View Full Version : Britain's Got Talent 2016
First semi-final is on.
Horrifyingly there are some absolute shockers this year, including a giant dancing polar bear, weird looking transvestite thing and an accordion playing foreigner. At the same time a few standout acts like a sword-swallowing fella, a singing impersonator who is pretty good and a magician who was brilliant in his audition.
Jimmy Floyd
22-05-2016, 06:34 PM
The accordion is the number one reason why Britain, whether or not it has talent, is better than continental Europe.
Sir Andy Mahowry
22-05-2016, 06:35 PM
Tbf, despite the tranny looking pretty garish his voice is pretty damn good.
Far too many impressionists through again this year. They should all be burnt in a fire.
Lewis
22-05-2016, 06:36 PM
That scarily good twelve year old singer will piss it.
Sir Andy Mahowry
22-05-2016, 06:36 PM
That scarily good twelve year old singer will piss it.
The young black singer who was on a couple of episodes later is better.
Can't believe this guy made it through. He's a shambles.
Sir Andy Mahowry
22-05-2016, 06:37 PM
Starting on a real high note here.
Disco
22-05-2016, 06:41 PM
The accordion is the number one reason why Britain, whether or not it has talent, is better than continental Europe.
The French love a bit of accordion.
Sir Andy Mahowry
22-05-2016, 06:43 PM
I know someone who plays the accordion.
Only bagpipes are worse.
She looks to be in too much pain for me to enjoy that.
niko_cee
22-05-2016, 07:02 PM
Someone should probably tell Alesha Dixon that "the film Troy" isn't a work of original fiction.
Spikey M
22-05-2016, 07:07 PM
How many shit dance acts can one country produce ffs.
Yep, the dancing is a bit dull now if I'm honest.
Sir Andy Mahowry
22-05-2016, 07:09 PM
Alesha Dixon needs to stop trying to be so street and urban.
Spikey M
22-05-2016, 07:09 PM
The French love a bit of accordion.
There's a couple of blokes that look like the Romanian Chuckle Brothers in Southend Highstreet. They're quite good, even if it is all a bit Soviet.
This might be absolutely terrifying.
Eh? The audition was brilliant but that was pretty poor.
Sir Andy Mahowry
22-05-2016, 07:22 PM
That joke from David has been the best thing thus far.
Spikey M
22-05-2016, 07:23 PM
He didn't actually do anything.
Spikey M
22-05-2016, 07:24 PM
That joke from David has been the best thing thus far.
It was fresh and funny.
Spikey M
22-05-2016, 07:25 PM
Gay dancers. Yaaay.
Sir Andy Mahowry
22-05-2016, 07:26 PM
This might be the worst thing yet.
What a shit semi final this has been.
Spikey M
22-05-2016, 07:36 PM
I don't know how bullied he gets, but it's not enough.
Sir Andy Mahowry
22-05-2016, 07:38 PM
He'd have been fucking murdered at my school.
What a fanny.
Sir Andy Mahowry
22-05-2016, 07:45 PM
Impressionism is the worst form of comedy.
I have no idea how it's so popular.
Spikey M
22-05-2016, 07:45 PM
Impressionists, without exception, are shit.
Spikey M
22-05-2016, 07:46 PM
Oi oi 'how
Sir Andy Mahowry
22-05-2016, 07:56 PM
Easily the best of the night but they were so much better in the auditions.
Spikey M
22-05-2016, 08:01 PM
They're also not British. None of the good acts have been, which is lol.
Impressionism is the worst form of comedy.
I have no idea how it's so popular.
It isn't popular, is it? They're relegated to basement comedy clubs and the bar at Butlins for the most part. The odd one will turn up on BGT and do fairly well precisely because they're a novelty at this point.
Sir Andy Mahowry
22-05-2016, 08:29 PM
It isn't popular, is it? They're relegated to basement comedy clubs and the bar at Butlins for the most part. The odd one will turn up on BGT and do fairly well precisely because they're a novelty at this point.
There's always a couple that seem to get far on BGT and get a good reaction.
There's at least one more through to the semi-final.
There's a fairly good singing impressionist in the semis, who pulled off Kermit, Ms. Piggy, Marge, Stewie, Morgan Freeman and others to some song I can't remember. I enjoyed it anyway.
The singing acts minus the first one were the best in this semi. The others were pants.
Spikey M
22-05-2016, 08:40 PM
Talented? Yes. Good? No.
Chrissy
22-05-2016, 08:51 PM
My missus was on this 3 years ago. I never watched her entry until recently. Cannae stand talent shows etc but can see the appeal.
Chrissy
22-05-2016, 08:53 PM
Impressionism is the worst form of comedy.
I have no idea how it's so popular.
Impressionists, without exception, are shit.
It isn't popular, is it? They're relegated to basement comedy clubs and the bar at Butlins for the most part. The odd one will turn up on BGT and do fairly well precisely because they're a novelty at this point.
Surprisingly Iv'e not seen one impressionist at all on the Scottish or northern English comedy circuit. There must have been a cull.
niko_cee
22-05-2016, 09:29 PM
That French choir can seriously fuck off.
Not that they weren't the best of a very poor crop. The Oedipus Complex are just plain disturbing.
The French love a bit of accordion.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n9WivuyE_PU
igor_balis
22-05-2016, 10:12 PM
There is nothing worse than Ronni Ancona shoehorning her Ruby Wax impression into panel shows she's on.
Serafinowicz's Wogan is deffo the exception for me though:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zQ4q80YVdks
igor_balis
22-05-2016, 10:15 PM
Oh and this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TPhsON-DUYQ
Fuck I love Peter Serafinowicz.
Sir Andy Mahowry
23-05-2016, 06:36 PM
Jesus fucking wept.
Spikey M
23-05-2016, 06:39 PM
Don't fucking encourage them.
Spikey M
23-05-2016, 06:39 PM
Alright Alisha. :drool:
Spikey M
23-05-2016, 06:49 PM
Not bad, but maybe learn the words next time mate.
Sir Andy Mahowry
23-05-2016, 07:00 PM
Better than the 'dance crew' last night but still, we really don't need any more.
These girls are like a talentless Haim.
Sir Andy Mahowry
23-05-2016, 07:07 PM
I quite liked that :uhoh:
Sir Andy Mahowry
23-05-2016, 07:16 PM
:face:
Sir Andy Mahowry
23-05-2016, 07:36 PM
They could easily win the whole thing.
What's happened? Missed the whole thing. How did the sword guy do?
Sir Andy Mahowry
23-05-2016, 09:08 PM
He's through to the final, although I wasn't as impressed with his act this time round.
He was banned from doing it live though (they pre-recorded it) because they thought he might kill himself, the pussies.
Yeah, I thought they'd have to do something to prevent him offing himself live. Who was the other act through? Mother and daughters? I think they were meant to be on today.
Sir Andy Mahowry
23-05-2016, 09:12 PM
The shit lad banter banter lad singer, he won it.
The guys who do the projection stuff, who I thought would win the competition, only came 5th. The voting public are shit.
Fuck's sake. 3 from 4 in final are singing acts. There'll be a few more to come too, I'm sure.
Too many dance groups/singers etc.
Hopefully it gets better...
Eye candy, but song is a bit shit.
There's a dancing polar bear? :cab:
What is this berk with the toys up to?
Spikey M
24-05-2016, 07:16 PM
That was pretty clever.
That was pretty cool. Bit of a shitter it wasn't live.
Could the conventional singing acts all fuck off to X Factor?
To be fair that Cornish guy stole the show.
Actually I take that back :D
To be fair that Cornish guy stole the show.
Oh I'm not saying they're not good, just that they have a show of their own to compete in.
niko_cee
24-05-2016, 07:36 PM
Yeah, I'm always suspicious of the singing acts. Not good enough for the other singing shows.
There must be all kinds of IP issues with this dancing storm trooper shite. I'm sure Lucas and co were always insanely protective of their creations, and I can't imagine Disney won't take that mania above and beyond.
Spikey M
24-05-2016, 07:53 PM
FallagainFallagainFallagain
Can't call it really. The singing bloke will probably win and then possibly the magic guy to get the judges' votes for 2nd place. I was a bit underwhelmed with him. I like big showbiz magic not small-scale one-to-one stuff.
Sir Andy Mahowry
24-05-2016, 08:13 PM
I hate the stormtroopers, they're shit.
Spikey M
24-05-2016, 08:14 PM
The ballet kid is shit. He's only an Airplane impression away from what all kids do at parties.
Sir Andy Mahowry
24-05-2016, 08:37 PM
Oh and the magician a year or two ago was better.
Sir Andy Mahowry
24-05-2016, 08:40 PM
Nick Jonas looks like he's in pain.
That Brendan Schaub lookalike was the worst act I saw all night.
Sir Andy Mahowry
24-05-2016, 08:53 PM
Stunned that the piano singer didn't get in.
He's been the best singer thus far.
Stormtroopers in the final, probably. :cab:
Sir Andy Mahowry
24-05-2016, 08:57 PM
How the fuck?
They're dogshit but because they're in Stormtrooper costumes (which piss me off because they don't fit and just shake around) it's fucking AMAZING!!!!
I lolled when they did Swan Lake but it is a load of nonsense on the whole.
The Stormtroopers will probably win it.
Course not. They came 2nd in the semis. Unless they really pull out something amazing, I can't imagine what, in the final, they will not win.
Sir Andy Mahowry
25-05-2016, 06:48 PM
Someone in the crowd should just stand up and start singing really badly to put them all out of sync.
Lewis
25-05-2016, 06:58 PM
This wouldn't even be impressive with a real dinosaur.
Sir Andy Mahowry
25-05-2016, 07:00 PM
So shit.
It's the year of the gimmick dance crews really.
A dickhead with some drones, gimps in Stormtrooper costumes, polar bears and a shit dinosaur. What's the point?
Like fuck one of those can be a 'labourer'. If he went on a building site after that nonsense he'd be bunged into a skip.
Alesha Dixon can fuck right off pushing the other buzzers though. What would happen if she managed to push all three of the others'? Would the music just cut out?
Sir Andy Mahowry
25-05-2016, 07:03 PM
Like fuck one of those can be a 'labourer'. If he went on a building site after that nonsense he'd be bunged into a skip.
Alesha Dixon can fuck right off pushing the other buzzers though. What would happen if she managed to push all three of the others'? Would the music just cut out?
Yes, it's happened before in previous years. It's shit.
I wonder what the 'unforeseen circumstances' were. Don't let me down, Daily Mail.
Spikey M
25-05-2016, 07:23 PM
Absolute shit. Every act.
Spikey M
25-05-2016, 07:26 PM
Oh fuck off.
Kryten can fuck right off.
Lewis
25-05-2016, 07:29 PM
I bet his old man never leaves the house.
Sir Andy Mahowry
25-05-2016, 07:36 PM
Is he actually meant to be funny?
That's just Michael Scott doing magic. Absolutely painful.
Sir Andy Mahowry
25-05-2016, 07:40 PM
Fucking hell, his shoulder blades :\
Sir Andy Mahowry
25-05-2016, 07:42 PM
Easily the best dance crew on this year.
Freaky fuckers.
'Subhuman.'
Fucking hell, Amanda. :D
Sir Andy Mahowry
25-05-2016, 07:53 PM
It really is ludicrous how good she is.
Lewis
25-05-2016, 07:53 PM
She's great and everything, but wouldn't they have been better off forcing her into the theatre?
Quite enjoyed the Koreans' performance. The little girl was clearly magnificent too. The rest were a waste of time.
Sir Andy Mahowry
25-05-2016, 08:38 PM
Kyrgyzstanians, mate.
Past winners of anything are always an embarrassment when they reappear, but this looks particularly tragic.
Sir Andy Mahowry
25-05-2016, 08:56 PM
What a shambles.
It should have been the other lot.
I hope they get the wildcard spot.
Nobody's let her know what 'subhuman' means, then. Great stuff.
I'm calling racism. Either way, neither act would have won the whole thing.
Sir Andy Mahowry
26-05-2016, 06:37 PM
Another shit dance crew with a gimmick.
We should go on next year all dancing around Lofty, we'd be fucking mega.
That mother just blew her daughter out of the water. Pretty good, I like it.
Sir Andy Mahowry
26-05-2016, 06:58 PM
A new low.
They put this guy through to the semi-final why exactly?
niko_cee
26-05-2016, 07:02 PM
Heavy duty black bin sacks . . .
Didn't she do this song for her audition? Still absolutely amazing.
Sir Andy Mahowry
26-05-2016, 07:17 PM
I hate animal acts, fuck them all.
Sir Andy Mahowry
26-05-2016, 07:27 PM
They dun goofed.
Fair few acts which I've liked in this semi. Mother and daughter, the singing girl and the singing impressionist. The dog and choir will do really well too.
Sir Andy Mahowry
26-05-2016, 08:44 PM
The singing impressionist was shit.
Sir Andy Mahowry
26-05-2016, 08:52 PM
How the fuck has he won this?
What a shambles from the voting wankers.
Hmm, the British public disagree with you. :drool:
Sir Andy Mahowry
26-05-2016, 08:53 PM
The British public are fucking mongs though.
Sir Andy Mahowry
26-05-2016, 08:57 PM
If they had put through the shit dog act, christ.
Hopefully Tumar KR gets the public wildcard (they're going for the fucking dog though, aren't they? Jesus) and the projection lot get the judges wildcard.
Sir Andy Mahowry
27-05-2016, 12:58 PM
Public voted the shit dog act back in and the judges have gone for the ballet pair.
Bullshit.
Are the Stormtroopers still going to don this shit?
Well at least the Stormtroopers got third :baz:
Sir Andy Mahowry
29-05-2016, 05:54 PM
I've just watched the final. Firstly lol at the impressionist fucking up.
I actually thought the Mother and Son act were properly going to embrace, they took their weird incestuous act up a notch.
The two young singers really should have placed higher and I don't know how the fuck the magician one. The one last year was so much better and he had a weaker field.
His trick for the final was actually shit, it was really just a shit version of the card story trick.
This is a much better version:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DX7v6pK0lrU
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