The little things in life that fuck you off

[Magic]

Just found out my Dad (well, Step-Dad, but the closest thing I've ever had to a real one) has Colon cancer.

This comes after 18 months of him telling everyone who would(n't) listen that he was ill and being told it was all in his head. This was based on a scan (which we've since found out was read by someone not qualified to do so) coming back as all clear and his career as a Paramedic meaning he must be prone to hypochondria.

What makes it worse is that after a while you side with the Dr's and stop listening. For 6 months I've thought he was full of shit and now I feel like an absolute cunt.

FUCK the NHS.

Same. My grandad was misdiagnosed for 6 months with indigestion, and acid reflux when it was actually esophageal cancer. He went in for a scan. A week or two later they sent Macmillan nurses to him in the waiting room whilst he was getting more tests before he'd had his results! They came 2 weeks later. I was in absolute denial thinking they'd made a mistake and it was nothing then the devastating terminal blow came. Awful shit man I truly feel your pain.

[Shindig]

Christ, Spikey. Best wishes to your family. My Dad's diagnosis has been the other way. He was pissing a lot so my mam kinda forced him to get it checked out. He has prostate cancer and is currently undergoing scans to pave the way for surgery or treatment. Things feel like they're moving quickly whilst the Doctors are also saying there's no rush. When early detection is key, you really have to hope cards just fall in your lap.

Awful, awful shit when circumstances play against you.

[7om]

My advice to anyone who gets a cancer diagnosis, whether its yourself or a family member / friend, is to always keep a look out for clinical trials. I know 'cure for cancer' is kind of pie-in-the-sky type thinking but there is some truly groundbreaking work being done at the minute and it is accessible if you keep an eye out.

[Spikey M]

Same. My grandad was misdiagnosed for 6 months with indigestion, and acid reflux when it was actually esophageal cancer. He went in for a scan. A week or two later they sent Macmillan nurses to him in the waiting room whilst he was getting more tests before he'd had his results! They came 2 weeks later. I was in absolute denial thinking they'd made a mistake and it was nothing then the devastating terminal blow came. Awful shit man I truly feel your pain.

I've already been through this shit with my mum. Went from breast, to lymph nodes, to side, to lung, to brain over 6 years. She didn't even know who I was in the end. I came down the stairs (she had to sleep sat on the sofa because she couldn't walk) to find her ripping her drip out because she needed to find her knitting needles. She hadn't knitted since I was a kid. Fuck this shit again.

[Disco]

Shit dude, that's rough news.

[Kikó]

Sorry spikes. Sounds like you've had a shit time of it.

[Spoonsky]

Spikes :console:

Shindig :console:

[Spoonsky]

@Kiko does your phone autocorrect "Spikey" to "Spikes" like mine does?

It has a ring to it though.

[Kikó]

I chose to type it that way.

[Magic]

Of course he did. Hipster bulb.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Just realised that I left my bluetooth headphones on all week.

They're dead and I forgot the charger for them :\

Gay.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

It's now worse.

Some cunt of a woman I'm sittinng close to has decided to Skype some dickheads on her phone with no headphones in and her phone volume quite loud.

[Dquincy]

Say something, you nut bag.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

As if I was ever going to say anything, I just silently seethed at her whilst complaining on here.

I'd do the same every single time too.

[Spammer]

Well there's your problem then, isn't it.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I'd assume that would be the case with most people as well.

[7om]

It's now worse.

Some cunt of a woman I'm sittinng close to has decided to Skype some dickheads on her phone with no headphones in and her phone volume quite loud.

The stuff you moan about is everyday life. Deal with it.

[Spammer]

Depends how much it bothers someone, I guess. I don't see much point in moaning but sitting there doing nothing though. Either don't let it bother you or mention something.

[mugbull]

I'd start shrieking in her direction tbh

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

The stuff you moan about is everyday life. Deal with it.
It's the little things in life that fuck you off, the sort of shit I moan about is perfect for the thread.

I haven't even started on the dickheads at Uni walking up the right side of the stairs despite signs telling you to walk on the left.

Depends how much it bothers someone, I guess. I don't see much point in moaning but sitting there doing nothing though. Either don't let it bother you or mention something.
So if something bothers you, you always say something? I'm calling shenanigans on that.

[SvN]

If it was bothering me a lot, the most I'm likely to do is to huff and make a big deal about getting up and moving.

[Offshore Toon]

If you're in the library then ask her to go outside.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I was imagining this to be on a bus, if it's in a library then even I would tell her to shut her noise and I'm the most passive person you'll ever find.

[SvN]

I was imagining this to be on a bus, if it's in a library then even I would tell her to shut her noise and I'm the most passive person you'll ever find.

I was thinking a train for some reason. I can't figure out where it actually is based on Mahow's posts, but being in a library definitely changes things.

[Offshore Toon]

Complaining about noise on a bus is pathetic. If you've forgotten your headphones, you should be happy you've got something to listen to. The more stupid the bint, the better the conversation.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

It's the university library.

It's generally pretty noisy here anyway, so headphones are needed.

[Offshore Toon]

Go and find an empty classroom if you want silence.

[Giggles]

Anyone listening to music on public transport without headphones needs to be thrown under whatever the vehicle is.

[John]

Last night in my gran's I spotted a leaflet encouraging her to get vaccinated for Shingles, inside which was something so completely illogical it pissed me off for a good ten minutes. There was a table showing the ages at which you were eligible to receive the vaccine, and it was as follows.

https://i.gyazo.com/9c0710533dd00a722d4269f8df32d568.png

What the fuck is that? I had a look for an explanation and found some shit about a staggered rollout so they don't get a run on their clinics, but the ages given there were different from those in that table and even that explanation it makes no sense at all.

[Raoul Duke]

Maybe it's some kind of experiment and they're the control group?

[Dquincy]

As if I was ever going to say anything, I just silently seethed at her whilst complaining on here.

I'd do the same every single time too.

Fair play twinkle tits.

[Disco]

Is there a radio station that only builders know the frequency for? It seems to be some unholy mixture of songs from 1994 and stuff so awful that you question whether people would ever willingly listen to it.

[John Arne]

Absolute Radio 90's?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Round here they all listen to Heart.

[Smiffy]

.....

[Disco]

Whatever it is it's really testing my sanity.

They played Dreamer by Livin Joy but given that it's not the middle of a forest in 1997 it rather missed the mark. We've also had Mark Morrison and Salt n Pepa (Shoop da Whoop if you're wondering) surrounded by the most awful droning r&b bullshit.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I believe gym and leisure centre foyers also have the magic frequency.

[phonics]

I was in this absolute dive of a mall around this time last year and they were playing Tupac - Changes with sleigh bells over the top.

[bruhnaldo]

We've also had Mark Morrison

If this was "Return of the Mack" I fail to see the complaint.

[Lewis]

Somebody released a cover/sampling job of that recently. These are the sort of 'You know you're old when...' milestones the likes of Yevrah must trip over daily.

[bruhnaldo]

I just had one of those when we googled to find out if Tyra Banks still did the VS Fashion Show and found out she's 43 years old.

[Queenslander]

Young bloody twenty somethings calling XXXX mangoes or Milton mangoes. Fuck off you hipster cunts mangoes isn't acceptable slang.

[Shindig]

Speaking of Mark Morrison's finest hour, someone must've remixed it and re-entered the charts with it. It's awful. Also, trailers that use covers of songs. It's at epidemic levels.

[Giggles]

We've finally joined the first world regarding NFC mobile payments and my bank doesn't support it the fucking luddites.

[phonics]

Yo Giggles, this Chrome bug seems to be spreading further and further so I can't reply to your PM.

The answer is, yeah probably but it's a massive pain in the arse.

[Giggles]

Yo Giggles, this Chrome bug seems to be spreading further and further so I can't reply to your PM.

The answer is, yeah probably but it's a massive pain in the arse.

Cheers. I'll revisit it at a later date when you can.

[Boydy]

What's this Chrome bug? I use this place on Chrome and don't seem to have any problems.

[phonics]

It only seems to be affecting me but across multiple computers on different IPs (and other vBulletin users on other forums) so I'm not sure what's going on. If I quote someone there's a 50% chance my spacebar stops working.

[John]

Turned down a ticket for Fatboy Slim tonight because I'd promised my gran I'd visit. Turned up and the fucker is asleep. :moop:

[Adamski]

Probably more fun to be fair.

[Offshore Toon]

Fatboy Slim is so shit. He'd be incredible if he put together a live show with all his classics, but nah, he just wants to DJ absolute crap.

[Shindig]

Aye, the time and place to see him was probably 1998. Also, the fat woman bottled the work do tonight after making a big deal about buying an imaginary sparkly skirt to show up in. Backed out of it as soon as she could get her money back. Motherfucker.

On the plus side, the place we went to did medium rare spot on. Props.

[Lewis]

I saw both of his Brighton beach performances in 2001 and 2002, but, although I was a fan, I was too young to appreciate them properly. I remember the entire town absolutely stinking of piss after the second one though.

[Jimmy Floyd]

And I remember having to do English GCSE coursework on the first one.

[Magic]

People who have their DVR recordings sorted by anything other than name.

[Boydy]

Stupidly got into bed and fell asleep about eight o'clock. Woke up about half twelve and now I can't get back to sleep.

[Offshore Toon]

Stupidly went out all weekend when I've got a deadline today at 4pm and now I'm stuck trying to keep alert and give a shit.

[Lewis]

What do you have to write?

[Offshore Toon]

Should Sayyid Qutb be considered 'the father of extremism'?

[Lewis]

That sounds like a particularly difficult one to wing off three sources, so good luck.

[Offshore Toon]

Sources weren't a problem. Thinking was. Ridiculous rollercoaster of a night, but its actually been quite fun even though my grade will have suffered because of it, I'm sure.

[Spammer]

Soo....should he?

Adam Curtis reckons he should, I seem to remember.

[Offshore Toon]

If we had to label somebody 'the father of extremism' then it would be him, but ultimately I reckon its mostly because of his stature within the Muslim Brotherhood and eventual martyrdom that really ramped up the idolisation as opposed to his writing alone. What he wrote about wasn't so different that it should completely separate him from the crowd.

[Magic]

People who take mongroids to shows or the cinema. What cultural benefit is that? We all know they have limits, I'm sure they'd be just as...happy(?) watching fucking paint dry. All you are doing is making everyone else in the theatre uncomfortable or annoyed they've paid massive amounts just to hear constant screaming and yelping, and sporadic clapping.

[Boydy]

Just leave the wife at home next time.

[Spikey M]

:D

[Smiffy]

.....

[Disco]

Fuming, there's a good 3" gap between the top of the tube and the crisps.

http://i.imgur.com/iWnORco.jpg

[Jimmy Floyd]

I've noticed the wedge thickening on that front for some years. No doubt they'll claim Brexit is to blame.

[Disco]

They're not broken either before some corporate shill leaps to their defence.

[Magic]

Sorry just wretched at those nail clippers on your desk. Vile little snatch.

[mugbull]

I'm not sure what you expect from nail clippers dude

[Magic]

In a work environment? I wouldn't expect you to understand.

[Disco]

What are you on about?

Firstly I'm not at work and secondly, what's wrong with nail clippers?

[Magic]

Who's photo is that then?

[Giggles]

People can't have a computer at home?

[Magic]

Looked like a work desk.

[phonics]

I often find my work desk has Warhammer dolls on them.

[Disco]

Magic are you on drugs or something?

[-james-]

A place I quite like to eat at in town has decided to forgo the conventional menu and have replaced it with an iPad that they bring you for you to place your order on. They've been doing it for a few months now, I've just been in and I'm not sure the thing has been cleaned since its inception. Covered in sticky fuck knows what. I ordered, and a man had to come up to confirm my order anyway.

What is the point?

[Adamski]

Where was it?

[Disco]

In the same vein I've often noticed a bewilderingly large queue out the door of Pandora (turns out they sell horrible bracelet things), it was only after going in there yesterday that I worked out it's not because of too many customers but because they have the worst system for serving people I've ever seen. Even worse than the last time I had to go to an Apple shop, which is quite apt really as they both sell overpriced crap that I don't understand the attraction of.

[phonics]

Christ I fucking hate Instagram.

You STILL can't post content through web. So to post a video to my work channel I have to: Put the video in Dropbox > Download the video to my phone > Find the Menu that saves it to my Camera Roll > Log out of my IG > Log into theirs and then type the whole bloody comment.

So shit.

[-james-]

Where was it?

Max's.

[-james-]

The Cullen skink pie was pretty good though.

[Offshore Toon]

I don't think I've ever been on an EasyJet flight that didn't have a delay. They're proper cunts, but BA put up their prices as soon as EJ came over.

[Adamski]

Max's.

Not had food in there for a while. Used to go quite a bit when it was la Cheetah. Pretty sure a guy I know is the chef in there.

[Giggles]

In the same vein I've often noticed a bewilderingly large queue out the door of Pandora (turns out they sell horrible bracelet things), it was only after going in there yesterday that I worked out it's not because of too many customers but because they have the worst system for serving people I've ever seen. Even worse than the last time I had to go to an Apple shop, which is quite apt really as they both sell overpriced crap that I don't understand the attraction of.

Pandora is the default generic lady gift for years. Though I don't know why these fools can't just use Amazon.

[Disco]

I would have had the one I 'wanted' been on there.

It was an amazing experience, someone serves you in the queue which arbitrarily ends three feet into the shop (including physically checking stock of what you want) then leads you to someone else at a counter who goes and checks stock again before taking you to the other end of the shop and waiting with you in the queue for the only till in the entire shop. Hardest smalltalk I've ever had to make as I wondered how working somewhere so batshit insane hadn't driven everyone mad.

[phonics]

Came back home to find several crowbar marks in the door and the locks completely fucked. 400 quid and 3 hours later and I find out they weren't able to break in. Got the downstairs flat good though. Merry Christmas.

[Boydy]

Just broke a fucking tooth. Great timing. Most of the dentists in town are closed already. Managed to find one that was still open and will see me tomorrow morning. Think they're private though so it's going to cost about £100 at least.

Fuck's sake.

[phonics]

Complaining about spending 100 quid on dentistry... I have to spend more than that per month on my dental premiums.

[Giggles]

Just broke a fucking tooth. Great timing. Most of the dentists in town are closed already. Managed to find one that was still open and will see me tomorrow morning. Think they're private though so it's going to cost about £100 at least.

Fuck's sake.

If you lived in the free world it'd be that just for a checkup. Go start a Be Thankful thread.

[Boydy]

Oh fuck off, both of you.

[Giggles]

Oh fuck off, both of you.

Come back and talk to us once you've had your dental drugs and are a bit nicer.

Little bollix.

[phonics]

TBF my Mum had to have some emergency stuff done while over in the UK only for her to go to her next check-up over here and be asked if she had had any dental work done in Eastern Europe recently. There's a reason everyone makes fun of British teeth.

[Boydy]

My teeth are aesthetically terrible but I'm not that arsed about that. Although I have noticed that, as a nation, we're becoming a lot more American with regards to teeth. Loads of people seem to have big, gleaming, artificially white smiles these days. Looks fucking stupid if you ask me.

I just want to be able to enjoy my Christmas dinner properly.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Your Mum must have gone somewhere shit, Phonics.

Also the thing about British teeth is a complete myth

[Disco]

Ours don't recommend unnecessary procedures is how I always understood it, as long as they work I'm not really bothered.

[Baz]

My cousin just spent £12,500 on new teeth. :dirk:

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Ours don't recommend unnecessary procedures is how I always understood it, as long as they work I'm not really bothered.

Yeah pretty much.

You have to be referred to specialist clinics if you need to be gassed for instance.

[Giggles]

Mine were always shit so they were never worth minding. I just go occasionally to stop them hurting.

[Lewis]

I would rather go bald than have crappy teeth.

[Boydy]

Never had you down as being so vain.

[Lewis]

I would look awful as a baldy, so it isn't that. Manky teeth are just the pits.

[Giggles]

I'd be kicked out of the country for having good teeth. I'm already skating on thin ice for not having a manky neck beard.

[Disco]

You own a donkey though right?

[Giggles]

Since birth.

[Pepe]

My teeth are not bad but one pokes out a bit. A friend's father fixed them for me once with braces and I looked even more handsome but then they went bad again. At least it was free or I'd be seething.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Mine are a little discoloured and the middle 4 or 5 on the bottom row are pretty crooked despite having braces. Although the crooked ones are a family trait from my Dad's side.

One of my front central teeth on the top row also has a huge chip (about half the tooth is missing) in it after my older brother pushed my head down onto my Dad's marble floor when I was about 12. To this day he maintains that I head-butted the floor though.

Some fillings but no plaque or disease shit, my dentist always says they're incredibly healthy and strong.

[Pepe]

Touchscreens. Having a hard time unlocking my phone because of the stupid screen. Bring back buttons please.

[Giggles]

Touchscreens. Having a hard time unlocking my phone because of the stupid screen. Bring back buttons please.

Stop buying phones with shit touchscreens.

There are still models with buttons for the elderly/retarded anyway aren't there? Just buy one of those.

[Raoul Duke]

What make/model do you have? Decent phones are absolutely fine for millions of people...

[Pepe]

Don't know, some LG. It is ok 95% of the time, but then sometimes it is not. Don't even get me started on those new cars with all functions behind their shitty 'central system' with touch screen. Need five minutes to change the radio station or lower the AC. So much better than dials right?

[Pepe]

Touchscreen laptops though, those are game-changers. :harold:

[Giggles]

Don't know, some LG. It is ok 95% of the time, but then sometimes it is not. Don't even get me started on those new cars with all functions behind their shitty 'central system' with touch screen. Need five minutes to change the radio station or lower the AC. So much better than dials right?

Maybe you do.

Engineer?

[Pepe]

Indeed. :cool:

[Queenslander]

My Galaxy S7 gets to just shy of 1 million degrees if I try to use it while charging. Lags a lot as well when I type :(

[Raoul Duke]

Strange, a Samsung phone having issues with heating...

[Magic]

My step-dad is a mongol. You can't have an opinion different to him or my mum otherwise they both get very defensive of each other. It leads me to believe their ex-partners were cunts (my father, so confirmed and his ex-wife died so can't confirm).

My mum asked me to download Fortitude and I did, all 44GB of it for Se01, and I said are you sure, it's got pretty dodgy reviews and is supposed to be poor. He piped up with 'Have you seen it? No? Well then'.

Fast forward a few days later and my mum agreed it was a bit strange and my step-dad piped up 'please don't download the 2nd series'.

Set of wankers.

[Spikey M]

Well? Have you seen it?

[Magic]

No, because the internet told me it was shit.

[Spikey M]

No? Well then.

[Disco]

The BBC straight up stole my avatar the thieving gits.

http://i.imgur.com/uOtkvFh.jpg

[mo]

Every so often I can't go to my normal barber - he owns his own shop so gets incredibly busy and I've got better things to do than wait hours for him. So I go to a local chain once in a blue moon, always get some randomer cut my hair. They do a good enough job but each of the cunts asks if they want me to do something about my eyebrows! Now I know that Kieron Dyer has nothing on my 'brows but fucking hell, I can't help but feel a bit self conscious when they ask that. I am curious though as to what they plan to do to the fuckers.

[bruhnaldo]

Trim them.

[Magic]

Every so often I can't go to my normal barber - he owns his own shop so gets incredibly busy and I've got better things to do than wait hours for him. So I go to a local chain once in a blue moon, always get some randomer cut my hair. They do a good enough job but each of the cunts asks if they want me to do something about my eyebrows! Now I know that Kieron Dyer has nothing on my 'brows but fucking hell, I can't help but feel a bit self conscious when they ask that. I am curious though as to what they plan to do to the fuckers.

Pic?

[Giggles]

I was trimming mine the other day with the 0 on my beard trimmer and took a massive lump out of one of them. Was the day of the Christmas party so all my colleagues must be very polite as they never said.

[mo]

Trim them.

Enlightening.

[mo]

Pic?

http://www.azquotes.com/public/pictures/authors/b4/47/b44704380ee5d1f426a220aa35cc3ab2/548f805376972_kieron_dyer.jpg

[phonics]

An actual thing my mum said to me today, 'Shame on you for not getting a British haircut' when I said the Uzbeki's back in Geneva do a good job on it.

[Smiffy]

Mo?

http://66.media.tumblr.com/a66daaaf5659753a8e27e648c4455058/tumblr_nx4cgsdOEf1ukbv3po1_1280.jpg

[mo]

Uncanny.

[Magic]

People who have a picture of their dog as their FB profile pic. Freaks.

[Boydy]

As opposed to having a picture of their family pretending they're happy?

[Magic]

Pretty shite and unnecessary jibe tbh.

[Boydy]

:D

Couldn't resist. Sorry.

[Spikey M]

Everyone in this house has a cold now. Need Jimmy to do a paracetamol run.

[Jimmy Floyd]

My old man went to the same Sainsbury's the next day and bought 96 with no problem. To say I was seething is an understatement.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Allocacoc-PowerCube-Outlets-Universal-Resettable-Orchid-Purple/dp/B019Q1TGFI/ref=cm_cr_arp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8

Bought one of these, plugged it into the mains and it blew.

Scared the bollocks off me.

Outlet is black but it's working which is good.

I've got a couple of them (green ones) which work fine, I imagine it's the whole configurable plug thing which doesn't look all that secure.

[Disco]

My old man went to the same Sainsbury's the next day and bought 96 with no problem. To say I was seething is an understatement.

I was once asked if I 'knew how to take them' when I bought a couple of boxes of ibuprofen. 'All at once with a bottle of gin' provoked an interesting response.

[Shindig]

"We have Gordon's on sale at the minute."

[Disco]

Gordons? Truly a fate worse than death.

[Shindig]

That's how they prevent the suicides.

[Smiffy]

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Allocacoc-PowerCube-Outlets-Universal-Resettable-Orchid-Purple/dp/B019Q1TGFI/ref=cm_cr_arp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8

Bought one of these, plugged it into the mains and it blew.

Scared the bollocks off me.

Outlet is black but it's working which is good.

I've got a couple of them (green ones) which work fine, I imagine it's the whole configurable plug thing which doesn't look all that secure.

I don't use adapters any more. I stuck my graders on charge and went outside for a fag, I got back to a room full of smoke.

True story.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Our internet has been bad for the last few weeks.

Today it has been shitting itself for fun. It's been down for longer than functional.

[niko_cee]

I heard they got some internet out Californee way.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

What is strange though is that Utorrent runs fine (whenever I've had it open today) but browsing has been a fucking nightmare.

Edit: Ran a speedtest and it's flying but browsing is like being on dial up again :\

[Spoonsky]

I've left a raincoat in Berkeley today that I was going to take to Europe, and my mom has chimped the fuck out. "I'm so fed up" etc. It's just a raincoat.

[Lewis]

It's not the raincoat. It's your attitude.

[Spoonsky]

You're actually right. "He doesn't care" yada yada. It would be easier to have my own reaction to it if you didn't have a meltdown the moment I told you.

[Offshore Toon]

Mum's are wankers because they can be. You've got to tell her she's acting like a dick.

[Spoonsky]

The thing is my mom is actually class, and this sort of thing never happens. She just has an unhealthy attachment to discount goods from REI (and material possessions in general, like many people), and she's less good at dealing with disappointment than I am.

[Giggles]

You really think you're something special don't you?

[niko_cee]

Imagine reading that.

[Boydy]

She's probably acting out because you're going away for several months soon.

[Shindig]

I dunno whether it's my new headphones triggering it but I've had my ipod quietly playing its battery to death over the weekend. :moop:

[Magic]

These videos that are NARRATED or COMMENTATED on by loud noisy stupid fucking Australian cunts that are trying to be funny.

[Queenslander]

These videos that are NARRATED or COMMENTATED on by loud noisy stupid fucking Australian cunts that are trying to be funny.

Ozzy Man? The septic Americans are his target audience.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

In our first Britain and Africa seminar today we were given a blank map of Africa and told to fill it in (fun) in groups. I was teamed up with 2 girls (only 1 was hot) and this is what I was working with:

Morocco is there.
Wait, really? I though Morocco was in Spain
...

Do you know which country Johannesburg is in?
South Africa
Are you sure? I've been to South Africa and I could have sworn that it's not there. Yeah, I'm right Johannesburg can't be in South Africa I flew to Cape Town.

Jesus fuck.

[Magic]

Was it those two mongs from Pointless?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

The second one was American so at least she has that excuse.

[Smiffy]

.....

[Baz]

There are only six countries in Africa and three of those are South Africa, North Africa and East Africa. So long as you remember Congo, Egypt and Madagascar you'll be top of the class.

Well, unless Risk has been lying to me?

[Giggles]

There's a lad sitting in a waiting room with me who hasn't turned off the clocks sound on his phone keyboard. He's about 3 clicks away from wearing a chair.

[Adamski]

Those are far and away the worst cunts.

[Giggles]

Those are far and away the worst cunts.

He's absolutely flaking out messages or emails or something too. Or writing a novel.

[SvN]

My favourite geographic spastic moment came from when I asked a female uni friend if she knew what the capital of Scotland was.

"Wales?"

She didn't appreciate me laughing in her stupid face.

[Lewis]

Where as Mahow probably went along with it all because he was too busy sweating and pushing the spaghetti back into his pockets.

[Spikey M]

People who own a horse/horses. Boring cunts. Especially when it's a woman. I work with a 35 year old who still lives at home with her mum and dad, has no friends, love life or hope at changing any of that because she chucks all of her money and time at some shit cunt that routinely sends her to hospital with a curb stuck in her face.

All she talks about is her horse. It doesn't matter what is being discussed, she will make it about her horse. She managed to turn Brexit talk on to the subject by bringing animal passports.

She is genuinely the most boring person I have ever met

[Disco]

I don't like horses, or rather I should say I don't like horses within a certain distance. Any less than say 10 feet and you get a much clearer impression of how big they are and how disturbingly large an array of teeth they have in the front end. Plus they're thick as shit which is both a blessing and a curse for something powerful enough to leave you as little more than a greasy smear on the ground if it really wanted to.

[Offshore Toon]

Horses are fine, fine animals. Top 5 of all time.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Where as Mahow probably went along with it all because he was too busy sweating and pushing the spaghetti back into his pockets.

To the first I simply replied 'No, Spain is just above it and would be there'.

To the second I was just silent as she was too hot.

[Boydy]

Why does Mahow have spaghetti in his pockets?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Why does Mahow have spaghetti in his pockets?

I didn't get that reference either but just decided to go with it.

[Lewis]

http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/spaghetti-stories

Fucking hell lads do you even have the internet?

[igor_balis]

I still think my female friend (try to avoid gender stereotypes, but even most of the otherwise intelligent women I've known have never had a clue about even basic geography) asking "what is Scandinavia?" is up there for geographical incompetence.

[Offshore Toon]

Never thought I'd see Lewis linking to a meme website.

[7om]

I still think my female friend (try to avoid gender stereotypes, but even most of the otherwise intelligent women I've known have never had a clue about even basic geography) asking "what is Scandinavia?" is up there for geographical incompetence.

Boom-Boom thinking Scandinavia was a continent on the old board still makes me smile thinking about. Fucking nutcase he was.

[Manc]

Attitude over the phone. I WILL climb through the phone and break your face.

[John]

You definitely won't.

[Boydy]

Were you on the old board Manc?

[Manc]

Missed the boat.

[Townsend]

Spoon is a cunt.

[Spoonsky]

.....?

[Offshore Toon]

Just leave it, Spoon. Towns would knock you out.

[Shindig]

Skint people making excuses for their panhandling bullshit. Twice this week I've had some bint come up to me with a "I've lost me bus pass ..." bullshit to try and squeeze some change out of me. The second time prompted a, "What? Again?" which, for some reason, prompted her to trip over herself and scald herself with her Costa Coffee in shock.

Fuck off. I'll extend this to chuggers and energy supplier gimps, which the town is rife with.

[Spoonsky]

Just leave it, Spoon. Towns would knock you out.

I would beat him at Haxball, so I want to know what this is about.

[Smiffy]

Unexpectedly clicking a click that leads to slow motion gunshots to the face of victims by ISIS.

Baddddd shit.

[Offshore Toon]

I would beat him at Haxball, so I want to know what this is about.
Call a duel!

[Baz]

Unexpectedly clicking a click that leads to slow motion gunshots to the face of victims by ISIS.

Baddddd shit.The eyeballs! :dirk:

[Lewis]

My mother volunteered to look after the dickhead four year old tonight (having said she would never do so again), and oh look he's still massively annoying and more than likely gay as well.

[Adamski]

"Oh, no. I have to share my mummy!"

[Disco]

Paging Dr Freud!

[Adamski]

I phoned Freud.

He told me to tell Lewis to chill, as milk comes out of both breasts.

[Lewis]

It's obviously difficult to explain how annoying he is.

[Disco]

Maybe if you draw a picture, she might even pin it on the fridge.

[Boydy]

"Oh, no. I have to share my mummy!"

:lol:

[Lewis]

Hold on, he's brought The Lego Movie.

[Giggles]

Kids are cuntish and 4 year olds are about top of the cuntish pyramid, so Lewis has is bang on.

[Boydy]

My mother volunteered to look after the dickhead four year old tonight (having said she would never do so again), and oh look he's still massively annoying and more than likely gay as well.


"Oh, no. I have to share my mummy!"

Just quoting these so they're on this page too.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

:D

Adamski really did win that page.

[bruhnaldo]

Being hated by the board, ya bunch of cunts, I'm a nice guy damnit.

[SvN]

Lewis has had a few donnings as of late. I wonder if he's going bald.

[Spoonsky]

He's probably texting Mert for backup as we speak.

[Boydy]

He's probably gone to take it out on that little kid now.

[Spikey M]

I note that Lewis hasn't been on since the kid got there. He loves him really.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

He's probably making Hillsborough jokes whilst watching The Lego Movie with the kid.

[Shindig]

These Newcastle Eagles fans for murdering the 'DE-FENCE!' chant.

[Lewis]

That Lego film is alright. Directed by Sergei Eisenstein as well.

[Giggles]

That Lego film is alright. Directed by Sergei Eisenstein as well.

Is that a new one or the one that came out a while back with batman in it?

[Magic]

The Lego Movie is awesome.

[Reg]

Magic, don't you mean EVERYTHING IS AWESOME

[Magic]

Reg I like you a lot more recently but don't push it.

[Reg]

:D

[Boydy]

Amazon's standard delivery is so fucking slow these days. I'm not signing up for Prime, you cunts.

[-james-]

I think I must live near a depot or something, most things I get off amazon tend to come on the faster end of the estimate.

[Pepe]

There is a depot about three hours from where I live. They hold off from delivering my stuff three or four days every time so that it doesn't arrive too quickly. I don't buy from then anymore.

[Disco]

Unless it's FBA stuff then deliveries are handled entirely by the vendor rather than Amazon.

[Pepe]

I don't know what FBA is but I'm taking about stuff sold by Amazon directly. Stuff from third parties is all over the place.

[Disco]

Yeah, (Fulfilled By Amazon) you send a load of whatever you're selling to their warehouse and they dispatch it. It obviously works for some but they're super picky about how it's labelled and packaged plus they obviously charge you for storage and delivery.

[Boydy]

I got my parents an Amazon Fire Stick a while back and it's the stupidest thing I've ever done. I installed Kodi on it for them and then your regular legit apps like iPlayer and that. They didn't really use it for a while but now they've started and it's 'how do you do this? how do you do that? why isn't this working? what's this thing do?' all the bloody time.

[Baz]

My dads like that but only if I'm there. When he uses it to watch a film with my mum he's a whizz but when I go round he's all 'how do you put subtitles on?' 'can you have a look at that kodi while you're here?'

He's always been like that though. Especially when he used to play Doom.

[Adamski]

My stepdad has sportsmania and is an absolute fucking nightmare with it. Constantly messing with it and choosing to use the free add ons rather than the sportsmania channels (he has a build which doesn't differentiate and he wouldn't be able to tell anyway) then moaning like hell when they don't work.

[Magic]

Just quoting these so they're on this page too.

Cheers. :drool:

Edit: fuck how did I miss that? Oh Reg tagged me. The bitch.

[Boydy]

Did we not have a thread for stuff you'd like to see invented or something along those lines?

Anyway, why aren't there smartphones that can tell the difference between your finger/thumb and a bit of rain?

[Magic]

YouTube videos that sound pretty interesting and really should be only like 30 seconds long but are actually about 13 minutes long so you end up not watching.

Also clickbait image previews on YouTube videos.

YouTube.

[Giggles]

YouTube videos that sound pretty interesting and really should be only like 30 seconds long but are actually about 13 minutes long so you end up not watching.

Also clickbait image previews on YouTube videos.

YouTube.

Go down to the hotel bar and have a pint, and stop looking at YouTube.

[Magic]

Sorry pal I've just ordered 3 courses at 35 quid all in so no booze for me. :(

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

So utterly useless.

[Magic]

Jealous you fat pig?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Jealous you fat pig?
2 kilos lost in 6 days mate :drool:

[Magic]

Oh really? Fair play well done. :)

[Giggles]

Oh really? Fair play well done. :)

:uhoh:

Magic?

[Boydy]

That's good going, Mahow. What are you doing to lose it?

[Magic]

:uhoh:

Magic?

It was devilishly sarcastic because he still weighs 22 stone.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

That's good going, Mahow. What are you doing to lose it?

Just eating right.

My biggest problem was always snacking late at night.

I don't do that as much now (if I do I'll stick loads of fruit in a bowl, fat free yogurt and add some toasted oats and hazelnuts which have been mixed in a bit of honey) as I have smaller meals but more frequently.

I'll probably start swimming in a couple of weeks which will see it melt away.

[Giggles]

You won't be wanted in a pool in this day and age. It's like gyms these days. Nobody is allowed lose weight or get fit any more it's all about how much you lift, how many k you run, or how many lengths you do wankery.

[Adamski]

I don't think he'd ever have been wanted in a pool.

[Foe]

Ignore them mahow and stick with it.

Just got to make sure it's maintainable, otherwise it'll come back. Find a happy medium and maintain it.

[Raoul Duke]

Try and cut down on the fruit. It's very high sugar.

[Magic]

Ignore them mahow and stick with it.

Just got to make sure it's maintainable, otherwise it'll come back. Find a happy medium and maintain it.

A happy medium, like going bald and being under constant fear of redundancy and living in the most depressing city in the UK. Happy medium.

[Foe]

A happy medium, like going bald and being under constant fear of redundancy and living in the most depressing city in the UK. Happy medium.

A fair reflection of my life in 2015.

At some point people will realise I'm shit at my job. Fortunately for me that's not happened yet and I'm seemingly still capable of pulling the long con. :cool:

[Disco]

Yeah Magic, cause this is a battle you're going to win.

[Magic]

Yeah Magic, cause this is a battle you're going to win.

I'd trade it all for a fraction of his wage and body. :cry:

EDIT: excluding vacant looking face and shiny head. And clit penis.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

You won't be wanted in a pool in this day and age. It's like gyms these days. Nobody is allowed lose weight or get fit any more it's all about how much you lift, how many k you run, or how many lengths you do wankery.
As Adamski says, I don't think I've ever been 'wanted' in a pool. I can easily swim a kilometre though even when I'm out of shape (I've never been in shape) and I actually enjoy it. Gyms are cesspits.

Try and cut down on the fruit. It's very high sugar.
Right now I'm purely focused on cutting down on calories and fat.

[Magic]

You know sugar turns in to fat right fwiw icymi

[Raoul Duke]

Right now I'm purely focused on cutting down on calories and fat.

Sugar = calories :cab:

[Giggles]

Once you get down to the wankery that fruit is bad for you then you've gone too far and before you know it you'll be blogging about quinoa and kale and end up better off dead.

Cut out the shit and eat fruit, veg, and lean meat. Job done.

[Foe]

if he's going to snack, snacking on something natural is surely better. Small steps.

My diet still consists of green tea. I'm hoping for miracles but as of yet the results are inconclusive.