The little things in life that fuck you off

[Yevrah]

It's fucking hot here and I hate having the windows open due to the killer moths that fly in.

And talking of animals, my garden is absolutely overrun with woodlice, fucking massive ones at that as well. No idea how they haven't teamed up, kicked my back door in and raided my fridge by now...

[Lewis]

My mother bought the dog a top quality fan last summer, but he didn't seem to like it, so I've been using that.

[Spikey M]

It's better than last night, I couldn't sleep because it was too humid.

Tonight seems slightly better.

We have a thermometer in our bedroom (you have to if you have a baby, aparently) and tonight is hotter here. Fuck all breeze either. It's a no from me.

[Disco]

Lovely here, nice clear sky and a little breeze.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

We have a thermometer in our bedroom (you have to if you have a baby, aparently) and tonight is hotter here. Fuck all breeze either. It's a no from me.
It's fucking horrible.

[John]

We had a pollen count high enough to activate my hayfever for the first time in three years. The weather was pleasant enough but I'll take a howling storm over a face on fire any day.

[Spoonsky]

95 F in Salt Lake City today. Woof.

[Danny]

Was in the mid 90's here today. Reckoning 99 on Sat. FML

[Spoonsky]

Read the posts on this page and mistook it for the Weather Thread. 95 degree weather doesn't fuck me off cos I'm not a pussy. :cool:

[John]

The Domino's tracker thing has started telling fucking jokes. I haven't had one in about a year so I've no idea when this started, but it's terrible. So far it's hit me with 'What's ET short for? He's got little legs' and 'Did you hear about the farmer with the magic tractor? It turned into a field.'

[Pepe]

29 degrees inside the apartment yesterday, even with the AC on.

[Spikey M]

Facebook.

You know the little friend suggestion things as you scroll down your feed? You know, the ones in the middle of the shitting screen with "add friend" under it? Yeah, at some point I've accidentally (yeah yeah lololol) added my co-workers 12 year old fucking daughter and she's just accepted. Where do I go to sign the register?

[Magic]

When the father sees that in his news feed. :drool:

[Magic]

https://shawglobalnews.files.wordpress.com/2016/02/brazil-zika-baby_4.jpg?quality=70&strip=all&w=720&h=480&crop=1

[Spikey M]

Mother. But yeah. I have met her a few times so not completely off the wall but ot must come across as creepy beyond belief. :moop:

[Pepe]

As if any of us would believe that was an accident, we all know you are a creepy fuck.

[GS]

He's only put this here so he can point to after he's been arrested and say "it was an accident, look - here's the proof".

[Spikey M]

Dick pic was meant for someone else n'all.

[Shindig]

"The most incriminating evidence came when the abused was pictured with a sign saying, "Hi TTH!" being shown to camera."

Y'know what I hate? I had a call come through at work and the guy that was covering that duty shut down any chance to transfer him. Thanks for making me look like a cunt just because "I don't want to give out my extension when I'm only covering." I'm transferring him to you. He's not going to take notes of that and, if he does, you've a transfer button on a phone of your own. Prick.

[Lewis]

My cousin's four year old is here, and he's still a complete cunt. I spent about two hours trying to explain to him that we don't have any of the kids' channels, but he wasn't getting it, so I just took a vote and me and dog decided to watch something else.

'Do you like any of these fi...'
'Avenger Turtles!'
'Ninja Turtles. Yeah, alri...'
'No! Avenger Turtles!'

He watched about twenty minutes of it and just started running around the room. The dog is seething, I'm committed to watching this rubbish film, and he's just pissed himself because my mother was ignoring him.

[Magic]

Bit random but I bet that's what Baz was like as a child?

[Lewis]

Baz is a gentle soul, unlike this aggressive little psycho bastard.

[Magic]

He just sounds like an annoying prick, rather than an aggressive psycho. Chill out. He'll probably amount to far more than you anyway.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

As if, Lewis has written a fucking book.

[SvN]

Not to mention being Huffington Post's star blogger.

[igor_balis]

kids are stupid

[Lewis]

Well, I've offered to knock him out. I can't do any more than that.

[John]

Bit random but I bet that's what Baz was like as a child?

Sounds more like what you'd have been like. Thick, refusing to listen to sense, attention seeking, and socially broken enough to piss himself. Spot on.

[Dquincy]

:D

I had forgotten Lewis' anger towards that child. We usually only get these updates at Christmas gatherings, so this is great.

Have you quietly threatened him without the mother seeing?

[Magic]

Sounds more like what you'd have been like. Thick, refusing to listen to sense, attention seeking, and socially broken enough to piss himself. Spot on.

You couldn't be more wrong. :)






















:cry:

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

A helicopter is circling a few streets around here including RIGHT OVER OUR FUCKING HOUSE.

[Boydy]

Come back when it's landed in your garden.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

As if our garden could fit a helicopter in it.

Took him/her about 30 minutes to piss off.

[Shindig]

Took me an hour to change a light bulb last night. Mostly down to me trying to put the size bulb in and not knowing whether I'd switched the light off (my only clue being when the extractor fan decided to go off) but, man, high ceilings suck.

[Dquincy]

Members who quote themselves to show that they were right about an earlier comment. Swarmy little pricks.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Neighbour is having a barbecue but they're using really cheap charcoal briquettes and it fucking stinks.

[Spoonsky]

Dquincy is a dick.

E-victory.

[Dquincy]

E-victory.

Wind it in Yankee-doodle.

[SincereTheRebel]

Custard.

No matter how many times i try and make it, it always comes out with lumps. Its something i just cant make correctly.

[Magic]

Are you talking about powder shit? Get a tin you freak.

[SincereTheRebel]

The custard powder that comes in the tin. Just add milk it says. There has to be a another missing ingredient like nivea cream to smooth out the bumps

[Magic]

Honestly what's the reasoning for not getting a tin/tub?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Just buy a tub of ready made custard, they'll be near the cream.

[Pepe]

Just realized that I left my umbrella in the shopping cart. :face:

[SincereTheRebel]

Just buy a tub of ready made custard, they'll be near the cream.

Ill have to try that. Alpro ready made custard is good, but i havent tried the birds custard versions

[Magic]

Vanilla custard. :drool:

[John]

The Tesco Finest stuff with vanilla in is amazing.

[Disco]

Alpro custard is phenomenal.

[Lewis]

I spied this (http://www.sainsburys.co.uk/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/gb/groceries/ambrosia-frozen-custard-vanilla-850ml?langId=44&storeId=10151&krypto=KjADAzaN7rIv%2BOSuZQQu203NQ3GmLicYoY5Ki2MhD sAZXhI4yjYyVqfvOLXZSYteKW64UzwVhARK4kgoFS59eaY%2Bz 4YGH%2FUUdmXRU%2Fy%2FJ%2Bg7HeCnv9eueGFKLNZUdRAh3GK fzVr5LB099%2Fvwkp4P5kds7TlxENsF4VphqytU5Uk%3D&ddkey=http%3Agb%2Fgroceries%2Fambrosia-frozen-custard-vanilla-850ml) the other day, but I didn't want to risk it when there was some top, top stuff on offer. Maybe next time.

[Disco]

Oh my.

[Raoul Duke]

Custard with some chopped banana chucked into it is :rasta:

[Danny]

The custard powder that comes in the tin. Just add milk it says. There has to be a another missing ingredient like nivea cream to smooth out the bumps

:D

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Got some spring rolls today from my local Chinese, they're usually pretty good. Today they were filled with nothing but beansprouts.

Fucking charlatans.

[phonics]

Custard is for nonces.

[Shindig]

This cat's going to die on my watch. :(

Put some food down for him and he just can't be fucked with it.

[Disco]

Have it put down if it's that bad, just letting it fall to bits is horrible.

[SincereTheRebel]

I disagree. Man are always quick to 'put down animal'. Let him go, in his own time.

[Magic]

In the wild it would have been eaten by now. You should do this to teach it a lesson not to be such a pussy.

[Disco]

'In its own time' might involve weeks of agony, which is rather irresponsible don't you think?

[Kikó]

Just tell it to man up.

[bruhnaldo]

Maybe take it to the fucking vet?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I get back sweat when driving in hot weather but my shirts cover it up well.

Today I wore something that I recently bought and have just taken it off. It looks like Lee Evans has raped my shirt, it's fucking drenched.

[Boydy]

Don't you have air conditioning in your car?

[Magic]

It'll be all that revolting pube like back hair you fat fuck.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Don't you have air conditioning in your car?
I do but it doesn't help.

[Shindig]

Maybe take it to the fucking vet?

My folks already did that last weeks. Found a stomach tumor and they're treating it with steroids. He's eating, though. Thank fuck.

[bruhnaldo]

My folks already did that last weeks. Found a stomach tumor and they're treating it with steroids. He's eating, though. Thank fuck.

Whoops, sorry bub.

[SvN]

My 38 year old sister, who has lived in Wales for about 4 years, has posted a photo of her wearing Wales facepaint in preparation for the match tonight. He statuses throughout the competition have been a bit eye roll inducing, but this takes the biscuit.

[Smiffy]

.....

[Disco]

Gesundheit.

[Pepe]

Water sprinklers on when it's raining.

[bruhnaldo]

Oh God that drives me crazy.

[bruhnaldo]

i share an office space with the registration department here at the hospital

this girl has now moved onto sending voice messages back and forth to her flavor of the month because he's "driving" and it's not safe to text and drive

so now, instead of just having to listen to this Babysitter's Club fuckery all day, now I get the live audio supplement experience!

fuck am I so lucky.

[John]

Join her in behaving like a fifteen year old and start shouting 'what are you doing? come back to bed' in the background of all her messages.

[Bartholomert]

i share an office space with the registration department here at the hospital

this girl has now moved onto sending voice messages back and forth to her flavor of the month because he's "driving" and it's not safe to text and drive

so now, instead of just having to listen to this Babysitter's Club fuckery all day, now I get the live audio supplement experience!

fuck am I so lucky.

You should 100% say something, that is absolutely not okay to do.

[bruhnaldo]

Considered it but then she'd just re-record said message and I'd have to listen to her mushy gushy nonsense again and again.

It's bad enough she's recording, listening to herself, then sending. Receiving, sharing with other girl in office, and replying.

I have to take half the day to cover at another facility later on. About a 60 mile drive, normally I'd be massively regretting the idea but I cherish the opportunity for the silent solitude of the road for once this afternoon I can tell you that.


You should 100% say something, that is absolutely not okay to do.

Oh it's absolute madness. Mind you, this is the culmination of a relationship that started over texts while Boyfriend was in The Army. They finally met in person two weeks ago and are s0o0o0o0o0o0o in love.

It's utterly sickening and cringeworthy. Especially considering I've listened to these girls talk about this and I generally get the sense that she just wants to tie him down because of his Army pension/benefits and long-term stability rather than actually being so0o0o0o0o in love.

And I mean I'm happy for people being happy but the fact that she honestly thinks anyone and everyone wants to hear this shit is absurd to me.

[Shindig]

I don't like people who take two or three personal calls a day during work. Especially when all of the usually end with the phrase, "I'll talk to you later."

[John]

You deserve it for 'so0o0o0o0o', Bruh.

You deserve more than an irritating coworker for that, actually, but it'll do for now.

[Boydy]

Some dickhead neighbour is out in his garden with shitty dance music blasting out on his speakers. It's right outside my bedroom window. It's actually giving me a headache.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I was reminded why I don't like attempting to trim my beard. Sadly it came after I finished trimming it.

It's probably the best job I've done and it's got a much better shape but I've lost parts that I didn't want to lose. Greatest loss is the length from my chin, I went in a little close and I lost far too fucking much (2-3 inches I'd imagine). Can't even do a proper beard stroke with it.

[Giggles]

Cunts standing too close behind you when queueing. Had some bitch this morning near in my back pocket until I walked back onto her foot.

[Disco]

Is that where you been all this time?

[Giggles]

Is that where you been all this time?

Spar?

[Dquincy]

Welcome back Giggles

You've been missed.

[Giggles]

Welcome back Giggles

You've been missed.

I'd doubt that.

Still 2nd highest poster after Magic too. What a shambles :face:

[Magic]

I think I'd have to go missing for a few years to lose my spot. Still, quantity and quality unlike How on the old board.

[bruhnaldo]

You deserve it for 'so0o0o0o0o', Bruh.

You deserve more than an irritating coworker for that, actually, but it'll do for now.

Fair, by the way.

[phonics]

This is proper first world problems stuff but this hotel has far too many staff. I think the idea is that you never have to do anything yourself and it's a service but I just thanked three people for pressing the elevator button for me.

[Shindig]

Because you're on your phone playing Pokemon Go or something? Pokemon Go, Fuck that. This is already swamping my facebook and twitter feeds.

[Giggles]

Because you're on your phone playing Pokemon Go or something? Pokemon Go, Fuck that. This is already swamping my facebook and twitter feeds.

http://www.idigitaltimes.com/pokemon-go-ruining-your-life-pokemon-no-chrome-extension-will-clean-your-internet-545577

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Pokemon Go is amazing you mong.

Everyone will be playing soon.

[Giggles]

Pokemon Go is amazing you mong.

Everyone will be playing soon.

It's for fucking mongs. Hopefully most of them walk off a cliff or into a lake playing it. Natural selection.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

The real beasts still refuse to walk.

Level 12 for me :drool:

[phonics]

Because you're on your phone playing Pokemon Go or something? Pokemon Go, Fuck that. This is already swamping my facebook and twitter feeds.

Me?

No, one sees you coming round the corner who tells someone else to press the button and then there's someone in the elevator to press your floor number for you.

[Giggles]

Me?

No, one sees you coming round the corner who tells someone else to press the button and then there's someone in the elevator to press your floor number for you.

I take it they're all expecting tipped too.

[phonics]

No thank god, although I did get stuck for 100 rand by this 'porter' at the airport who grabbed me and said 'Where you go? D3? I take you' and proceeded to take me to Terminal B and then told me D was 'over there'.

I went for 50 and he said 'no give me 100' and given that he's definitely not being paid by the airport and it's pennies difference I just gave it to him.

I keep giving ridiculous tips because I don't have small bills though. You're apparently supposed to give the guy who carries your bags up 10 rand. I gave him 50 as I didn't have anything smaller.

[Shindig]

You're a terrifying contradiction with your accidental high-roller escapades and tiny bank account.

[phonics]

You're a terrifying contradiction with your accidental high-roller escapades and tiny bank account.

Per diem. Gotta use it or I don't get it. Not my fault the system sucks. But yeah, I'm fucking awful with money and stuff like this goes a long way to explaining why I'm broke all the time..

[Shindig]

I'm also going to put this up in advance: Tonight me and a few work colleagues are going to a comedy night in town. The person whose idea it was has the worst laugh in human existence. It might just do me in.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cgb-JDLIOG0

[Baz]

It's her birthday on Sunday and literally nothing has turned up yet. :uhoh:

[Spikey M]

Let her have a go on Mike.

[Lewis]

It might be a bit of busman's holiday for him.

[Giggles]

Five Guys is opening here and everyone is absolutely losing their shit. It's a fucking burger.

[Lewis]

It's mega though.

[Giggles]

It's mega though.

I was talked into queueing for an hour and a half for a burger in Austin once and there's as nice a one in the pub up the road here.

[Baz]

It might be a bit of busman's holiday for him.:D Fuck off.

Bought a £1.50 car air freshener. At least she's got summat open.

[Boydy]

GBK is still the best burger chain. Five Guys and Shake Shack aren't all that. Byron was a bit disappointing too.

[Reg]

Yeah, I don't know why Byron is big. It's okay.

[Lewis]

It tastes like Burger King, but it probably attracts the sort of people who wouldn't go to Burger King.

[Boydy]

What does? Byron?

I reckon Five Guys isn't that much better than the Big Tasty from McDonald's but about three times the price.

[Spikey M]

I've only tried GBK out of any of those mentioned. It's alright. I nearly had Five Guys once but a combination of the prices and the fact that the food looked shit put me off. I wasn't wasting Westfield options on that shit. Chinese Streetfood. :drool:

[John]

I've never had a GBK but I bought a little pot of their 'habanero jam' the other week and I've been putting it on everything since.

[Boydy]

Aye, that stuff's good. I nearly always go for the burger with that on it.

[7om]

Five Guys are crap. I went there once out of desperation and had to wait about ten minutes while they cooked it from scratch. Alright in a restaurant but not when you're hanging around.

For burgers it's all about Wendy's. It's like Burger King on steroids.

[Giggles]

Five Guys are crap. I went there once out of desperation and had to wait about ten minutes while they cooked it from scratch. Alright in a restaurant but not when you're hanging around.

For burgers it's all about Wendy's. It's like Burger King on steroids.

Treble baconator :drool:

And in your hand in about 45 seconds.

[Kikó]

I had the mctasty the other day and it was surprisingly good. I've read the meat in McDonald's is actually pretty good standard.

[Giggles]

I had the mctasty the other day and it was surprisingly good. I've read the meat in McDonald's is actually pretty good standard.

I've been in the factory (apparently most of Europe's burgers for them are made in Waterford - 8 tonnes of them a shift) and the mix looks of pretty good quality.

[Boydy]

Big Tasty, you noob.

[SvN]

Five Guys are crap. I went there once out of desperation and had to wait about ten minutes while they cooked it from scratch. Alright in a restaurant but not when you're hanging around.

For burgers it's all about Wendy's. It's like Burger King on steroids.

I went to Wetherspoons for lunch today, and our food was on the table within 4 minutes of ordering.

[Giggles]

I went to Wetherspoons for lunch today, and our food was on the table within 4 minutes of ordering.

Tried them a few times since they opened here and it's a bit hit and miss for food, but the curries seem to be consistently decent. €1.95 pints too :drool:

[SvN]

I've found the one buy me to be super consistent. It's cheap, no frills and pretty much always spot on. It's obviously not gourmet, but for the price, the quality is excellent. I can't see any reason to go elsewhere for pub food if you're looking for a quick beer and burger.

[Lewis]

I don't think I've ever been in a Wetherspoons at night, when I bet they turn into Jeremy Kyle, but they're pretty great during the day.

[Kikó]

The White Swan in Islington is one of the grimmest Weatherspoons on the planet.

[Boydy]

The White Swan in Islington is one of the grimmest Weatherspoons on the planet.

I got threatened with being stabbed in the one in Stoke Newington because some mentalist who was hammered and banging on the table thought me and my mate were watching him and about to steal his drug stash that he was there to make some exchange for. We were looking at him but it was because he was banging on his fucking table. He then seemed to realise it had all been a hilarious mistake and offered to buy us a drink. We politely refused. Fucking nutter.

Besides that, I loved the place. And Spoons in general. It's great.

[Kikó]

The Spoons at the other end towards Angel is actually very nice. One in Bank as well is great. It's more than £2 cheaper than most places, it makes a mockery of the twatty prices.

[Raoul Duke]

The Baker Street one is swish. It's an old ballroom or something

[phonics]

Not technically burger related but South Africa is the first time I've seen a Wimpy in about a decade and they no longer sell burgers, The closest I could get to a burger was a chicken quesadilla.

[SvN]

Apparently there are 86 still in the UK. I saw one at a service station a year ago and was gobsmacked. I was under the impression they'd died years ago.

[phonics]

What a weird life it must be to operate a completely dead brand.

[Shindig]

People who go to comedy gigs and who are really please with themselves when they correctly predict the punchline. Yeah, you 'got' that one. Like it's an episode of Pointless or something.

[niko_cee]

I'm sure there's one at one of the M25 service stations (Clackett Lane maybe?).

I've also spotted one in Peacehaven I think, although it looks derelict (it isn't).

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

http://i.imgur.com/8xIcFUW.jpg

Real life Pokemon Go.

[Dquincy]

Where?

[Shindig]

No, mate. That's a frog or toad.

[Baz]

I'm in a similar situation. There's a rabbit on the rockery on my drive.

http://i.imgur.com/33VFXyf.jpg

I could do with moving it but don't wanna get bit, and don't have any thick gloves. It seems happy sat there chewing on dead leaves but it's pretty close to a road. I assume my cat brought it back and didn't quite kill it, but it's hopping about okay.

[Boydy]

Aww, give it some food.

[Magic]

Lol at the mould on those disgusting patio doors. I bet your house is disgusting How.

[Disco]

Just grab it behind the neck or by the ears, what are you going to do with it then though?

[mo]

Makes for a good stew.

[Baz]

It squealed like crazy when I finally caught it. Neighbours came out to see the show too - "are you looking for Pokemon?" - but I chucked it in a box and took it to the end of the road where there's a load of trees and stuff. See you later, Larry.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Lol at the mould on those disgusting patio doors. I bet your house is disgusting How.
The doors are shit and disgusting but that's not mould. It's spider webs.

[Shindig]

Baz, you have to adopt that rabbit or at least ask if any neighbours have lost one. D'awww.

[Mellberg]

I got threatened with being stabbed in the one in Stoke Newington because some mentalist who was hammered and banging on the table thought me and my mate were watching him and about to steal his drug stash that he was there to make some exchange for. We were looking at him but it was because he was banging on his fucking table. He then seemed to realise it had all been a hilarious mistake and offered to buy us a drink. We politely refused. Fucking nutter.

Besides that, I loved the place. And Spoons in general. It's great.

Weatherspoons is great for a bit of aggro. A bloke was going crackers a few years ago so I put him out with a fire extinguisher. The look of bemusement was priceless.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

By put him out did you smash him with said extinguisher or unload the contents on him?

Either way I'd have died laughing.

[Mellberg]

Unloaded the contents. Was pretty funny.

[Shindig]

Think my phone is dying. No coverage inside the house and the battery seems to deplete super quickly. Had a look to see if Wifi or Bluetooth was enabled by accident and there's no apps running in the background. I think its time to upgrade.

[Baz]

Larry (the rabbit) turned up again today. Dead. Cheers cat.

#pray4larry

[Disco]

#larrystew

[Magic]

#llm

[igor_balis]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=es5NX9xNC44

:eyemouth:

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

A video with 500k views? Poor form, Igor.

[igor_balis]

Sorry. Here's another one just as anger inducing with just 20k views:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0dWNhiJewIY&feature=youtu.be

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Someone keeps using my email to make accounts on various websites.

[Shindig]

Is it that camgirl?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I doubt she's a club penguin fan.

[Shindig]

She might have kids.

[Lewis]

I spied this (http://www.sainsburys.co.uk/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/gb/groceries/ambrosia-frozen-custard-vanilla-850ml?langId=44&storeId=10151&krypto=KjADAzaN7rIv%2BOSuZQQu203NQ3GmLicYoY5Ki2MhD sAZXhI4yjYyVqfvOLXZSYteKW64UzwVhARK4kgoFS59eaY%2Bz 4YGH%2FUUdmXRU%2Fy%2FJ%2Bg7HeCnv9eueGFKLNZUdRAh3GK fzVr5LB099%2Fvwkp4P5kds7TlxENsF4VphqytU5Uk%3D&ddkey=http%3Agb%2Fgroceries%2Fambrosia-frozen-custard-vanilla-850ml) the other day, but I didn't want to risk it when there was some top, top stuff on offer. Maybe next time.


Oh my.

:nodd:

[SincereTheRebel]

I would rather see a celebrity create their own dance/finishing move instead of following the trend. Just see lewis hamilton do the dab after he won the race. Create your own and run with. Be an innovator, not an imitator.

[Shindig]

People have the worst domestics on buses. Call them back. you twat.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

My dickhead chainsaw wielding neighbour.

Wouldn't be a problem if I wasn't an insomniac but as he is, he's a twat.

[Boydy]

The neighbour's kids who are always out playing like noisy little bastards in the garden now seem to have a drum kit. Fuck's sake.

[Lewis]

Get out there with your flu... Oh no wait you're bent.

[Giggles]

Go out there with your fleshy flute and they'll probably move.

[Boydy]

Get out there with your flu... Oh no wait you're bent.

Not that type of drum.

[Boydy]

Go out there with your fleshy flute and they'll probably move.
:D

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Saw a guy dressed as Altair (I find it a little bad that I knew exactly which assassin he was dressed as) from Assassin's Creed in town yesterday, why? I have no fucking idea. Was it a good costume? Nope. What did he seem to be doing? Just standing outside of Wilkinsons with a girl who wasn't in a costume.

[Dquincy]

Loud rev'd up cars and motorbikes. Fucking hate them...and the cunts that drive them.

Utter cunts.

[Disco]

"Where all the good stuff we does goes."

Because every time I see it I want it to be a play on words gone wrong but really it was probably just phonics being a mong.

[Giggles]

Loud rev'd up cars and motorbikes. Fucking hate them...and the cunts that drive them.

Utter cunts.

We've a cunt does donuts on the road outside the house at all hours with one of those dustbin exhausts. Bad enough but he's easily in his 40's.

The morning I hopefully go outside to see it upside down and his torched carcass being pulled from it :drool:

[Shindig]

Watching a CM01-02 playthrough and this cunt has no idea how to pronounce names. "Aaron Lennon's here! Anthony Lennon!? They've given him the wrong name and age."

[Dquincy]

We've a cunt does donuts on the road outside the house at all hours with one of those dustbin exhausts. Bad enough but he's easily in his 40's.

The morning I hopefully go outside to see it upside down and his torched carcass being pulled from it :drool:

I use to know a guy who followed home someone who cut him up. He then waited until night-time and slashed all the bloke's tyres. Bit mental.

He had anger issues, but I'm seriously considering it.

[Dquincy]

Watching a CM01-02 playthrough and this cunt has no idea how to pronounce names. "Aaron Lennon's here! Anthony Lennon!? They've given him the wrong name and age."

Link?

[Shindig]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=05XLA_1EW0E

Mainly looking for ways to make an 01-02 series interesting.

[Giggles]

I use to know a guy who followed home someone who cut him up. He then waited until night-time and slashed all the bloke's tyres. Bit mental.

He had anger issues, but I'm seriously considering it.

I wouldn't take the effort to do anything myself. I just want to stroll out and laugh.

[Spikey M]

I posted about motorbikes a few pages back, but yeah, I genuinely want every last one of them to crash and die. In an ideal world they'd remain sentient enough to think 'what a cunt I've been' before finally carcing it.

[Shindig]

I live by a biker road and love it. Proper bikes, though. Not those little dirt bikes. Do not underestimate how cool as fuck you can look in a Yamaha replica kit complete with Rossi leathers.

[Giggles]

I live by a biker road and love it. Proper bikes, though. Not those little dirt bikes. Do not underestimate how cool as fuck you can look in a Yamaha replica kit complete with Rossi leathers.

That'd be like going out getting into your Fiat Tipo in full Ferrari gear. Full kit wankers as they say.

[Shindig]

Yup. There was a lad that parked his Repsol Honda imposter outside the Subway he worked at. Looked fucking mint.

[Dquincy]

I live by a biker road and love it. Proper bikes, though. Not those little dirt bikes. Do not underestimate how cool as fuck you can look in a Yamaha replica kit complete with Rossi leathers.

You wouldn't if you had a 6 week old baby, trust me.

Fucking hate them. Even the little 50cc ones make that grating noise. Urgh.

[Yevrah]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=05XLA_1EW0E

Mainly looking for ways to make an 01-02 series interesting.

I still find it telling that Guido never did one of those.

[Baz]

Trying to write (http://www.littlemonstersforum.co.uk/images/q/t0ufhocx.png) a speech.

Should I write it out word for word to be read out in gormless fashion, or write bullet points and adlib on the day but risk forgetting something?

[Disco]

Write what you want to say then read through it and condense it a couple of times. You'll end up with bullet points as reminders and reading it through should commit most of it to memory.

Get Mike to do the gags though.

[niko_cee]

Depends how confident you are speaking. Bullet points and winging it is probably better, but equally more likely to go disastrously wrong (relatively speaking). No one is going to think anything of you reading something out - people are willing you on at a wedding, not looking for you to fail. If you have any say in the running order, try to break with tradition and do the speeches before the meal, because if you are nervous, it'll wreck your enjoyment of the meal if you don't.

[Baz]

Yeah I went a wedding in June and the newlywed couple didn't eat their meals because they were nervous (lol) so we're eating after the speaking.

As for getting Mike to do gags, is that cos it's not normal for a groom to tell jokes, or because he's funny and I'm not? :cry:

[Disco]

I'm just messing :D

Do you have to do the thanking of bridesmaids etc?

[Baz]

Yeah. I've gotta thank her dad for his speech, then her mum, then my parents, then her bridesmaids, then everyone else, then her brother, then all my mates, then mike and the reid. :cab: And all that's BEFORE I've talked soppy bollocks about the her.

[Disco]

Thank TTH and hand out some cards.

[Baz]

:D

I left all the ones I had left in Belgium.

[John]

For fuck sake. Fredman incoming.

[Shindig]

When you turn up at an empty dentist waiting room and still have to wait 4th in line to be seen.

[Spikey M]

Trying to write (http://www.littlemonstersforum.co.uk/images/q/t0ufhocx.png) a speech.

Should I write it out word for word to be read out in gormless fashion, or write bullet points and adlib on the day but risk forgetting something?

How confident are you? I did both my grooms speech and my best mans speech via bullet points and was fine. It's much more natural and allows you to add stuff that's come up during the day. Saying that, I'm used to speaking in front of large groups of people.

My best man wrote his word for word and it was good, he's not used to giving speeches so it worked. However, he thought it was a bit robotic so he switched and did bullet points for his own wedding. It was a disaster. He promptly shat his pants and just ended up reading the bullet point before repeating it slightly reworded a couple of times.

"Bridesmaids are looking beautiful. So, yeah, you're all looking beautiful. You look great."

Made my speech easier, mind.

[Chrissy]

Yeah. I've gotta thank her dad for his speech, then her mum, then my parents, then her bridesmaids, then everyone else, then her brother, then all my mates, then mike and the reid. :cab: And all that's BEFORE I've talked soppy bollocks about the her.

As someone that speaks in front of people every week with the pressure of having to be engaging here is my advice.7

- Don't be crude (she'll have relatives that hate it trust me no matter how funny you are)
- Speak from the heart. Be genuine. There is a reason comics write "buzzwords" on their hand. It's cause they have material to remember and want one word to remind them of what 5 minutes or so they'll talk about. Do the same but use a card sat in front of you in bold type. Do not make it scripted. Folk will switch off.
- Take into account your audience.

The above is all things people have already said here. What is important, more than all the above, is to enjoy the moment. This is a wonderful occasion with all the people you and your partner love there to share it. Smile, relax, deep breath and remember how actually brilliant it all is. If you can't enjoy moments like this in life then you never will.

[bruhnaldo]

these bitches are so fucking annoying in my office oh my GOD SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

[Dquincy]

these bitches are so fucking annoying in my office oh my GOD SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

Care to elaborate?

[bruhnaldo]

Care to elaborate?

"Like omg and then he text me a smiley face"
"Whaaat girl that's so crazy!!!"
"And he was like babe... this smiley face is a metaphor for US."
"Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww"

Not what they were saying but it might has well been.


edit: I work in a shared office space that's about 100 square feet (not counting various tables desks and bins) so it's pretty much every day.

[niko_cee]

Your office is 10 feet by 10 feet?

[bruhnaldo]

Your office is 10 feet by 10 feet?

okay maybe 10x15

[Mike]

Write what you want to say then read through it and condense it a couple of times. You'll end up with bullet points as reminders and reading it through should commit most of it to memory.

Get Mike to do the gags though.

Wrote mine. We open by apologising about how bad it is. Got it down to a single page of size 10 font though. Got told we had to make it quick! :D

[Spikey M]

I'd spend at least 3 quarters of the page on ear puns.

[Spoonsky]

Back in America and the first thing I do is lose my iPhone with all of the pictures. Fuck.

[Shindig]

There was a Chinese lass in town today wearing a backpack arse-backwards.

[Magic]

I thought Spoon was part of the Pepe club of being too cool to have a smartphone but actually just being a contrary, obtuse fucking gimp. How does your iPhone6+ look in those sepia filtered photos in The Highlands you cunt.

EDIT: OH WAIT YOU DON'T KNOW BECAUSE YOU LOST IT. YOU FUCKING LOST IT. No auto upload?

EDIT 2: Well lol the phone wouldn't be in the photos if it was taking them.

EDIT 3: Mormon prolapse.

[bruhnaldo]

I thought Spoon was part of the Pepe club of being too cool to have a smartphone but actually just being a contrary, obtuse fucking gimp. How does your iPhone6+ look in those sepia filtered photos in The Highlands you cunt.

EDIT: OH WAIT YOU DON'T KNOW BECAUSE YOU LOST IT. YOU FUCKING LOST IT. No auto upload?

EDIT 2: Well lol the phone wouldn't be in the photos if it was taking them.

EDIT 3: Mormon prolapse.

http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/5NbDIOS.gif

[Lewis]

I'm lolling my head off at that. What an amazing post.

[Mike]

I'd spend at least 3 quarters of the page on ear puns.

We figured we'd read it while pulling our ears out and puffing our cheeks out

[Spoonsky]

I'm lolling my head off at that. What an amazing post.

Made better by the fact that I found it.

[Sam]

There was a Chinese lass in town today wearing a backpack arse-backwards.

Normal sight whilst traveling to be fair.

[Shindig]

Not in fucking Durham it's not.

[Magic]

Handle heavy cutlery. My mum has these denby forks and knives that fall off the fucking plate. Worst if you wedge it under some food to take it to the table and it falls off and catapults a big dollop of eating material on to the floor.

[Boydy]

'eating material'

:D

[phonics]

To be fair, we've seen his cooking. Describing it as food would be going too far.

[Magic]

It was in reference to my mother's cooking, actually.

And my cooking is certainly ok.

[phonics]

Didn't you serve peri peri chicken with a hollondaise sauce or some monstrosity like that last time?

[Magic]

Yes and I admitted that was a mistake.

[phonics]

Mistake like the holocaust.

[Magic]

http://img.pandawhale.com/178301-awkward-black-kid-gif-imgur-lMNy.gif

[Spikey M]

Didn't you serve peri peri chicken with a hollondaise sauce or some monstrosity like that last time?

What.

[igor_balis]

It makes sense. Hollandaise sauce and ham is integral to eggs benedict, hollandaise sauce and salmon for eggs royale and you need hollandaise sauce and peri peri chicken for eggs magic is a fucking spastic.

[Magic]

It wasn't hollandaise sauce you fucking melts.

[igor_balis]

Embrace it man, fusion cuisine is very now. I once put lettuce and dried basil in a curry after I'd been out drinking for 14 hours, so it could be worse.

[Boydy]

It makes sense. Hollandaise sauce and ham is integral to eggs benedict, hollandaise sauce and salmon for eggs royale and you need hollandaise sauce and peri peri chicken for eggs magic is a fucking spastic.
:D


It wasn't hollandaise sauce you fucking melts.

What was it then?

[Shindig]

Pretty sure the person who knocked at my door before had my tickets for Saturday's match. They've buggered off.

[Spikey M]

Probably should have answered mate.

[Shindig]

... well, yeah. Thanks.

[Kikó]

Dabbed a stain on my work trousers with a wet red tissue for a bit of disaster recovery. Walking to work and notice it's dried a two red stains around my crotch. Brilliant.

[Boydy]

This 'Olympic Breakfast' shit on BBC in the mornings now. Cover the Olympics, sure, but don't let it take over everything.

[Giggles]

This 'Olympic Breakfast' shit on BBC in the mornings now. Cover the Olympics, sure, but don't let it take over everything.

Especially when they've 8 dedicated channels for it.

[John]

What was it then?

Was potato dauphinoise as a side or something, I'm sure.

[Magic]

That was it yep. Fucking hollandaise.

[John]

Still a disgrace.

[Magic]

As an aside, last night I had roasted chicken breast with chilli, lime and ginger sauce with stir fry rice noodles, peppers and katsu sauce. I had to eat them both separately as they didn't go together at all. :)

[Mazuuurk]

That actually does sound like it would go together. Whats the matter with you.

[Magic]

Maz can come to my dinner parties. :)

I'll be serving prawns on a bed of chocolate with mash potatoes.

[John]

Katsu sauce? Do you mean curry?

[Magic]

Well not really, I wouldn't call it a curry as it was purely sauce and was served with noodles.

[Mazuuurk]

Isn't Katsu sauce like Japanese or Korean, sort of like a soy-ish, sweet barbecuey sauce?

[John]

Katsu is breaded chicken.

[Magic]

Yeah, it's basically the sauce you serve with it.

[Mazuuurk]

That it is, you're right. I've even eaten that at Wagamama now that I think about it.

Nontheless, it seems to come with some trademark sauce. Or at least there's something called Katsu sauce:
http://www.kikkomanusa.com/homecooks/products/products_hc_details.php?pf=10507&fam=105


No idea if that's really part of the dish though, traditionally, if there's such a thing.

[Magic]

People who don't have out of offices to external messages, and then give a sarcastic comment in their e-mail when you chase them up that they were on holiday. Fucking spastics.

[Giggles]

People who don't have out of offices to external messages, and then give a sarcastic comment in their e-mail when you chase them up that they were on holiday. Fucking spastics.

Some companies don't allow it and you can't have one unless it's allowed on the server.

[Magic]

Well fuck them.

[SincereTheRebel]

Families over here complain that they have to take their children on holiday with them. I always say just leave them at home and they state they cant for human rights reasons. Just had a full 10 minutes of laughing at me because i said why dont you leave you children in a care home. Turns out such a service does not exist.

So just to make things clear, you can leave your old people/parents in a care home. You can leave your cat in a cattery and your dog in a kennel. But you cant leave your child in some childcare hotel while you fly around the world.

Have we just come across a brilliant idea or am i just stupid?

[Magic]

Pretty sure you can't just leave your old dear in a care home for 2 weeks whilst you go to Benidorm. This is why people still view you as third world, Sincy.

[Mazuuurk]

There are a whole bunch of problems with that. The first being that parents like to complain about how annoying their kids can be, but in truth often don't want to be away from them for very long in the end. It's a bit like having a job - you complain about it when you have it, but when you don't you realize how boring it is to not have one.

So there's that. But there's also the thing that a dog is, well, a dog, and doesn't compare. An oldie doesn't quite compare either because they are not as vulnerable (I mean if they ARE getting abused for instance, they can usually let you know - in theory at least - whereas a kid may be manipulated not to). But there's also the fact that oldies living in homes usually are there for good, you go visit them now and then, form a relationship with the caretakers, get a feel for the place. It's just like Kindergarden for your kid, where you get to know the people who work there.

But leaving your kids with strangers? Nobody would do that.

[Magic]

Some parents love leaving their kids with hotel creches whilst they go and get pissed. Unreal.

[Mazuuurk]

Yeah I have heard about that sort of thing existing in places like Magaluf or Zakynthos or whatever. That is indeed insane.

[SincereTheRebel]

There isnt an overnight nursery services? You can leave your child with a borderline stranger at nursery between 9am and 5pm. Would it really make a different it was overnight for two weeks straight.

[Mazuuurk]

The people who work at a nursery aren't borderline strangers. You meet them every day, talk to them. You have development talks, etc.

[SvN]

Borrowmybaby.com. Let's do it.