Shit you can't do

[Manc]

I can't swim or drive. Come at me.

[Spammer]

I can't drive. Not legally anyway. I think I can drive just fine though.

[Magic]

I can't maintain healthy relationships.

[wullie]

Believe it's not butter.

[ItalAussie]

I can't serve in tennis. Just can't do it. I'm totally competent once the ball is in play, but the best I can do is a half-hearted lob over the net.

[Spammer]

I can't serve in tennis. Just can't do it. I'm totally competent once the ball is in play, but the best I can do is a half-hearted lob over the net.

Me too :(

I used to play in tournaments and it'd always fuck me over. Instead of my serve being the game that I'd usually win, it'd be other way around and I'd win more of the other ones.

[Kikó]

Can't drive either. Never needed to learn and pointless in London at the moment.

I find it difficult to praise something as more than pretty good. It's either a northern or a British thing.

[SvN]

Another non-driver here. I failed my test about a year ago, but was only learning so I could help out with the driving when we were travelling across the US. I much prefer a combination of walking and trains.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I am properly, properly terrible at computer games.

[-james-]

Yeah I can't drive either. Get scolded as a weirdo for it by friends, so nice to see I'm not alone. It's pointless if you live in a city as Kiko has said, but it's pretty limiting in terms of seeing nice bits of Scotland.

I can't drink juice slowly. If I have a glass it's usually gone in a minute.

[Magic]

Men who can't drive. :sick:

Proper beta shit.

[-james-]

I can't work cars, but I can work airports.

[SvN]

I can't drink juice slowly. If I have a glass it's usually gone in a minute.

I'm the same with every drink I have. It's a really bad habit I can't get out of. If I have a drink, I see finishing it as a job that needs to be done, so I'll just drink it as quickly as possible. Doesn't matter if it's water, milk, cola or beer.

[SvN]

For the past 12 years I've lived less than 1 mile from a decent city train station (Birmingham and now Southampton). The only time the car is ever really used is for the big shop.

[Waffdon]

Drive, DIY, drink ale, eat fish, saving money, grammar, go to bed before midnight, liking Scouse Pig

[Lewis]

These are just things that you haven't attempted or learned to do properly ('I can't play the violin'), rather than normal things you ought to be capable of doing.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I can't communicate with hot females face to face.

[Giggles]

I can't work cars, but I can work airports.

http://blog.allied8.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/dropped-mic.jpg

[Bernanke]

Can't drive either.

I'm expecting to have my car drive for me in 10 years, so I can't be bothered when I don't need it at the moment anyway.

[wullie]

I've got a mental block when it comes to the parts of speech, I have to keep reminding myself which is an adjective, verb and noun. Anything past that is completely beyond me, adverbs and prepositions and pronouns 'n' shit.

[Giggles]

I can't drink slowly, which makes going out with another person etc really awkward.

[Dark Soldier]

I can't run.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I can't use a treadmill.

I've tried but I start jogging like I've got one leg shorter than the other because I'm scared I'll fall off.

[Manc]

Treadmills can be awkward.

[Foe]

Find someone to love me.

[phonics]

I can't spell neccessary. Every time I try something else it's still wrong.

[Spammer]

I can't play cricket. Like, at all. Most sports I can at least cover the basics but with cricket I'm just a shambles and I don't know why.

[Kikó]

I can't sit on leather without sweating an obscene amount.

[phonics]

I can't play cricket. Like, at all. Most sports I can at least cover the basics but with cricket I'm just a shambles and I don't know why.

Likewise but with Squash. Played for 15 minutes but it felt like forever as I didn't actually connect with the ball once. Meanwhile, I'm a boss at badminton.

[Boydy]

Nothing.

[Giggles]

Nothing.

Get a birdie.

[Boydy]

Or a par. :moop:

[Magic]

I never knew we had so many that couldn't drive. Who'd have thought myself, Mahow, Pepe and Foe would be the alphas of the forum.

[randomlegend]

I can drive AND piss in public.

[Boydy]

Yeah but then you need a lie down afterwards.

[randomlegend]

And a cry.

[Adamski]

Yeah but then you need a lie down afterwards.

:D

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

That's reminded me.

I can't piss in a public urinal if there are other people there.

[Disco]

I can never do anything early, always have to leave it until the last minute, not so much that I'm late or miss deadlines just won't start until it's absolutely necessary.

I can also piss wherever you like, use an airport, drive a car, a forklift, and have a coastal/river navigation license. None of things leaves me incapable and while a treadmill might kill me it's because I'm terribly unfit. Come at me bitches.

[Magic]

Yeah but then you need a lie down afterwards.

Fuck sake I've just come back from Edinburgh and went straight for a lie down.

[Magic]

I can drive AND piss in public.

Out-alpha'd by someone who considers suicide every time they get a headache. :(

[Pepe]

I can't do keep-ups (I think that's what they're called.) I am not too horrible at football but I simply can't do those. I look like a proper mong every time I try.

I also have a pathetic sprint.

[Raoul Duke]

Can't drive, although it's looking increasingly likely that I'll never actually need to (being in London, Uber + autonomous driving becoming a thing).

I'm shite at reading maps. I get lost and turned around easy to the point of utter frustration.

[Pen]

+1 for driving, though I might get a license this fall (only because it might be useful if/when we have kids).

I can'r ski or ice skate either so I'm a bit shit at being Finnish.

[Giggles]

Swimming seems to be a big one that people say you just HAVE to be able to do. I'd no opportunity to learn when I was younger but I'd be interested in getting in a pool some day to see what it's like, though I assume a man on his tod in a swimming pool not swimming is automatically seen as a kiddy fiddler.

[Kikó]

Only if you're masterbating.

[Giggles]

That's that idea fucked then.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

+1 for cycling and ice skating.

When I was 8 I was given a 60 CC quad bike so I threw my bike away, although I was rolling round Centre Parks when I last went on a tricycle which was fucking awesome. With skating I went once, after 30 minutes of my friends holding my hands around the rink they got annoyed and placed me in a little hut type thing in the middle and left me there until they were done.

[Boydy]

Ice skating is hardly all that common a thing.

Not being able to ride a bike though. What the fuck did you do as a child?

[phonics]

How was everyone else taught to ride a bike? I remember my uncle through marriage (now doing time for selling heroin to minors) putting me on a bike on top of a massive hill and just letting me go. Thinking back, it doesn't seem to be the most effective technique.

[Pepe]

It probably is. The main issue is that most beginners want to go too slow due to fear of falling, but the slower you go the harder it is to balance the bike. A downhill forces you to go faster and therefore you have a higher chance of staying upright. You might also crash into a pole and never want to try again, leaving more time for your uncle to molest minors.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Ice skating is hardly all that common a thing.

Not being able to ride a bike though. What the fuck did you do as a child?

I was riding one of these:

https://myatvmanual.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/4zinger001.jpg

I got one when I was 8 second hand. Mine is probably about 30 years old, has been through a shit load but still runs.

[Giggles]

I'd say it's over three decades since I was on a bike. I know they say you never forget but I wouldn't like to chance it now.

[phonics]

I'd say it's over three decades since I was on a bike. I know they say you never forget but I wouldn't like to chance it now.

As someone who had a decade or so between riding them, you can still do it but riding down the pavement is like a cat who's whiskers have been cut off.

[Kikó]

I've cycled once in ten years and it was to cycle 30 odd miles. Riding slow is impossible without falling over.

[Dark Soldier]

How was everyone else taught to ride a bike? I remember my uncle through marriage (now doing time for selling heroin to minors) putting me on a bike on top of a massive hill and just letting me go. Thinking back, it doesn't seem to be the most effective technique.

My uncle 'taught' my bro how to swim by just throwing him in the deep end when he was five and laughing before a guard dived in. Essentially uncles of old were total cunts.

[Magic]

Cycling is awesome. Another reason Pepe is a true alpha.

[Panda Bear]

When I last visited Amsterdam, angeldust lent me his girlfriend's bicycle, which had drop handlebars. I had only used flat handlebars before, so I spent a lot of time the first day almost wiping out whenever I tried to turn.

Best way to teach someone to cycle is to get the seat low enough that their feet fully touch the ground, have them push off with their feet to propel the bike forward, and then have them lift up their feet once they go fast enough.

[igor_balis]

I''ve been unable to ejaculate or maintain much of an erection since saturday. Pilly willy prevented me from having any sex with the girl i've been seeing on her last day in the UK before she left to go travelling until Christmas, which is a bit of a shitter. I can ride a bike though.

[Manc]

Get some t-rex porn watched.

[igor_balis]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sonqazDTepk

?

[Manc]

Animal.

[Boydy]

I was riding one of these:

https://myatvmanual.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/4zinger001.jpg

I got one when I was 8 second hand. Mine is probably about 30 years old, has been through a shit load but still runs.

You lazy fucker.

[Disco]

Do you still ride it?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Do you still ride it?
Last time I did was last year. I'm too fat for it though, I had to give it a push start. No chance of any wheelies :(

Got it started for my little brother last weekend so he could ride it round his garden though.

I miss riding it through fields to the local river and riding it upstream though. It's a fucking brilliant piece of kit.

[Disco]

I think we need to a picture of you riding it, for the good of the board.

[Pepe]

I also had one of those as a kid but moved to something larger in like two years. Riding that as an adult is pervert behaviour.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I also had one of those as a kid but moved to something larger in like two years. Riding that as an adult is pervert behaviour.
I fell in love with it tbh, it was perfect for my Dad's garden too. When going through fields I usually traded with one of my neighbours kids who both had 125 cc quads because they loved mine more than they did theirs.

It was and still is a fucking brilliant thing to piss about on. So easy to wheelie and hold it too.

[Manc]

I now see Mahow as the inbred killer from True Detective.

[John Arne]

I can't swin breaststroke, but I can swim front crawl, drive a car, drive a motorbike and ride a bike :drool:

[Boydy]

I was given a motorbike by my dad when I was like 8/9 years old (only a little scooter thing) so never could be bothered learning how to ride a push bike.

You should have learnt to ride a bike long before that.

[Magic]

http://hoopdistrict.net/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/DENZEL-TEAR.gif

[Adamski]

I can't blow my nose.

Genuinely amazed at grown adults who can't swim. Nothing better than swimming half cut on holiday.

[Smiffy]

.....

[Bernanke]

I just thought of one that isn't necessarily negative. I can't fall asleep while actively doing something, like watching a movie. I don't get how you can just pass out while focusing on something.

[Adamski]

Can you fall asleep whilst trying to fall asleep?

[hfswjyr]

What the heck is front crawl?
Johnarne

Only one I can't do from the usuals listed so far is ride a motorcycle. Thanks for making me feel like a relatively successful human being guys.

[Magic]

Touch my toes. Or even my shins.

[Disco]

What the heck is front crawl?
Johnarne

It's the one everyone does in freestyle events.

http://i.imgur.com/vHyvevy.png

[Magic]

I bet Australians have a really shit name for it like army fronty water forward racing.

[Disco]

Google actually lists one of its names as 'Australian Crawl' (and he's from NZ by the way).

[Spoonsky]

I''ve been unable to ejaculate or maintain much of an erection since saturday. Pilly willy prevented me from having any sex with the girl i've been seeing on her last day in the UK before she left to go travelling until Christmas, which is a bit of a shitter. I can ride a bike though.

So what happened on Saturday?

[Sam]

Self control count?

[Manc]

Touch my toes. Or even my shins.

With you on this one. Statues have more flexibility.

[igor_balis]

So what happened on Saturday?

Played Cricket Captain all day then went out with my erstwhile bird for a average night out and got too fucked up to do anything sexual from when we got back at 5am until she left my house at midnight. She left the country on Monday morning : ' (

[igor_balis]

Can anyone do that thing where you put your arms out and clench your fists except for the thumb on your left hand and the little finger on your right hand, then rapidly switch between that and only extending the thumb on your right hand and little finger on your left hand? I'm wicked sick at it but pretty much nobody else I know can do it. World's shittest party trick.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Played Cricket Captain all day then went out with my erstwhile bird for a average night out and got too fucked up to do anything sexual from when we got back at 5am until she left my house at midnight. She left the country on Monday morning : ' (

Alpha as fuck.

[Bernanke]

Can you fall asleep whilst trying to fall asleep?

Immediately.

[bruhnaldo]

I sometimes have the hardest time falling asleep in bed. Oddly enough, I pass out rather easily in my recliner in the late evening.

Maybe my bed is just uncomfortable.

[John]

Can anyone do that thing where you put your arms out and clench your fists except for the thumb on your left hand and the little finger on your right hand, then rapidly switch between that and only extending the thumb on your right hand and little finger on your left hand? I'm wicked sick at it but pretty much nobody else I know can do it. World's shittest party trick.

I spent about three of my teenage years bewildering people by making them think I'd paralysed their ring finger, without ever explaining that it was just a shared tendon with the middle finger that stopped it moving. The internet has ruined so many great little things like that.

[Disco]

Pilly Willy is a new one on me, very good. :D

[Foe]

Mutant. John

If it's what I'm thinking. Boss has something similar. Can't bend his thumb without the ring finger going too.

[hfswjyr]

I bet Australians have a really shit name for it like army fronty water forward racing.
We (aus and nz) call it freestyle like the rest of the world (or so I thought)?

It's not called the Olympic 100m front crawl is it?

[Disco]

The event is called freestyle but the stroke itself is not, it's just everyone uses front crawl because it's the fastest so the two have become somewhat interchangeable.

[John]

Mutant. John

If it's what I'm thinking. Boss has something similar. Can't bend his thumb without the ring finger going too.

What?