.

This has been dreadful no doubt. Championship all over.

[-james-]

Reading should barely be mid-table based on performances. They're going to win the play-offs, for sure.

[Reg]

Yep, I couldn't see why Reading are so high based on when we played them recently. Obviously doing something right, though.

Huddersfield losing is big. And at home against Burton, whodafunkit.

[Lewis]

Unless he blames his own players for being rubbish.

Oh he has done. He was having a not-so-indirect pop at Antoine Griezmann earlier as well, so he'll have tomorrow off.

[Magic]

Yep, I couldn't see why Reading are so high based on when we played them recently. Obviously doing something right, though.

Huddersfield losing is big. And at home against Burton, whodafunkit.

Frustrate teams in to abandoning game plans and common sense. Stam's idea of what football is is utterly bizarre but not surprising because he's a scum peado cunt.

[Offshore Toon]

I was in the family section yesterday so Brighton fans are back in my good books, although I was working with a couple of racist Brighton fans who couldn't figure out why the black guy on their post wasn't responsive to them.

[phonics]

That Swansea 'Boro match might be the worst I've ever sat through.

[Lewis]

It's more sad than crap.

[Lewis]

Big Game Danny Welbeck looks like their best bet here.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Clichy is a mess.

[John Arne]

Just got back from the middle of nowhere having watched a shit game of footy in torrential rain, and got beat 0-1. Cunts, the lot of 'em. It did kick off with the local constabulary a few times, though.


https://gyazo.com/582d523570aaa32191c6707f9d09a470.png

https://gyazo.com/c62e7ee188ce51a966ab0f5f5b08b3fa.png

[Lewis]

I normally defend Oezil being a lazy cunt, but lol at him there.

[Yevrah]

God that was piss poor.

[John Arne]

Remember when Valencia hired a English football pundit to be their manager.. :D

[Kikó]

They've kicked on since.

This game is a mess.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Monreal :D

So lucky.

[John Arne]

That Monreal handball is a good example of why I don't like the idea of Video Assistance - it's coming in for offsides and goals only... the inevitable next step will be "why aren't we using it for game-changing decisions"..or red cards, or tackles in the area... it's difficult to draw a line with offsides and be done with.

[Kikó]

Niall Quinn boils my piss. What a bore.

[John]

Welcome to the team, Kiko. He's fucking interminable.

[Lewis]

Oh he has done. He was having a not-so-indirect pop at Antoine Griezmann earlier as well, so he'll have tomorrow off.

He's chucked Big Fat Luke Shaw under the buffet table as well. :gs:

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'd love us to pick up Shaw as competition/replacement for Murderer Marcos.

Mourinho's two main bugbears are inexperienced players and people who get injured, so poor Luke I guess.

[Kikó]

He's a fat waster who needs to be binned unless he can sort out his diet. Embarrassing how poor his condition is.

[phonics]

David Moyes is in trouble for saying a female journalist 'might get a slap' after she asked whether he still had the support of the chairman.


Moyes told the reporter: “It was getting a wee bit naughty at the end there so just watch yourself. You still might get a slap even though you’re a woman.

“Careful next time you come in.”

[Jimmy Floyd]

He's not having a great month or so, is he.

[Kikó]

How is that even an issue?

[Offshore Toon]

In trouble with who? He's gone up in my estimations for that.

[Giggles]

#equality.

[niko_cee]

Is the problem he said 'might'?

Anyway, as to an unwanted wasters XI, the defence is shaping up fairly nicely. Hart in goal, Shaw left back, Sakho centre half. It is amazing what 'the business' lets the personality cult around managers get away with. Perhaps it's a necessity.

[Lewis]

David Moyes and that woman sound like they're having a lol together, so watch the FA ban him forever.

[Giggles]

Yeah it reads so much worse than it actually sounds.

[Smiffy]

The lineswoman, the Chelsea doctor and now this. Cover yourselves in glory, lads.

[Jimmy Floyd]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jdsQzemVQZA

Never isn't funny.

[Offshore Toon]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HkEbbU9ZPv4

Keys redeemed himself with this one.

[Alex]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jdsQzemVQZA

Never isn't funny.

It's the feet up on the table before he delivers the final line that makes it for me, gets me every time.

[Shindig]

The unbuttoning of his shirt, man. It's like he's leaning back for a blowjob Sounness will never deliver.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJZYnrsnr2E

:cool:

[Lewis]

Probably because not everyone can steal such a good living, Pat, mate.

[ScousePig]

We're a shambles of a club and Moyes is proving himself to be a complete fraud, but this slap comment is such a none event. The first I heard was when I saw it on the news last night. The fucking main national news. It should have been a quick apology and move on.

[phonics]

Don't worry Scouse, while you're a shambles at least you're not a national embarrassment.

Outside our training ground today:
http://i.imgur.com/0F5ah8z.png