You Row Fish Son 2016

[-james-]

Yes, it's everyone's favourite singing competition this week. Semi finals are tomorrow and Thursday and the final is on Saturday, obviously. The songs are all on the Eurovision youtube page here (https://www.youtube.com/user/eurovision), though I doubt anyone cares much.

The voting works slightly differently this year, not sure what the point of the change is and will probably take away from the suspense if I'm imagining it right.


The EBU announced on 18 February 2016 that a new voting system would be implemented at the contest for the first time since 1975. The new system, inspired by the voting system of Melodifestivalen, involves each country now awarding two sets of points from 1-8, 10 and 12: one from their professional jury and the other from televoting. After viewers have cast their votes, the results of each professional jury will be presented, with countries receiving 1-8 and 10 points being displayed on-screen instead of 1-7, which had been the case since 2006, and the national spokesperson only announcing the country receiving 12 points. After the results of the professional juries are presented, the televoting points from all participating countries will be combined, providing one score from each song. The results of countries finishing between 11th and 26th in the public vote will be automatically added to the scoreboard, with only the results of the top ten countries being announced by the hosts. The new voting system will also be used to determine the qualifiers from each semi-final, but as before the qualifiers will be announced in a random order.

I'm not that Dutch bloke but I have been following the lead up a bit for betting purposes, and as with everything I post, this is going to turn into a betting post:

The British song is terrible, obviously. It's so incredibly bland that I think I find it more offensive than any of the other shit we've entered in the last few years.

Russia are favourites, the staging is fairly impressive but a lot of the elements seem like rehashes of stuff that's already been done in recent years. And the song is rubbish. I've opposed in quite a big way.

Ukraine have a song about war and stuff which is getting plaudits, some of it's in Crimean and sounds good, but the woman absolutely can't sing in English and that bit's horrid. They should go off joint favourites really.

Sweden's effort is pretty good but there's probably not enough flashing lights and explosions for it to win.

Armenia are my outsider shout, I'm not really sure why they're that much longer than France and Australia.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I thought Aussieland were only in it last year.

Are they going to be in from now on?

Also, the former German contestant sounds like a bit of a nutter.

http://artsbeat.blogs.nytimes.com/2015/11/23/germany-xavier-naidoo-eurovision/?_r=1

[Giggles]

Justin Timberlake to win.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Oh and I really thought Uto would come back for this :(

He's probably dead.

[CJay]

I just want an epic sax solo to bump in the car.

[Baz]

Did he sign up? Utotri :stamford:

Those new scoring rules make no sense to me.

Who narrates it these days? Graham Norton?

[Shindig]

Yep. Ken Bruce isn't Terry Wogan enough so Graham takes the gig. He does alright, although lacks the late Terry's steadying alcohol intake.

[Vim]

I actually quite enjoyed this last year, even though I hate the rigged voting system.

Also, I'm glad the winners of Sanremo didn't accept the invitation, they're a really boring band of 50-year olds. Instead, the runner-up who is born in 1995 is going to perform her song part in English and in Italian, which is great I think for this competition. Seems it's been decided that Italy aren't favourites though, so no chance there.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Did he sign up? Utotri :stamford:

Those new scoring rules make no sense to me.

Who narrates it these days? Graham Norton?

They seem far too complicated.

[Queenslander]

I'm pretty sure the plan with Australia is for us to join a brand new Asiavision.

[-james-]

First semi final about to start on BBC 4.

Feel free to change the thread title, by the way. It's annoying me now.

[Boydy]

Why'd you make it like that in the first place?

[-james-]

Dunno, banter.

[Ian]

Normally Uto's thread is the only thing about Eurovision I partake of too, the selfish Dutch twat.

[-james-]

Armenia is so, so good.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p03txnhh

Richard Osman explains the voting system.

Edit: I've gone for £5 E/W on Armenia.

[-james-]

A fairly colossal lay of Russia dominates my book at the moment. I'm pretty sure they'll lose the jury vote so I'll be looking to green at that stage.

I have no idea how Ukraine will do. They're doing everything they can to make it as much a political statement without actually breaking the rules as possible. Shades of Lordi/Conchita in that the narrative might win it for them

Sweden are a huge price, the song is popular and has looked good in rehearsals. They're the only scandinavian entry left so I imagine they'll mop up lots of votes there.

Armenia will shorten a lot after she performs, like she did in the semi, but won't do well. I'm going to green then.

France are a top 5/top 10 lay, the guy can't sing.

Poland's entry is some boy who looks like a 16 year old dressed as Jack Sparrow, but the song is popular and will get votes.

Belgium's entry is great, shame about the draw. Austria is similar but singing 23rd so might do better.

Bulgaria is the catchiest song there, though the staging ruins any real chances she might've had.

my bets:

Bulgaria top Balkan at 3.75
Netherlands top 10 at 2.26
Sweden top 5 at 2.25
Poland top 15 at 2
Germany last place at 4
Czech last place at 8.5
Georgia top 10 at 13

[igor_balis]

My friend has invited me to a 'Eurovision party' in London tonight. Fancy dress and shit. Just gonna be loads of girls I went to school with that I don't know very well, and a couple of Irish blokes who live there and all of their Irish mates. Really can't be arsed, but it isn't like I have anything better to do.

[Magic]

My friend has invited me to a 'Eurovision party' in London tonight. Fancy dress and shit. Just gonna be loads of girls I went to school with that I don't know very well, and a couple of Irish blokes who live there and all of their Irish mates. Really can't be arsed, but it isn't like I have anything better to do.

:D

I hate this, but secretly wish I was Igor.

[Pleb]

Aren't the Aussies favourites to take this?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Second favourites.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I wonder what Doris thinks of some of these costumes.

[Serj]

For a Eurovision song, that Belgian number isn't half bad. No chance of winning.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I really like this, it's just a shame that it's right at the start and most people will forget about it though.

[-james-]

This man really needs a strepsil.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

The drummer looks like he's in his own little world.

He's absolutely loving it.

[P_3]

I'm late to the party. Croaky Hungarian bloke sounds good.

[Giggles]

Wait, Australia? We're they afraid it wasn't enough of a joke already?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

You'd be hard pushed to find a camper Israeli.

[P_3]

Bulgaria has too much excess fabric. Dancing alone to her song doesn't do her much good either. Song is ok.

[P_3]

Whatever Maz's lad is doing, it doesn't sound right for Eurovision.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

There isn't a single thing about this woman that doesn't annoy me

:D

The seethe from Norton there was brilliant.

[P_3]

Germany has one of those Randrew furry lovers. :|

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

They should have stuck with the Nazi lover.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Not a patch on the Moustache song.

[Pleb]

I see Captain Hook has let himself go there.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Speaking of moustaches, his is awful.

[Pleb]

What is this :D

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

This is the most un-Cypriot song ever.

The old boys playing backgammon whilst watching this in a cafe must be seething.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

The song is garbage but the staging was brilliant.

Uto must be wanking himself silly, or would be if he wasn't dead.

[Pleb]

Shameful lustage :drool:

[niko_cee]

AVB with the Latvian entry. What a don.

That Russian staging was insane.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Georgia clearly only just got these special effects and are trying to use them all the fucking time.

This is making my head hurt.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p03txnhh

Richard Osman explains the voting system.

Edit: I've gone for £5 E/W on Armenia.

Also went in with £5 E/W on Sweden, £5 E/W on the Netherlands pre-match and then £2.50 E/W on Belgium in play as I liked their song.

Edit: Judging from the odds now, all the money is gone.

[P_3]

Loads of MILFs on this year. I like.

[Serj]

Belgium, Sweden and Bulgaria were the best for me. Ukraine are worth a mention too, for basically throwing in a dubstep beat.

Russia's going to win though, for the stage show.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I want to go to Armenia.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Just me who thought 'Wait, that's a Swedish song?' for most of those?

[niko_cee]

I quite like Poland as an outsider.

Presumably the new voting system is to fix it for Russia to win (as I can't really see how the 'peoples of Europe' are going to be voting for them to win anything).

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Wont it make it harder for them to win?

It's still 50/50 between the jury and the public anyway.

[Pleb]

Fucking hell :D

[P_3]

That was brilliant. :D

[Serj]

Shit, seems I missed the good part.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Sweden's price has been slowly drifting in.

They were joint 6th favourites about an hour on Bet365 and now they're 3rd favourites but still moving in.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

'Your favourite rapper from San Marino'.

The only one, mate...

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Georgia need to upgrade their green screen technology.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Russia aren't having their way with the juries.

[P_3]

The fuck is Ukraine playing at. Their song was shit.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

All the voters in Malta are from the fucking UK.

[Pleb]

This voting system :drool:

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

This is going to be won by a South Korean singing for Australia, isn't it?

[P_3]

Fuck off Australia. Go back to your own continent.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

It's interesting this, I'd have thought that the juries would be even more politically biased than the public.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Cypriot jury giving 12 to Russia :face:

They turn into a fucking mess when they don't have Greece's cock to suck on.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

The EBU announced on 10 May 2016 that they were investigating reports of possible rule violations after Russian professional jury member Anastasia Stotskaya livestreamed footage through the live-streaming social media site Periscope, showing the Russian jury's deliberation during the jury rehearsal of the first semi-final on 9 May.[99] The video showed a jury member not paying attention to the Dutch performance, as well as a glimpse of Stotskaya's jury voting form showing notes evaluating performances. Another jury member states during the Armenian performance that she will support Armenia "because [her] husband is Armenian". The video also shows jury members on their phones during other performances. The rules of the contest stipulate that all jury members are to evaluate performances individually, without discussing the results with other jury members, a stipulation that was clearly violated by the Russian jury.[100]

The EBU released a statement stating that following talks with the RTR, the jury member who produced the video recording was to be withdrawn and a replacement judge provided before the Grand Final on 14 May. As a result the EBU declared the voting results of the judge in question invalid.

Heh.

[niko_cee]

Well, that was excruciating.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Norway not giving Sweden any points :cab:

Scandi war starting tomorrow.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

That gold bow tie is stunning.

What a man.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

They must be seething that a country is running away with this considering they changed the voting system to prevent this.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

The Ukrainians :D

[P_3]

Putin should just bomb all those former Soviet states. Bunch of cunts.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Was starting to think I might get some place money from Sweden and Armenia but they got called out as soon as I started to believe :(

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Fair play, I like this voting system.

Australia haven't won just yet.

[P_3]

Fuck this is exciting shit.

[Boydy]

Cypriot jury giving 12 to Russia :face:

They turn into a fucking mess when they don't have Greece's cock to suck on.

Doesn't dodgy Russian money pretty much prop up their country?

[Giggles]

Lolstralia.

Who makes up these numbers?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Australia :harold:

[P_3]

Bullshit, biased juries voting for the shittest thing I've ever heard.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Doesn't dodgy Russian money pretty much prop up their country?

Massively, they bailed them out but still.

Lol at the UK public not giving Poland 12.

[Pleb]

That was incredible.

[Serj]

Out of the top three, that was the best song, so yay.

[niko_cee]

Awww maaaate.

Trolled hard.

Although I was really hoping for Russia to get 400 odd points.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

It was a shit song but I didn't like any of the top 3.

This is purely anti-Putin/pro-Ukraine bullshit.

[Bernanke]

Serhat was robbed in the first semi.

http://wiwibloggs.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/03bceb65-f0e7-4aa2-870e-4d3af68145b2-600x337.png

[-james-]

A fairly colossal lay of Russia dominates my book at the moment. I'm pretty sure they'll lose the jury vote so I'll be looking to green at that stage.

I have no idea how Ukraine will do. They're doing everything they can to make it as much a political statement without actually breaking the rules as possible. Shades of Lordi/Conchita in that the narrative might win it for them

Sweden are a huge price, the song is popular and has looked good in rehearsals. They're the only scandinavian entry left so I imagine they'll mop up lots of votes there.

Armenia will shorten a lot after she performs, like she did in the semi, but won't do well. I'm going to green then.

France are a top 5/top 10 lay, the guy can't sing.

Poland's entry is some boy who looks like a 16 year old dressed as Jack Sparrow, but the song is popular and will get votes.

Belgium's entry is great, shame about the draw. Austria is similar but singing 23rd so might do better.

Bulgaria is the catchiest song there, though the staging ruins any real chances she might've had.

my bets:

Bulgaria top Balkan at 3.75
Netherlands top 10 at 2.26
Sweden top 5 at 2.25
Poland top 15 at 2
Germany last place at 4
Czech last place at 8.5
Georgia top 10 at 13


The main thing I've learned is that the market is fucking clueless. Absolute lollercaust at Russia getting backed into 1.4 during performances, only to drift to about 4/1 after a dozen jury results. A very good night, though I think it's only about now that the adrenaline is about to dissipate.

[-james-]

https://www.rt.com/op-edge/343116-rip-eurovision-russia-ukraine/

Oh my days.

[Utotri]

I'm sorry I've missed all of this. I am dead. I had started writing the opening post, but I'm just way too busy nowadays with me having a proper job and all. My advice for betting would have been to lay France when it was doing well (which was until the rehearsals), laying Russia because of the value at certain times and betting on an Israel top 10 finish. Not the best advice, but generally profitable. I felt the markets were doing a really bad job, but at the same time it was nearly impossible to predict how things would work out with the new rules and the reliance on Heroes-inspired staging for some acts was also a novelty. If one act does it, it will stand out. What if more acts do it?

I felt Eurovision was slightly disappointing after a couple of good years in a row. The winner is good but underwhelming when compared to other years. Russians whining even though they had no business in 2nd place and should just fuck off. The Swedish song became a hit throughout Europe even though it's utter baloney. Some huge disappointments, mainly Italy and Bulgaria. Italy expertly ruined a good song by singing parts in English and their staging concept only created more distance between the audience and the singer (who already lacks natural charisma on stageO. Bulgaria had a winning song but blew their chances by really odd staging. Only a few songs that I will remember fondly. One giant plus: for the first time since ages a country without a lot of friends made a rock song score. I'm not talking about Cyprus, which was shit and can hardly be called rock. I mean Georgia. They were awesome.

[ItalAussie]

I liked Italy, Belgium, and Georgia. Belgium felt like a "Eurovision"-y song, but actually done really well. I always find myself liking the Georgian entries, which is weird.

Also Australia, natch. Political voting probably cost us the win, but to be honest, you go into Eurovision knowing that political voting is in play, so you can't complain too hard when it costs you.