The little things in life that fuck you off

[Shindig]

I like the time when Charlie tried to start an edgier band that got nowhere.

[Baz]

I like the time when Charlie tried to start an edgier band that got nowhere.Paint Your Target was a top 10 hit. :dc:

[Offshore Toon]

I've heard a few people say they were good, so he must have got somewhere.

[phonics]

Busted and McFly were perfectly serviceable for school girls with their non threatening boys charisma, but the songs were fucking shit.

The only pop band I really like from that era is Girls Aloud. Xenomania (the song writing team) are great. Biology is possibly the best pop song of the entire noughties.

If we're going girl groups than every incantation of Sugarbabes had at least one banger.

[randomlegend]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8xg3vE8Ie_E

The only thing GS and I ever agreed on :drool:

[Spikey M]

Only Ellie Goulding is more annoying than that thundercunt.

[Alan Shearer The 2nd]

The shampoo ad with her can get to fuck.

[Disco]

Obligatory 'This doesn't really belong in here but'

Why is cornflour the only flour that comes in a box?

[Kikó]

Porridge in a box is another one like quakers. It's just a complete shambles trying to pour it out.

[Jimmy Floyd]

What is it that Homepride comes in? A tub?

[Disco]

Porridge can at least claim kinship with cereal so it gets away with it, cornflour comes in a box with a bag inside.

[Lewis]

All porridge is the same, so if you are paying extra for the box you deserve the difficulty.

[mugbull]

I’m at a very rowdy all-you-can-eat sushi place and I just got an ENTIRE pitcher of sake spilled on me ffs

[Spikey M]

Sushi :sick:

[Offshore Toon]

I went to an all-you-can-eat sushi once, but it only lasted 105 minutes, they only served four plates at a time and it was purposely slow service. Nowhere near a proper test and its something that needs to get dealt with because I reckon I could put away a few hundred quid of sushi in one sitting.

[-james-]

All you can eat sushi sounds rubbish. The cheap stuff is a waste of time.

[Giggles]

Sushi is only middling anyway at the best of times so might as well have a heap of it.

[Offshore Toon]

All you can eat sushi sounds rubbish. The cheap stuff is a waste of time.
It was a decent place that offered it outside of the busy hours. I can't really remember if it was any good, though.

[Jimmy Floyd]

My mum is the queen of catastrophising. She's in France and just messaged me to say 'In case it crashes, I'm on the xx.xx flight from Paris.' Who does that?

[niko_cee]

Emiliano Sala.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

18/19 year old dickhead Americans (I could just say Americans tbh), they're taking over the casino the last few days. I had to overhear a couple of 'chicks' (Better Boydy?) talking about how 'Bryce' and 'English' got into a fist fight OMG.

Today there was a drunk 18 year old who was telling people he goes to Auburn 'Cam Newton, you know Cam Newton? He went to Auburn and I almost met him'. He was also telling people that someone pushed him when taking a piss and wanted TO THROW DOWN as he was from some other university (maybe he was Bryce or English) and thought he was HARD.

[Shindig]

Introduce yourself.

[Ian]

'English' as a name?

[Spikey M]

Challenge him to a throw down.

[Lewis]

What is this holiday?

[Boydy]

I'm not sure that is any better, no.

[Spikey M]

Mahow needs to show these doucherockets what's up.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Challenge him to a throw down.
I challenged him to a 3 point contest and he backed down.

[SvN]

Getting ready to go out for a meal and was shaving my head like I've done dozens of times before. For some reason my hand spazzed out and I've left myself with an inch long gash above my eyebrow - we need to leave in 10 and it's comically spurting out blood. #baldproblems

[Pepe]

Lewis

[Giggles]

I nicked my ear and lip in the one shave the other day. I keep forgetting the trimmers can do you.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The way to avoid that is to cling onto any remaining hair until the bitter end, as I plan to do.

[Disco]

Combover all the way.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I nicked my ear and lip in the one shave the other day. I keep forgetting the trimmers can do you.

I've nicked my lip a few times when trimming the beard and moustache, it's horrible.

[Shindig]

I always nick myself shaving. I think I have paper-thin skin.

[Spikey M]

I can't have a clean shave because it rips my neck to shreds. I've tried everything. Expensive razors, electric razors, posh oils, creams and foams. I still spend half the day stinging and end the week with an obscene amount of in growing hairs.

[Shindig]

Aye, my neck and chin always gets it. There's one spot that doesn't even get close, either. I can't stubble or beard up as it looks too scruffy. The gray that's coming in just hammers that home.

[Queenslander]

I get rashes around adams apple after using my beard trimmer. Dead set looks like im into choking myself every saturday morning.

[Giggles]

I get rashes around adams apple after using my beard trimmer. Dead set looks like im into choking myself every saturday morning.

I got one of the ones with the circular shavers on it for a close finishing shave that rips the fuck out of me in the same place. Had to stop using it.

[Pepe]

I hate shaving and I have tried all types of methods. Safety razors are the best by a wide margin.

[Queenslander]

I got one of the ones with the circular shavers on it for a close finishing shave that rips the fuck out of me in the same place. Had to stop using it.

And for the price they are charged at they kind of feel like a con.

[Giggles]

I hate shaving and I have tried all types of methods. Safety razors are the best by a wide margin.

They're only for hip..... ah.

[Spikey M]

Who shaves their hips?

[Pepe]

They're only for hip..... ah.

:D

I find it quite amusing that you think I am a hipster.

But back to razors: I tried disposables, electric ones, more disposables, the most expensive electric I could find. The safety razor beats them all. I have very little facial hair though, so maybe that makes a difference.

[Pepe]

Who shaves their hips?

Remember I am also into cycling. :uhoh:

[Queenslander]

5 O'clock shadow coverage makes shaving a nightmare.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

My TV seems to have decided that it can't be fucked anymore.

It keeps turning itself off and back on again every 1-5 minutes, the more I try to use it the more frequent it is. I've also tried to reset the whole thing but every time I open the menu it chimps out.

[Panda Bear]

My TV seems to have decided that it can't be fucked anymore.

It keeps turning itself off and back on again every 1-5 minutes, the more I try to use it the more frequent it is. I've also tried to reset the whole thing but every time I open the menu it chimps out.
I might be able to help.

What make and model is it specifically?

[Mazuuurk]

Mahow have you tried turning it off and then on again? It sounds very simple but it often works with these things.

[Pepe]

The problem seems to be that it does that on its own.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I tried the original cable again not long after I posted and it was fine. Not sure why it was restarting or why it's now fine.

Probably on its last legs now so I'll have to buy a new one.

[Mazuuurk]

The problem seems to be that it does that on its own.

Yes.

[Panda Bear]

I might be able to help.

What make and model is it specifically?

Sir Andy Mahowry

[Giggles]

@Sir Andy Mahowry (https://www.thethirdhalf.co.uk/member.php?u=25)

It's fixed.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I also don't accept product support from people who hate shoes.

[Panda Bear]

But I was going to tell you that the solution was to not buy that make and model for your next TV. :(

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

But you're not even Indian ffs.

You have no authority.

[John]

But I was going to tell you that the solution was to not buy that make and model for your next TV. :(

There's a joke worth trying to crack twice.

[Panda Bear]

There's a joke worth trying to crack twice.Yeah!

[Giggles]

But I was going to tell you that the solution was to not buy that make and model for your next TV. :(

We dodged a bullet there.

[Panda Bear]

Hey Mahow--the solution is to not buy the same make and model for your next TV.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

:lol:

What comedy.

[bruhnaldo]

"This page."

[mugbull]

Why buy TVs anyway, just get a projector

[Giggles]

Why buy TVs anyway, just get a projector

Projectors are washed out shite.

[bruhnaldo]

Don't projectors also have a bit of lag or something w/r/t playing xbox etc

[Panda Bear]

My cousin, who is 10 years younger than me, bought a CRT television a few years ago so that he could play Super Smash Bros Melee without any lag.

[Giggles]

My cousin, who is 10 years younger than me, bought a CRT television a few years ago so that he could play Super Smash Bros Melee without any lag.

How can a 6 year old afford a telly?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

It's only a crt.

[Panda Bear]

Giggles, The Troubles are over. You're okay. It's 2019 now.

[mugbull]

Don't projectors also have a bit of lag or something w/r/t playing xbox etc

Probably for video games I'd guess, but for regular TV watching they're phucking great. Portable, small, a little cheaper than a TV. And they can cover an entire wall if they're set up properly.

[bruhnaldo]

We were considering pooling together for a decent one to do our away game watch parties for but that idea really never got off the ground too high.

A buddy of mine had one a few years back and that shit was pretty cool to watch sports on.

[Boydy]

I used to have one. It was grand for playing games on.

You probably need a decent set of blackout curtains in the room you use it if you plan on watching/playing anything during the day though.

[Baz]

My brother in law has a projector. I watched him play Runescape on his entire wall for like 30 mins, before deciding I definitely want one if I ever move house.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

As if people still play Runescape.

[bruhnaldo]

So many hours wasted just walking around talking to people and not doing quests.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Many hours wasted getting smacked about by scorpions when trying to mine :(

[Kikó]

I used to have one. It was grand for playing games on.

You probably need a decent set of blackout curtains in the room you use it if you plan on watching/playing anything during the day though.

How was the porn on it?

[Raoul Duke]

I have this projector and it's amazeballs: https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B005Q2EGG6 - can run a Chromecast straight off it and cast through it :drool:

[Boydy]

The nice thing with them is that when watching a film, you don't lose about a third of your screen thanks to the aspect ratio.

I'll probably get another one when I get my own place.

[Shindig]

People that pose and smile for google cameras.

https://www.google.com/maps/@40.713381,-74.0129469,3a,75y,168.07h,90.43t/data=!3m8!1e1!3m6!1sAF1QipO_SovHHoFX07eA4e49kUWL_W 0ToKT1Z1mzHqtF!2e10!3e11!6shttps:%2F%2Flh5.googleu sercontent.com%2Fp%2FAF1QipO_SovHHoFX07eA4e49kUWL_ W0ToKT1Z1mzHqtF%3Dw203-h100-k-no-pi0-ya330.99554-ro-0-fo100!7i6080!8i3040

Scared the fucking shit out of me.

[Baz]

As if people still play Runescape.Runescape Classic is back with a vengeance. You can even crossplay on your phone.

[igor_balis]

Fucking runescape, wasted most of my early teenage years (the dark fat nerdy period when I stopped caring about football and before I discovered indie music) on that shit game.

When I was depressed and working from home in Edinburgh I actually got a membership again and played solidly for a month before the horror of what I was doing really registered. Got to lvl 85 fishing though so not alll bad.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I also wasted a lot of time on fucking Habbo Hotel which was so much worse.

[-james-]

I spent two years playing world of warcraft and it was probably the best time of my life.

[Boydy]

God knows how many hours we've all wasted on CM/FM.

[SincereTheRebel]

I manged to spend over 1200 hours playing FM 15 over the space of three years.

[Disco]

It's not a waste if you enjoyed it.

[phonics]

It's not a waste if you enjoyed it.

My FM Steam stats.

2017 - 339 hours
2018 - 35 hours
2019 - 5 hours

I'm counting at least 50 hours I didn't enjoy.

[Disco]

Well done?

[Boydy]

It's not a waste if you enjoyed it.

True. Might try to get back into it.

[niko_cee]

I think I'm on zero hours this decade.

[igor_balis]

Well done?

U ok hun?

[Disco]

A fire alarm interrupted my lunchtime orange but other than that pretty good.

[Baz]

How pithy was it?

[Disco]

Average I'd say, the majority came off with the skin (because I'm an adult) and the rest was easily removed in pleasingly large pieces.

[Giggles]

I stopped eating oranges.

[Disco]

I've stopped eating that one.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I eat them Chinese style.

[Spikey M]

How does squinting help?

[mo]

A fire alarm interrupted my lunchtime orange but other than that pretty good.

We had a fire alarm go off at 4.30 the other day (just as I was about to get ready to leave work) because the shitting art teacher left the kiln door open. Lanky twat.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

So I got a parking ticket a while back. I appealed as my Sister was with me and has a blue badge but we forgot to bring it.

They rejected my appeals so I went via the IAS and they got it cancelled. Today they sent me a notice saying they intend to take me to court and I have realised that they have used a second PCN number.

Fucking crooks. They wont even let me appeal but I've sent an email to the company calling them out, an email to IAS for advice and just spoke to the CAB.

[Spikey M]

Why don't you get your own blue badge?

Seriously though, what if you get to court and the judge is a woman?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I confess your beautiful honor...

[Disco]

Overhead just now in Sainsburys:

Green beans.....what do they look like?

I'm not sure I covered my snigger well enough.

[phonics]

I was in a similar situation recently when I heard work colleagues talking about ‘pale ales’ and I snorted with derision rather too loudly.

[Shindig]

Put a jumper in the washer on the wrong cycle. Stretched to death.

[igor_balis]

Put a jumper in the washer on the wrong cycle. Stretched to death.

me and the guy who stole my shit girlfriend had a tumble drier in our flat and he put literally all of his clothes on a 60 degree intense nuclear warhead cycle, and then full power on the drier. he was always perplexed by his t shirts being totally fucked within a week of buying them.

[Shindig]

I'm hoping I can dry it out. It's sitting in an empty bath at the minute dripping wet. Fuck it. I have to spin this. It's too far gone.

[Spikey M]

me and the guy who stole my shit girlfriend had a tumble drier in our flat and he put literally all of his clothes on a 60 degree intense nuclear warhead cycle, and then full power on the drier. he was always perplexed by his t shirts being totally fucked within a week of buying them.


https://youtu.be/RfK5EqemeZ0

[igor_balis]

can women stop shaving off their fucking eyebrows and drawing them back on now please? proper creepy uncanny valley shit. i'd consider shaving off my beard in exchange so if anyone knows the representative of all women, pass on the message. cheers

[randomlegend]

Didn't realise when you click "change time" on the odeon website it resets the date back to today rather than the one you were on so just accidentally booked tickets for today (which we can't use) instead of Sunday :moop:

[Raoul Duke]

The Odeon website is absolute shite. You can't even see what bookings you've made :cab:

[randomlegend]

Despite saying on their website they will not refund/cancel bookings once they are confirmed, I eventually got through to them on their live chat and they sorted it immediately so props for that at least.

[Ian]

The Odeon website is absolute shite. You can't even see what bookings you've made :cab:

Yeah I was trying to work this out the other day because I couldn't believe that that could possibly be the case.

[-james-]

Been in Greece. Flying back from Corfu today with Thomas Cook. They're awful but it's cheap and convenient. Set off from my parents at five this morning.

Got a text as soon as I'm off the boat saying flight is delayed by three hours. Got in touch and asked if I'd be ok to show up to airport for the new departure time. They say fine, so I arse around town for a bit.

Get to airport, says flight cancelled lol. Ring them up, oh you got transferred onto the Birmingham flight that left two hours ago, why were you not at the airport?

Next one is at ten this evening. I'm on that now, so my ten hour journey will have become a twenty hour one.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

How is it that people who aren't well versed in computing are able to fuck documents up so much?

I often proof read my Mum's reports and the formatting is constantly completely fucked up. Some of it is in single line spacing, some in 1.5 and some in double. The indentations are also all over the fucking shop with paragraphs on the last few pages starting about halfway across the page.

She doesn't know any of this shit so how does it happen when it should all be in the exact same format?

[Disco]

Word being a piece of shit doesn't help very much.

[Disco]

Fucking asshole windows cunting update, it fucks with my monitors every pissing time giving me a small coronary with it's 'no signal detected' crap. Then it has the temerity to tell me programs haven't been closed properly. I WONDER FUCKING WHY.

I feel better now, carry on.

[Shindig]

It only ever updates minutes before I'm going out. :moop:

[Gray Fox]

Taking the day off for a new washing machine. Got the text narrowing my window down to 6:30-8pm. Already annoyed as I could have gone in. They send another text about 5:40 saying the van has broken down. No delivery for me. I can re-arrange when they get the stuff back to depot but fuck knows when that will be.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The van hasn't broken down. People in vans just lie.

[Shindig]

"We had a new lad on the vans, sorry."

So new that the van never left the depot.

[Giggles]

:cool:

[Jimmy Floyd]

Not even denying it. I would fucking love to tip over a Ford Transit one day. I'll retract that if they decide to indicate at roundabouts ever.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I would fucking love to see you try.

[Disco]

It's almost always that they haven't timed the round properly and have to fuck someone off or the stuff simply hasn't been loaded at all because minimum wage schlubs working a night shift in a shitty depot (quite understandably) don't give a fuck.

[Gray Fox]

Either it never went on the van, or I was towards the end of the delivery route and the driver thought fuck it.

I'd have money on the former.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It's almost always that they haven't timed the round properly and have to fuck someone off or the stuff simply hasn't been loaded at all because minimum wage schlubs working a night shift in a shitty depot (quite understandably) don't give a fuck.

Every day I get customers screaming at me WHY DIDN'T MY ORDER SHIP SAME DAY, the answer is always the same, that people in warehouse on minimum wage don't give a single fuck and why should they.

The same customers wouldn't think twice about paying their own lackeys just as poorly, of course.

[igor_balis]

My dad used to work as a white van man and I can assure you his employers shat on him and his colleagues far more than the drivers did to the customers, and this was in the halcyon days of new labour. I won't deny that some of their practises were a bit questionable, tho.

[igor_balis]

If people had ordered next day delivery the only difference it made in the depot was the management saying to the drivers errr you have to deliver that today.

[Boydy]

My work did a system that managed orders for a large logistics company and I heard a story that a while back that loads of orders were getting back-ordered even though there was stock. They couldn't figure out why for ages and were blaming the computer system. Turned out the warehouse guys just couldn't be arsed going to get the stock a lot of the time if it was on the other side of the warehouse.

[Pepe]

Listening to Ravel's Bolero in Youtube and these cunts decide to throw a Walmart commercial in the middle, because why the fuck not?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Having to just sit in a plane because the takeoff slot was missed.

[SincereTheRebel]

Having to just sit in a plane because the takeoff slot was missed.

Good to see you took my advice. Let the board know how souffle of rat tastes once you eat it, you pussy.

[Disco]

Listening to Ravel's Bolero in Youtube and these cunts decide to throw a Walmart commercial in the middle, because why the fuck not?

YT related; when you navigate away from a video it now puts it into a little tab/window in the corner of the screen and continues playing and I cannot find a way to turn it off.

[bruhnaldo]

You slide it away

[Giggles]

YT related; when you navigate away from a video it now puts it into a little tab/window in the corner of the screen and continues playing and I cannot find a way to turn it off.

That phone. Since Android 8 there's Picture-in-picture settings at a system level that you might need to look at.

[Disco]

I don't want to 'slide it away' (as if I'm watching on a phone like a twelve year old) I want to turn the fucker off.

[Giggles]

I don't want to 'slide it away' (as if I'm watching on a phone like a twelve year old) I want to turn the fucker off.

https://www.howtogeek.com/324401/how-to-use-or-disable-picture-in-picture-mode-in-android-oreo/

[Disco]

That's great but again, I'm not watching it on a phone.

[phonics]

Did you notice the part where he says he’s not on a phone?

[Giggles]

I did not. In fact, even looking back I can't see any reference to that until the post above yours.

Anyway, I've never seen it happen in Windows.

EDIT: I do now.

[Danny]

Sounds like you need a new phone, mate.

Google threw up this though
https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.reddit.com/r/youtube/comments/84x3q3/how_do_i_stop_the_video_playing_in_the_corner/

[Disco]

I'm now sat here trying to make YT do the thing I hate it doing and the fact that I'm failing is annoying me even more.

[Disco]

I don't even have that option but I did enjoy this:



They probably aren't deploying it to every single user all at once, like any other major downgrade to the website.

:D

[Giggles]

Sounds like you need a new phone, mate.

Google threw up this though
https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.reddit.com/r/youtube/comments/84x3q3/how_do_i_stop_the_video_playing_in_the_corner/

Phonics, chastise this man.

[Danny]

I don't even have that option but I did enjoy this:


:D

Same :lol:

I bet that’s about phones. Since it’s not a fully rolled out feature. I just didn’t see a reference to phone, only twitch behavior which I know they have on desktop.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Good to see you took my advice. Let the board know how souffle of rat tastes once you eat it, you pussy.

:D

I've never had a soufflé before.

[Shindig]

Having to just sit in a plane because the takeoff slot was missed.

Not as good as waiting for a plane to inch slowly back into position after missing the jetty.

[bruhnaldo]

(as if I'm watching on a phone like a twelve year old)

What an odd fucking comment

[Disco]

Sorry, that would be '7th Grader' for you.

[bruhnaldo]

https://media.giphy.com/media/G4ZNYMQVMH6us/giphy.gif

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Driving in London today (Southall) and some man who was walking collapsed in the middle of the road.

Almost everyone seemed pissed off that he was holding them all up rather than thinking about the chap. He was proper disorientated and started crying just before the police and ambulance arrived. Was really weird seeing how little people cared.

[mugbull]

Dwarves are well known for their empathetic nature, doesn't seem that weird to me

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I'm 6'1/7'14 you prick.

[bruhnaldo]

the world is gross and i cannot wait to die

[mugbull]

I'm 6'1/7'14 you prick.
Not you

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Not you

I only just got it, ugh.

[Kikó]

Driving in London today (Southall) and some man who was walking collapsed in the middle of the road.

Almost everyone seemed pissed off that he was holding them all up rather than thinking about the chap. He was proper disorientated and started crying just before the police and ambulance arrived. Was really weird seeing how little people cared.

London is pretty crap for empathy. Everyone has to be somewhere.

[Jimmy Floyd]

And, crucially, everyone has the genuine belief that the somewhere they are meant to be is desperately important.

[phonics]

I can't remember the word for it but there's an instinctual response where bad things happen in an area with a huge amount of witnesses and no-one reacts because they expect someone else to react and no-one steps up. We abdicate responsibility assuming that in such a large crowd, someone else is better suited to deal with it.

[Shindig]

At best, we record it on our phones. I've helped out when people have fallen but that's usually because I'm the only sod around.

[Boydy]

I can't remember the word for it but there's an instinctual response where bad things happen in an area with a huge amount of witnesses and no-one reacts because they expect someone else to react and no-one steps up. We abdicate responsibility assuming that in such a large crowd, someone else is better suited to deal with it.
The bystander effect.

[Pharad]

seeing Pokemon GO taking over people lives T_T you'll be able to play Pokemon GO in your sleep soon...

Source: https://www.eneba.com/blog/new-pokemon-games-and-services-announced/

[Spikey M]

How is it doing this?

[Ian]

Skynet.

Judgement Day is upon us.

[Queenslander]

Baz and I are almost best friends in PoGo. :cool:

[Baz]

Baz and I are almost best friends in PoGo. :cool::cool2:

[Giggles]

PoGo?

[Baz]

PoGo?Pokemon Go.

[igor_balis]

I am gonna post a long fucking tirade about Vodafone, but my laptop is about to run out of battery and I spilled water on the charger earlier so I'm afraid you lot will have to wait a few days. Thought I'd just prepare you lot, so you can get some popcorn in or something. I will say that I physically felt myself becoming more brexit as the lady with no English skills attempted to resolve my complaint this morning.

[Giggles]

I am gonna post a long fucking tirade about Vodafone, but my laptop is about to run out of battery and I spilled water on the charger earlier so I'm afraid you lot will have to wait a few days. Thought I'd just prepare you lot, so you can get some popcorn in or something. I will say that I physically felt myself becoming more brexit as the lady with no English skills attempted to resolve my complaint this morning.

Wasn't it down in about 6 different countries? I doubt you were top of their agenda.

[phonics]

The lady who spoke no English wasn't speaking to you from Europe.

[igor_balis]

The lady who spoke no English wasn't speaking to you from Europe.

I know, I'm being facetious. Terrifying and a bit funny when you hear actual humans justifying their Brexit vote by getting rid of Asian people (and this is something I've heard with my own ears).

[Shindig]

Had a power cut last night for about an hour. Unfortunately, the clinic across the road has an alarm that, without power, goes apeshit with a regular siren. When power resumes, it goes a different kind of apeshit for 15 minutes. :moop:

[phonics]

Modern internet. I guess the kids call it 'Web 3.0'

Everything is either a port of a mobile app with chasms of white space on either side:
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/D97tFMdXsAMILke.jpg

or you're being asked to fill out a google survey to close the auto-playing video in the background as it asks to send you notifications:
https://zappy.zapier.com/60852B33-1456-483F-AAE9-200F853F626A.png

It's awful. I think the world could sort itself out within a decade if we went back to 2005 internet.

The only loss would be football streams, everything else is a net gain.

[Smjffy]

It's awful. I think the world could sort itself out within a decade if we went back to 2005 internet.


Trigger finger would have locked and blocked your ass so this place would have definitely been better.

[phonics]

1) I posted in 2005
2) This place literally wouldn't exist.

[bruhnaldo]

Oh my FUCK I hate the internet nowadays i was just thinking about that yesterday.

I was trying to read a very simple article and 30 different things pop up and videos start playing automatically and OH WE WANNA SEND U NOTIFICATIONS and then you try to X one thing and it just goes somewhere else and keeps playing and ffsssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

[Boydy]

What other way would you do the layout for twitter?

[Smjffy]

Cats in heat. It's been a bit of an experience since it's the first time I've had a cat but Jesus Christ they are needy fuckers. :'(

I did Google. Cat in Heat Tips. Well.....let's just say I definitely clicked the wrong link because there is absolutely no chance I am sticking a cotton wool bud up my cats ass.

[Yaysus]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6nwhoESzAMU
you don't need to

[Baz]

That goddamn thumbnail :D

[Shindig]

Well, now I've seen that.

[mugbull]

I hate people who take normal expletives like fuck and shit and replace them with G-rated terms in daily speech. Was playing pickup basketball with a dude who kept yelling “FUDGE” and “CRUD” and i really had to try hard to keep myself from taking the ball and going home.

[Baz]

Some people prefer not to swear. :sorry:

[Giggles]

Some people are Americans.

[mugbull]

You can choose not to swear, it’s a cop out to use words a 5 year would use in their stead though

[Shindig]

The less you use the swearing, the more impact your swearing gains.

[Queenslander]

I think Sky News and AM talk back radio has finally cooked my fathers brains. In the space of a minute we went from me praising the public health system in Queensland because of my partners treatment to him complaining that we are wasting resources on refugees conning the health care system because of the Medivac bill that was passed late last year.

My poor mother.

[Boydy]

I got in around 10pm last night and my housemate had fallen asleep with the oven on (from about half six, she said). Cool.

[Ian]

My flatmate at uni left a pan on the hob with a bit of gammon in it overnight.

[randomlegend]

Someone I went to uni with tried to boil potatoes in her kettle.

[mugbull]

I was making a frozen pizza in the oven one time and I fell asleep and i woke up the next morning to the oven still on and the pizza (if you could still call it that) still in it

[mugbull]

Someone I went to uni with tried to boil potatoes in her kettle.

This one wins though

[Ian]

Put them on that charcoal pizza with my mate's shrivelled, blackened medallion of gammon (once you prised it off the bottom of the pan) and you've got yourself a meal.

[randomlegend]

She was Irish as well.

[Spikey M]

Someone I went to uni with tried to boil potatoes in her kettle.

:lol:

[SincereTheRebel]

Someone I went to uni with tried to boil potatoes in her kettle.

She clearly did jail time.

[Shindig]

Someone I went to uni with tried to boil potatoes in her kettle.

You'll be amazed how many hotel workers find a boiled egg in the kettle.

[igor_balis]

My mate bought a house that had previously been occupied by a very old couple who had been going senile and shit. After getting the keys he found some chicken still in the oven that the old girl had obviously put in and forgotten about.

Rather than taking out the chicken and cleaning it or just landfilling it, he just put the fucking oven with the chicken still inside it in the garage and put some fucking hazard tape around it. I couldn't stop laughing for about 20 minutes, what a fucking psycho.

[Baz]

Someone at work recently got the keys to his first house. The freezer was full of dead baby birds.

[Alex]

Someone at work recently got the keys to his first house. The freezer was full of dead baby birds.

:|

If that were me I would be very worried about what might be buried in the back garden.

[niko_cee]

Taxidermy is quite in nowadays isn't it, and that's where they tend to keep their specimens before doing whatever it i they do to them.

[Baz]

Apparently they were for feeding to a hawk, but I’d stopped listening so missed the full story. No doubt it’ll still give me nightmares.

[Disco]

Shredded lettuce, specifically when found in burgers or similar. Just put the whole leaf in, not only are you saving yourself a job but it's far easier to eat.

[Pepe]

Just keep the lettuce off.

[Giggles]

Just keep the lettuce off.

:nodd:

Or even a nicer leaf, it's not 1982 any more.

[mugbull]

Lettuce is amazing on a burger, what would you replace it with?

[Spikey M]

Another burger.

[bruhnaldo]

Didn't know my mans Spikey was American at heart :drool: MO' BURGERS.

[Disco]

Keeping with the food theme, fruit from the supermarket that is tagged as 'Ripen in bowl'. What it should say is 'GOOD LUCK EATING ANY OF THESE INSIDE A WEEK ASSHOLE'

[Baz]

I prefer my bananas a bit green/hard.

[SincereTheRebel]

I prefer my bananas a bit green/hard.

Just like Miss Piggy.

[Ian]

:D

[phonics]

Not sure where's appropriate for this post.

Mexican Food in Mexico? Not so bueno. Too much flour in everything.

[Pepe]

Flour? Where the fuck are you eating?

[Spikey M]

Your mum.

[bruhnaldo]

Different type of flower.

[Spikey M]

I always get yeast and flour mixed up.

[bruhnaldo]

lmfao ffs.

[Raoul Duke]

Not sure where's appropriate for this post.

Mexican Food in Mexico? Not so bueno. Too much flour in everything.

Sir, I believe that may be cocaine

[SincereTheRebel]

People who put a spoon or fork in their mouth, and you can hear the contact with it on their teeth. Go fuck yourself.

[bruhnaldo]

tf how is that even a thing. my mouth hurts just imagining such a hell.

[Lewis]

I hold them directly above my mouth and then use another fork/spoon to scrape the stuff into my mouth.

[Danny]

What is wrong with you? That's what the knife is for.

[mugbull]

I love the sound of people chewing loudly, but any sort of metal on teeth action is fucking horrifying

[Lewis]

What is wrong with you? That's what the knife is for.

Holding a knife above your face is dangerous.

[bruhnaldo]

I love the sound of people chewing loudly

This is serial killer type shit.

[Giggles]

I love the sound of people chewing loudly

:D

Extreme levels.

[mugbull]

ASMR is the new new. Get on it lads.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

ASMR is amazing.

ASMRDarling > *.

[mugbull]

I only watch the eating channels, all that other roleplay shit is just so weird I avoid it entirely

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I only watch the eating channels, all that other roleplay shit is just so weird I avoid it entirely

She mixes it up a lot, there's a bit of everything and yeah the roleplay stuff is crap.

[bruhnaldo]

is that like in Fight club where they do guided meditation and she's like "enter your caaaave..... there you'll find your spirit animal......" type shit?

[mugbull]

This video (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fSEYLfSvsyQ) is from one of the best channels from the old-school days. Might've been the first eating channel I got really into actually, but she doesn't really post videos anymore

[mugbull]

is that like in Fight club where they do guided meditation and she's like "enter your caaaave..... there you'll find your spirit animal......" type shit?

A lot of the time it's the person pretending to be giving you a face massage or "helping with anxiety" or putting on makeup. I can't fuck with that, I just want someone to talk about their day and chew into the mic

[Disco]

ASMR is for deviants, without exception.

[Smjffy]

This video (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fSEYLfSvsyQ) is from one of the best channels from the old-school days. Might've been the first eating channel I got really into actually, but she doesn't really post videos anymore

What did I just watch?

I have no words.

[SincereTheRebel]

This video (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fSEYLfSvsyQ) is from one of the best channels from the old-school days. Might've been the first eating channel I got really into actually, but she doesn't really post videos anymore

I dont understand the attraction...

[Ian]

I only briefly skimmed the Wiki page for ASMR. Is it basically weirdos getting their jollies off unusual sounds?

[mugbull]

Have you ever used one of those scalp massagers that look like a whisk that’s been pulled apart at the bottom? The feeling it gives is pretty similar to ASMR. Most people don’t feel it though so its pointless to try to “get into it”

[Baz]

ASMR is for deviants, without exception.Post some of your favourites.

[Shindig]

There's probably one of Nigel Mansell reciting the alphabet forwards and backwards.

[Spoonsky]

ASMR is amazing.

ASMRDarling > *.

That's the least surprising thing ever, but I expected better of Mokkers

[phonics]

I can't find any drugs in Mexico. it's genuinely easier to buy them in Switzerland.

[Spikey M]

And now we see why.

[Jimmy Floyd]

There's a teenage boy having what I presume to be a party in next door's garden (on a Monday night, as you do), and there is some form of music booming out with which I am really not familiar. It sounds somewhat like hip hop but there's nobody rapping on it that I can hear, and all the noises sound like nuclear power plant warning sirens, or just the general sound of an industrial hellscape, but to a defined beat.

What am I having to listen to?

[Disco]

Your own descent into middle aged irrelevance.