All you lot that got married...

[Offshore Toon]

Whether or not I want to get married is something I've never fully been able to make my mind up about, though I've erred on the side of not really caring about it. When I was younger it was something I just took as a given, but then I held the thought that although I didn't feel like I wanted to get married I was open to the possibility that I might meet somebody that would change my mind. For a period of about a year I thought I'd met that person, but those feelings slowly faded to the point where I was dead against marriage. That period lasted for quite a while and I'm still not sure of how far you can trust your emotions, but I do recognise that I didn't work on maintaining the relationship. Now I'm starting to move back the other way, but I really don't agree with the amount of money normally spent and essentially see it as a celebration of something that's yet to happen (that being a long and happy relationship).

So, I'll just throw some questions out there:

How did you generally feel about marriage before you begun to weigh up proposing?
Are the feelings you had/have for your fiancé/wife significantly stronger than feelings you've had in past relationships?
Have those feelings faded or grown at all? Do you do anything in an effort to maintain how you feel?
What do you see as the main benefits of marriage?
Does the idea of having a stable relationship for children play a big role?

[Magic]

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-yIWc_fyQrCQ/UEsdI5YwlBI/AAAAAAAACno/cx4tlaf5eQM/s320/edge-wwe.gif

[7om]

I couldn't have cared less about getting married at the time and even now I think it's a massive waste of money but who am I to deny that to the missus when it's something she really wanted and enjoyed. I could have done without the stress of it all (we had to do two fucking weddings) and I firmly believe that all the men who say it's the happiest day of their life are bullshitting - it's not fun at all. It's nerve wracking, extremely expensive and you're surrounded by a lot of people who you couldn't care less about. It's a performance, basically, and I played my role as best as I could.

[Offshore Toon]

I think there's a lot of traditional ceremonial shit that really doesn't need doing. I was at a wedding in September and it was about 3 hours before we had a drink in our hand. There was a church ceremony with hymns, then we all got on a coach to some chapel where they did the actual marriage bit. It was about as good as a 'traditional' wedding could be, to be fair to them, but there were bits where we were all just stood around like extras for their 'special day' film.

[Giggles]

We're having the church and all that and the traditional reception with all the wankery that exists in Irish weddings these days. If I had my way I'd have a quick legal ceremony in the hotel and then have the party but she would really like the full works and, while I know she'd meet me halfway or more if I really wanted, for the sake of one day I'd rather do it as she'd prefer.

Actually being married won't change a massive pile in our day to day lives.

[igor_balis]

I used to be really anti-marriage, but now I think I get it. I'd really not be arsed about the cliched stately home bullshit, but I don't think I'd end up with a girl into any of that stuff anyway.

[Adamski]

I don't think I'd end up with a girl

Fixey.

[igor_balis]

Fixey.

:( I'm lovely.

[Mellberg]

:( I'm lonely.

Also fixed.

[Adamski]

:( I'm lovely.

Oh sorry igor, I just meant I've got you marked down as going cock hunting within the year.

[Kikó]

I didn't really care much prior for the wedding shebang and actually got more emotional at the civil prior with just my mum, uncle and step dad but the religious big day wedding was brilliant. Just a really fantastic day that I'm totally glad happened.

And the food tasting before is great fun. Just loads of great food and drink for free (and then they charge you ten grand for the wedding).

I'm a lot more relaxed now I'm married. Didn't think it would change much but it's definitely calming knowing that you've both committed to such a big thing. It's great.

[Jimmy Floyd]

My sister's getting married this year so I'm witnessing first hand what goes on in wedding planning and the amount of politics is unbelievable. Her fiance is a bit of a mug and enjoys making stupid decisions (though he's lovable, bless him) but for some reason nobody involved feels that it's appropriate to tell him that taking his Peugeot 107 to Calais one day to 'pick up the booze' for 100 people isn't quite going to cut the mustard.

Then because the boy's Scottish and we decidedly are not, you've got my old man SEETHING at the amount of kilts and bagpipes involved and my sister kicks off at him for making any kind of positive or negative comment about their arrangements. They should just call it off imo, too much hassle.

[Yevrah]

Bagpipes and kilts at a wedding would be fucking unbearable.

[Jimmy Floyd]

*will.

Kilts I can put up with, even though tartan is a lie and most of Scottish 'history' a complete myth. It's the bloody lone piper sending them down the aisle. Not even a proper piper, one of his mates who reckons he can give it a go. Is it rude to put my fingers in my ears for the duration?


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZef5-lzlfo

:sick:

[Lewis]

Go with him on the Calais booze run. Get your brother involved and make a weekend of it.

[ScousePig]

*will.

Kilts I can put up with, even though tartan is a lie and most of Scottish 'history' a complete myth.

How come?

[Offshore Toon]

I'm a lot more relaxed now I'm married. Didn't think it would change much but it's definitely calming knowing that you've both committed to such a big thing. It's great.
I'd never considered that, but it makes sense. Still, I don't think a marriage is necessary for such a feeling, plus the fact that people are so lax about divorce these days means you can't get too comfortable. Though maybe the high divorce rate is because people get too relaxed and stop making an effort. My opinion is normally that it feels like effort then it isn't right, but I suppose you have to consider whether you want the long-term situation and that it will feel like effort sometimes.

[Giggles]

I've to do that food tasting soon. Fuck sake, it's just dinner like. Really no need to be losing an evening doing that, there's enough evenings lost doing all the other rubbish that comes along with being allowed to be married in a church.

[wullie]

I've always been for marriage and assumed that's how life would go unless absolutely every girl kept saying no. Being married doesn't really feel much different as we were already living together and had started buying a house which is arguably already more of an actual commitment, I get Kiko's point about being relaxed though, I feel more content than I remember being because when single there was always the feeling that life was passing by without the things you're meant to have whereas now I've got most of the boxes ticked bar having a kid, which is most likely going to be this year or next. The bit I never liked the idea of was a wedding and having to stress for a year to put on a day for a load of other people, so we didn't. We got engaged and a few months after got married with close family in attendance, just went and did it and came back with the most stressful part being the M6.

[Adamski]

I was pretty ambivalent about marriage before I thought about proposing and I still wouldn't say I am massively pro-marriage over the alternatives. Just do what you feel is right.

It definitely feels a bit more permanent when you're married and there's a lot more general calmness and happiness that it brings as a result of being more solid.

I wasn't overtly bothered with the ceremony, although it was just a civil ceremony in Italy we did. Big church weddings aren't really for me. Loved the reception and picking the food etc, also loved the food tasting the day before. There's far worse things to lose an evening too than dinner and a good bottle of wine Giggles!

I'm not sure I buy into the theory of marriage being more stable for raising kids either, I think ultimately whether you're married or not if it isn't working for one of you then that's it, regardless of situations.

As Willie said, I put far more value into buying a house and pooling our salaries into joint accounts (which we did 2-3 years previously) as being more more of an important step than marriage.

I think if you're a more traditional person who feels like their life should go down a certain path: school, uni, girlfriend, flat, house, marriage, wedding then it's obviously one of the final pieces of that jigsaw. I wasn't really that type of person, through accident rather than design I would say but yeah, on the whole I'm definitely more content now that we're married and have the little one than I was during my single years.

[Jimmy Floyd]

How come?

It's just stuff they made up in the 19th century to get Scots to fight in British army regiments without kicking off.

[Giggles]

I was pretty ambivalent about marriage before I thought about proposing and I still wouldn't say I am massively pro-marriage over the alternatives. Just do what you feel is right.

It definitely feels a bit more permanent when you're married and there's a lot more general calmness and happiness that it brings as a result of being more solid.

I wasn't overtly bothered with the ceremony, although it was just a civil ceremony in Italy we did. Big church weddings aren't really for me. Loved the reception and picking the food etc, also loved the food tasting the day before. There's far worse things to lose an evening too than dinner and a good bottle of wine Giggles!

I'm not sure I buy into the theory of marriage being more stable for raising kids either, I think ultimately whether you're married or not if it isn't working for one of you then that's it, regardless of situations.

As Willie said, I put far more value into buying a house and pooling our salaries into joint accounts (which we did 2-3 years previously) as being more more of an important step than marriage.

I think if you're a more traditional person who feels like their life should go down a certain path: school, uni, girlfriend, flat, house, marriage, wedding then it's obviously one of the final pieces of that jigsaw. I wasn't really that type of person, through accident rather than design I would say but yeah, on the whole I'm definitely more content now that we're married and have the little one than I was during my single years.

The hotel is a fair old spin away though and I can get dinner in Dublin. No such thing as good wine for me either so she can get plastered trying those out, so long as they have the bar.

[Offshore Toon]

I've always been for marriage and assumed that's how life would go unless absolutely every girl kept saying no. Being married doesn't really feel much different as we were already living together and had started buying a house which is arguably already more of an actual commitment, I get Kiko's point about being relaxed though, I feel more content than I remember being because when single there was always the feeling that life was passing by without the things you're meant to have whereas now I've got most of the boxes ticked bar having a kid, which is most likely going to be this year or next. The bit I never liked the idea of was a wedding and having to stress for a year to put on a day for a load of other people, so we didn't. We got engaged and a few months after got married with close family in attendance, just went and did it and came back with the most stressful part being the M6.
There's probably a lot to be said for women that are happy to have a fairly straightforward wedding. I think if they've spent their whole life imagining their "big day" they're much more likely to rush into it with the wrong person.

[Offshore Toon]

As Willie said, I put far more value into buying a house and pooling our salaries into joint accounts (which we did 2-3 years previously) as being more more of an important step than marriage.
Yeah, I agree with this. My mate was in a position where he had his own flat, meets a girl and a few years later they've bought a house, a few more years and she's broken up with him. 26/32 age split in her favour. Normally with relationships breaking up I think its for the best, but I'm still a bit gutted for him. I reckon he thought, as anyone would think, he was done and the marriage was a formality at that stage, but apparently she mulled it over for a year and that was that.

I think if you're a more traditional person who feels like their life should go down a certain path: school, uni, girlfriend, flat, house, marriage, wedding then it's obviously one of the final pieces of that jigsaw. I wasn't really that type of person, through accident rather than design I would say but yeah, on the whole I'm definitely more content now that we're married and have the little one than I was during my single years.
I am starting to want kids again. I'm god-father to my mate's two kids and they're great to hang around with. I get on with them much better than his other mates so I'm starting to think I'd be suited to being a dad as well.

[wullie]

I thought the noise and sleepless nights that come with babies would be too much for me, but we've got a cat who's been in heat and I've never heard anything like it. If I can put up with that and the alarming smell their shits create, a little human will be a piece of piss.

[Adamski]

Yeah, its a massive culture shock, much more than I thought it would be even 6 months into the pregnancy. The mere thought of not being able to go out whenever I/we wanted was a huge change for us. We're still out fairly regularly but you just don't really think about it as much. Priorities change I guess.

[Offshore Toon]

There are plenty of nights where I'd rather hang out with my mate and the kids than be out getting pissed. You get to a certain age and constantly being out just doesn't appeal.

[Adamski]

Yeah. We're the first in our group of friends to have kids, so while people are getting older and migrating from house parties to dinner & a night in the pub, we're still a bit further ahead of that in that we can't do it every weekend.

Having people over for a takeaway and some drinks would be the ideal, but we also live quite a bit out of town so it's not possible to get home and I don't want people there drinking all night (and the hangover that entails) with a 14 month old waking up at 6am.