The House Thread

[Spikey M]

18 stone, sat on Lofty's cone, for a rollercoaster ride, her chasm opens wide.

[Dquincy]

Fit on the phone, 18 stone is the rhyme is it not?

This isn't poetry club.

[Dquincy]

Had a bloke round today looking in the loft, cos we’ve got a bit of damp in the corner of a bedroom ceiling. He was a bit of salesman, and in the end really tried to pressure us into signing up for the buy now pay later but we politely declined and sent him on his way.

Basically he quoted us £4500 to fill between the beams in my loft with something called Icynene, which is expanding foam spray. He said it contained no chemicals and didn’t have “that fishy smell that people associate with foam insulation.” I had no preconceptions so just nodded.

I live in a three bed semi detached house and at present there is fibreglass applied to between the upstairs ceiling and what is essentially the loft floor, after my dad boarded over some fibreglass we got installed for free about eight years ago.

Now this man wants us to spray foam between the beams on the loft ceiling. There is already some felt covering what I presume is the bare tiles. I should really provide a pic but I’m not home at the moment and wanted to post cos I already have 3 missed calls off the bloke who came.

My dads a very handy man and says we don’t need this foam stuff. “It’ll just make your loft warm.”

Has anyone had it done? Heard anything good/bad about it? Hopefully specifically about Icynene, but even the foam in general.

Heres a video he showed us:


https://youtu.be/6aqtfDXzdy4

I'm not a fan of foam sprays. One of the risks is it can bridge your wall cavity and cause damp to track through from the outer brick skin onto the inner skin. You also need to be clear on whether it's closed cell or open cell. The latter can also cause condensation with no vapour barrier installed.

Some mortgage companies are not a fan of spray foam insulation. Therefore, if you are going to do it, check with them first. Also check what type of guarantee the company will provide and whether it's insurance backed. If it's not a IBG, then the guarantee provided by the company will be worthless if they decide to liquidate, which can often happen. The wording of the guarantee is also important. Although, i'm not sure why they are recommending you insulate your whole house due to one area of damp.

There is also no point in agreeing a solution until the problem is diagnosed; otherwise you are potentially wasting money. Regarding the damp, is there any mould present, or is it simply a dark staining to the wall? Also, what time of year is/has the stain appeared?

[Pepe]

Fit on the phone, bridged wall cavity.

[Manc]

Sounds like a catch, avoid the snatch.

[SincereTheRebel]

Turn up Lofty. Weighing 18 stone is pussy. I probably weigh more than you now.

[Don]

Bitch rejected me again, she must want to extend our contact time too.

MyCreditFile has indicated Experian have got an incorrect address due to some funky flat-street naming going on with my place which must be what's causing it. House buying plans delayed by at least a month because of some clerical fuck-up by a random company and even fixing it isn't straightforward going off reports. Love this society.

[Luke Emia]

Who are the new mortgages with? A degree of common sense and a copy of your credit report should enable things to progress.

[Don]

This is just for the advance I want from my current mortgage provider (Hali) to allow me to pay the H2B off. I'm telling the bitch I'll be forced to remortgage and leave them if she can't find me my 60K urgently and she's just like 'yeah, computer says no, come back in a month'.

[Dquincy]

Bitch rejected me again, she must want to extend our contact time too.

MyCreditFile has indicated Experian have got an incorrect address due to some funky flat-street naming going on with my place which must be what's causing it. House buying plans delayed by at least a month because of some clerical fuck-up by a random company and even fixing it isn't straightforward going off reports. Love this society.
This is what happens when you live in a shanty town.

[Raoul Duke]

Credit scores are one of the biggest scams going. Fuck those shysters

[Spikey M]

Nobody but you can see your score. Largely because it's a complete irrelevance that the fuckers use to turn the system into a game to get soppy bollocks to sign up long term and take their courses on how to improve their score.

The banks access your data and run it against their own criteria. You having a 600 or a 900 doesn't matter.

[Luke Emia]

Exactly right Spikey. No score makes no difference it’s based on what is within the credit report. I’ve seen a 999 score for someone who was bankrupt 3 years previously makes no odds though as no high street lender would touch her because of the previous credit issues.

Even the banks internal credit scores are bullshit though. I’ve genuinely had a bank BDM before ask me if the client has a landline as if I put that on the Decision In Principle it will pass their internal score. Madness.

[Spikey M]

Fucking Kent.

Any time I cast my net 10 miles wide on Right Move I get presented with fucking Palaces for 50p, only to find out they want me to swim to the cunt after work.

Anyway, why is Kent somehow immune to the South East property prices? A 3 bed new build for £240k? How? It's as proximate to London as I am, but the equivalent property is £80k-£100k less.

Kent:
https://www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-96085469.html

Essex: https://www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-95078024.html

Fuck off.

[Jimmy Floyd]

You're asking why property on the Isle of Sheppey costs fuck all? You'd be better off turning yourself into a puffin and flitting between jagged headlands for the rest of your days.

[Spikey M]

It's cheaper than fucking Canvey.

[niko_cee]

Both Kent and Essex are end of days stuff, across the board.

I mean, very nice places where many of my sort of relations live.

[Spikey M]

I know nothing about Kent, other than its property prices piss me off. As for Essex, it's simple (lolol). If it's a town - it's a shithole. If it's the country - it's rich people. If it's Brentwood - hit it with something blunt and heavy.

Anyway, I'm trying to join the country folk for (much) less than 400k and it's a right laugh. The new build ain't happening as Rishi is ending 'help to buy' for everyone bar first time buyers before it'll be finished. £5 Nandos banter Dickhead.

[Lewis]

Most of the good stuff around here in my price range has RETIREMENT APARTMENT slapped on it as if those cunts haven't had enough out of subsequent generations.

[Spikey M]

I know it's never been a particularly well hidden secret, but Estate Agents are a special breed of cunt, aren't they?

I had one call me earlier (on a Sunday? OK m8) and he managed to piss me off three times in about three minutes.

First he called to tell me that a house was for sale in our 'desired area' when it's 22 miles away from where we're looking and actually more of a shithole than my current area. He then told me that the owners are keen to sell (Well no shit, maybe that's why they put it on the market?) and they would probably take £15k less than the asking price. They're paying you for this, you slimy prick.

[Dquincy]

Estate agents are up there with recruitment and letting agents. All slimey, dishonest, sell their own grandma, cunts.

Never trust a word they say. How they 'earn' their fee I'll never know.

[Lewis]

The mortgage advisor I have been speaking to reckons nobody is doing ten per cent deposits on flats at the minute. They are too risky. I had found one I liked, but it is very much a first-time buyer sort of flat, so I don't suppose waiting a bit longer is a problem if we're all in the same shitty boat. But is that right? How much could a flat like that realistically go down in price before nobody sells anything to anyone?

[Don]

Don't you have H2B on that, too? That would leave you needing a 70% mortgage which surely everyone would be offering.

[Lewis]

I think I would rather wait/tap into some pre-inheritance than go down that road.

[Ian]

Any particular reason?

I've pondered whether I should look into a help to buy but haven't actually done any research into it.

[Boydy]

By Help to Buy do yous mean the mortgage guarantee part rather than the ISA part?

It fucking ended in NI in December 2016. Twats.

I've got the ISA though.

[Lewis]

Any particular reason?

I've pondered whether I should look into a help to buy but haven't actually done any research into it.

It seems like an unnecessary complication when I don't really have to do it.

[Ian]

Ah, fair enough.

[Spikey M]

Help to Buy sounds great at first, but it seems like a pain in the arse in reality. You're restricted to new builds only, which half the time puts the price up by about as much as the Government will give you anyway. Then you're splitting your debt in half, with different terms.

If it were me I'd take advantage of the ISA's they do, but I'd just buy a non-new build and avoid owing the government 60 grand.

[Luke Emia]

The mortgage advisor I have been speaking to reckons nobody is doing ten per cent deposits on flats at the minute. They are too risky. I had found one I liked, but it is very much a first-time buyer sort of flat, so I don't suppose waiting a bit longer is a problem if we're all in the same shitty boat. But is that right? How much could a flat like that realistically go down in price before nobody sells anything to anyone?

He’s right. If it’s a flat you want though, and can only get to the 10% as long as your credit is fine you could take out a personal loan for the extra 5% deposit and then. Or you could take a smaller lump of the help to buy loan you only have to have it in 5% increments then just buy it out in a couple of years time when your remortgage is due.

If your adviser had anything about him he would give you these options.

[Lewis]

He's got a Chinese name so I'm not entirely sure it's not just a front to get my National Insurance details.

[SincereTheRebel]

Ive purchased one of these (https://www.amazon.co.uk/Wagner-Airless-ControlPro-Sprayer-Ceiling/dp/B0747WCSB2/ref=asc_df_B0747WCSB2/?tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=232395246855&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=16117896214747875660&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9045481&hvtargid=pla-423849752133&psc=1&th=1&psc=1)and its superb. The most difficult part is masking off the areas you dont want to paint. That takes a while. Once you start painting, you can do an entire room in about 5 minutes.

[Spikey M]

Couldn't you just pay a Polack £100 to paint your house?

[Dquincy]

Ive purchased one of these (https://www.amazon.co.uk/Wagner-Airless-ControlPro-Sprayer-Ceiling/dp/B0747WCSB2/ref=asc_df_B0747WCSB2/?tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=232395246855&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=16117896214747875660&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9045481&hvtargid=pla-423849752133&psc=1&th=1&psc=1)and its superb. The most difficult part is masking off the areas you dont want to paint. That takes a while. Once you start painting, you can do an entire room in about 5 minutes.
Unless you're a painter and decorator, isn't this purchase a little excessive?

[SincereTheRebel]

Unless you're a painter and decorator, isn't this purchase a little excessive?

Purchased the sprayer
Painted a hallway, two bedrooms and a living room
Painted an outside fence
Returned sprayer

The answer to your question is absolutely.

[Don]

:cool:

That's the sound of the white man's jaw making contact with the floor.

[Baz]

:D

[SincereTheRebel]

I did start with the roller and a paintbrush. I did the maths and it would have taken 4 years. Did the whole house in two days. Not included the preparation which is by far, the longest part.

[Spikey M]

Purchased the sprayer
Painted a hallway, two bedrooms and a living room
Painted an outside fence
Returned sprayer

The answer to your question is absolutely.

:cool:

[Don]

In another episode of Lukie Answers:

The house buying has thankfully been delayed till late this year at the earliest. I'm looking at a real shortfall in having the required 20%+£10k for stamp duty and so forth. I realise it's not advised etc etc but can I potentially take out a big ol' credit card now for say 20K today and then use it when the time comes to supplement my deposit?

[Spikey M]

I thought stamp duty was cancelled until April?

[Don]

B2Ls still pay their bit.

[Kikó]

Our offer on the house has been accepted and we are set to move in soon. Really chuffed to get this place: https://www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-77313167.html

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Bit too cheap for you, no?

[Kikó]

Look at the pictures you bearded twat.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I did.

The interior is perfect but the property as a whole suffers because it's sub 500k.

[bruhnaldo]

Lmao i feel claustrophobic just looking at the pictures.

[SincereTheRebel]

If you changed the insides, you should be ashamed of yourself

[Lewis]

The government should be preserving that for the nation instead of putting illegals up, and if Nigel Farage hasn't got a campaign going by tomorrow morning he isn't the man I thought he was.

[Luke Emia]

In another episode of Lukie Answers:

The house buying has thankfully been delayed till late this year at the earliest. I'm looking at a real shortfall in having the required 20%+£10k for stamp duty and so forth. I realise it's not advised etc etc but can I potentially take out a big ol' credit card now for say 20K today and then use it when the time comes to supplement my deposit?

Not to supplement the property deposit but you can use it to pay the stamp duty.

[Lofty]

Is that Phil Neville's new gaff?

[Don]

Not to supplement the property deposit but you can use it to pay the stamp duty.

What's stopping me from doing the former? Can't I move money from the credit card to mybank account to pay the deposit?

Along the lines of Kiko's new pad:

1298900277509136384?s=20

[Kikó]

Good for those who want to watch people having a piss.

[Shindig]

"I'm trying to watch Coronation Street but someone's in the shower."

[Luke Emia]

What's stopping me from doing the former? Can't I move money from the credit card to mybank account to pay the deposit?

Along the lines of Kiko's new pad:

1298900277509136384?s=20

No the banks get pissy about it. A family member could and could gift you the money as long as the lender is ok with a gifted deposit. But you can’t do it yourself.

Only bank that will let you borrow money for the deposit is Santander.

[Don]

I see, I can't recall the order of the steps but I presume they'll be able to spot how I've paidthe deposit before approving the mortgage then. Fair. Anyone got any cash-in-hand jobs going?

[Lewis]

What's stopping me from doing the former? Can't I move money from the credit card to mybank account to pay the deposit?

Along the lines of Kiko's new pad:

1298900277509136384?s=20

Did you see this (https://www.zoopla.co.uk/for-sale/details/54325598?fbclid=IwAR3HolY3VZ4EGIq-oj7Jhvg2QHMg-xTzCwQDPDxT0xMIutbRv8haTlXPMFs) one doing the rounds a few weeks ago? It's about as big as a disabled toilet. :cab:

[Don]

It's the idea of someone attempting lockdown in them that really makes it for me. Probably why they're available on the market again.

[Lewis]

Would you hang yourself off the bed or the shower frame?

[Shindig]

I wouldn't trust anything to hold a person's weight. Your best bet is to find a staircase to fall down.

[SincereTheRebel]

I've got some brown interior wooden doors I wanted to paint but ive been told by multiple people that it isnt as straight forward as painting walls. Ive been told to use wood oil, but even then it may not work.

[Andy]

It's easy enough you just need the right paint.

You'll need to sand them back first to get a key for the paint, then q coat of oil based undercoat and then one or two coats of satin or gloss. Get a mini roller kit and they dont take long.

[Baz]

*eggshell > satin/gloss

[Lewis]

Am I a dickhead buying a flat now? I can convince myself RATIONALLY that I'm not (both generally and in reference to this quite excellent flat), but there is this little part of me that wants to hold off. That said, it could just be that the most expensive thing I've ever bought is a laptop, so hooking myself onto something like this is a bit unusual.

[Giggles]

Never ever buy a flat.

[Lewis]

Houses are a bit expensive around here.

[Lofty]

Given the admittedly limited amount I can glean about your personality from this forum I feel like a flat would be incompatible with your personality, neighbourwise.

[Giggles]

A proper man needs some sort of a yard and you seem like a proper man. Penthouses and instagram window box herbs is Keeks territory.

[Spammer]

Am I a dickhead buying a flat now? I can convince myself RATIONALLY that I'm not (both generally and in reference to this quite excellent flat), but there is this little part of me that wants to hold off. That said, it could just be that the most expensive thing I've ever bought is a laptop, so hooking myself onto something like this is a bit unusual.

I take it you've got a job nowadays then? Did your thesis on Random McRandom cold war nuclear bomb geez open up lots of doors for you or have you ended up working in a call centre?

I think flats depend on how lucky you get. Lived in one for a couple of years and it was great. Personally id never actually buy a place where i don't own the freehold.

[Lewis]

I post here professionally.

[Boydy]

I'd wait a while. Can see pirces falling a fair bit when loads of people lose their jobs after furlough ends/their employers decide they don't want to reduce their hours and pay them for work they're not doing under that new scheme.

Also, let's see the gaff?

[Boydy]

Also wait for the impact of Brexit on the economy. Next year's gonna be a shitstorm.

[Lewis]

My thinking is that flats can only really go so low around here (most crowded city in the country) before nobody is selling or lending (and the person I'm buying off is another civil servant, so they won't be desperate any time soon), so, whilst I could maybe wait and save another five per cent, why risk it?

[Lofty]

If the covid brexit spitroast of the economy is a tenth as bad as forecasted a lot of landlords will be holding firesales shortly, never mind those who are mortgaged to the hilt.

[Lewis]

Possibly, but who is going to be offering mortgages under those conditions?

[Don]

My purchase is still being dragged out too and normally I'd be pissed but I really don't think it's wise to move till January at least. The only thing pressing us to act is the stamp duty issue and even then, give it till last couple of months to see if everyone goes in some mad frenzy or what. If we don't see signs of the apocalypse in Jan, we'll purchase. If not, you imagine a considerable crash worthy of waiting for. The lending issue is the point. If you've got the cushion, fine, if you're on the edge of the LTV limits, go.

[Boydy]

Possibly, but who is going to be offering mortgages under those conditions?
Presumably you've got 15% at the minute if you're considering buying now and if you can save another 5%, I don't think it'd be that difficult to get a mortgage with 20% deposit in 6 months time.

[niko_cee]

Buy a house with Manc Sean.

[Andy]

On one hand it's a good time to buy and lock in the low rates and stamp duty savings but on the other hand everything is taking an absolute age at the moment.

Buying a house in the current situation is a complete nightmare, way more stressful than when I bought my first house.

As for price rises and falls, who knows really. It's such an unknown with Brexit. I've never really known house prices to fall at all around here. We are planning on staying in the house we are buying for hopefully 20+ years so any drops shouldn't be too much of an issue.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

The downstairs flat is now for sale.

Here is what the whole house looked like before:

https://www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-74933369.html

And the bottom flat now:

https://www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-98017304.html

[Pepe]

Do we get buddy price? Heard that Lewis is looking for a place.

[Lewis]

And I thought Portsmouth was expensive.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

And I thought Portsmouth was expensive.

Hitchin is crazy expensive as so many Londoners have moved here. 30 minute trains to King Cross and a nice area has seen it shoot up.

[Lewis]

I don't recall it being 'lovingly re-furbished', but then 'repeatedly donned by the builders over' might not sell.

[Lofty]

Woke up this morning to find the door to my gas meter open, definitely wasn't open yesterday. It is under my car port, can't see it having been blown open by the wind last night. Not sure what gain there would be for anyone to open it though? Wouldn't even be able to see it from the street when the car is parked on the drive.

[Spikey M]

Gongrats on your ghost bro.

[Shindig]

Jeremy Beadle still likes to fuck with people, even in death.

[Manc sean]

Buy a house with Manc Sean.

Bizarrely I got the keys to my rented southsea apartment on Thursday.

About to put my house in manc on the market for sale or rent to see what comes back.

[Don]

Still trying to wade through the shite that is step 1 (repayment of my H2B equity loan) and inshallah it will be done by next month but just had a surveyor come in to do the mandated valuation inspection.

Shines his laser measure once in each room pretending to note the result down and he's off on his way in under 5 minutes with £160 of my hard-earned cash. I remember once having a crafty crackhead slip a £20 out my wallet whilst sucking me off in a doorway and I reckon I felt more fulfilled with that transaction even though I didn't ejaculate.

What a gig though. Fatima needs awareness of it.

[Lofty]

It's a good gig but my mate who was a surveyor has surpassed that in becoming a construction adjudicator which basically means working at home for 5 times the salary.

[Lewis]

In September I agreed to buy a flat off some woman. I was going to wait until about now to save more deposit for myself, but she messaged me inviting me to bid so that she could move on another property, so I just thought whatever, I don't want to miss out on that flat, and across however many days we came up with a price. I did notice at the time that as soon as we did that moving on this other property became her looking for one, but I didn't think much of it because money talks. I got my formal mortgage offer today and she said she wasn't willing to proceed with it until she found somewhere else, and that this was going to be complicated by the lockdown etc., so she didn't mind if I wanted to pull out. I said I still want the flat, but that I'm not willing to wait for her to find somewhere and have to rent for potentially months on end. She said I knew that these were always her terms, so I sent her the screenshot of her September message where she asked me to make a bid because 'I cannot proceed on the property in Southampton until I am under offer', and she hasn't replied since.

I figure she is just sitting on my offer and waiting for prices to come down; but, if you think they're going to come down, why would you risk having to sell your own flat then for less to avoid having to rent for a few months? What else could her game be?

[Boydy]

Are you dealing with her directly?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Women usually say the opposite of what they mean, so when she says 'I don't mind if you want to pull out,' what she means is 'Please please please don't pull out, and keep your offer in for the next 5 years until I get the universal price drop my bullshit calculations were expecting a lot sooner'.

[Lewis]

Are you dealing with her directly?

Yeah, it's through Doorsteps or something. I will give it a day or so and then say my offer stands but I want it doing now.

[Don]

Never leave it to the pull-out game.

[Spikey M]

Prices already are dropping. Especially on Flats. I'd message her offering £5k less than what you agreed. She can't expect you to wait for the market to drop for her without expecting the same treatment in return. Well, obviously she can, but fuck that.

[Don]

The new year sell-off bonanza only for Rishi the don to extend the SDLT holiday as a desperate last resort to appear as though the economy isn't going to hell in a handcart :happycry:

[Lewis]

The real insult was thinking I wouldn't remember old messages. Do you know who I am sweetheart?

[Baz]

:lol:

I’ve had that. People trying to screw you over without realising you’re an autistic robot. You lose, cupcake, cos here’s that text message from eight months ago where you said no matter what I don’t have to work weekends. Suck on it, Anne-Marie.

[Lofty]

You should send her a PDF portfolio of your e-victories, Lewis.

[Andy]

6 months of fannying around trying to move house and its all fallen through back to square one and cost us a small fortune.

Property buying and selling in this country is a complete joke.

I will probably just stay where I am for a few more years now. I'm not sure I can go through it all again and I doubt I'd be able to get everything setup in time before the stamp duty freeze finishes anyway.

[Foe]

What happened?

The English system sounds a bit mental.

[Don]

100% agreed. The unnecesary hoops I've had to jump through in last 3 months are eye-watering. It's bureaucracy at its peak.

[Pen]

Property buying and selling in this country is a complete joke.
If this thread is anything to go by, I really can’t understand how you’ve fucked it up so badly. Every step seems like a massive pain in the arse.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It took me 7 months of pain and that was pretty much plain sailing with a new build. My brother's been trying to buy a place in Bristol this year and ended up having to move back to Surrey to stay with my parents because the seller has fucked up so much for so many months. The only reason he's been able to do that has been a) the fact that our parents are around and b) the pandemic meaning he and the mrs can work from there. Without that they would be having to rent a staging post endlessly until the seller and both sets of lawyers chose to pull their finger out of their arse.

[Lewis]

I made an offer on another (better) flat today, and that divvy woman re-appeared - having ignored me for two weeks since I DONNED her with her own words - to tell me we can proceed now because she has found somewhere. Oh right.

[Spikey M]

Have you replied?

[Lewis]

I will when I've agreed a price on this other one so I can send her a picture of my arse.

[Spikey M]

:D

[SvN]

I had a similar experience when we were looking for our first house. We made an offer on a place that was our max budget (£12k below asking price) and it was rejected fairly quickly. So we moved on, and then a week later the estate agent phoned to say she'd changed her mind and accepted it. Brilliant, so we started the process of applying for the mortgage, etc. and a few days later she changed her mind again and rejected it.

Fast forward 7 days and we get a call from a very sheepish estate agent tells us she's changed her mind AGAIN, and is now willing to accept our offer. We obviously told her to get fucked, and ended up buying a different place.

A year later I checked on Zoopla and it sold for £10k less than we offered. Needless to say, I had the last laugh.

[Lewis]

I will when I've agreed a price on this other one so I can send her a picture of my arse.

Offer accepted. Unlucky treacle. :harold:

[Spikey M]

Please post her reply.

[Lofty]

Nothing better than fucking over some greedy bastard on a deal of that magnitude. I hope she has an epic chimp out.

[Luke Emia]

People who buy houses are divvy cunts at the best of times but the current situation is bringing out the best of them.

Had a woman today bitching because she’s had to come up with more deposit for her house purchase. Reason being she’s gone 20k over what I told her what her top budget is. Fucking idiot, that tells you what you are dealing with in the general population.

[Lofty]

When we were house hunting we saw a nice one in a good area, listed for £160k but on for over 2 years, it was 'cheap' for the area but hadn't seen fresh paint since the sixties, infact the kitchen appeared to have the original sixties oven etc still installed. We offered £145k and were rebuffed immediately and essentially told it was asking or nothing as they had the asking offered once before but it fell through. Given we estimated the refurb to be coming in around £30k we sacked it off. Still for sale last time I checked :D

Similar story with another house we offered on, mugged us off and then never sold in the end (we are friends with their neighbours so know it never sold).

As you say can only imagine it being even worse during this shit.

[Lewis]

This one apparently had two sales fall through in March and August, both for more than I have offered, and both due to the buyers losing their jobs. The next Chinaman I see is getting a high five.

[Spikey M]

Has the bint from property 1 replied? Or are you leaving her hanging?

[Lewis]

I messaged her six hours ago and she hasn't replied.

[Baz]

She's swinging from the light fitting in what could have been your new ensuite.

[Lewis]

Her flat is no longer 'under offer' so she is just ignoring me (again).

[Spikey M]

Did you send her the picture of your arse?

[Lewis]

I couldn't get the angle right.

[Spikey M]

Any angle is the right angle #squats #aubergine

[Kikó]

When we were house hunting we saw a nice one in a good area, listed for £160k but on for over 2 years, it was 'cheap' for the area but hadn't seen fresh paint since the sixties, infact the kitchen appeared to have the original sixties oven etc still installed. We offered £145k and were rebuffed immediately and essentially told it was asking or nothing as they had the asking offered once before but it fell through. Given we estimated the refurb to be coming in around £30k we sacked it off. Still for sale last time I checked :D

Similar story with another house we offered on, mugged us off and then never sold in the end (we are friends with their neighbours so know it never sold).

As you say can only imagine it being even worse during this shit.

Buying a house at £160k 😂

[Lofty]

Bought a 3 bed 2 reception semi for £130k :cool:

[Giggles]

I think he forgot to put the ‘only’ in there.

[Spikey M]

In Preston.

[Lofty]

South Ribble actually, recently voted best place to live in the UK. My moving in obviously got it over the line.

[Lewis]

I had a look at what I could get back home for my money and it's tragic.

[Lewis]

I am meant to be buying a flat for x amount, but the bank has said that their independent valuation has valued the flat at about five per cent less than what I am paying. The estate agent and the mortgage advisor both think they need their heads checking; but fortunately, I can appeal. The way I do this is to send them details of comparable flats for what I intend to pay and to demonstrate that the actual value is what I think it is.

Are these appeals ever successful? Because if they are then that means they will be siding with my valuation against the supposed professional valuers. And if they do that, why is this even happening?

[Don]

Don't ask questions to try and make sense of the situation, just keep pumping time and money into it until someone at the end of the line says 'yes' or 'fuck off'.

[Spikey M]

Is your deposit enough to cover the 5% they're undervaluing it by? If so, it shouldn't matter to them anyway.

[Lewis]

No, and it's a fifteen per cent deposit, so making the difference up would take a bit of time. They actually referred to its 'real value' as well, as if Karl Marx went round and did a time and motion study.

[Luke Emia]

I am meant to be buying a flat for x amount, but the bank has said that their independent valuation has valued the flat at about five per cent less than what I am paying. The estate agent and the mortgage advisor both think they need their heads checking; but fortunately, I can appeal. The way I do this is to send them details of comparable flats for what I intend to pay and to demonstrate that the actual value is what I think it is.

Are these appeals ever successful? Because if they are then that means they will be siding with my valuation against the supposed professional valuers. And if they do that, why is this even happening?

It's unlikely the valuer will change their mind. Really the mortgage advisor should be doing this not you, that's their job. Are the mortgage advisor and estate agent linked? What has happened here is the estate agents have over valued it, you should be going back to them and telling them your offer is what the lender has valued it at and they can take it or leave it.

[Lewis]

If the valuer can show me a comparable flat for their value to buy instead then I will, but they won't be able to, so their value is wrong.

[SvN]

Not the same, but similar.

We recently remortgaged, and our valuation was £9k away from the 80% bracket, which represented about a £200 per month saving.

The guy we were speaking to from the bank told us to appeal the valuation and it would almost certainly get accepted.

We just sent Rightmove links to 3 comparable properties within 1/2 mile that went above our proposed valuation and it was accepted within 24 hours.

Seems like such a joke of a process if it's that easy to appeal. Not that I'm complaining.

[Spikey M]

It's just so they can justify all the dickhead fees you get lumbered with. The solicitors are even worse. Weeks of fucking about trying to sort nonsense. They spent a week coming up with 'questions' for us before we last moved and it ended up just being 'can you paint the walls?' (Lol, fuck off) and something else about garden upkeep (it was a 2nd floor 1 bedroom studio flat with a communal garden already maintained by the management company ffs).

[niko_cee]

Valuations always come in low. They're an absolute waste of time and the durwoods that do them try to justify their existence (and absurd cost) by having an opinion which differs from the actual evidence provided by the market (ie the price you are paying).

They really ought to be done without prior knowledge of an agreed price.

lol at the idea of using a survey opinion as the basis for an offer.

[Andy]

I am meant to be buying a flat for x amount, but the bank has said that their independent valuation has valued the flat at about five per cent less than what I am paying. The estate agent and the mortgage advisor both think they need their heads checking; but fortunately, I can appeal. The way I do this is to send them details of comparable flats for what I intend to pay and to demonstrate that the actual value is what I think it is.

Are these appeals ever successful? Because if they are then that means they will be siding with my valuation against the supposed professional valuers. And if they do that, why is this even happening?

We had an appeal earlier in the year that was unsuccessful. Supposedly its roughly a 5% chance of getting changed as it needs the surveyor to admit they are wrong. Its a load of bollocks.

We appealed and it took the surveyor over a month to make his decision.

[Lewis]

The estate agent said it's happening all over at the minute, so he's on the case.

[Luke Emia]

The estate agent said it's happening all over at the minute, so he's on the case.

It is in the estate agents interest to say this as he is acting on the sellers behalf. The higher the price it sells for the more he gets paid. The reason it happens is because generally the estate agent has over valued it. They walk into peoples houses tell them they will get them 300k, another company goes in and is realistic and tells them 280k but people always go with the higher valuation because they want to believe they will be the ones who get the higher price. Every time I have a customer who is selling their house they tell me what it is up for. My next question is always ‘what would you take?’

Estate agency valuers have no qualifications whereas the banks valuer will have full professional accreditation and be registered with RICS. I may be wrong but I have seen this a great many times before and it is very rare for the valuation appeal to work. Even if you have strong evidence they don’t normally change their mind as it opens up too many issues for them.

[niko_cee]

The price someone is willing to pay in an arms-length transaction on the open market is the best guide to value of a property, regardless of what the many and varied experts in the field may think.

[Spikey M]

It is in the estate agents interest to say this as he is acting on the sellers behalf. The higher the price it sells for the more he gets paid. The reason it happens is because generally the estate agent has over valued it. They walk into peoples houses tell them they will get them 300k, another company goes in and is realistic and tells them 280k but people always go with the higher valuation because they want to believe they will be the ones who get the higher price. Every time I have a customer who is selling their house they tell me what it is up for. My next question is always ‘what would you take?’

Estate agency valuers have no qualifications whereas the banks valuer will have full professional accreditation and be registered with RICS. I may be wrong but I have seen this a great many times before and it is very rare for the valuation appeal to work. Even if you have strong evidence they don’t normally change their mind as it opens up too many issues for them.

Fair, but how difficult is this stuff really? It's literally just "a property with an equal number of bedrooms sold for £300k last week, so £300k is the value".

Since we bought our place we've sorted every room to a good spec. New garden, new kitchen, new bathroom, every room decorated. It still got valued purely on the number of bedrooms and the presence of a garden. Nothing else matters.

[Boydy]

Fair, but how difficult is this stuff really? It's literally just "a property with an equal number of bedrooms sold for £300k last week, so £300k is the value".

Since we bought our place we've sorted every room to a good spec. New garden, new kitchen, new bathroom, every room decorated. It still got valued purely on the number of bedrooms and the presence of a garden. Nothing else matters.

How much did doing it up cost? I sometimes see nice houses that some old person who hasn't redecorated since the 80s has probably died in for sale at decent prices but I have no idea how much it would be to replace kitchen, bathroom, do the floors etc.

[Spikey M]

How much did doing it up cost? I sometimes see nice houses that some old person who hasn't redecorated since the 80s has probably died in for sale at decent prices but I have no idea how much it would be to replace kitchen, bathroom, do the floors etc.

I'm sure it effects how willing people are to buy, but as far as the property value 'experts' give, not so much. We had 3 Estate Agents tell us it doesn't make too much difference. It's all about the number of rooms, the size of them and the location of the property. We thought it was a load of bollocks too, but Rightmove does have all but the biggest shitholes in the same price range so who knows?

[Lofty]

Alternatively, one the down the road from me that is identical sold as a shithole and was renovated, selling 6 months later for £70k more.

[Spikey M]

That fulfills the shithole criteria though. What I mean is high spec vs low spec doesn't make a whole lot of difference to the valuation you get given. Or it didn't for us, anyway.

[Pen]

Speaking of valuations, I have to boast that I am very pleased how ours has rocketed since we bought our first place four years ago. We then payed 278k for it and we’re now living in a place that’s worth over 100k more without any change in living expenses.

There’s no way we could’ve made that kind of money in any other way.

[Don]

Will be time to remortgage in April and I've had my former advisor come sniffing about already. Last time I went with his best suggestion and got him a lovely £400 or whatever it was for doing 1 phonecall. I am correct now that finding the best deal is basically as easy as renewing car insurance these days, right? What's my equivalent comparison website/service that I should use?

[Luke Emia]

Will be time to remortgage in April and I've had my former advisor come sniffing about already. Last time I went with his best suggestion and got him a lovely £400 or whatever it was for doing 1 phonecall. I am correct now that finding the best deal is basically as easy as renewing car insurance these days, right? What's my equivalent comparison website/service that I should use?

Just no. Is he charging you a fee? Or just getting paid by the bank? If he’s not charging you a fee and just getting the money from the bank then let him do it. If he is charging you a fee tell him either to not charge a fee or you will take your business to a broker who doesn’t charge a fee.

[Don]

I don't pay him. My thinking was that all these services seem to now be putting the power in our hands but I'm guessing it's not that easy then and I should trust him?

[Luke Emia]

I don't pay him. My thinking was that all these services seem to now be putting the power in our hands but I'm guessing it's not that easy then and I should trust him?

For the sake of probably saving you several hours dealing with a bank yeah I would suggest so. The comparison sites get paid as well all you are doing with them is you doing the donkey work and them getting paid for introducing you.

[Giggles]

44 square metres, half a million euro.

https://www.daft.ie/for-sale/terraced-house-16-gilford-terrace-sandymount-co-dublin/2480009

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

https://i.imgur.com/d4y5C0C.png

The little gate there (near the bins) is the entrance to most of the houses in the 'street' and there is a little pathway that connects all the front gardens.

Today a neighbour gave us a letter saying we've been accessing this UNAUTHORISED and that we need a deed of easement to legally use it. LOL.

What is wrong with some people?

As we've got a buyer now lined up we need to sort this out formally.

Today her solicitor said that she'd accept no less than £15k :harold:

She's seething that the developers of the new build houses paid that much when she didn't own the house and now wants the same amount from us despite the house being there since before the gate/path.

We're going to formally request to the station to build our own gate (they unofficially said it would be ok last year) to circumvent her land.

[Lewis]

Don't you have a RIGHT to access in those sort of circumstances? Our next door neighbour has just 'reclaimed' the land behind her garden but has had to put gates in either side for their neighbour to maintain access.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

That's what our solicitors will argue. I personally don't think she has a leg to stand on seeing as our place has been there since 1850/60 and the gate has been there since about 2010 or something.

Also, she befriended us which makes it even worse. She's been over for BBQ's in the Summer, she's come for dinner a few times etc etc and she even told me that she wasn't trying to being a dick (and that we all got off on the wrong foot) and wasn't doing this for money...

Maybe she was hoping that if we were chums we'd be more inclined to pay up.

[Dquincy]

That's what our solicitors will argue. I personally don't think she has a leg to stand on seeing as our place has been there since 1850/60 and the gate has been there since about 2010 or something.

Also, she befriended us which makes it even worse. She's been over for BBQ's in the Summer, she's come for dinner a few times etc etc and she even told me that she wasn't trying to being a dick (and that we all got off on the wrong foot) and wasn't doing this for money...

Maybe she was hoping that if we were chums we'd be more inclined to pay up.

The Prescription Act 1832 generally allows a party to claim an easement after a period of 20 years of continuous use without interruption.

She doesn't have a strong argument by the sounds of it.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

The Prescription Act 1832 generally allows a party to claim an easement after a period of 20 years of continuous use without interruption.

She doesn't have a strong argument by the sounds of it.

They'd claim that the gate hasn't been up for 20 years (which it hasn't) and thus the homeowners weren't specifically using her land. We've also only been there for 18 months or so and the new owners of the downstairs part wont have been here 20 years too.

She gave the 3 other original households that use the gate/path easement though and one of them hasn't been there for 20 years.

[Lewis]

I appealed that flat valuation business, but they stuck with their valuation on what struck me as quite spurious grounds. It might have off-street parking in the most congested city in the country, but this is negated by only having stairs and no lift. Oh right. And why does most of the street being rental properties matter? Whatever, another bank has accepted the valuation so we are - it looks like - good to go. :cool:

[Boydy]

Has anyone bought anywhere that was a bit old fashioned (kitchen, bathroom, carpets, wallpaper etc all looking like they'd not been replace since the 80s) and done it up? How much would that kind of renovation cost?

[Jimmy Floyd]

My brother's doing it now, and the answer is 'a lot', especially kitchen and bathroom.

[Spikey M]

Anyone ever been to Chapel St. Mary or East Bergholt?

[Dquincy]

Has anyone bought anywhere that was a bit old fashioned (kitchen, bathroom, carpets, wallpaper etc all looking like they'd not been replace since the 80s) and done it up? How much would that kind of renovation cost?

That question is impossible to answer accurately as it is dependent on the property. You truly won't know the extent until you start stripping out the internals, which may reveal some hidden horrors. I.e. structural defects which you will not have accounted for.

If you do find a property, I strongly recommend that you get a pre-acquisition survey carried out. And I don't mean one of those shit home buyers surveys.

[Dquincy]

Anyone ever been to Chapel St. Mary or East Bergholt?

Chapel Street?

[Spikey M]

Saint

[Dquincy]

Ah, no.

[Spikey M]

Chapel Street Mary sounds like a well known prossie or something.

[Dquincy]

The Chapel Street I know is in Kings Cross. There would have been loads of prossies not so long ago.

[Andy]

Has anyone bought anywhere that was a bit old fashioned (kitchen, bathroom, carpets, wallpaper etc all looking like they'd not been replace since the 80s) and done it up? How much would that kind of renovation cost?

Depends how skilled you are and then if you have friends or family who are tradespeople?

My 3 bed semi i spent 8k and did everything from top to bottom inside the house and both gardens. Luckily the doors and windows were done two years before I moved in. Obviously I did it all myself and pulled in a few favours, also know how to get materials at rock bottom. I think if I got a company into do similar I'd be expecting 40k.

[Spammer]

Has anyone bought anywhere that was a bit old fashioned (kitchen, bathroom, carpets, wallpaper etc all looking like they'd not been replace since the 80s) and done it up? How much would that kind of renovation cost?

Cost us about 15k over 3 years. We needed the place rewiring and central putting in though, which took us to about 5k on its own. This is a 3 bedroomed house.

[Spammer]

We're looking at moving house this year. A mate's parents are moving out and want us to buy their house from them. It came about when and missus went over to their gaff with said friend and just loved the place. Had a private chat together about lovely it was, happened to mention it to our mate a bit later and she said they were looking to move and would want to save money on estate agents if we'd be interested.

Ideally we want to draw down equity from the current house in order to buy the new one, and then rent this one out. We've just finished doing it all up so should make a bit of money renting it out, though I'd be happy to charge less for rental if it means we get someone who respects the place because they want to stick around for a few years.

I'm shitting it a bit though. We can afford it but the margins are a bit tight until the missus gets a payrise next August. Might have to be careful for a year or so but after that it'll be plain sailing. I suppose if it gets too tight we can always just sell this house too.

[Boydy]

Depends how skilled you are and then if you have friends or family who are tradespeople?

My 3 bed semi i spent 8k and did everything from top to bottom inside the house and both gardens. Luckily the doors and windows were done two years before I moved in. Obviously I did it all myself and pulled in a few favours, also know how to get materials at rock bottom. I think if I got a company into do similar I'd be expecting 40k.

Cheers. I'm not skilled at all. My dad's pretty hanfybat diy stuff but he's not a tradesman or anything. Not really any in the family that are close enough that I'd feel comfortable asking.

Probably too expensive then.

Shame cause I've seen a few decent houses that presumably old people have been in for ages and would be nice if they were fixed up a bit.

[Spammer]

Cheers. I'm not skilled at all. My dad's pretty hanfybat diy stuff but he's not a tradesman or anything. Not really any in the family that are close enough that I'd feel comfortable asking.

Probably too expensive then.

Shame cause I've seen a few decent houses that presumably old people have been in for ages and would be nice if they were fixed up a bit.

If it's alright to live in as it is, just do it gradually over a few years. It's more satisfying that way.

[Andy]

Cheers. I'm not skilled at all. My dad's pretty hanfybat diy stuff but he's not a tradesman or anything. Not really any in the family that are close enough that I'd feel comfortable asking.

Probably too expensive then.

Shame cause I've seen a few decent houses that presumably old people have been in for ages and would be nice if they were fixed up a bit.

Don't let me put you off. You don't have to do it all in one go and you can always pick things up as you go and do bits yourself.

[Baz]

Spent about an hour “de-squeaking” my stairs today, ready for a carpet fitter to come in Tuesday. Can’t access them from underneath so screwed them down from above. Some of them have like 7 screws in :lol: but they’re loads quieter. Highly recommended.

[Lewis]

Andy casually exposing the 500% mark-up him and his mates slap on unsuspecting rubes.

[Lofty]

Hoping to avoid said mark up tomorrow when a roofer comes round to investigate the leak I've noticed in my loft. Hoping the fact he is coming round short notice on a Sunday means he thinks it is an easy fix.

[Baz]

Either that or he’s shit.

[Andy]

Andy casually exposing the 500% mark-up him and his mates slap on unsuspecting rubes.

You've only got to look at the cost of a boiler and the average cost of a install or the same with a bathroom suite.

Its all in the labour.

[mo]

I've been doing stuff to improve our house steadily over the last 5 1/2 years. Replacing old lathe and plaster walls/ceilings with insulation and plasterboard, put in a new loft hatch, part-boarded the loft, tore out old bathroom and did most of the work getting it ready to be tiled and plumbed in. Father in law helped with a lot of stuff though and his know-how was really useful. A lot I learned from YouTube but you can't really replace the experience of having done something successfully before.

Probably going to look to sell in a few years though. We talked about an extension but I want more room upstairs and I don't think a two-storey extension will work.

[Lofty]

Either that or he’s shit.

He's highly recommended :D Quoted me an acceptable price so hopefully that solves it.

[Mike]

Currently decorating the dining room and bedroom. Still not a fan of painting.

[Giggles]

The next door neighbour just threatened to call the cops on me for telling him to lick the back of my sack :D

[Boydy]

:D

Why did you tell him to do that?

[Giggles]

I parked outside his house (not blocking the gateway) because he keeps putting his second shitbox outside ours instead of his own. He came to the door to tell me to move it.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Gate access update:

We've been talking to the facilities manager of Great Northern trains are were asking him if we could just take down one of the station's fence panels and put a second gate right next to hers. He originally said he thinks it would be ok and would chase it up. Today he sent this:


Having look into this matter with the main landlord Network Rail along with their liabilities team, I can confirm the first point is that the resident has responsibility for the maintenance and repair of the boundary fencing.

I can also confirm the existing gate does NOT grant any prescriptive rights by the tenants to have right of access onto private lease area as this leads to twofold encroachment and GTR legal liabilities risk.

If I push this any further with the landlord, they will be forced to legally request gates to be removed and have residents spaced out.

I strongly suggest both residents come to some form of agreement as I refuse to encourage access creating a liability risk to GTR.

She's apparently not too pleased about no longer having a leg to stand on.

[Don]

The fucking audacity to rely on rules and regulations when it suits you. Get back to Poznan and leave our good British folk alone, you disgrace.

[Lewis]

Don't you have a RIGHT to access in those sort of circumstances? Our next door neighbour has just 'reclaimed' the land behind her garden but has had to put gates in either side for their neighbour to maintain access.

At our end, it turns out that this land is actually council land, so she will probably have to un-landscape it all. :harold:

[Shindig]

The flat I'm in is changing ownership. I've got the tenancy until September but erm ... the people that have viewed have all had their student offspring in tow. :uhoh:

EDIT: Looking at flats now in case shit gets real and they throw me out. Durham is royally shit for renting.

[Spikey M]

We accepted an offer on our gaff yesterday after putting it back up for sale on Monday. The Stamp Duty break is being extended, apparently.

Just seen this: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-56218952

Which seems silly considering the mortgage market killed the worldwide economy 13 years ago. I look forward to being able to buy a £1.4 million house, mind.

How is your move going Lewis?

[Shindig]

The for sale sign is now up outside mine. No viewings for a fortnight. I'm window shopping for houses at the minute. Nobody's mentioned a peep about returning to the office so I guess that gives me the option to move anywhere.

[Lewis]

How is your move going Lewis?

They started the 'checks' a few weeks ago and both sets of solicitors are blaming the other for it being a bit slow.

This mortgage guarantee thing fucking hell. Pretty much the only hope I have left for this government is that they make the planning reforms needed to actually make housing affordable, so this is obviously a good sign there. Unless they do both, and a load of mugs get stuck in government-backed negative equity. :harold:

[Shindig]

Hmmm .... my place is listed for £200k. Two flats and a bookies. £16k a year comes back in rent. Not that I'm planning on putting a bid in.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Is there a bigger scam in modern Britain than commercial renting? I can't think of one.

[Spikey M]

You don't even have to do any repairs either. Just have a rolling tenancy, call them an ASBO case and issue a Section 21.

The best thing about Covid is those cunts getting fisted.

[Shindig]

It's turned my head, that's for sure. Even if I carried on living there, that's £10k or whatever. Your only worry would be if the students bite because the bookies are always busy. And whether I fancied doing any work to it.

[Spikey M]

They started the 'checks' a few weeks ago and both sets of solicitors are blaming the other for it being a bit slow.

This mortgage guarantee thing fucking hell. Pretty much the only hope I have left for this government is that they make the planning reforms needed to actually make housing affordable, so this is obviously a good sign there. Unless they do both, and a load of mugs get stuck in government-backed negative equity. :harold:

and they'll both be right, too. I'd love to see how much work they actually do. I bet the whole process could be done in about 2 hours if they wanted to / didn't have to justify their fee.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Like estate agents (and website designers, I'm finding) it's an industry where they will only work on your case if you pester them literally every day, more than once if you can.

[Lofty]

Yeah I was firing emails at everyone involved on the daily and following up unanswered emails with calls until I got the keys, which I think was just to get rid of me.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I sometimes compare it to my own job (where I'll normally have 10-20 customer requests waiting to be dealt with at any one time) and the rough criteria for who gets seen are:

1) low hanging fruit
2) how much time will it take me to do this
3) how much do we rely on their business
4) how likely is it that we will get a sale from this
5) how much are they getting in my face

This results in a lot of frustrated customers when 5) doesn't speed me up (usually these people are French).

In a lot of other industries, especially those where you've paid for the service in advance, 5) is right at the top, or sometimes even the only one in play it feels like.

[Lewis]

and they'll both be right, too. I'd love to see how much work they actually do. I bet the whole process could be done in about 2 hours if they wanted to / didn't have to justify their fee.


Like estate agents (and website designers, I'm finding) it's an industry where they will only work on your case if you pester them literally every day, more than once if you can.

In this case the seller does appear to be some sort of retard, so it wouldn't surprise me if he isn't answering questions.

[Boydy]

I viewed a house today and really liked it. Not far from where I'm renting now.

I also signed the contract for a new job the other day which I start at the beginning of April. Anyone have any idea if I'd be able to apply for a mortgage now and borrow according to the new salary or if I apply right now will they only take my salary from my current job into account? Luke Emia ?

[Lewis]

I was in the process of getting a pay upgrade when I got my original mortgage offer, and they were happy to file everything on the assumption that I would be earning x; but I had to get work to give me a 'Lewis earns the following as of...' letter to get it over the line.

[Giggles]

I viewed a house today and really liked it. Not far from where I'm renting now.

I also signed the contract for a new job the other day which I start at the beginning of April. Anyone have any idea if I'd be able to apply for a mortgage now and borrow according to the new salary or if I apply right now will they only take my salary from my current job into account? @Luke Emia (https://www.thethirdhalf.co.uk/member.php?u=63) ?

Would you even get one with a job change or are they a lot handier on giving them out there?

[Spikey M]

I viewed a house today and really liked it. Not far from where I'm renting now.

I also signed the contract for a new job the other day which I start at the beginning of April. Anyone have any idea if I'd be able to apply for a mortgage now and borrow according to the new salary or if I apply right now will they only take my salary from my current job into account? Luke Emia ?

In my experience the mortgage company value stability. Ideally they want you in the same dead end job for 20 yeas before they touch you. Moving job and house at the same time could mean they'll offer you less even if the money is better.

[Andy]

I viewed a house today and really liked it. Not far from where I'm renting now.

I also signed the contract for a new job the other day which I start at the beginning of April. Anyone have any idea if I'd be able to apply for a mortgage now and borrow according to the new salary or if I apply right now will they only take my salary from my current job into account? Luke Emia ?

Depends on the lender and also if there is a probation period.

[Shindig]

It's the finance side that puts me off buying, to be honest.

[Baz]

It’s pretty cool knowing you own something though, or at least will do.

Same with cars.

[Shindig]

Yep. And you can improve it, boost the value and whatever. I just need to figure out what my actual budget is.

[Boydy]

I was in the process of getting a pay upgrade when I got my original mortgage offer, and they were happy to file everything on the assumption that I would be earning x; but I had to get work to give me a 'Lewis earns the following as of...' letter to get it over the line.
That sounds alright. I have the offer letter with the salary on it and the signed contract with the salary and start date on it.

Depends on the lender and also if there is a probation period.
There is a probation period but having googled that already it doesn't seem to be too much of an issue.

[Luke Emia]

I viewed a house today and really liked it. Not far from where I'm renting now.

I also signed the contract for a new job the other day which I start at the beginning of April. Anyone have any idea if I'd be able to apply for a mortgage now and borrow according to the new salary or if I apply right now will they only take my salary from my current job into account? Luke Emia ?

Nationwide are good for that. Literally just need contract don't even need a payslip.

[Luke Emia]

In my experience the mortgage company value stability. Ideally they want you in the same dead end job for 20 yeas before they touch you. Moving job and house at the same time could mean they'll offer you less even if the money is better.

Some literally don't care. It blows my mind then they bleat on about fraudulent applications.

[Spikey M]

Sold our place for asking price earlier this week and just had an offer for £10,000 under asking price accepted on a new place.

Can't wait to get the fuck out of Southend and into a nice house in a nice little village where nothing happens apart from the Church fete. :drool:

[Baz]

Sounds good during lockdown but during normal times, not so much.

Well, unless there’s some good pubs.

[Spikey M]

There's 2 pubs. One 40 seconds away.

But there is never a good time to be in Southend. Lockdown or otherwise.

[Raoul Duke]

Started gathering intel on buying a place in Amsterdam. Looks like out east might be the place to go in terms of price:value. I just want a place with awesome beams :cry:

[SvN]

Like estate agents (and website designers, I'm finding) it's an industry where they will only work on your case if you pester them literally every day, more than once if you can.

Web design, especially if you're dealing with a freelancer, is a race to the bottom. The stop-start nature of the work means that people will work for a pittance and have to take on more work than they can realistically complete in a reasonable time frame.

Plus, if you're directly speaking to the guy actually doing the work - and it's all being done by one person, not a team - then chances are you're not spending enough money.

If you want a better experience, spend more money.

[Dquincy]

Sold our place for asking price earlier this week and just had an offer for £10,000 under asking price accepted on a new place.

Can't wait to get the fuck out of Southend and into a nice house in a nice little village where nothing happens apart from the Church fete. :drool:

Canvey Island? :D

My mate had to go on a stag do there one weekend. It was literally a 20 min drive from where the majority of them lived.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'm speaking to Clem Fandango / Art Vandelay on a rotational basis, or was, until Clem was fired and Ronnie Wallwork took over proceedings, whereupon we finally got somewhere. Seeing as I'm not Procter & Gamble it's probably impossible to spend enough money to hit home with an agency/design house that knows what they're doing, so you're really just expecting a veneer of 5/10 customer service, but no.

[Spikey M]

Canvey Island? :D

My mate had to go on a stag do there one weekend. It was literally a 20 min drive from where the majority of them lived.

Who the fuck goes on a stag do to Canvey Island? The only decent thing about that place is the road out of it.

[SincereTheRebel]

There are Murder Crows making home on my roof and they make a lot of noise in the morning. They sound angry and look like they are from Resident Evil.

[Raoul Duke]

Crows are awesome. You should befriend them

[Lofty]

Agreed, or if not befriend definitely do not anger them. They hold grudges and remember faces.

[Baz]

Had a man in from British Gas today. My heating broke in February cos the condensate pipe froze and I managed to fix it by pouring hot water on it. At the time I tried to get British Gas to come instead, so I didn’t have to climb a ladder in the dark, but the earliest they could come was 10th March. As far as they were concerned, three weeks with no heating or hot water is fine.

Anyway, I kept the booking cos I wanted them to just check the period of time where all the condensation was being backed up into the boiler, and causing it to switch off, hadn’t done any damage. Fast forward to today. Bloke gives me the usual jargon about giving it a quick once over but it’ll be fine, and praised me for sorting it out. I go back downstairs to make him a coffee and then I hear him run downstairs and go outside on his phone, and comes back in after five minutes. It’s not safe mate. I’ve had to isolate. It’s a good job I’m here.

So his machine that checks for carbon monoxide is allowed a maximum reading of 200 before it’s deemed dangerous. It was reading 1300. :cab: It’s a wonder I’m not dead. I’m always in the loft as well.

He did try it on a bit saying he can order the part today and come back tomorrow to fix it, and tried to pat himself in his back saying it’s perfect timing cos he can fix it tomorrow but we’re on strike on Friday so I just said perfect timing would have been February when I had no boiler for 24 hours, and went back to watching Cocomelon.

I did like his joke about wearing PPE cos he was a Wiganer in St. Helens though. And if he actually sorts it tomorrow, all is forgiven. Hopefully I don’t drop dead from the fumes. Never had it serviced in 7 years so no idea how long it’s been poisoning my family for.

[Spikey M]

Didn't you put something about Carbon Monoxide poisoning in the health thread a little while back?

[Baz]

Didn't you put something about Carbon Monoxide poisoning in the health thread a little while back?

I probably posted that I got a Carbon Monoxide meter when I first got my house but in order to calibrate it you seemed to need to use cigarette smoke, which I couldn’t do because I’m not a scruff, so never did anything with it.

[Lewis]

I did like his joke about wearing PPE cos he was a Wiganer in St. Helens though. And if he actually sorts it tomorrow, all is forgiven. Hopefully I don’t drop dead from the fumes. Never had it serviced in 7 years so no idea how long it’s been poisoning my family for.

'D'you not know what carbon monoxide is?'

[Spikey M]

I’ve had a headache for about four days.

I’ve either got
a) COVID-19 (is it a symptom?)
b) carbon monoxide poisoning after a leaky radiator was recently botched back up by my dad and I.
c) just a persistent headache

I’ve got a Carbon Monoxide meter thingy somewhere, I think, but I never set it up because from what I could gather from the instructions you first needed to “set it off” by using smoke from a cigarette, of which I obviously don’t have because I’m not a scruff. :cab: Infact, I may well have binned it after deciding I could never set it up.

:uhoh:

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I've never known a monoxide alarm needing cigarette smoke to calibrate it.

[Manc]

Baz is definitely dying in his sleep tonight.

[Andy]

Had a man in from British Gas today. My heating broke in February cos the condensate pipe froze and I managed to fix it by pouring hot water on it. At the time I tried to get British Gas to come instead, so I didn’t have to climb a ladder in the dark, but the earliest they could come was 10th March. As far as they were concerned, three weeks with no heating or hot water is fine.

Anyway, I kept the booking cos I wanted them to just check the period of time where all the condensation was being backed up into the boiler, and causing it to switch off, hadn’t done any damage. Fast forward to today. Bloke gives me the usual jargon about giving it a quick once over but it’ll be fine, and praised me for sorting it out. I go back downstairs to make him a coffee and then I hear him run downstairs and go outside on his phone, and comes back in after five minutes. It’s not safe mate. I’ve had to isolate. It’s a good job I’m here.

So his machine that checks for carbon monoxide is allowed a maximum reading of 200 before it’s deemed dangerous. It was reading 1300. :cab: It’s a wonder I’m not dead. I’m always in the loft as well.

He did try it on a bit saying he can order the part today and come back tomorrow to fix it, and tried to pat himself in his back saying it’s perfect timing cos he can fix it tomorrow but we’re on strike on Friday so I just said perfect timing would have been February when I had no boiler for 24 hours, and went back to watching Cocomelon.

I did like his joke about wearing PPE cos he was a Wiganer in St. Helens though. And if he actually sorts it tomorrow, all is forgiven. Hopefully I don’t drop dead from the fumes. Never had it serviced in 7 years so no idea how long it’s been poisoning my family for.

It's not his fault he wasn't sent out to fix it in February. If someone gives me grief like that the part goes missing and I go back a month later.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Baz is definitely dying.

[Ian]

Not the main point here but why are you spending so much time in the loft?

[Baz]

It’s been a wild ride, lads. Mike will forward the funeral details if you wanna pay your respects.

And maybe not a lot of time up in the loft, but more than anyone else I know. If you must know, during lockdown I started collecting Pokémon cards and wrestling figures, so they’re up there. At one point I was getting a new card in the post everyday so would go up, open the box, get out the binder, put the new FIRST EDITION card in my binder and move the placeholder card into a different box. I’m working from home, might as well kill time chilling in the loft breathing in delicious poisonous gas.

I also went a bit overboard buying holiday clothes so there are multiple unopened parcels up there and it’s got to a point where I take parcels up there if I’m not planning on opening them for a while, and then when the times comes I also tend to open them and sort out the rubbish up there. It’s like a shed but less [visible] spiders and lots more carbon monoxide.

It’s not converted but it’s got boards on the floor so can walk around and take deep breaths, no problem.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I've never known a monoxide alarm needing cigarette smoke to calibrate it.

It's the north, Mahow, everything runs either on cigarette smoke or chip fat.

[Manc]

And maybe not a lot of time up in the loft, but more than anyone else I know. If you must know, during lockdown I started collecting Pokémon cards and wrestling figures, so they’re up there. At one point I was getting a new card in the post everyday so would go up, open the box, get out the binder, put the new FIRST EDITION card in my binder and move the placeholder card into a different box. I’m working from home, might as well kill time chilling in the loft breathing in delicious poisonous gas.

I also went a bit overboard buying holiday clothes so there are multiple unopened parcels up there and it’s got to a point where I take parcels up there if I’m not planning on opening them for a while, and then when the times comes I also tend to open them and sort out the rubbish up there. It’s like a shed but less [visible] spiders and lots more carbon monoxide.

It’s not converted but it’s got boards on the floor so can walk around and take deep breaths, no problem.

This is a safe space, Baz. Just be honest with the community and admit you're wanking yourself blind.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

This is a safe space, Baz. Just be honest with the community and admit you're wanking yourself blind.

Whilst looking at AEW wrestling figures...

[Baz]

I’m home alone for nine hours a day, four days a week. Why would I wank in the loft?

[Don]

The lack of oxygen makes you harder?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

It's the new danger wank craze.

Knock one out before the carbon monoxide kills you.

[Lofty]

I didn't realise Baz lived so close to me now.

Yeah, get your boiler serviced regularly and don't die, it's a sound plan.

That said, British Gas are fannies. I have had independent gas men work on my old one who were happy with it, then when British Gas came to fit my Hive the guy was wittering on about the state of it and giving me their 'not quite condemned but nearly' warnings, which none of the other 2 reputable companies mentioned. Still, got a new one now.

[Spikey M]

Whilst looking at AEW wrestling figures...

Shut up Herb.

[Baz]

Gas man says the new carbon monoxide reading is 44 now he’s fixed it. Funeral cancelled, soz mates.

[Spammer]

My carbon monoxide rate is 0.

[Baz]

From a regular reader sure. This was some fancy machine connected to my boiler.

[wullie]

We sold our house after a weekend of it being up and then had an offer agreed on another, day after that Rishi extended the stamp duty holiday which we weren't expecting. Might get a hot tub and accelerate that rush towards middle age.

[Boydy]

Lol at Yev.

[Spikey M]

My Mrs wants a hot tub when we move too. Also courtesy of Rishi.

Yev is a trendsetter.

[Boydy]

Probably nearly every house in Essex has them anyway.

[Spikey M]

Well, we are all rich.