[BALL] Midweek Ball Thread (13/14 December)

[Giggles]

http://i.imgur.com/FFLYSb1.jpg

[John]

I haven't heard much of Steve Bananaman on comms before but good heavens he's crap, talking like he has some influence over the game.

'I don't need Everton to pass the ball about.'

[Magic]

We're dominating Reading here.

EDIT: Wood, 1-0. :drool:

[John]

'Well you talk about passion, how easy was this goal.'

You what, Steve?

[niko_cee]

Look at the state of the goal difference in the Championship.

KUTGW Leeds.

[John]

Wilshere has played more football this season than in the last two combined. Their medical team is just a circus.

[Giggles]

Don't Arsenal normally wait a bit longer to fuck things up?

[Mazuuurk]

Koscielny and Clattenburg could well be brothers.

[John]

This lad 'Gana' for Everton has looked like a pound shop Kante here. He's been all over the park and won the ball more often than not.

[Disco]

"Barkley hasn't looked up"

Well I for one am shocked at this revelation.

[Magic]

Absolutely fucking brilliant bounceback result after Brighton. Not just the result, but the absolute domination. Fantastic. Wonderful.

[Giggles]

That was some finish. How Arsenal didn't score.

[John]

"Barkley hasn't looked up"

Well I for one am shocked at this revelation.

Bananaman certainly was. It's as though these people have no ability to spot a pattern.

Barkley must be the thickest footballer going.

[Mazuuurk]

Arsenal are about to throw away any chance of the league here. I can see them fall apart over christmas after this.

[Disco]

Still available lads.

http://i.imgur.com/cUkKzjL.png

[Waffdon]

Chelsea are going to be about ten points clear by the time their next four games are over.

[Mazuuurk]

Yeah short of both Costa and Hazard getting crocked for fuck, I can't see them not winning the league to be honest.

[niko_cee]

They looked a pub side before this run started (and teams started chucking it into their own net/missing open goals from 3 yards). How many did Big Phil win before it all went down the toilet rapidement? After 6 games of the season City were going to win the league by 30 points. It's amazing how little the world can see beyond the end of its nose.

Now, if Liverpool and/or Arsenal are the (only) credible threats, well, then there's a problem.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Still think City will win it. My doom and gloom predictions of 6th are looking a little on the cautious side, though.

[Mazuuurk]

That's true Niko, but it does really seem like they have found a way to play that works out for them since then, and after all they had a new coach as well.

Now, they are not in the CL and I don't see why they can't keep it up. But who knows, I suppose.

[Jimmy Floyd]

We are pretty reliant on the current team not getting injured. The main revelation has actually been David Lewis.

[Lewis]

Arsenal are about to throw away any chance of the league here. I can see them fall apart over christmas after this.

What, really? Arsenal?

[niko_cee]

The best bit is that there was musing on something earlier that maybe getting biffed out of the Champions League by Bayern would be good for their title hopes.

I'd still expect them to go on a good run now unless they have a particularly horrendous fixture list. It's too early in the season to really meltdown.

[Mazuuurk]

What, really? Arsenal?

Yes, it would be quite typical of them actually. I don't know if you watch a lot of football, mate, but I do mate, and it would be typical of them. I can tell you that.

[Yevrah]

How does this article not mention Wayne Rooney?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/38301330

Was Simon Stone paid for writing it?

[Jimmy Floyd]

He is mentioned by implication (along with a nice old-fashioned 'the BBC understands'):


The BBC understands Mourinho acknowledges it might not be easy to move on high wage earners - but it is thought he views this as a matter for executive vice-chairman Ed Woodward to address.

Nobody in the world will pay Wayne a quarter of a million a week for whatever's left on his contract. Not even Shanghai Evercruel.

[Raoul Duke]

https://www.theguardian.com/football/2016/dec/13/crystal-palace-loan-ben-davies-gestede-alan-pardew

Gestede is such a 'holy balls Andy Carroll isn't available, this guy will do' signing

[Lewis]

The Chinese would be all over Wayne Rooney if he expressed even the slightest interest in moving there, since he would be their most high-profile player by an absolute mile, and they would pay him accordingly.

[Yevrah]

Still a whitewash by not specifically listing him in the section below.

And I'm not sure a Chinese club wouldn't be mad enough to stump that up. It'd be hilarious to see Wayne in China, he'd last about 5 minutes.

[Shindig]

Just chuck a million at Leon Best and move on, Alan.

[Jimmy Floyd]

He'd sacrifice all remaining credibility by going there. MLS more likely but they won't pay.

[John]

Imagine the state of him when he tried to order a chow mein and wound up with a face full of slimy Chinese mushroom.

[Yevrah]

But actually, more to the point, why would he go?

[Shindig]

PSG have the money but not the lack of sense.

[John]

His wife would do well out there, actually. There's a shitload of money floating around and no one has the taste or sense not to spend it all on perfume and clothing by someone named fucking 'Coleen'.

[Lewis]

We said the same things when David Beckham went to America at a similar age. He would go because they would give him loads and loads of money, which, if he only really has a few years left, and if nobody worth a wank in Europe would be interested in him, he might as well capitalise on. We probably forget how marketable he is when we're calling him bollocks, and if he turned up in China with the England and United goal records the league would probably bung him another twenty million a year to be on the official posters and have his picture taken with various waxworks.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Yeah, but America's America. China is full of stupid vegetables and silly insects, and you can't go on twitter.

[Yevrah]

We said the same things when David Beckham went to America at a similar age. He would go because they would give him loads and loads of money, which, if he only really has a few years left, and if nobody worth a wank in Europe would be interested in him, he might as well capitalise on. We probably forget how marketable he is when we're calling him bollocks, and if he turned up in China with the England and United goal records the league would probably bung him another twenty million a year to be on the official posters and have his picture taken with various waxworks.

I mean why would he go now rather than just sit on his hands until 2019 earning whatever obscene amount Utd signed him up to?

[Lewis]

I think quite a lot of his United deal is dependent upon how much United use him in their marketing campaigns, which would obviously diminish if he was on the fringes of things, and probably is doing anyway with Paulp Ogba being Adidas' golden boy. He could sit around at United on £250000 a week until 2019, or he could wheeze about in China for twice that until 2021. What would you do if you were thick?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Speaking of Chinese halfwits, lol at Birmingham sacking Gary Rowett, unless there's more to it like him nutting someone in the canteen or whatever. If it's a footballing decision, it's a mental one.

[Disco]

They're 7th with no money(?), where were they expecting to be?

[7om]

I can't believe it. I just saw it on BBC and my jaw is almost on the floor. The guy has done an absolutely incredible job for us in two years. If this is a footballing decision then I honestly don't know what this game is anymore. I'm in shock.

[niko_cee]

The whole of the backroom has gone as well hasn't it?

Hopefully the owner takes over in the interim. At least for the next game.


British Virgin Islands company Trillion Trophy Asia Limited, which is wholly owned by Wealthy Associates International Limited, which in turn is ‘wholly and beneficially’ owned by Paul Suen Cho Hung.

Got to love those names.

[Davgooner]

Xhaka's having a fucking mare, it has to be said. Don't think he's anywhere near the player most people thought we'd bought; sits off the play far too much before going in like a madman at the last minute. Proper careless in possession as well.

FUCK Ashley Williams.

[7om]

Some geezer on my Facebook when discussing potential replacements:


Roy Hodgson. At least he pronounces his name how the board will say it.

[phonics]

Davgooner: Thought Ozil was the biggest culprit last night, barely got a pass off and fluffed the only other clear chance we had outside of our goal and the goalmouth scramble that occured after we'd gone 2-1 down.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The only place you can go after sacking a successful manager is to a foreign blank page, to get a few chins stroked and time bought. If they appoint a Ron Manager who we already know to be shit, it'll turn into even more of a seething shitpit than it is at the best of times.

[7om]

The only place you can go after sacking a successful manager is to a foreign blank page, to get a few chins stroked and time bought. If they appoint a Ron Manager who we already know to be shit, it'll turn into even more of a seething shitpit than it is at the best of times.

I know exactly where this is going. We'll get some no-mark yes man who is in their triad pockets and we'll sign a load of crap from the Portuguese second tier and washed up Italians. AKA Wolves right now.

I honestly thought we were in the process of rebuilding something with this club as it's been an absolute mess ever since Carson Yeung took over from Brady, Sullivan and Gold in 2009. Team performance was shite, attendances have plummeted and with a general sense of bewilderment amongst the fanbase. Rowett really had started to bring some of the faith back. Lee Clark was a completely incompetant cunt and Rowett did a really great job of tidying up the shambles he left behind. He brought through Jack Butland Demarai Gray who are now in the Premiership and we've got a whole host of other kids being brought through which will no doubt be wasted in place of foreign shite.

If these wankers do as I expect them to do, then it might just break me (and probably a lot of other fans as well) and my love for this club.

[Lewis]

This (http://www.mirror.co.uk/sport/football/news/its-fine-pep-guardiola-doesnt-9452252) will cheer you (and everybody else) up, mate.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Wolves 16/17 is the absolute model of how not to run a football club.

[Reg]

This (http://www.mirror.co.uk/sport/football/news/its-fine-pep-guardiola-doesnt-9452252) will cheer you (and everybody else) up, mate.
:D Excellent.

[phonics]

That Collymore article is the definition of a dril tweet

http://66.media.tumblr.com/8c81951874d7ed80798b273e32e0a571/tumblr_mn1r17qUMD1qb6825o2_r1_500.png

[Lewis]

'Five fun runs in two years. So why don't you ask Phillipa Norris, or, you know, Simon Coleman at MENCAP what they think of David Brent?'

[John]

Collymore is a titanic dickhead.

[phonics]

I know exactly where this is going. We'll get some no-mark yes man who is in their triad pockets and we'll sign a load of crap from the Portuguese second tier and washed up Italians. AKA Wolves right now.

I honestly thought we were in the process of rebuilding something with this club as it's been an absolute mess ever since Carson Yeung took over from Brady, Sullivan and Gold in 2009. Team performance was shite, attendances have plummeted and with a general sense of bewilderment amongst the fanbase. Rowett really had started to bring some of the faith back. Lee Clark was a completely incompetant cunt and Rowett did a really great job of tidying up the shambles he left behind. He brought through Jack Butland Demarai Gray who are now in the Premiership and we've got a whole host of other kids being brought through which will no doubt be wasted in place of foreign shite.

If these wankers do as I expect them to do, then it might just break me (and probably a lot of other fans as well) and my love for this club.

lol

809069283183644675

[7om]

What did I just say about washed up Italians? Fucking disgusting. I hope the inevitable protests this weekend turn violent.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I love Gian-fran-co Zo-la obviously, but why sack Gary Rowett for him? Even in their minds, I mean.

[Disco]

Collymore referencing 'one on one combat'.

Yeah Stan? Is that really the road you want to take this down?

[7om]

I'm going to bow out of the thread at this point before I pick up an infraction for racism.

[bruhnaldo]

I doubt you'll accumulate enough points for a ban, bub.

[Disco]

I'm going to bow out of the thread at this point before I pick up an infraction for racism.

Is that how you get out of arguing with the wife as well?

[7om]

Is that how you get out of arguing with the wife as well?

She's already heard the rant today. No fucks given at this point.

[SvN]

Collymore is trying so fucking hard to hide his absolute seethe there with no luck at all. Fucking brilliant.

[phonics]

While we're on the subject of seethe, Gary Neville is definitely not, I repeat, DEFINITELY NOT seething.

809092027182968837

[Yevrah]

As I've maintained for some time now, Gary Neville is a massive twat and a fraud.

[Ian]

He is a twat, but why is he a fraud? Because he had a laughably shit attempt at management?

[SvN]

He's a pundit, that's it. I'm not sure how you think he's a fraud.

[phonics]

Think I might just set up a bot that replies 'Shut Up And Do Your Job' to every tweet he makes. He'd probably start Quote Tweeting it telling me how many hotels he owns.

[Jimmy Floyd]

In fairness to his management stint, his Valencia successors have since made his efforts look like a joyous paean to the art of winning trophies.

[John]

The BT bods have just credited Mathieu Flamini with 'four hundred Premier League appearances'.

[Lewis]

The 'keep your mouth shut' was about letting your performances speak for you, not silencing people. It is an 'odd take' on it, and Marine Hyde is rubbish.

[Luke Emia]

That situation at Birmingham is one of the most bizarre things I have ever done. When he took over they were relegation fodder, he's spent jack shit got them well up the table and been sacked. My dad is a blues fan and he is seething. I don't think he will be out of a job for long because I really think he's got something about him.

[John]

That situation at Birmingham is one of the most bizarre things I have ever done. When he took over they were relegation fodder, he's spent jack shit got them well up the table and been sacked. My dad is a blues fan and he is seething. I don't think he will be out of a job for long because I really think he's got something about him.

Shouldn't have sacked him then should you.

[John]

Lol at Palace calling turning their floodlights on and off a 'light show'.

[Mazuuurk]

United are really fielding a slow team here. Literally not a pacey player in the bunch.

[Yevrah]

He's a pundit, that's it. I'm not sure how you think he's a fraud.

Because his managerial and coaching stints have been woeful.

[John]

Being able to anticipate and influence the game and being able to interpret then talk about what's happened in an engaging way are completely separate skills. He can be both a cracking pundit and a terrible manager without being a fraud.

[Yevrah]

Being able to anticipate and influence the game and being able to interpret then talk about what's happened in an engaging way are completely separate skills. He can be both a cracking pundit and a terrible manager without being a fraud.

He's taken far more seriously than any pundit I can ever recall, as if he somehow has a coaching/managerial standing in the game of repute. Given all the evidence to date suggests he's actually shit at both, surely it's his punditry that's helped carved this reputation out.

It's serious Emperor's new clothes stuff.

[Raoul Duke]

He was pretty much the on-field rep/Captain (post-Keane) at the most successful club in the world, for the best manager of all time. He's going to have some cred.

Plus when the competition is simpletons like Michael Owen or Robbie Savage, you're going to stand out if you can string an engaging sentence together.

[Lewis]

So who are the better pundits? His 'managerial standing' is irrelevant.

[Gray Fox]

90% sure I've just seen Karius crying on the bench.

[Jimmy Floyd]

He's taken more seriously because he is quite eloquent and used to play for Manchester United.

Alan Hansen was taken seriously once.

[Yevrah]

So who are the better pundits?

He's a very good pundit, but far too many people are confusing that with an ability to manage/coach.

[Yevrah]

He was pretty much the on-field rep/Captain (post-Keane) at the most successful club in the world, for the best manager of all time. He's going to have some cred.


Yeah, there'll definitely be the Man Utd/Ferguson factor in there, but even that wore off with the likes of Steve Bruce and Mark Hughes.

[John]

He's coming on the back of Alan Hansen shrugging his way through world cups and lolling at anyone showing knowledge. His extended tactical breakdowns on MNF made him look like a genius to the masses with that as the background.

I don't think he's done anything himself to feed the image of him as mes que un pundit, so calling him a fraud is still a bit harsh, but the fact that he took the Valecia job out of nowhere suggests that he may have bought into the hype somewhat.

[John]

He's a very good pundit, but far too many people are confusing that with an ability to manage/coach.

I haven't seen any of them, that nugget he bought the hotel with aside.

[Reg]

Who are these people, Yev?

Most people think he's an excellent pundit (and he is; he's largely responsible for upping the expectations across punditry) but I haven't actually heard/seen anyone imply he's therefore a talented coach or manager.

[randomlegend]

Palace have been proper dirty cunts so far. The ref not carding either of those last two challenges is a joke.

[Lewis]

He got in with England about eight months after he joined Sky, so that appointment was presumably due more to his eighty caps and medal collection (and coaching licences) than his punditry, and why wouldn't you take the Valencia job if somebody offered it? Unless 'too many people' refers to the idiot that runs Valencia.

[John]

That Cabaye dive. :D

[Yevrah]

Who are these people, Yev?

Most people think he's an excellent pundit (and he is; he's largely responsible for upping the expectations across punditry) but I haven't actually heard/seen anyone imply he's therefore a talented coach or manager.

He was welcomed into the England set up under a tsunami of bunting and was given the Valencia job out of nowhere. Fuck, he was even favourite to take the England job after Hodgson for quite some time.

Ok, that's taken a bit of knock with how both those roles went, but let's not pretend these people don't exist. Albeit I'd like to think we don't have any here.

A simple test is who would you rather managed your club? Steve Bruce, Mark Hughes or Gary Neville.

[Reg]

Either of the first two.

I thought you meant fans, pundits etc - not FA employees and the Valencia owners.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The Valencia job was an absolute hospital pass, a terribly run club with high expectations doing dreadfully in a league even God couldn't win. He probably only took it to stay in with Lim.

[Manc]

Can't wait for Sutton to win the Champions league.

[Yevrah]

Either of the first two.

Then you're not one of them.

But I did mean fans, pundits etc.

http://www.mirror.co.uk/sport/football/news/next-england-manager-7-candidates-8921092

[John]

A simple test is who would you rather managed your club? Steve Bruce, Mark Hughes or Gary Neville.

Hughes, but that's not much of a test. Who would you rather directed the film you're watching? Tom Six, Uwe Boll, or Mark Kermode.

[Yevrah]

Either of the first two.

Like I said, I didn't think we'd have any here.

But then we're not representative of the wider footballing populace.

[7om]

If our owners appoint Neville I'll slit my throat.

[John]

That's properly dirty from Rojo. He looks a bit like Fairuza Balk.

[Lewis]

What a world class gypo Marcos Rojo is.

[Pleb]

Rojo should of got a red for finger wagging if we're getting a bit picky here.

Getting a yellow for a two footed challenge is lol really.

[7om]

Zola officially appointed. I'm fucking done.

[Lewis]

Can't you even?

[randomlegend]

The refereeing in our last two matches has been atrocious towards both teams, and Rojo should have been sent off in both.

[7om]

Just checked his Wikipedia and he's been out of work for a year after been sacked by Al-Arabi. Someone explain this to me, immediately.

[Manc]

Panache.

[Lewis]

The refereeing in our last two matches has been atrocious towards both teams, and Rojo should have been sent off in both.

Quality goal for it as well.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Just checked his Wikipedia and he's been out of work for a year after been sacked by Al-Arabi. Someone explain this to me, immediately.

I don't know who it is that makes the decisions there, but based on the childlike third world logic these people normally use, they will probably have seen the Newcastle 4-0 result, and decided based on that the former defender has to be sacked and replaced by a flairy attacker who will teach them how to score lots of goals.

That's the closest I can get, anyway.

Either that or Rowett's with the wrong agent and Zola's with the right one.

[Baz]

Origi :cool:

[Shindig]

Apparently I missed seeing the Chelsea squad in town. Meh.

[John]

Bailly should have been off an hour ago.

[John]

Apparently I missed seeing the Chelsea squad in town. Meh.

I saw Peter Lovenkrands in Tesco earlier. His girlfriend/wife is a beauty.

About fifteen years ago he was offering his agent millions to get him a date with Christina Aguilera, who is now a fat trollop. Lucky escape, Pedro.

[Lewis]

'Zlatan' just took the free-kick of the season.

[randomlegend]

That save was absolutely brilliant.

[John]

That's a lovely goal. Delaney will break his ankle if he ever tries that again.

[randomlegend]

This referee, fucking hell...

EDIT: And again...

[John]

Has there been a single correct decision?

[randomlegend]

If we don't win this the Mourinho is going to get himself banned for life with his post-match comments.

It's been absolutely abysmal from the officials.

[mugbull]

falling further down the table :drool:

[Magic]

What the fuck is this ref? Also Rojo should get a retrospective 5 game ban. Scummy cunt.

[Shindig]

9 points clear of third. Nice.

John, I'd love to have a conversation with Lovenkrands. Just to see where his accent goes.

[Raoul Duke]

9 points clear of third. Nice.

John, I'd love to have a conversation with Lovenkrands. Just to see where his accent goes.

I reckon Scandi's adopt UK accents pretty well. Schmeichel has a pretty strong Manc accent

[randomlegend]

Ole Gunnar Solkjaer's accent is astounding.

[John]

Lovenkrands' is fairly Glaswegian. He spent a while in Newcastle and seems to spend half his time hanging around with Martyn Waghorn now though, so he might have developed some of that incomprehensible Geordie twang.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Pogba's swan dive :harold:

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

That was great by Paulp.

[randomlegend]

Get fucked Pardew you stupid faced cunt.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Since we're now champions elect, the rest of the season is basically an Arsenal v Liverpool v United battle to see who can BOTTLE the top four.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Arsenal don't bottle the 4th placed trophy.

[Lewis]

I hope United spend at least three days a week looking for Michael Carrick's eventual like-for-like replacement, because they will fall to pieces without one.

[John]

That's pleasant. After the pregame piece on Pardew, in which he produced all the old favourites about never getting the chance he deserved at a big club, I was hoping for an offside last minute winner that broke as many other rules as possible but that'll do.

[Reg]

I hope United spend at least three days a week looking for Michael Carrick's eventual like-for-like replacement, because they will fall to pieces without one.
Still their best midfielder after all these years. Possibly since Scholes retired (the first time).

Unless Mata counts as a midfielder. Let's say only central midfielders.

[Lewis]

Still their best midfielder after all these years. Possibly since Scholes retired (the first time).

Unless Mata counts as a midfielder. Let's say only central midfielders.

It might be the system and a more limited/specific role getting the best out of him, but he is genuinely better now than he has ever been (or at least more consistent, since he was prone to being overwhelmed against better midfields, and he was appalling in David Moyes' 4-4-fucking-2). Who is the obvious replacement beyond Toni Kroos or Marco Verratti? Somebody should be working it out.

[Shindig]

"After an exhaustive six month search, your scout has come up with the following names:

Darren Fletcher."

[Dark Soldier]

It might be the system and a more limited/specific role getting the best out of him, but he is genuinely better now than he has ever been (or at least more consistent, since he was prone to being overwhelmed against better midfields, and he was appalling in David Moyes' 4-4-fucking-2). Who is the obvious replacement beyond Toni Kroos or Marco Verratti? Somebody should be working it out.

Many are touting Weigl from Dortmund as the natural replacement, fuck knows how much he'd cost though. Not that it matters, just get a sponsorship with a Hong Kong toilet roll firm.

[Lewis]

I forgot Jack Wilshere. Remember that game against Barcelona?

[Yevrah]

I wonder how long Engand will persevere with that waster.

Oh the joy.

[John]

Calum Chambers still seems to get absolutely roasted against anyone with a hint of pace. Shouldn't he be developing a sense of positioning to help him out by now?

[John]

Phil Neville's word choice is great.

'Moyes will be trying to suck every bit of energy, creativity, quality out of them.'

Now 'was' and 'is' mean the same thing. Get to your bed, Phil.

[Yevrah]

Phil excelling himself again there.

[John]

'We've restricted their attempts.'

Really, Mike? 27 attempts seems like enough.

[Kikó]

Good result last night and Palace's ground is a good laugh. There weird light show and cheerleaders aside, the euro style effort at atmosphere is pretty cool.

Pogba is a huge annoyance. He needs to stop playing like he's in a youtube video and sort his passing out. We dominated the game though yesterday and if we could actually put teams away could have finished that easily.

[John]

Chris Sutton is wearing a Christmas jumper and shiny trainers.

[Giggles]

Are Newcastle renovating the ground or have they just got those big banners over the seats because nobody is turning up any more?

And how does Steven Naismith go from being the main thing keeping Everton ticking over to the bench of a mid table championship club in such a short time?


.

[John]

BT Sports idiot has just described our formation as a 'constellation'.

[John]

I don't think any of this BT team actually like eachother. Sutton to Butcher just now; 'Careful what you say Terry, because all you've done since we met this afternoon is bore me to tears.' Delivered completely deadpan and received with no mirth at all by Butcher.

[John]

Sutton now scoffing at the idea of blankets for the players on the bench, and absolutely incredulous that someone might be keeping track of how many yellow cards a player has been given.

He's basically Alan Hansen now.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I don't think any of this BT team actually like eachother. Sutton to Butcher just now; 'Careful what you say Terry, because all you've done since we met this afternoon is bore me to tears.' Delivered completely deadpan and received with no mirth at all by Butcher.

This is why he's the best pundit of all time. He's in there, roughing up the Proper Football Men, and they don't know what to do about it.

[Shindig]

How long before Valencia offer him a job?