Your weakest claim to fame

[Spikey M]

It turns out the Lincoln FC manager used to teach PE at my wifes school.

What you got lads (and Ital)?

[Smiffy]

Our dogs were in 102 Dalmations. I once won the 'Prince of Wales' sachet thing Roz Tranfield held and featured in the local newspaper because there was glass in my Nerds. :nodd:

[Jimmy Floyd]

The numbers in the contacts list on my phone total between them 23 first class cricket matches, 1,216 runs with 3 hundreds and 5 fifties. And ten wickets.

[Smiffy]

I've read that a fair few times now and I haven't got a clue what you're going on about.

[wullie]

The woman who threw the cat in the bin did it outside my old primary school.

[John]

I was a world record holder for a while for my part in an attempt to get the most people ever simultaneously bouncing on space hoppers for a Cystic Fibrosis charity. There were synchronised events all over the country, with the Glasgow leg bringing in a couple of River City 'stars' to glam it up a bit.

The record might still be current, I don't make any effort to keep up with it.

[randomlegend]

Simon bird's brother and Sandy Toksvig's daughter were in my first year group at uni.

I did part of an archeological dig for some woman from Time Team (was selected through school). Was in the local paper for that.

[7om]

Me and the wife's wedding made the local paper in China. Obviously they'd never seen a white geezer dressed up in traditional clothing riding a horse through the city center.

[Giggles]

I was on a couple of very lame game show things. One as a kid and one more recent.

[Smiffy]

If you tell us you're Michael Larson I'll compile the biggest apology the board has ever seen.

EDIT: He's dead. Nevermind.

[SvN]

One of my former housemates is good friends with Chris Martin's brother.

[Spikey M]

Me and the wife's wedding made the local paper in China. Obviously they'd never seen a white geezer dressed up in traditional clothing riding a horse through the city center.

Post it. Now.

[Spikey M]

One of my former housemates is good friends with Chris Martin's brother.

Murder all 3 of them.

[phonics]

I was presented with the equivalent of Godalming's 'Key to the City' as a young'un for calling 999 when some old man had a heart attack outside a mates house.

[-james-]

I went to primary school with Greta Scacchi's daughter for about a year before she was ponced off to some private school.

I just googled her and Daily Mail say she's a "burgeoning actress" and has been photographed kissing Sean Penn. Gross.

[Chrissy]

I went to primary school with Greta Scacchi's daughter for about a year before she was ponced off to some private school.

I just googled her and Daily Mail say she's a "burgeoning actress" and has been photographed kissing Sean Penn. Gross.

Is that not also Vincent D'Onofrio's daughter? He's cool.

[Ian]

Weak claims to fame are the only sort I have.

When living in Qatar I lived across the road from Rene Simoes, then managing Al-Rayyan but who later managed Jamaica at the 1998 World Cup. That also saw me at the same school as several children of the ruling Al-Thani family, including current Emir Tamim who was in my sister's year.

Also a Trinidadian swimming teacher I had supposedly knew the guy who voiced Sebastian in The Little Mermaid.

[Spikey M]

.

Also a Trinidadian swimming teacher I had supposedly knew the guy who voiced Sebastian in The Little Mermaid.

/thread

[John Arne]

A recent video of me was liked by some 800 folk. Legend.

My grandfather had a massive barney with Ken Bates (in the 60's or 70's ) whilst living in the BVI, as Batesy was treating the locals like slaves. Same grandfather went on to dig tunnels under Manchester without council permission and was often arrested for it. What a legend he was.

I literally bumped into Veron at the Trafford Centre once. Some pictures I took in North Korea were also featured on quite a prominent website.

Nothing actually a-list.

[John Arne]

Also, I was kinda arrested in Ho Chi Minh City by the military police as they thought I was a journalist or foreign spy.

Turns out I was just a bloke with a camera.

[wullie]

My mum has had her hands down Steve Ogrizovic's trousers.

[John Arne]

My mum has had her hands down Steve Ogrizovic's trousers.

Front or back?

[wullie]

Both, and up each leg.

[John Arne]

Was she wearing gloves?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

My Dad knew the last King of Greece, Constantine II. My brother got a pedigree dog (Golden retriever I believe, the mother of the dog was a multiple winner of crufts and the Dad was meant to be a stud or something too). IIRC I got some hand me down clothes from his son, Phillippos, including some shorts I used for PE at school.

I was once in a Dame's house as my Dad was renovating it.

James Bay went to my school and was 3 years below me (I didn't know him or this fact until he 'GOT BIG').

Chuck Bass (Ed Westwick) went to my school for about a week, he once lolled at me for wearing my trousers too high whilst he was munching on a turkey burger.

[Boydy]

Is she a tailor?

[Demerit]

I was on homes under the hammer

[Boydy]

You got hand me down trousers from the son of a pedigree dog?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

You got hand me down trousers from the son of a pedigree dog?

What shit sentence structure that was :(

The son of the king, so the Prince of Greece.

[Spikey M]

Even I must be richer than the Greek royal family at this point.

[7om]

Post it. Now.

http://www.henan100.com/kaifeng/tbgz/2012/14004.shtml

The hat. I'd forgot that fucking hat.

[Offshore Toon]

You got hand me down trousers from the son of a pedigree dog?
I thought that was aimed at Wullie for a second.

[Bam]

It turns out the Lincoln FC manager used to teach PE at my wifes school.

What you got lads (and Ital)?


My wife used to work with him years ago for Tony Adams sisters. :|

Your wife is a Rayleigh girl then.

[Adamski]

Did you just call Spikeys Mrs a bike?

[bruhnaldo]

Sometimes I tweet @Beats1 and they give me shout outs on Apple Music whilst being broadcast simultaneously worldwide.

[bruhnaldo]

This is just glorious.

http://fz.henan100.com/d/file/kaifeng/tbgz/2012-08-14/69eaa62695348d440b2a22864c8fa1d8.jpg

[Bam]

Did you just call Spikeys Mrs a bike?


Yeah, natch. But Rayleigh not Raleigh.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

The Asians putting Magikarp on his head is amazing.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Google translate came up with this:


British guy became a Kaifeng son-in-law riding a high-horse married daughter

August 13, a Song-style wedding held in Kaifeng City, the British guy Thomas became Kaifeng son-in-law. The unique tradition of wedding to Thomas fully aware of the unique charm of Chinese culture.

Is she a Jew? (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kaifeng_Jews)

Well in though British guy Thomas.

[Spikey M]

http://www.henan100.com/kaifeng/tbgz/2012/14004.shtml

The hat. I'd forgot that fucking hat.

Glorious.

[Spikey M]

My wife used to work with him years ago for Tony Adams sisters. :|

Your wife is a Rayleigh girl then.

Was Rayleigh, then Wakering. It's the traveller way.

[Lewis]

My old man does karate with Suki Waterhouse's old man.

[Shindig]

Thanks to my sister's marriage, I am related to the Ripper Hoaxer. Also, there were once pipebombs in my Comprehensive's school field. This garnered local news attention.

Actually, scratch that. The This is England fan commentary is still on the internet. Featuring Shane Meadows.

http://shanemeadows.proboards.com/thread/4792/fan-commentary-download-instructions

God. I wish I'd reconsidered.

[Raoul Duke]

My uncle used to fix AV equipment for the Royal Family. He was meant to be going around Diana's but she croaked in Paris/was killed by lizard people

[phonics]

My cousin fixed Ian Walker of Spurs games Sky box.

[Offshore Toon]

My mate thought we lived on the same street as David Seaman for about a week.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I once bumped into snooker player Mark Davies in Trafalgar Square. Not sure if that's shit enough for this thread though as he was ranked top 16 at the time.

[Spoonsky]

My old man does karate with Suki Waterhouse's old man.

You get her number or what?

[Kikó]

I used to go and watch united with the actor that played Jimmy Grimble.

[Spoonsky]

My family is good friends with the mother-in-law of Steve Kerr, coach of the Golden State Warriors (best team in the NBA) and also one of the best point guards ever. He played with Michael Jordan in the nineties.

[Offshore Toon]

My family is good friends with the mother-in-law of Steve Kerr, coach of the Golden State Warriors (best team in the NBA) and also one of the best point guards ever. He played with Michael Jordan in the nineties.
Ask him if its true about Jordan's gambling forcing him into baseball for a bit.

[Shindig]

My dad once washed Sir Jimmy Saville's car. He was not raped.

[Offshore Toon]

My dad once washed Sir Jimmy Saville's car. He was not raped.
How would you know for sure? He's hardly going to tell you he was raped. We can probably assume, sadly, that he was.

[Sam]

I featured on a channel four documentary, where I can been seen several times giving two fingers to the camera rocking my Nike TN hat and total 90 bag.

[Shindig]

I believe the story is that Sir Jim'll left his car there whilst he went to get the 16 year old workforce some ice creams so he never met the guy. His mother might've been in the car. Or her skeleton.

[Lewis]

You get her number or what?

I'm a webcam or nothing kinda guy.

[ScousePig]

Not sure how many of these fit the category mind, but I have a few tenuous links:

My dad is an ex-profoessional footballer.

My nan has an MBE, she also used to date Joe Mercer (former England manager).

My dad used to date the mum of someone from The Coral.

I have a cousin who is a (possibly ex) professional cricketer.

I went to school with Tom Cleverley and the Sunday league team I play for includes most of his best mates from school.

I've played cricket against James Milner (and had an argument with him).

I've been in the local paper quite a bit.

My sister's boyfriend is/was in a band that have a number of videos on YouTube.

[Disco]

My dad used to date the mum of someone from The Coral.


The bookies?

[ScousePig]

The scouse band.

[John]

I bet the cricket argument with Milner came during his time at Newcastle.

Sounds like Shindig's dad might have been cleaning up the evidence.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Give me a clue on the cousin, Scouse.

[ScousePig]

He was at Leeds at the time, but I see what you did there.

[ScousePig]

You'll be disappointed Jim - Simon Renshaw.

Oh, that reminds me. I used to play cricket with Michael Bevan's brother. I think I played against Adil Rashid, and I definitely played against (and dismissed) his brother once.

I probably have a few more cricket ones come to think of it.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

You should have nutted Milner.

[Danny]

My music teacher was in the band in the Full Monty.
I won player of the year over Aaron Lennon
I was a 10 second extra on Hollyoaks


Some pictures I took in North Korea were also featured on quite a prominent website.

Reddit?

[ScousePig]

You should have nutted Milner.

He was given out but refused to walk (or at least questioned the decision and took his time). As captain of the fielding side I felt it my duty to politely tell him to do one.

[Pepe]

I was a playmobil as a child.

[Lewis]

Do people recognise you?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Don't forget about your great great Grandfather.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/39/04/cd/3904cd7c17522539771b38898a3d4225.jpg

I found Pepe.

[Pepe]

Do people recognise you?

Mahow just did.


Don't forget about your great great Grandfather.

I thought this was about the weakest claim to fame.

That piece on Wikipedia about me lasted a good five years, at least. It was eventually removed though. :(

[Lewis]

That's what I mean. If I had had one of those as a kid, I would definitely double-take if I saw Pepe.

[Pepe]

The story goes that during the filming of the playmobil commercial I refused to smile and it took three hours to shoot the single scene where I appeared. Imagine the seethe I caused. :drool:

[Jimmy Floyd]

You'll be disappointed Jim - Simon Renshaw.

Oh, that reminds me. I used to play cricket with Michael Bevan's brother. I think I played against Adil Rashid, and I definitely played against (and dismissed) his brother once.

I probably have a few more cricket ones come to think of it.

I once saved Adam Hollioake from a parking fine, so if you can top that you're doing well.

[wullie]

John Higgins grew up next door to my Auntie in Wishaw. Right little prick, apparently.

[John Arne]

Just this very morning and met and had a good chat with Lê Cong Vinh, Vietnam's greatest ever player, and alltime leading scorer. Thoroughly nice bloke.

[Queenslander]

Played with and against various League and Union players when I was a teenager.

[randomlegend]

I met Lord Adonis when I was representing my school collecting an award for their teaching of 'gifted and talented' children.

:)

There was a photo but I think it's lost.

[phonics]

My mum is friends with Lord Adonis' wife.

[randomlegend]

Mine's weaker.

[phonics]

Everything about you is weaker.

[randomlegend]

I got pretty strong ganache game, yo.

[Offshore Toon]

RL would win in a fight fwiw.

[phonics]

He'd say he had a headache and not turn up.

[Spammer]

I went to school with Millwall striker Lee Gregory, and played alongside him for our Sunday league team when we were 16.

[Adamski]

John Higgins grew up next door to my Auntie in Wishaw. Right little prick, apparently.

I take it you don't get on with her?

[Dark Soldier]

Zak Dingle came to my cousin's wedding. Looked like a tramp in a suit, wouldn't buy his own drinks and was a cunt towards anyone who didn't treat him as if he was something special. Lovely fella.

[igor_balis]

I showed Willie Thorne how to withdraw money the other day.

My dad claimed he was at school with Dermot Gallagher, so before an early 2000s league game against Liverpool that he was officiating I challenged my dad to prove it, cus I thought he was bullshitting me. So we went to the front of the stand, my dad shouted "oi, Dermot", and he came over and said hello to my dad and they had a quick chat.

My old lodger was the original bass-player in Spiritualized and Spacemen 3. He introduced me to Anton Newcombe in Berlin at a bar he was DJing, and Anton played a request ("anything by The Smiths"), and stared at me whilst bobbing his head for the duration.

I once nodded at Stewart Lee outside the toilets of a pub he was doing a small pre-tour warm-up gig in. When he got annoyed with people checking the football score (World cup 2010 semi-final), he walked to the back of the room where me and my mates were stood and just whispered the next 20 minutes of the set to us. Classic Stew.

My dad shagged the mother of James Morrison (singer, not footballer) "about 9 months" before he was born, so he might be my illegitimate half-brother.

[phonics]

Speaking of Stewart Lee, that's definitely still our claim to fame.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=78Puggk5MCA

Literally the top comment

http://i.imgur.com/ZNHtCTu.png

[Dark Soldier]

That cunt stole my upload too the fanny.

[Shindig]

I can't believe I forgot about Stewart Lee. I've also handled a Premier League footballer's mortgage and dealt with a dead singer's financial matters. I'm good at doing everything celebrity related apart from meeting them in person. :moop:

[John]

When I worked for Santander Peter Crouch applied for a twenty three grand mortgage, but I didn't deal with it myself. The person who did deal with it made sure the whole floor knew both that she knew who Peter Crouch was ("he's a footballer you know"), and that he shouldn't have to apply for a mortgage because he makes a million quid a week.

Does seem a bit odd that he'd need that much on loan. He'd have been with Liverpool at the time so presumably making top money, if not a million a week.

[SvN]

That must be some sort of tax fiddle. I can't figure out how, but it must be.

[ScousePig]

I once saved Adam Hollioake from a parking fine, so if you can top that you're doing well.

Nope, but I got his (and Ben's I think)
autograph at the end of a match once.

[igor_balis]

Posted a jokey self deprecating Facebook post about my big head last night and the guitarist out of the housemartins liked it and commented 'I feel your pain'. I've made it, lads.

[Spikey M]

That must be some sort of tax fiddle. I can't figure out how, but it must be.

John said he was at Liverpool so it would have been benefit fraud if anything.

[Spoonsky]

Posted a jokey self deprecating Facebook post about my big head last night and the guitarist out of the housemartins liked it and commented 'I feel your pain'. I've made it, lads.

I read this post on facebook. I win.

[igor_balis]

I read this post on facebook. I win.

Yeah but Magic actually posted a comment on it, you could have at least liked it you asshole.

[John Arne]

I recently appear to have become twitter friends with a former England international, as well as the former Laos and Thailand manager, Steve Darby. A few DM's back and forth. And they said twitter was useless.

[Waffdon]

My tattoo must have got a fair few interactions on Facebook. It popped up on another account the other month.

Bantz.

[Spikey M]

What tattoo?

[Waffdon]

The worst tattoo in existence, blud.

[Spikey M]

Post it or consequences, fam

[Waffdon]

https://m.facebook.com/?_rdr#!/Humansofthesesh/photos/a.512399235581024.1073741829.508455282642086/703503159803963/?type=3&source=48

:(

[Spikey M]

That link is borked

[Pepe]

Works for me.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

That link is borked

Remove the m bit at the start so it uses the normal web version.

[Spikey M]

Ah, I remember that cringey shit now.

[Spikey M]

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.express.co.uk/news/uk/1375865/Boris-Johnson-news-Christmas-number-1-album-chart-is-a-sausage-roll-the-kunts-ont/amp

I have had a pint with him. He was a support act at a dive in Southend back in ~2007 and he came and sat (uninvited) with me and my mate afterwards. He is predictably strange.

[Lofty]

I appeared in an episode of Great British Railway Journeys looking rough as arseholes while Portillo got off my train.

[Manc]

Someone find the clip. :D

[Lofty]

Someone find the clip. :D

21:15 for about 2 seconds: https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x43p58o