[FOOTBALL] Weekend Football Thread - 3rd/4th/5th February 2017

[Weaver]

Friday
Wigan 0 Sheffield Wednesday 1 at HT, Sky Sports

Saturday
Chelsea vs Arsenal - 12:30, Sky Sports
Crystal Palace vs Sunderland
Everton vs AFC Bournemouth
Hull City vs Liverpool
Southampton vs West Ham United
Watford vs Burnley
West Bromwich Albion vs Stoke City
Tottenham vs Middlesbrough - 17:30, BT Sport

Barnsley vs Preston North End
Birmingham vs Fulham
Blackburn vs QPR
Bristol City vs Rotherham
Burton Albion vs Wolves
Cardiff vs Norwich
Ipswich vs Reading
Newcastle vs Derby
Nottingham Forest vs Aston Villa - 17:30, Sky Sports

Dortmund vs RB Leipzig - 17:30, BT Sport
FC Porto vs Sporting CP - 20:30, BT Sport

Sunday
Manchester City vs Swansea City - 13:30, Sky Sports
Leicester City vs Manchester United - 16:00, Sky Sports

Huddersfield Town vs Leeds - 12:00, Sky Sports
Brentford vs Brighton

Sevilla vs Villarreal - 11:00, Sky Sports
St Johnstone vs Celtic - 12;30, Sky Sports
Juventus vs Inter Milan - 19:45, BT Sport
Celta Vigo vs Real Madrid - 19:45, Sky Sports

[Shindig]

McClaren's back. DO. NOT. PUNISH US.

[Magic]

Weavers a bit of a MDT don isn't he?

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'm going to Brentford v Brighton, for reasons best known to myself, expecting a feast of football resulting in a goalless draw.

Chelsea should piss past the deflated gooners.

[niko_cee]

Do they still have a pub on every corner or have they all been turned into flats?

I went to that same fixture over a decade ago and saw Brentford smash Brighton 4-0 in the depths of League One.

[Magic]

I'm going to Brentford v Brighton, for reasons best known to myself, expecting a feast of football resulting in a goalless draw.

Chelsea should piss past the deflated gooners.

For something you're obviously embarrassed about you aren't half going on about it. We get it. Brentford v Brighton lol etc

[Jimmy Floyd]

You of course would be the expert in posting multiple times about things that embarrass you.

[Baz]

Good game for football tomoz. Big game in the morning, then watch Hull beat Liverpool (and win me some money @ 6/1) and then Spurs in the evening.

[Magic]

You of course would be the expert in posting multiple times about things that embarrass you.

Embarrassment is for those who have pride.

[Reg]

Why so down on our fixture, Jim? It should be good. There'll be goals in it.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Because Brentford fans are so smug and I'm going to have to pretend to be one. I'll secretly be supporting the mighty seagulls.

[Lewis]

What have Brentford fans got to be smug about?

[John]

Smug about what? They couldn't be any more of a nothing club.

[Lewis]

'We've got the M4. The M4 motorway. I just don't think you understand.'

[Jimmy Floyd]

What have Brentford fans got to be smug about?

Smug in the way all lower league fans are smug, but with the added bonus of being from the shittest part of a generally wealthy area and having Chelsea, Fulham and QPR to be chippy about.

[Lewis]

Somebody tried to get 'WE SUPPORT OUR LOCAL TEAM' going at Hull vs United, but nobody joined in because there were ten thousand empty seats shaming them.

[Jimmy Floyd]

That was one of the more lol goals we've ever scored against Arsenal.

[John]

Marcos Alonso goal machine.


Somebody tried to get 'WE SUPPORT OUR LOCAL TEAM' going at Hull vs United, but nobody joined in because there were ten thousand empty seats shaming them.

We get that at Ibrox all the time. Usually alternate renditions of that and 'You're not Rangers anymore', because the vast majority of sides don't actually have any songs of their own.

[Max Power]

Kanté has done his sliding in and coming away with the ball three times already. Makes me wanna fucking cry the brilliant twat.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Kanté has done his sliding in and coming away with the ball three times already. Makes me wanna fucking cry the brilliant twat.

He's by far our best player. Costa/Hazard are nothing in comparison. Not really getting the props this year either.

[Max Power]

He's by far our best player. Costa/Hazard are nothing in comparison. Not really getting the props this year either.
He seems to get a lot of praise after the Liverpool game. People bringing up his absurd tackles/interceptions in that particular match. What people never seem to mention with the tackles is that most of the time he comes out of the tackle in complete control of the ball ready to pass the ball forwards and launch a counter. Amazing player.

[Smiffy]

It's difficult not to enjoy him tbf.

[Waffdon]

It'd be great if Thierry Henry could fuck off from being in the studio. Dreadful.

[Smiffy]

That was brilliant.

[John Arne]

Awful, awful defending. 5 of them.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

That defending :harold:

Coquelin especially.

[Max Power]

Great to see Coquelin attempt a cynical foul about five times and end up on the floor watching Hazard streak away.

[Kikó]

That hazard goal is daft. Take him down.

Chelsea are doing a Leicester with the league. Absolutely running away with it.

[Waffdon]

Costa has been awful today.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Fabregas is a fanny for not doing an 'Adebayor'.

[Baz]

Corker of a goal though. :cab:

[Smiffy]

Arsenal have just been battered from start to finish really.

[Boydy]

I hope Chelsea are being subjected to plenty of drugs tests this season.

[Waffdon]

Kante would be the best player in the world if he could pass better than he does.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I hope Chelsea are being subjected to plenty of drugs tests this season.

With an Italian manager either that or bribing the opposition/referee is pretty much a certainty. Still, you don't need either against Arsenal. A weak club for weak men.

[Boydy]

With an Italian manager either that or bribing the opposition/referee is pretty much a certainty. Still, you don't need either against Arsenal. A weak club for weak men.

Oh yeah, Arsenal were shit.

But the difference between Chelsea this season and last is unbelievable.

[niko_cee]

I see Lucas is at centre-half again.

:face:

[Raoul Duke]

Oh yeah, Arsenal were shit.

But the difference between Chelsea this season and last is unbelievable.

Well, more that the difference between Chelsea two seasons ago and this one highlights the Mourinho 'mind games' shitshow in between.

[John Arne]

I see Lucas is at centre-half again.

:face:

Klavan and Lovren are injured. But yeah, Gomez could have played.

[John Arne]

Talksport commentators are doing a shocking job of pronouncing Ranocchia.
How hard is it to go to Wikipedia and check the correct pronunciation?

[Jimmy Floyd]

If Davey Moyes keeps Sunderland up, he'll have earned another crack at the United job imo.

[Gray Fox]

This has been some special collapse.

[John Arne]

4-0 Sunderland :D

[Jimmy Floyd]

Too many pints of wine last night.

[Max Power]

Everyone down the bottom starting to pick up results now. Except one team.

Never saw this coming from Sunderland though :cab:

[Offshore Toon]

Too many pints of wine last night.
I've noticed this pop up quite a bit recently. Is there any reason for it?

[Jimmy Floyd]

I've noticed this pop up quite a bit recently. Is there any reason for it?

Big Sam was supposedly drinking a pint of white wine in his downfall video, although it looks like a very flat lager to me.

[Gray Fox]

What is it about us and the lower teams? Fair enough you can't include Southampton in that statement, but there's a blatantly obvious way to beat us out there and it's working every game now.

[Max Power]

The colour was a bit off on the blurry video. Clearly a Peroni for the big man.

[Smiffy]

Jesus christ. We're wank.

[John]

Those Firmino jokes are back out in force, only now he has more points on his license than Liverpool in 2017.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

:harold: Liverpool.

[Lewis]

If a Big Sam team is losing like that then the entire club is in the toilet (like West Ham before he arrived).

[Jimmy Floyd]

Pardew is a toxic manager. He shouldn't work again.

[Boydy]

I put two quid on a Sunderland and Hull double earlier thinking it'd never come off. Won £77.

:jayjay:

Shame Rochdale and Cardiff let me down in my five team accumulator I had a fiver on for like £250. Still, can't complain.

[Magic]

If there's one player you wouldn't want to pick a fight with its Delle Alli - Owen Hargreaves.

:cab:

[Magic]

https://twitter.com/Sturrfridge/status/827921781356888064

Probably would.

[Shindig]

Whelp. Now that's committed to memory.

[Smiffy]

I never want Sunderland to score again.

[ScousePig]

We're fucking class.

[John]

Valencia have taken a full bore hammering at home off Yev's boys Eibar.

[Reg]

Conte after the second goal :D. The most Fifa-like goal I've seen in a while.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Valencia have taken a full bore hammering at home off Yev's boys Eibar.

Valencia would be going down this season except for the fact that the current bottom three are irredeemably shit to historic levels, and also Levante in 17th play a style of football aimed at minimising the number of goals they score. I think they've got 15 in 22 or something.

[mo]

James Tomkins doesn't half look like some sort of Victorian gent. Definite Ripper candidate.

[John]

I'd have been lolling for at least a month if Barkley had missed having celebrated before taking the shot. If there was a God he'd have hit the post and fallen over trying to stretch for the rebound.

[Giggles]

Love to have seen bignose Thompsons face after Marco Silva's army popped in the second goal today.

[Lewis]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4aK_JNxvHRM

Poor bastard.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I've just accidentally gone down a 'West Ham Fan TV' wormhole, cor blimey guvnah.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

He sounds like his wife has just left him and he's now on the edge.

Probably wants to batter John Cross too.

[Ian]

https://twitter.com/Sturrfridge/status/827921781356888064

Probably would.

Fucking hell.

I should have known better than the click so it's my own fault but.... fucking hell.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

My cut :|

[ScousePig]

Fucking hell.

I should have known better than the click so it's my own fault but.... fucking hell.

A few years back I was down at West Ham and this woman was giving it the big un all game, to the inevitable chants from the hammers. Eventually she got them out.

I think it might have been her, but I can't say for certain.

Two points separating the bottom six. Who said the relegation battle was over?

[Bam]

Obi Obi Obiang Obiang Obiang Obi Obi Obiang Obi Obi Obiang, he came from sunny Spain, he runs the fucking game and he can play, he plays for westham, Obi Obi Obiang Obiang Obiang Obi Obi Obiang

[Bam]

Two points separating the bottom six. Who said the relegation battle was over?

I think the shit off yesterday just confirmed that both you and palace are the worst two team in the league.

[ScousePig]

I think the shit off yesterday just confirmed that both you and palace are the worst two team in the league.

You said us, Hull and Swansea were confirmed as down a couple of weeks ago. But there's nothing like a 4-0 away win to confirm yourself as one of the two worst teams in the league.

[Lewis]

It's pretty great that Jermaine Defoe is statistically the most consistent he has ever been right now, after taking the best part of twenty seasons putting it together.

[niko_cee]

Watching Bellerin get smashed in the face was so incredibly satisfying. It was never a foul either.

This seemed to be the prevailing wisdom in the studio and I didn't understand it at all. He's gone in, leading with the elbow, smashed him in the face and then headed the ball.

It was like something out of the 1970s.

Anywhere else on the pitch it's a foul and, at a minimum, a yellow card for Alonso.

[Reg]

It's pretty great that Jermaine Defoe is statistically the most consistent he has ever been right now, after taking the best part of twenty seasons putting it together.
He's always been very, very good in my opinion.

Rashford up front with Zlatan is interesting.

[John]

He's always been very, very good in my opinion.

He has always been a good finisher but he's never been as good as he is now. He's only scored more league goals than he has so far this season twice, and one of those was last year. I reckon by about April this will be his best ever season, which is superb for a club nailed on to go down.

[Lewis]

I bet health and safety put a stop to the Eric Bailly/Marcos Rojo partnership. :drool:

[phonics]

This seemed to be the prevailing wisdom in the studio and I didn't understand it at all. He's gone in, leading with the elbow, smashed him in the face and then headed the ball.

It was like something out of the 1970s.

Anywhere else on the pitch it's a foul and, at a minimum, a yellow card for Alonso.

It's bizarre. We were crap for large swathes of the match but going in to half time 1-0 down after that was frustrating.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

That was lovely by Henrikh.

[Danny]

Huth left for dead

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Rape :drool:

[Ian]

If you're going all 'Jack' about it, Mahow, at least spell his name right.

[Lewis]

I was just about to have a pop at 'Zlatan' for making everything ponderous.

[Mazuuurk]

Zlatan :cool:

[Shindig]

Brighton dropping points will suit me fine.

[Giggles]

Brighton are fucked.

[Danny]

The fuck is Pogba going to ground for there. Its 3-0 you mook.

[Reg]

Brighton are fucked.
Of course we're not.

[Lewis]

I hope Huddersfield and Barnsley come up just to annoy Richard Scudamore.

[niko_cee]

Brighton are fucked.

Not really.

Just two teams they always seem to match up poorly against.

5 wins in a row incoming.

[Shindig]

Speaking of next five, ours don't look so hot.

Wolves (a), Norwich (a), Villa (h), Bristol (h), Brighton (a)

And then Huddersfield. Then Reading. Decisive.

[Lewis]

This second half is a pre-sacking performance from Leicester if ever there was one.

[Lewis]

World Clashley Young. :cool:

[-james-]

Not to aftertime but I reckon Brighton's dodgy run had been coming, their form in December flattered them somewhat. And I didn't watch, but I imagine no Dunk or Stephens was quite a blow today.

[Waffdon]

Man Utd unbeaten since October and still in sixth. Lel.

[Reg]

It's not like it's an awful result. Draw away to a team in the top half. Keep winning at home, draw away and we're good.

I think we can win our next three and that'll get us back on track. We're not slipping from the top two.

[John Arne]

Monk and Wagner had some at the end of the game.

https://gyazo.com/cff9b77a210273696fabd9033d18627d.gif

[7om]

Leicester looked absolutely awful there.

[Lewis]

Man Utd unbeaten since October and still in sixth. Lel.

Nicely poised as Arsenal and Liverpool collapse.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Monk would have knocked him out cold if he wanted.

[ScousePig]

He has always been a good finisher but he's never been as good as he is now. He's only scored more league goals than he has so far this season twice, and one of those was last year. I reckon by about April this will be his best ever season, which is superb for a club nailed on to go down.

When you think about how good he was at Spurs for all those years, yet to come back and (in all likelihood) manage his best goals return in the Premier League, at 34 and in a badly struggling side is pretty phenomenal.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Brighton were absolutely god awful today. No idea how they blagged a point. They'll need to change almost the whole team to make any impression on the top flight.

It was nice to see McEachran running the game though until his cocaine-filled lungs gave out with 20 minutes to go. If he'd been born in Brazil...

[Danny]

When you think about how good he was at Spurs for all those years, yet to come back and (in all likelihood) manage his best goals return in the Premier League, at 34 and in a badly struggling side is pretty phenomenal.

At the time it looked like a horrible deal, too long with too much in wages but its been a great call in the end. Especially when you factor in ditching Altidore

[Reg]

I disagree, Jim (not about today because I didn't see us but about the top flight). Lots of the players are good enough for the Premier League. I think we can keep the centre backs, the centre midfielders, Knockaert and Murray as first choice at the very least. The recruitment will probably be good as it's been spot on under this staff.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It's not really the players but more the extremely limited way in which you play, if Brentford's team of five foot children can pick you apart so easily as today I'd be worried about what proper top flight sides can do. Pretty much everything expansive you do, which isn't much, goes through Knockaert and Premier League defences will be able to take care of him pretty easily if he's the only threat.

Bruno is quality and I was very impressed with Solly March when he came on - his finish was brilliant as well. Glenn Murray will do nothing in the top flight, nor will Skalak, nor will Sidwell etc. It might have been a bad day but I've seen them on TV as well and drawn the same conclusion. Very good Championship side but there are limitations there.

[niko_cee]

Hughton is a master of getting teams out of the Championship.

I wouldn't imagine they would set up in a 4-4-2 in the Premier League.

[Lewis]

I don't remember Alex Ferguson ever responding to questions about a possible red card with reference to a decision from five months before, so Jose Mourinho continues to set new standards.

[Reg]

I love Bruno and he's quality on the ball, and in certain seasons has been our primary playmaker at times (which is saying something for a right-back), but I'm worried how he'd fare defensively against the likes of Hazard, Coutinho, Sterling etc.

I think we'd need a big signing up front but I think Murray would be in the team if we were still 4-4-2.

We have a very good defensive record, it's just recently we've tailed off there. I'm confident Hughton can keep the solidity if we go up.

Agreed re. Skalak (his set pieces are great but that wouldn''t be enough in the Prem). March is class but he's had two big injuries and hasn't played much. I'd start him every game if he can manage it now.

[Lewis]

I think Gary Neville misses the point about Arsenal (plus they stand against the immediacy of modern life).

[phonics]

What was his point?

edit: Found this interesting

828315713056210944

[Waffdon]

The Arsenal Fan TV boys will be delighted with that from Gary Neville.

[Lewis]

What was his point?

edit: Found this interesting

828315713056210944

Basically, that if he had been in the job for eighteen months (like Jurgen 'Jurgen Klopp' Klopp) everybody would be praising him. Maybe, but what if they could also foresee him BOTTLING IT in the exact same way until 2025?

[Jimmy Floyd]

What was his point?

edit: Found this interesting

828315713056210944

That's pretty much an exact measure of how many points N'golo Kanté is worth.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Oh, I forgot to say, I had my first ever game standing today. Standing should definitely be brought back in, it was quality.

[mo]

Oh, I forgot to say, I had my first ever game standing today. Standing should definitely be brought back in, it was quality.

No wonder lower league fans are all so smug.

[Lewis]

I thought that standing was overrated, but then I realised how small stadium seats are, and I would probably be that wanker paying four-hundred quid a match to sit between the bench and the fromagerie.

[Giggles]

Why does Mourinho not rate Martial? Has he been that bad?

[Lewis]

It's somewhere between standard rotation (he has been a bit patchy) and knocking him down a peg or ten with MIND GAMES.

[Giggles]

Barkley :cool:

[Kikó]

Attitude problems with martial.

[Giggles]

Attitude problems with martial.

Would they cut their losses with him or so with the thinking that he'll be there longer than Mourinho anyway?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Barkley :cool:

He's a twat.

It would have been amazing had he missed, as John said.

[Giggles]

He's a twat.

It would have been amazing had he missed, as John said.

Too many traditionalist tally-ho dryshites in the English game. Good to see someone having a bit of fun for once. I'm sure Bobby Moore or whoever aren't spinning in their graves just yet, though John Motson probably still hasn't stopped crying.


.

[Ian]

What did Barkley do?

[John]

What did Barkley do?

He'd cleared the 'keeper and the last defender then started celebrating before he'd actually hit the shot.

He's welcome to try it, I'd just have found it hilariously funny had he missed after doing that. It's basically what Usain Bolt did in 2008.

[Giggles]

What did Barkley do?

Had an open goal, raised his arms to celebrate, and then rolled it in. It was late in a game they were leading 5-3 at the time too.

Throw away the key.

[Ian]

Oh, see when I saw that I genuinely thought he flailed his arms about because he'd been caught and was trying to regain his balance.

He's shit though so I don't blame him for getting prematurely excited.

[Giggles]

Fucking hell i just seen Monk :D

What a twat.

[Jimmy Floyd]

There's now a TWITTER WAR between Sir Henry Winter and Sir Garreh Neville over that Arsenal fan with the 'Time to go' sign, so all bets are off for the future of mankind.

[phonics]

They're literally going back and forth over the definition of the word 'right' at this point.

[Davgooner]

The Arsenal Fan TV boys will be delighted with that from Gary Neville.

He's going on to debate them, apparently. They fucking love getting into spats with anyone in the media so he's walked into one there. Everyone fucking hates those twats but have to say that Neville's comments were out of order.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Those who make a living from the game (in Neville's case an extraordinary living) slating those who pay to watch always leaves a bad taste in the mouth unless the latter are doing something utterly unreasonable.

[Lewis]

Is he just going to talk to the clever black man, or is it going to be a Question Time-style panel where he has to defend himself against the full row of idiots?

'What about Valencia fam? What about Valencia Gary blood? What about Valencia fam?'

[Disco]

He'll have lunch with that chicken kid and all will be forgotten.

[Offshore Toon]

That chicken kid is 23.

[Yevrah]

Even though I've had his card marked for a while I think Jimmy summed it up best when he described the Neville-er as a gobshite. He really is.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I've just found out that the functioning alcoholic Villas Boas is now managing in China, reduced to one final payday at the tender age of 23. Oh my sides. Has some good shapes for a Mao poster though.

https://headbandsandheartbreak.files.wordpress.com/2013/03/avb.jpg

[John Arne]

Brisbane Roar are giving Gus Poyet's Shanghai Shenhua a kicking in the AFC Champions League playoff :D
I knew Tevez was there... but I didn't realise a 40yr old looking Obafemi Martins was playing (and has missed 4 great chances).

[Mazuuurk]

He's being his old self, then.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

http://store.manutd.com/stores/manutd/en/c/souvenirs/watches?portal=E5SF2LNO&CMP=EMC-E5SF2LNO

The official Man United Tag Heuer watches have been unveiled.

I've ordered 5.

[Disco]

£1300 :|

What does it do, suck you off after telling you the time?

[Giggles]

Has the words Tag Heuer and a Man Utd logo on it.

[Disco]

Ah, so people can easily tell that you're a cunt. I think I get it now.

[Raoul Duke]

Is there no end to tat that nouveau-riche Chinese won't lap up?

[Giggles]

Ah, so people can easily tell that you're a cunt. I think I get it now.

Pretty much, but it's better than the Liverpool edition that only reads half 9.

[Lewis]

:lol:

[Spikey M]

Woof. :D

[Disco]

I don't get it. :(

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

i don't get it. :(
96.

:D

a

[phonics]

I don't get it. :(

Justice for 93 reference. I don't get it either.

[Disco]

Ahhh, I see. That's actually quite good.

[Lewis]

Fucking '93'. What a div.

[Giggles]

Sat through all this shit and now won't even get penalties at the end of it.

[Magic]

£1300 :|

What does it do, suck you off after telling you the time?

I'm sure the Leeds one was 3k.

[Kikó]

I'm a big fan of the price filter on that page.

[Byron]

Justice for 93 reference. I don't get it either.

You mong.

[Giggles]

I presumed he was joking.

[Byron]

Well it's phonics so I presumed he was being thick.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Liverpool banning the Sun only now - having not banned it for 28 years since the 'Truth' stories - is one of the most small-minded moves I think I've ever seen. Proper self-parody of a football club.

[SvN]

"Long overdue" will be the line the fans take, I'm sure.

[Lewis]

Like the buses full of pissed-up fans without tickets.

[Giggles]

Is this a last ditch attempt to wake up the fans and save the season?

[Disco]

I think we need a new term because 'small time' just doesn't cover it.

[Lewis]

The normally tedious bunch at Red Issue have a couple of good points on it. Normal service will be resumed tomorrow with cryptic posts about Wayne Rooney and the media.

[Jimmy Floyd]

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2015/05/29/11/0260B7C00000044D-3102282-image-a-62_1432896173397.jpg

I'll always respect Juventus for that reason. Only group of people I've ever seen properly take on the Scouse grief machine.