News of the day

[Toby]

Fucking hell they've shut the Edinburgh city bypass because some fucking lunatic is wandering about on it with a weapon attacking people that get out of their cars?

I assume this was a joke on the back of John's post, given it's obviously not true.

[Magic]

There were a few tweets saying that so fuck you.

[Magic]

http://www.thecourier.co.uk/news/local/dundee/thousands-flock-to-caird-hall-for-minecraft-sensation-stampy-cat-1.913261

:sick:

Presumably some of you gamer freaks know who this is?

"The gaming fanatic, who has built up a six million strong army of fans, has become a YouTube phenomenon by uploading internet videos of himself playing popular strategy game Minecraft."

:D

[phonics]

http://www.thecourier.co.uk/news/local/dundee/thousands-flock-to-caird-hall-for-minecraft-sensation-stampy-cat-1.913261

:sick:

Presumably some of you gamer freaks know who this is?

"The gaming fanatic, who has built up a six million strong army of fans, has become a YouTube phenomenon by uploading internet videos of himself playing popular strategy game Minecraft."

:D

Yeah he's massive with kids. CBeebies has him on all the time because kids care more about watching him than normal TV.

Whats so weird about it?

[Shindig]

"And now here's DarkSydePhil with the weather..."

<consults chat for forecast>

[Disco]

My nephews are 7, they almost fell over when I told them I not only knew what Minecraft was but had played it for ages. No idea who this guy is though.

[igor_balis]

BREAKING NEWS


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Dt6acr8xd0

Still better than Krishnan Guru-Murthy

[Shindig]

What annoys me about Lets Plays is how much of that is driven by kids. So the really shit ones gain serious traction from making common-denominator jokes or just screeching into a scare cam.

[Magic]

An ex-colleague's brother has just been attacked by a Grizzly in the Rockies. He survived and has some pretty cool injuries. How he survived I'm not entirely sure but when they heal scars+story=pussy.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

http://www.thecourier.co.uk/news/local/dundee/thousands-flock-to-caird-hall-for-minecraft-sensation-stampy-cat-1.913261

:sick:

Presumably some of you gamer freaks know who this is?

"The gaming fanatic, who has built up a six million strong army of fans, has become a YouTube phenomenon by uploading internet videos of himself playing popular strategy game Minecraft."

:D

His laugh might be the worst noise known to man.

[Magic]

http://www.thesportbible.com/articles/paul-gascoigne-has-revealed-the-shocking-truth-behind-raoul-moat-incident

:D

Following on from that: http://news.sky.com/story/1498376/gazza-reveals-his-gaza-strip-paranoia

Not sure if cereal...

[Disco]

'And the Gazza...', and I'd be like, 'What's that?!', and I realised it was the Gaza Strip. I couldn't wait for that to end."

Yeah I'm glad that's all blown over now.

[Raoul Duke]

Gives me another chance to post this:

http://www2.b3ta.com/fp-archive/host/9288921-1.jpg

[niko_cee]

http://www.theguardian.com/football/2015/dec/01/mauritania-president-super-cup-orders-penalties-63rd-minute

:D

That's the kind of thing proper tinpot dictators should be getting up to. Like that Uzbek (?) nutter who randomly changed words (bread to the name of his mother or something), while he wasn't boiling political prisoners alive in oil, hmm.

[Boydy]

Could cat videos be a hit in cinemas? (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-34981684)

Wut

[Raoul Duke]

Probably in Shoreditch, yeah.

[niko_cee]

Pistorius has been found guilty of murder, or had his conviction upgraded or somesuch.

[Boydy]

672778143795691520

[phonics]

That's so good if it's true.

[phonics]

Bloody hell it is

http://www.theguardian.com/media/2015/dec/04/itv-ainsley-harriott-lenny-henry-knighthood?CMP=twt_gu

:D

[Magic]

Man has same pair of glasses for his entire life.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3343102/Maoist-cult-leader-GUILTY-string-sex-assaults-cruelty-child-false-imprisonment.html

[Lewis]

What sort of name is 'Lenworth Henry'? Is that the original stupid black name?

[Foe]

So this happened overnight.

https://cdn.rt.com/files/2015.12/original/5662c443c46188534a8b4574.jpg

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-35016461

My gaff are quite big out there so I feared the worse but it's a state-owned asset. Still though, high winds being put down as the root cause and there's about 32 people killed as an estimate.

[Giggles]

What a trooper.

http://www.joe.ie/news/video-rtes-teresa-mannion-just-delivered-one-of-the-greatest-news-reports-of-all-time/522369


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4eztSxvImJk

[Giggles]

What a trooper.

http://www.joe.ie/news/video-rtes-teresa-mannion-just-delivered-one-of-the-greatest-news-reports-of-all-time/522369




People have waaaaaaaaaaay too much time on their hands.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bzx3MeYonT8

[Lewis]

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/stefonknee-wolschtt-transgender-father-leaves-family-in-toronto-to-start-new-life-as-a-six-year-old-a6769051.html

Trannies are mentally ill pt. 205875.

[Shindig]

Stefonknee. Hell. That's the worst name I've seen this week. Axton's off the hook.

[Weaver]

Not sure if this has been posted anywhere else, but Honduras international and ex-Rangers player Arnold Peralta has been shot dead.

BBC reckon he was on holiday in his hometown of La Ceiba and he was shot in a shopping centre car park. A minute silence will be held before Rangers vs Morton this weekend.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I saw a graphic the other day that had Honduras as the worst country in the world for being murdered by an absolute mile. In Tegucigalpa, the capital, the annual murder rate was higher than 1 per 1,000 citizens (in London it's 1 in 100,000).

The official stats I'm reading now back that up, with Honduran murder rates nearly twice as bad as the next worst country, which is Venezuela.

[John]

The club he was playing for is in Tegucigalpa, so it's a serious bit of bad luck to live there and be shot to death somewhere with a lower murder rate.

[Boydy]

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/stefonknee-wolschtt-transgender-father-leaves-family-in-toronto-to-start-new-life-as-a-six-year-old-a6769051.html

Trannies are mentally ill pt. 205875.

What the fuck. She has a relationship but she's apparently six? Doesn't that make whoever's banging her a paedo?

[Shindig]

No. Its an adult man choosing to pretend. He's not actually a child.

[Kikó]

CourtNewsUK @CourtNewsUK
Saudi millionaire accused of rape said he innocently went to speak to teenager, but penis may have been poking out the top of his trousers

CourtNewsUK @CourtNewsUK
Then he fell on the girl, which may explain why his semen was found in her vagina.

[Boydy]

No. Its an adult man choosing to pretend. He's not actually a child.

Obviously, but within their logic it would.

[wullie]

Falling on things is a great excuse when you go to hospital with a lightbulb stuck in your anus, but that rapist is just pushing believability.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I'm convinced.

[Spoonsky]

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/stefonknee-wolschtt-transgender-father-leaves-family-in-toronto-to-start-new-life-as-a-six-year-old-a6769051.html

Trannies are mentally ill pt. 205875.

Fair enough, [s]he's mentally ill, but just what are the 'adoptive family' playing at?

[Mellberg]

I hope they've only adopted that with the intention of burying it alive.

[Shindig]

She explains how her new parents’ youngest granddaughter wanted a little sister and decided Ms Wolschtt should be younger than her.

What a pair of Fritzels.

[Kikó]

@CourtNewsUK
Saudi millionaire cleared of raping teen after claiming he accidentally penetrated her when he slipped and fell

[Henry]

http://www.breakingnews.ie/discover/this-video-painfully-shows-why-you-should-pay-attention-at-level-crossings-711699.html

Idiot hit by train, but survives.

[simon]

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3362414/Benefits-cheat-claimed-ill-bed-filmed-performing-male-burlesque-dancer-called-Ian-Kognito.html

Ian Kognito. :D

[niko_cee]

That's Ian's avatar sorted for next year.

[Boydy]

http://theweek.com/speedreads/594677/dogs-are-just-selfless-hoped-according-science

Dogs. :)

[Magic]

Someone that went to the same school as the wife has just posted on FB about her new baby girl (the other two are in care).

She's called it...'Khaleesi'.

Khaleesi Barry.

:D

Edit: yes she's a fat white cunt.

[John]

Apparently kids named after Game of Thrones characters are getting more and more common. I read something a while back that said there have been a load of Aryas, Theons, and Sansas. I wonder if there are any Joffreys or Cerseis.

The Theons are going to be seriously miffed in fifteen years when they get hold of the season three boxset, particularly if they were born after that season aired.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'm calling my son Qhorin now. Or Jaqen H'ghar. No, Hizdahr zo Loraq. That's the one.

[Boydy]

There should be a list of approved names and nothing else allowed.

[John]

A man would name a boy Jaqen?

I bet there's a few of those already. That character is fucking great and Jaqen isn't that strange a name.

[Shindig]

I've seen two Ayrton's whilst at work.

[Spoonsky]

My history teacher's brother just named his kid Lovely Rita. As in, first name of Lovely, middle name of Rita. Apparently all their kids have Beatles' names. Molly Jones I can accept, but you've just subjected this poor girl to a childhood of taunting and assumptions (unless, by the time she's in school, every kid will have equally dumb names).

[Shindig]

None of the kids will get the reference.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I wonder if anyone would call their child Hodor.

[John]

If they were naming their children today there would definitely be a Xaro Xhoan Daxos Geldof.

[Reg]

My history teacher's brother just named his kid Lovely Rita. As in, first name of Lovely, middle name of Rita. Apparently all their kids have Beatles' names. Molly Jones I can accept, but you've just subjected this poor girl to a childhood of taunting and assumptions (unless, by the time she's in school, every kid will have equally dumb names).
Yep, she'll fit in fine with all the Hopes and Faiths and Ambitions.

[-james-]

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3366958/Dutch-instructors-barter-tuition-sex.html

Truly outdutched themselves.

[Reg]

'It is important that the initiative lies with the driving instructor, and focuses on offering a driving lesson, with the payment provided in sexual acts'
Seems reasonable.

[simon]

The unusual law dubbed 'a ride for a ride'

The Dutch are brilliant. :D

[Mazuuurk]

This isn't "News" at all, but I stumbled upon this and laughed out loud when I saw there's a professor at London School of Marketing actually called "Jacques de Cock" :D

http://www.thedrum.com/news/2015/12/17/how-disney-gave-star-wars-brand-marvel-treatment

[Disco]

Tokyo Sexwale says hi.

[Davgooner]

Might have already been posted, but this is pretty shit hot: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-35157782

[Giggles]

Strange. Has to be a Photoshop prank.


http://www.joe.ie/news/pic-irishman-spots-very-strange-figure-in-clouds-during-flight-back-to-cork-for-christmas/524826

[P_3]

So that care home on the front of all newspapers today, I used to work there until March. Popped down there in the afternoon yesterday, naturally everyone was shook up. Old chap was planning to end his life too. Very sad. Doubt this is the kind of publicity the place needs though.

[Raoul Duke]

Someone's got to bring the NHS budget down.

[Giggles]

What was it?

[Giggles]

He got some clatter.


http://www.independent.ie/irish-news/news/man-in-critical-condition-after-motorbike-collided-with-garda-patrol-car-in-dublins-north-inner-city-34314068.html


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cOV4PY8_zDQ

[Pepe]

http://www.slate.com/blogs/the_slatest/2015/12/30/toy_plane_confuses_american_children_with_islamic_ prayer_noises.html


Stick batteries into this toy plane, and it does what a normal toy plane might do—rolls around and lights up. But then it also does something else—emits what appears to be an Islamic prayer.

[randomlegend]

There's that building in Dubai what's on fire and ting.

[Spoonsky]

http://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/fire-breaks-out-dubai-skyscraper-near-burj-khalifa-n488586

I swear the exact thing happened a year ago.

[John Arne]

What a statue....
http://www.theguardian.com/world/2016/jan/05/giant-golden-chairman-mao-built-by-chinese-villagers

http://s4.reutersmedia.net/resources/r/?m=02&d=20160104&t=2&i=1106929797&w=976&fh=&fw=&ll=&pl=&sq=&r=2016-01-04T183013Z_20642_GF10000282255_RTRMADP_0_CHINA-ODDLY

[Magic]

That smog. It reminds me of shit PS1 WW1 FPS shooters where the graphics were atrocious.

[Magic]

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/12081871/Marks-and-Spencer-luxury-biscuit-is-custard-cream-in-disguise.html

What in the flying fuck? :D

[Davgooner]

Hark at the fella involved.


"I’ve always held M&S in quite high regard when it comes to food, and finding out that they were using a more common biscuit as a base was a bit of a shock."

:violin:

[Disco]

Is it not common knowledge that own brand stuff is just standard produce with a different label on?

[Magic]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-35235288

Fucking hell. Looks like the husband has murdered them all and ran.

[Boydy]

A glimpse of your future.

[Magic]

Oh God I'm going to be black?

[Disco]

No, you're going to get motor neurone disease.

[Lee]

http://www.theguardian.com/world/2016/jan/05/man-drowns-himself-austrian-lake-concrete-block-wife-head-inside

Fucking hell.

[Lee]

No, you're going to get motor neurone disease.

Twice in the last two days I've heard morons on the BBC call here a "bad case" or "severe" Motor Neurone Disease. It's all bad you stupid cunts, if you get it you're fucked.

[Giggles]

Yeah I always wondered about that. It's as stupid as saying you've a mild case of death.

[Bartholomert]

What happened in my city on New Years:

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-35231046

Fucking animals.

[Kikó]

Horrific story. If these are all asylum seekers as the comment suggests near the end, it'll be pretty damaging to any acceptance of refugees in Europe.

[Bartholomert]

Horrific story. If these are all asylum seekers as the comment suggests near the end, it'll be pretty damaging to any acceptance of refugees in Europe.

That feel when the evil racists who should be excluded from respectable circles and public discourse are vindicated. Europe is beyond fucked.

[Giggles]

http://m.rte.ie/news/2015/0401/691308-spire/

What the absolute fuck? Someone said this in work today and I thought they were ripping the piss. I'm pretty sure there was no McDonalds in 1916 but I don't think they're ripping it out for the fortnight.
What a waste of money.

[Disco]

'Programme of events'. Get over it chaps.

[Giggles]

'Programme of events'. Get over it chaps.

I just hope I'm alive to see the real centenary in 2048.

[Pepe]

On my phone so no link but did anyone read about the clinical trial gone wrong France?

[Disco]

This one? http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-35320895

Harry hasn't been to France lately has he?

[Pepe]

Yes, that one. Didn't a few members here (Hammerstein maybe?) did some of these?

[QE Harold Flair]

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=a43_1452828859

[Shindig]

Magic's videos are better.

[Magic]

Wow.

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-news/lifelike-child-sex-dolls-created-7177869

I've ordered two. But really, they aren't sexy at all.

[Lewis]

On Twitter, Omnipotent I Am said: "This is basically saying its ok if it's a doll, problem is, what happens when they want a real child?"

I don't know, mate.

[Magic]

I'd probably be less disturbed if I saw a real child in someone's house as opposed to a doll.

[Kikó]

Shit week for the Dion family http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3402773/Celine-Dion-s-brother-Daniel-dies-cancer-aged-59-just-days-singer-s-husband-passed-away.html

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Will Forte has decided to go for a new look:

http://www.ew.com/sites/default/files/styles/tout_image_612x380/public/i/2016/01/16/will-forte.jpg?itok=021yt5S4

It's fucking me up.

[QE Harold Flair]

Wow.

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-news/lifelike-child-sex-dolls-created-7177869

I've ordered two. But really, they aren't sexy at all.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=be2G1SUTYSE


Looks like Milo is bang on, yet again.

[QE Harold Flair]

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=e4b_1452995570

[Disco]

Just browsing through the BBC site when I saw the thumbnail pic for this and thought 'why the fuck is Kanu doing martial arts'

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/taekwondo/35337316

[Boydy]

Interesting Korea choice! Blonde Brazilian man obsessed with South Korea undergoes 10 rounds of surgery to look 'more Asian' (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2645950/I-fun-bein-Korean-Blonde-Brazilian-man-undergoes-extraordinary-surgery-achieve-convincing-Oriental-look.html)

What the fuck.

[randomlegend]

I've seen that before, but yeah it's weird as fuck.

[Boydy]

Oh yeah, it's from 2014. I saw it on Facebook today.

[Toby]

I was about to say the end result looked surprisingly natural, but then I scrolled past the first picture...

[Magic]

Jim's inevitable 'Korea' choice.

[niko_cee]

Just got an email from Friends Reuinited saying they were shutting it down. Apparently some people still used it. I don't know if that fact, or the fact that it still existed in a usable form is the bigger shock.

[Yevrah]

What might have been.

[Lewis]

Interesting Korea choice! Blonde Brazilian man obsessed with South Korea undergoes 10 rounds of surgery to look 'more Asian' (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2645950/I-fun-bein-Korean-Blonde-Brazilian-man-undergoes-extraordinary-surgery-achieve-convincing-Oriental-look.html)

What the fuck.

The Merse.

[Lewis]

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3409781/Shocking-video-shows-overweight-Spanish-farmworker-CRUSHING-dozens-piglets-death-throwing-friend-laughs-background.html

You really shouldn't laugh, but... Wot?

[Davgooner]

For fuck sake.

[Magic]

Terrible etc but I did lol at the pic of the flattened piglets.

[Shindig]

"Like comment and subscribe."

[Offshore Toon]

I imagine you'd have preferred him to be wearing high heels, Magic.

[Magic]

The piglet?

[Offshore Toon]

I can't find that Finchy gif.

[The Merse]

The Merse.

Confused by the mention? Care to elaborate?

Bit odd given he looks to be the grandchild of a Nazi war criminal.

[Lewis]

I was suggesting that he looks like you. It was just a joke, though, mate.

[The Merse]

Disconcerting.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

http://gawker.com/why-the-earth-is-flat-straight-from-the-mouth-of-a-ver-1754933801?utm_campaign=socialflow_gawker_facebook&utm_source=gawker_facebook&utm_medium=socialflow

691432090131247104

691420927939117056

That article is great, I never knew he was such a fucking mentalist.

[Magic]

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3415645/Acid-attack-victim-Andreas-Christopheros-not-bothered-looks.html

This is unspeakably upsetting. Could you imagine. I mean, really, could you imagine? Absolutely horrendous.

[Shindig]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-coventry-warwickshire-35400694

I feel like the police are in the right here. Dopey fuckers.

[John Arne]

http://gawker.com/why-the-earth-is-flat-straight-from-the-mouth-of-a-ver-1754933801?utm_campaign=socialflow_gawker_facebook&utm_source=gawker_facebook&utm_medium=socialflow

691432090131247104

691420927939117056

That article is great, I never knew he was such a fucking mentalist.

I gave him the benefit of doubt when I first saw this.... just assuming he was having a massive lol at anyone who believed him. However, the ruse did go on for a long time.

[Magic]

Local news :

http://www.thecourier.co.uk/news/local/dundee/dead-seagulls-force-tay-road-bridge-closure-1.921460

:face:

[CJay]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-coventry-warwickshire-35400694

I feel like the police are in the right here. Dopey fuckers.

Sounds like the Wet Bandits.

[Toby]

There was a belter in our local paper over Christmas, although sadly it's not online. The background is that a few months ago the local cinema (which is publicly funded) removed its popcorn machine and started serving pre-bagged stuff. There was a big outcry from idiots who barely go there anyway, and then it sort of simmered down, only for the announcement that several weeks on a Community Council meeting had been derailed by somebody demanding action be taken. I wish I could remember the headline as I don't even think it was supposed to be mocking.

[John Arne]

There was a belter in our local paper over Christmas, although sadly it's not online. The background is that a few months ago the local cinema (which is publicly funded) removed its popcorn machine and started serving pre-bagged stuff. There was a big outcry from idiots who barely go there anyway, and then it sort of simmered down, only for the announcement that several weeks on a Community Council meeting had been derailed by somebody demanding action be taken. I wish I could remember the headline as I don't even think it was supposed to be mocking.

Scots Scorn at Pop Corn Reform

[Toby]

There would be umpteen letters complaining about the use of the word 'Scots'.

[Magic]

Norns scorn at popcorn.

[John Arne]

Locals Anger at PopCorn Clanger.

[John Arne]

Norns scorn at popcorn.

What is the derogatory terms for Shetlanders?

[Toby]

Mutants will do.

[John Arne]

Mutants Bitch at PopCorn Switch

[Magic]

Mate this isn't Buzzfeed.

[Toby]

The latest one is people complaining that the geography of the fictional BBC drama 'Shetland' doesn't completely match that of the real Shetland.

"They travelled north from Lerwick and ended up in Sumburgh! Completely ruined things for me."

I wish I was joking.

[John]

You get a lot of that on IMDb. I make a game of matching guest stars in things I'm watching to other things I've seen them in and use IMDb to confirm, so I land on quite a lot of shows I wouldn't otherwise be looking at, and the 'forum' preview thing shows a den of absolute lunacy on most of them. There was someone complaining about the length of a flight on the Criminal Minds page, there's always at least one 'I'm from [place] and IT IS NOT LIKE THAT!!!!!' wherever you go.

Incidentally, everyone has been in Home Improvement.

[John]

Never before have a website and a story been so perfectly in sync. (http://www.irishtimes.com/business/media-and-marketing/irish-photographer-says-he-sold-picture-of-potato-for-1m-1.2510124)


“I see commonalities between humans and potatoes that speak to our relationship as individuals within a collective species. Generally, the life of a harvested potato is violent and taken for granted. I use the potato as a proxy for the ontological study of the human experience.”

You fucking wot?

[Magic]

Fucking otherkins.

[Davgooner]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-35424393

Another victory for 'consumer bloggers'.

[QE Harold Flair]

Fine, I'll post it here then, Italnazi.

You couldn't make this up, really. And no, Ital, this isn't me espousing views on child sexuality. It's espousing my views on the options given to them that they neither need nor want. It's a perfectly legitimate topic.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/wires/pa/...ng-survey.html


Children have been asked to describe their gender from a list of more than 20 different options in a survey criticised as "profoundly confusing".
Youngsters aged from 13 to 18 were asked to select from 25 choices, including "gender fluid", "genderqueer" and "non-binary".
As well as traditional options of "girl" and "boy", children were also invited to select from a list that included "tri-gender" and "intersex"

The national survey was linked from the website of the Children's Commissioner for England, Anne Longfield, and was forwarded to some schools by local councils.
But the question asking children to define their gender was criticised by the Christian Institute as "totally misleading" and "profoundly confusing" for girls and boys.
Its spokesman Simon Calvert said: "We must not intrude on childhood by deliberately confusing schoolchildren about what makes a boy a boy or a girl a girl just to satisfy adult political agendas.

"We must protect children from being made to feel that passing phases of confused feeling about themselves, which many go through, must be turned into life-changing moral and political decisions."

It has emerged that the survey has now been withdrawn. A spokesman at Ms Longfield's office said there had been a "clerical error" and the survey was only a draft.
The survey will be redrafted with the question asking children to define their gender removed, the spokesman added.
Among the schools to issue the survey was Blatchington Mill in Hove, East Sussex, which has gained a strong reputation for its work on LGBT-related issues.
Its headteacher Ashley Harrold said: "Gender identity is a real and valid concern for some students at any school, and we're no exception.
"We feel our curriculum should address anything that prevents students feeling happy, feeling confident in themselves and feeling accepted by their peers."
A Brighton and Hove City Council spokesman, which forwarded the national survey to all its secondary schools at the request of Ms Longfield's office, said it was aimed at exploring young people's experiences of gender.
The spokesman said: "We want all our young people to feel comfortable with who they are, to understand that the notion of gender can go beyond the traditional idea of simply being either male and female, and to recognise that people can use a range of terms to describe their gender identity."

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2016/01/28/00/30A4EEE700000578-0-image-a-6_1453941545531.jpg

[Toby]

Cool.

[QE Harold Flair]

Cool.

Cool.

[Toby]

http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lhl3q2j9Jx1qf6l3d.gif

[randomlegend]

Ital's such a dickhead.

[ItalAussie]

Ital's such a dickhead.

I'm going to want to see the print article published before I take that as a solid news item.

[randomlegend]

Giving him points for 'homo' as well. Jesus fucking christ.

If you want him banned just ban him.

[Toby]

Ital's such a dickhead.

If it's an "interesting and topical subject" then say what you want to say about it.

[randomlegend]

Nothing at 1am, but it's a perfectly reasonable thread and topic of discussion. The thread got closed because Harold posted it, no other reason.

[Toby]

Probably, yeah.

[QE Harold Flair]

Giving him points for 'homo' as well. Jesus fucking christ.

If you want him banned just ban him.

Oooh I didn't even know that (you don't get the pop-up message now). To be expected, I suppose. The warning area is basically a homage to me.

[Lewis]

Nothing at 1am, but it's a perfectly reasonable thread and topic of discussion. The thread got closed because Harold posted it, no other reason.

Ooh. Somebody fucked his tiramisu up.

[ItalAussie]

Oooh I didn't even know that (you don't get the pop-up message now). To be expected, I suppose. The warning area is basically a homage to me.
You should still get the popup, or at least an orange notification. That's weird, because I haven't tampered with anything in the settings. :cab:

I wondered about the lack of incandescent PM in return. It wasn't like you at all. I may have to take a look in at the options to see what happened.

[randomlegend]

Ooh. Somebody fucked his tiramisu up.

My last batch of marshmallows went blood excellently, thank you.

EDIT: Also, I don't like coffee, which I've posted on here before so you must be getting Alzheimers.

[QE Harold Flair]

Ital identifies as a 'Genderqueer', I reckon.

[Toby]

I don't like coffee, which I've posted on here before

Hope you're embarrassed, Lewis, you fucking idiot.

[Lewis]

I choose not to identify as embarrassed.

[Toby]

So you're okay with idiot then.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

You should still get the popup, or at least an orange notification. That's weird, because I haven't tampered with anything in the settings. :cab:

I wondered about the lack of incandescent PM in return. It wasn't like you at all. I may have to take a look in at the options to see what happened.

I didn't get anything when John warned me for saying 'gay'.

[Lewis]

So you're okay with idiot then.

If you want to show yourself up as ableist, mate.

[Toby]

I am a bit. I need the small victories.

[ItalAussie]

I didn't get anything when John warned me for saying 'gay'.

Cheers. Did you get an orange PM notification?

I think we may have eliminated the pop-ups - nobody likes pop-ups - but you should still at least get notified. I don't get PM pop-ups, so it may be a feature rather than a bug.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Cheers. Did you get an orange PM notification?

I think we may have eliminated the pop-ups - nobody likes pop-ups - but you should still at least get notified. I don't get PM pop-ups, so it may be a feature rather than a bug.

IIRC I only found out because I got a reputation comment, clicked to view it and noticed I had incurred an infraction.

[Boydy]

The fucking state of RL in here. Jesus.

[Raoul Duke]

I got a PM pop-up the other day.

[Magic]

Wow.

[QE Harold Flair]

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=7b4_1454075336

18 year old Afghan refugee sentence to 20 months for anally raping a 72 year old woman. Coming to a town near you soon.

[simon]

Can't wait.

[Disco]

Touring at that age is pretty impressive, where can I get tickets?

[SincereTheRebel]

As long as he isnt anally violating males, im nice and so is 99% of the males on here.

[Disco]

So get (literally) fucked ladies.

Wow.

[QE Harold Flair]

I'm not sure the rape of elderly women is good joke material.

[QE Harold Flair]

Oh look, the law agrees with me. The man who apparently doesn't understand 'informed consent'. Apologies accepted via pm, lads.

http://www.msn.com/en-gb/news/uknews/former-dragons-den-star-doug-richard-cleared-of-child-sex-charges/ar-BBoRr6N?li=BBoPOOl


A former Dragons' Den star who engaged in 50 Shades of Grey role play with an under-age girl has been cleared of child sex charges. Doug Richard, 57, exchanged "sexy chat" with the 13-year-old after meeting her on a 'sugar daddy' website and went on to act out his fantasies when she travelled from her home in Norwich to meet him.But the American millionaire, who once advised Prime Minister David Cameron, told jurors that at the time he believed she was an experienced 17-year-old and insisted he would never "knowingly" have sex with a child.


The court heard he gave the girl and a friend who accompanied her £60 each in cash, which Richard insisted was a "gift" and not payment.
A jury of eight women and four men deliberated for four hours and 15 minutes before finding Richard, of Islington, north London, not guilty of three counts of sexual activity with a child, one of causing or inciting a child to engage in sexual activity and a charge of paying for sexual services.
Richard was emotional as the verdicts were delivered and left the court in tears.
The trial had heard how Richard met the girl through an American website called Seeking Arrangement at the end of 2014.
He listed his profile as a "sugar daddy" while the 13-year-old girl called herself a "sugar baby", jurors were told.
Deleted iChat exchanges recovered from the defendant's Apple MacBook revealed how Richard suggested they meet after school in December 2014.

He also asked her for a sexy photograph with "less clothing more revealing positions" the court heard. He instructed her to do a "submissive pose" on hands and knees "so I can see you helpless and exposed", adding: "By the way I'm officially horny."

She told him she was doing it "now" saying: "You are my new daddy I will do anything to keep you happy." When she asked about what kind of punishment he would give her, he said that he wanted to "paddle her a** until it's bright red", jurors were told.

Prosecutor Gino Connor said they arranged to meet in London and the defendant made a payment of £120 through PayPal for train fares and pre-booked an apartment.
The 13-year-old travelled with a 15-year-old friend to Liverpool Street Station on the morning of January 2 last year and met Richard at a nearby cafe. According to the older girl's account, Richard took them to the flat in Bishopsgate where he ordered the 13-year-old to strip after she had rejected his invitation to be his "slave". He then spanked the naked girl seven times and ordered her to perform a sex act on him before they went into the bedroom, the 15-year-old said. Afterwards, he gave them £120 and they left to go shopping at American Apparel and head home. Events came to light when the older girl's mother spotted a PayPal deposit in her daughter's account, the court heard.


The married father-of-three disputed the older girl's account but admitted engaging in various sex acts with her friend.

Giving evidence, he spoke of his secret "addiction" to 50 Shades of Grey role play over the four years he had been using the sugar daddy website. As well as having online relationships, he had also arranged to meet young women in their 20s for sex on occasion.

He said: "As mortifying as it is to say, I was looking for role play and fantasy relationships involving dominance and submission."
Richard told jurors that he would never "knowingly" have sex with a child. He said: "I feel terrible. I feel terrible for her and I feel terrible about myself. I feel terrible for my wife and children."

The defendant added that he was now trying to address his "addiction" with therapy. He told the court that the reputation of his School for Startups business, which brought him into contact with the Government, had been "shattered" as a result of the case. Richard left the Old Bailey accompanied by his solicitor. He refused to comment as he was greeted by a crowd of photographers.

[Toby]

Rape charge in non-prosecution shocker.

[Lewis]

I also defended him, but I would like my apologies posted here rather than via PM.

[Pepe]

Sorry Lewis.

[QE Harold Flair]

I didn't get any, but the deafening silence has spoken much louder.

[Toby]

http://www.countrylife.co.uk/news/country-news/polar-bear-washes-up-on-scotlands-isle-of-mull-24119

Probably a story with a sad ending but - if you allow the optimism that it isn't dead - the thought of a polar bear on the loose in Scotland is pretty amusing.

[QE Harold Flair]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WjM6aD7fWso


:happycry:

[John Arne]

http://www.theguardian.com/media/2016/feb/04/julian-assange-wikileaks-arrest-friday-un-investigation

Seems bizarre. How can someone voluntarily staying inside the Ecuadorian embassy be being subjected to 'arbitrary detention' when there is still one allegation outstanding against him?

[Jimmy Floyd]

He's detaining himself.

[Magic]

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3433248/The-tattooed-tribe-Stunning-photographs-follows-daily-lives-Mentawai-people-hidden-away-modern-society.html

:D

First photo is of a man holding a gun.

Scroll further down there's a bloke smoking a ciggy.

And further still there's a bloke with a wristwatch on.

Oh Daily Fail. :face:

[Toby]

I don't understand the problem? It doesn't say they've not had contact with outside world.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

The title...

[Henry]

http://www.theguardian.com/media/2016/feb/04/julian-assange-wikileaks-arrest-friday-un-investigation

Seems bizarre. How can someone voluntarily staying inside the Ecuadorian embassy be being subjected to 'arbitrary detention' when there is still one allegation outstanding against him?

"The only way for Mr Assange to enjoy is right to asylum is to be in detention. This is not a legally acceptable choice."

[Jimmy Floyd]

So countries where he is a wanted man should just let him go to their own airports, let him get some Pringles and travel scrabble, and jump on a plane to Quito?

[Toby]

The title...

Shit. :D

I must have read everything but the headline.

[Dquincy]

If Julie is innocent of the rape accusation, then he should just face the music.

[Toby]

Well that's about the stupidest thing I'm likely to see today, and I've just come from a multiquote-off with Harold.

[Dquincy]

Are you referring to this?


I don't understand the problem? It doesn't say they've not had contact with outside world.

[Toby]

Look pal, the URL was different okay.

[QE Harold Flair]

Well that's about the stupidest thing I'm likely to see today, and I've just come from a multiquote-off with Harold.

Obsession.

[Giggles]

http://m.rte.ie/news/2016/0205/765708-one-person-injured-in-shooting-incident-at-hotel/


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-O5rDDvVJwU

[Foe]

http://m.rte.ie/news/2016/0205/765708-one-person-injured-in-shooting-incident-at-hotel/


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-O5rDDvVJwU

Did anyone else watch the exploding whale carcus as well?

[Toby]

Is there a get around for The Times paywall? None of the usual tricks seem to work, to the extent I'm wondering why other newspapers don't copy whatever they're doing. I rarely read it but there's a travel article I'd like to see.

[Giggles]

Would it be in the print version too?

[Toby]

Probably but I don't think shops around me even stock it.

[QE Harold Flair]

Man cleared of bizarre sex claim. Another lying woman, I fear, quite happy to destroy the life of an innocent man.

http://www.msn.com/en-gb/news/uknews/commuter-who-walked-past-actress-at-waterloo-station-cleared-of-bizarre-sex-assault-claim/ar-BBpcZ5y?li=BBoPWjQ

[Toby]

If you ever feel like you have bad luck, consider this guy: http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/asia/india-bus-driver-meteorite-killed-death-first-ever-a6861051.html

[QE Harold Flair]

Man cleared of bizarre sex claim. Another lying woman, I fear, quite happy to destroy the life of an innocent man.

http://www.msn.com/en-gb/news/uknews/commuter-who-walked-past-actress-at-waterloo-station-cleared-of-bizarre-sex-assault-claim/ar-BBpcZ5y?li=BBoPWjQ

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=8d5_1454962571

The fales accuser is named in this video. Along with a lot of sense being spoken.

[QE Harold Flair]

Man is selling 'British air in jars' to the Chinese for £80 a pop.

Nutters.

http://www.msn.com/en-gb/news/uknews/man-sells-british-fresh-air-to-wealthy-chinese-elite-for-%C2%A380-a-jar/ar-BBpfPpg?li=BBoPOOl

(http://www.msn.com/en-gb/news/uknews/man-sells-british-fresh-air-to-wealthy-chinese-elite-for-%C2%A380-a-jar/ar-BBpfPpg?li=BBoPOOl)
A businessman is raking in thousands of pounds selling jars of ‘fresh air’ to people in China for £80 each.
Leo De Watts, 27, sells air collected in the British countryside and ships it over to polluted cities Shanghai and Beijing, where the wealthy elite pay a hefty sum for a few seconds of inhalation.
The Aethaer products include air from Somerset, Wales and Dorset, with each area said to create air with different qualities.
Watts’ website boasts: “Aethaer is filtered organically by nature as it flows between the leaves of woodland trees, absorbs pristine water as it passes over babbling brooks and forest streams, and is lovingly caressed as it rolls over and between mineral rich rock formations, after which it is blown up over vistas of untouched beauty to where the Aethaer is collected and bottled.”
The bottles have already made Watts a hefty sum, with the Dorset Echo reporting that 180 have been sold since the business' inception just a few weeks ago.
As well as those buying the product to inhale, it is reportedly also being purchased by people who will never open it, but instead keep the jar for its novelty value.
The air is collected using jars held in makeshift nets, which are held into the air and walked around in areas far removed from anywhere polluted – a process Watts describes as ‘air farming’.
In addition to selling regular bottles of air, Watts – who lives in Hong Kong – is also doing a ‘Chinese New Year special’ which includes 15 jars of fresh air for £888.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I used to know someone who went down to the Thames, collected the water in bottles, and sold it to American tourists as 'Thames Water'. Talk about spotting a gap in the market.

[Boydy]

My mate laughed at me when I told him I'd thought of picking shamrocks from on/near Slemish (a mountain near here where St Patrick supposedly tended sheep) and selling them online to Americans. I could have been a millionaire by now.

[QE Harold Flair]

Geezer's made a tens of thousands in a few weeks from seeling glass containers. Can't knock that.

[Giggles]

Good going if you can get away with it.

http://theliberal.ie/propping-up-the-bar-new-records-show-that-there-were-a-163-kegs-of-beer-consumed-in-the-dail-bar-as-11-tds-fail-to-pay-their-bill-in-2015/

[QE Harold Flair]

More than 225,000 female, Uk students sign up to become 'sugar babies'. That can't be right. Most are probably blokes pretending to be women. How many female students are there, even? They're not all sluts, surely.

http://www.msn.com/en-gb/news/uknews/a-quarter-of-a-million-students-in-the-uk-signed-up-to-become-sugar-babies-in-one-year-alone/ar-BBpicdW?li=BBoPOOl

[Jimmy Floyd]

The Independent has changed its official styling from 'Mumbai' back to 'Bombay'.

http://zeenews.india.com/news/india/for-us-its-bombay-not-hindu-nationalists-mumbai-british-newspaper-the-independent_1854320.html

[Giggles]

I'd say knees will be broken if we seen the small print.

http://www.joe.ie/news/pic-students-living-in-a-carlow-housing-estate-received-this-warning-notice-ahead-of-rag-week/530548

[Byron]

I think this probably sums up Spain quite nicely.

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-35557725

[Magic]

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3449416/Driver-used-James-Bond-style-smokescreen-device-battered-Peugeot-309-shake-police-escapes-jail.html

:face:

[Boydy]

:D

What a fool.

[John]

How do you command respect, as a police officer should, when your name is Dafydd?

[Disco]

You'd be surprised what you can get away with in Wales.

[QE Harold Flair]

Pacquiao told television station TV5 earlier this week: "It's common sense. Do you see animals mating with the same sex? Animals are better because they can distinguish male from female."
"If men mate with men and women mate with women, they are worse than animals."

:happycry:

[Kikó]

Animals are usually well gay as well.

[Pepe]

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3449416/Driver-used-James-Bond-style-smokescreen-device-battered-Peugeot-309-shake-police-escapes-jail.html

:face:

That's excellent. :D

[randomlegend]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-35594245

Dunno why the FBI are bothering with this, they can get through any encryption they like. Right guys?

[Magic]

They already have it, they just 'legally' need to get it so they can use it against the other contacts on it in a court of law.

[randomlegend]

That makes sense if it's not legal for the FBI to access data on a murder suspects phone. I find it very hard to believe that's the case.

[Magic]

Probably a bit tin-hat/phonics with the earlier post.

[Magic]

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3450382/Judge-Apple-help-US-hack-San-Bernardino-killers-phone.html

Terrorist sympathisers Apple. :harold:

[Magic]

http://ichef-1.bbci.co.uk/news/660/cpsprodpb/02E5/production/_88314700_4de7bcde-6512-4586-923f-380666e55cea.jpghttp://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/624/cpsprodpb/8571/production/_88316143_faye2.jpg

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-kent-35596857

Faye Burdett, aged two, from Maidstone, Kent died on Valentine's Day after fighting the infection for 11 days.

"Faye was taken to A&E with a rash on her forehead. She was then transferred by South Bank Retrieval Service to Evelina Children's Hospital, where her heart stopped in the ambulance.
"They revived her and spent hours working on stabilising her.
"We were given a 1% survival chance but she proved them wrong and carried on fighting.
"After a few days she seemed to have turned a corner, but the sepsis started to affect her more and the decision of limb removal was made.
"The extent of removal was massive, full leg amputation and one arm and plastic surgery.
"We had to make the decision, a massive operation and she may die or we let her go peacefully on her own accord.
"We decided the latter and then watched our little girl slip away.

Absolutely heart-wrenching. Can't even imagine having to through that as a parent. For a point to this post, though, can Men B not be spotted in time before it spreads like that?

EDIT: Oh my God I can just picture my little girl like that and I almost spewed.

[SvN]

"We were given a 1% survival chance but she proved them wrong.

Well, technically....

[SvN]

And I don't want to be insensitive, but I don't understand the logic of "She's either probably going to die or definitely going to die, so we may as well just let her go."

[Magic]

It's not insensitive. I can't even bear the thought of having to make a decision like that. It's probably not explained fully but I'd imagine it could be arm off leg off and still a really tiny chance of recovery. Absolutely awful stuff.

[Kikó]

Brutal disease. Scares me to death things like that. From healthy to dead within an instant.

[Magic]

http://www.thecourier.co.uk/news/local/fife/dunfermline-man-fined-after-scratching-genitals-in-front-of-two-young-girls-1.924986

What the... :D

[randomlegend]

by scratching his genitals in the view of others, causing fear and alarm

Unless he had both hands down there for a good 5 minutes and was grunting loudly throughout, that's absolute mental :D

[Jimmy Floyd]

Defence solicitor Roshni Joshi said, “He had been very itchy for some time in the lead up to that day."

Roshni Joshi must have toiled at his legal qualifications for years, working hard, doing long hours, and finally rising to become a defence solicitor, and all so he could say this sentence.

[QE Harold Flair]

An Egyptian court has sentenced a four-year-old boy to life in prison for “committing murder” when he was aged just one. Ahmed Mansour Karmi was not in court on Tuesday when he was convicted of four counts of murder, eight of attempted murder, one vandalisation of property and another count of threatening soldiers and police officers - all before his second birthday.

Ahmed was one of 115 defendants who were all handed life sentences at the same time at the court in western Cairo for crimes allegedly committed in early 2014. His defence attorney, Faisal al-Sayd, told the Jerusalem Post (http://www.jpost.com/Middle-East/Cairo-court-sentences-4-year-old-boy-to-life-in-jail-for-murder-among-charges-445406) the child’s name had been added to the list by mistake but the court did not pass Ahmed’s birth certificate on to the judge to prove he was born in September 2012. He said: "The child Ahmed Mansour Karni's birth certificate was presented after state security forces added his name to the list of accused, but then the case was transferred to the military court and the child was sentenced in absentia in an ensuing court hearing.

"This proves that the judge did not read the case".
Another lawyer said the case showed “there is no justice in Egypt”.

He said: “The Egyptian scales of justice are not reversible. There is no justice in Egypt. No reason. Logic committed suicide a while ago. Egypt went crazy. Egypt is ruled by a bunch of lunatics". Egypt has been ruled by a military dictatorship under President Abdel Fatah al-Sisi since Mohammed Morsi's elected government was ousted in 2013. Approximately 40,000 opposition supporters are currently in jail as the government cracks down on dissent.

:happycry:

http://www.msn.com/en-gb/news/world/four-year-old-sentenced-to-life-in-prison-for-murder-in-egypt/ar-BBpHocV?li=BBoPWjQ

[randomlegend]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/35634810

I've not even read the story, I just can't believe that's a real name :D

[QE Harold Flair]

Hitler had a tiny, deformed penis and one ball:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/germany/12168314/Hitler-had-a-micropenis-as-well-as-just-one-testicle-historians-claim.html

[Shindig]

I thought he picked up syphilis from somewhere?

[Magic]

Hitler had a tiny, deformed penis and one ball:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/germany/12168314/Hitler-had-a-micropenis-as-well-as-just-one-testicle-historians-claim.html

Claim Jewish historians.

[Magic]

http://www.thecourier.co.uk/news/local/dundee/irritable-bowel-sufferer-claims-dundee-rail-staff-s-lack-of-understanding-left-him-to-soil-himself-1.925580

Man shits himself whilst trying to buy train ticket pissed.

[Giggles]

Fucking hell.

http://www.dailyedge.ie/pupp-dog-cafe-dublin-2620160-Feb2016/

[QE Harold Flair]

Doesn't seem that big of a deal. It's for dog-walkers really, not dogs.

[Dquincy]

Mugabe's 92nd birthday.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3467225/A-92kg-cake-love-Bob-t-shirts-rambling-speech-threatening-opponents-Robert-Mugabe-celebrates-92nd-birthday-1m-televised-party.html
http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2016/02/27/19/319FD1A400000578-0-image-a-76_1456601351831.jpg

[Lewis]

He looks incredible for his age.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I was just looking at that on the BBC. It looks more like a village fete than 'lavish'. Jean-Bedel Bokassa would be lolling in his face.

[Giggles]

Nobody should have ever shown him Twitter.


703950500862009344

[Giggles]

Nicely done.

704247755212988417

[Pepe]

How do you manage that? :D

[Toby]

I'd like to assume failed handbrake (and parked out of gear), rather than somebody actually having reversed it like that, but my faith is being challenged by the likelihood there's too much of a lip there for a rolling car to get over.

[Disco]

Trying to pull away and being in the wrong gear would do it.

[Giggles]

I didn't notice first that the carpark seems to be raised higher than the footpath, so Tobes could be right with that. I hope so anyway.
Not familiar with the Tesco even though it's not far.

[Pepe]

I didn't notice first that the carpark seems to be raised higher than the footpath, so Tobes could be right with that. I hope so anyway.
Not familiar with the Tesco even though it's not far.

Didn't notice that either, makes more sense.

[Disco]

I like the cone someone put behind it, as if you wouldn't notice a whole fucking car hanging over the wall.

[Magic]

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3469100/Woman-black-burka-holding-child-s-severed-HEAD-shouting-Allahu-Akbar-shuts-metro-station-Moscow.html

:|

Mistake no.1: Islamic nanny

[Toby]

Suspected meteor sighting over Scotland:

https://www.facebook.com/deedeeatwhitewreath/videos/1012583218815224/?__mref=message_bubble

(Skip to around 0:58)

[Disco]

Please let it hit Magics new roof.

[The Merse]

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3449416/Driver-used-James-Bond-style-smokescreen-device-battered-Peugeot-309-shake-police-escapes-jail.html

:face:

Turns out this was a couple of miles from my dads (and my old) place... Not in the remost bit surprising when you've lived around there - box of fish springs to mind.