The Summer 2016 Insects are Bastards Thread

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I've killed a moth and a greenfly tonight and I just swept quite a large spider away from my left arm as it decided to walk across it.

I was more pissed off about the greenfly tbh, I don't know why but they freak me the fuck out. I was pretty cool with the spider though.

Any action in your houses tonight lads?

[phonics]

A wasp landed on my arm. I was cool, collected and flicked it off :cool: Then it came back at me and I ran away screaming but it's progress.

[ItalAussie]

I live in Australia. My neighbour got taken away by a large mosquito. I never saw him again.

Jokes aside, my friend did get bitten by a redback spider at a barbecue I was at. They wound up in intensive care at the hospital. All good in the end though.

[SvN]

I'm in Australia for Christmas this year and dreading the insects. When I visited last July I was surprised at how few spiders I saw, but I guess that was largely due to it being winter.

[ItalAussie]

In truth, you won't see that many.

There's two kinds of spiders you need to watch out for (Sydney funnelwebs, redbacks). As long as you empty out your shoes before you put them on, you'll be totally fine.

It has been at least a couple of years since I've seen an actual spider that could do actual damage to a person, and that was when we were cleaning out the garage and poking around in the corners.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I was more worried about snakes over there. Bastard things. You're supposed to get vipers over here, but I've never seen one.

Oh and jellyfish. When I was in north Queensland I was pretty much 100% sure of instant death if I went anywhere near any kind of water.

[Queenslander]

I'm in Australia for Christmas this year and dreading the insects. When I visited last July I was surprised at how few spiders I saw, but I guess that was largely due to it being winter.

Where are you going?

Plenty of huntsman and wolf spiders in south east Queensland.

[Queenslander]

I was more worried about snakes over there. Bastard things. You're supposed to get vipers over here, but I've never seen one.

No vipers in Australia.

We have Elapids.

[Bartholomert]

Pretty sure my house has bed bugs, at this point I'm just ignoring the problem and have accepted that I will always have 4-5 new insect bites every morning.

[Disco]

Pretty sure my house has bed bugs, at this point I'm just ignoring the problem and have accepted that I will always have 4-5 new insect bites every morning.

Land of the flea.

[ItalAussie]

I was more worried about snakes over there. Bastard things. You're supposed to get vipers over here, but I've never seen one.

Oh and jellyfish. When I was in north Queensland I was pretty much 100% sure of instant death if I went anywhere near any kind of water.

The snakes are generally more scared of us than them. If they have an out, they'll take it. You do want to be careful going through boxes and the like, and wear thick shows in the bush. But in general, they'll only strike at you if they're cornered.

Jellyfish are the really scary one. Box jellyfish are apparently intensely painful, cause paralysis and very quickly death. If there's any risk of jellyfish, I'm avoiding that beach like the plague.

[Queenslander]

North Queensland is where those bastards live. Nothing to worry about south of Mackay or so.

[Queenslander]

An English person has more of chance getting king hit waiting for a cab than getting killed by the wildlife.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Pretty sure my house has bed bugs, at this point I'm just ignoring the problem and have accepted that I will always have 4-5 new insect bites every morning.

They're an absolute bastard to get rid of.

I think we needed about 5 or 6 treatments to kill them off for good.

[phonics]

Land of the flea.

Terrible.

[Baz]

There's a load of bottles of home brew in my conservatory. I knocked one over the other day, which resulted in loads falling over. Turns out the giant spider population of the North West were living among them and scarpered in every direction once the bottles were skittling all over the place. I swiftly grabbed one of the larger plastic bottles and squashed about four of them, before realising what I was doing, dropped the bottle and ran away. The cat'll sort em out if they dare venture into the actual house. :uhoh:

[Jimmy Floyd]

An English person has more of chance getting king hit waiting for a cab than getting killed by the wildlife.

We probably have more people killed by our own wildlife, the most deadly beast therein being (drum roll) the cow. 74 confirmed kills this century.

[SvN]

Where are you going?

Plenty of funnel webs and wolf spiders in south east Queensland.

Staying in Melbourne but also visiting Sydney for a few days. Been to both before and Sydney in particularly was a lovely city, although we were only there for two days last time.

We might end up living in Melbourne in a few years.

[Disco]

Terrible.

I'll scratch it off the approved list.

[Spikey M]

Due to recent local press reporting on Essex being invaded by False Widow Spiders my wife has gone nuclear. We are now experiencing daily panic attacks if a creature with more that 4 legs is sighted. 'Sake.

[Kikó]

I'll scratch it off the approved list.

As Steve McLaren would say "Itch for the best"

[Disco]

As Steve McLaren would say "Itch for the best"

Like the cure this joke is topical.

[SincereTheRebel]

We have these tiny small bugs crawling around everywhere. All over the monitors, cutlatery, windows and on your skin. Really annoying.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Really really small ones?

I have ones which are smaller than this | who love my tablet screen.

[SincereTheRebel]

Yeah, really small. They manage to get behind the monitor screen. You can see them on light backgrounds. You can feel them on my skin, but they are difficult to see. Web claims they could be corn flies/Thrips/thunder flies

[Adramelch]

I have quite a few silverfish in my new place. Not exactly the most annoying of insects, but I could do without them.

[Ian]

"Thunder bugs" are what I know those as, Sincere. Had one crawl inside the screen of a brand new laptop and die about fifteen years ago. :moop:

[Yevrah]

Flying Ant invasion in my garden today.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Didn't realise that they could crawl inside screens, fuck.

Luckily that's yet to happen to me.

[Baz]

Flying Ant invasion in my garden today.Yeah they were all over Liverpool today, it was terrifying. Had to keep the windows down and waste fuel on the aircon. :sick:

[Disco]

All we've had is a plague of moths and butterflies. I wouldn't mind so much if they weren't so determined to be as stupid as possible.

[Lee]

We've had the flying ants out today as well.

I was stung by a wasp for the first time in years when I was in Greece. Fucking killed. Serves me right for standing on it, I suppose.

[John Arne]

Anyone know what this is....

https://gyazo.com/2366f5612f5a980bb9a60dbc098c936c.png

[Giggles]

That's a big lump of a stinger.

[John Arne]

It's a good 4cm long, too.

[Disco]

It's a cricket.

[John Arne]

Well that's disappointing. I was hoping it was something more deadly.

[Disco]

I don't think that's actually a sting on the back but you live in the arse end of the world so I wouldn't go poking it or anything.

[John Arne]

I trod on it by accident. It didn't move for some time, then all of a sudden it legged it. I can hear all of his relatives outside kicking up a fuss, the noisy cunts.

[Lewis]

lol at abroad.

[Baz]

trodYou can take the lad out of England...

[Offshore Toon]

You wouldn't get mosquitoes in Brighton in the winter, would you?

I've had eliminate a couple of mosquito-like dickheads tonight, which is odd because I haven't had anything fly through my window for ages.

[Giggles]

You wouldn't get mosquitoes in Brighton in the winter, would you?

I've had eliminate a couple of mosquito-like dickheads tonight, which is odd because I haven't had anything fly through my window for ages.

Didn't know you were in Brighton. Is the Bugle still on the go?

[Offshore Toon]

Didn't know you were in Brighton. Is the Bugle still on the go?
Yeah, third year of university at Sussex. What's the Bugle?

[Giggles]

Yeah, third year of university at Sussex. What's the Bugle?

A pub. I think it's kind of an Irish bar (I bought Irish crisps in it anyway). Could be in the Hove bit.

[Offshore Toon]

Aye, that's Brighton (looked it up on Google Maps). Not sure if its still going, but I nearly lived around there a couple of years ago. I haven't been able to get to know the pubs as a student, to be honest. Been to a few, but pretty much the shit cheap ones. I'm looking forward to working in Brighton purely I can eat/drink out a lot more, so I'll give The Bugle a visit then.

[Baz]

Be careful, Offshore. Someone I work with recently had Dengue fever from mosquitoes in the Maldives.

[Offshore Toon]

I'll try. Thankfully I've got a bright light just above my desk so I spot 'em sneaking in.

[Offshore Toon]

First wasp of the year flew in today. It was a sprightly little cunt too. Took a couple of attempts to catch it in a mug, with the second being far more difficult and terrifying than the first. The windows don't open wide enough to let it out, so my only choice is to leave it in there till it dies. Last year I had one live for about 5/6 days, so the the bar has been set high.

[Smiffy]

.....

[Spikey M]

Why don't you just take it outside and let it go? Or smash the shit out of it rather than torturing the thing?

[Smiffy]

.....

[Offshore Toon]

What's Icebet?

[Offshore Toon]

Why don't you just take it outside and let it go? Or smash the shit out of it rather than torturing the thing?
I did think about taking it down with me in a bit on my way out.

[Offshore Toon]

Actually, I might let it out in the kitchen. That'd be lol.

[Offshore Toon]

Done. Thank God we saved the poor little thing!

[Offshore Toon]

He's still going and he's even made a few, less threatening buddies too. All in all easily my favourite flatmate at the moment.

[Dquincy]

Guys, this is not 2016. Get a new thread.

[Pleb]

:D

[John]

Had the biggest wasp I've ever seen in the house earlier. It was buzzing around the window at the end of the hall and the noise was so loud from the sitting room that I thought someone three or four gardens away had turned their lawnmower on. Took a blast of Raid and two whacks from a slipper to take the fucker down.

[Magic]

Lol that's what I thought when a giant horntail graced us with its presence in the kitchen. Thought a two strike bike was racing around. Also pretty sure the air pressure changed with its buzzing. Eerie.

[Ian]

Spider season has begun in the Welby household. Got home from work, expecting nothing more than a big glass of water, a bag of Frazzles and an episode of Brooklyn Nine-Nine before bed. Little did I know a massive eight-legged tosser was lurking in my bathroom. Normally they send a few little scouts in first but this year they've brought the big guns out early for a smash-and-grab attempt on my life.

Fortunately he was no match for my mighty slipper.

Let that be a lesson to you all, arachnids.

[Offshore Toon]

I managed to shoo a wasp out of my window yesterday, despite them only opening a few inches. It was going mad but didn't have to balls to fly at me.

[Boydy]

There was a big cunt of a spider on my curtain earlier when I turned the light on. He's crawled back into the folds of it somewhere now though so I can't even see him. Guess who's not sleeping tonight. :(

[Spikey M]

Magic?

[Offshore Toon]

I've seen some proper massive freaks recently, especially in the bathroom. Legs as long as mine and the weirdest coloured bodies.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Just had a cockchafer (what a strange name) buzzing round my room. I whipped it mod-air with a pair of boxer shorts then sprayed it when it landed on a shelf.

[Magic]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-44195755

NOOO000OO0O0O0O0O0O0OOOOOO!!!

[Shindig]

Try dealing with Durham's greenfly pandemic.

[John]

Those 'Anxiety UK' guidelines are deeply funny.

[Magic]

Then in a partly opened jar; then more and more open, etc.
Look at one through a closed window, then gradually open the window more and more.
Look at one from a doorway, then move closer to it, then closer still, etc.


Fatal mistakes. You'll take your eye off for one second and it'll disappear, only to fly directly at your pus about three hours later.

[John]

They're second only to moths as the least stealthy creatures in the world. If you're losing track of one you must have the same attention span as it.

[Magic]

Don't shit talk me bro. In fact you never see them, just hear.

Drrrrrrrrr......drrrrrrrrrr.

3 hours later.

Drrrrrrrrrr.....ATTACKAAAHHHHHHHHHJAAA

[Shindig]

And then they take your weens.

[Baz]

Just had a cockchafer (what a strange name) buzzing round my room. I whipped it mod-air with a pair of boxer shorts then sprayed it when it landed on a shelf.A braver man than I.

[Spikey M]

I might as well be a blood donor the amount of blood I’ve lost to these mozzie cunts this year.

[Jimmy Floyd]

You need anti-aircraft missiles to get rid of maybugs. They're best just left to it.

[Magic]

I'm not for killing anything (apart from DLL) but why would you kill a maybug? I've never seen one before.

The worst for me was when a horntail came in our kitchen/diner. That was a full scale house evacuation.

[Spikey M]

We had a fucking colony of Maybugs near our old flat (it was by fields) and the flat came under attack every evening. Having all the windows shut throughout June so the fuckers couldn’t get in was awful. I had to kill a few in that time, so I am, as we all knew, a bigger bad man than Mahow. #Swag

*some shrieking may have occurred.

[Disco]

Imagine going about your day and suddenly being assualted by Mahow and his transformer grundies. The poor thing must have sucked the insecticide in like sweet nectar after that.

[Baz]

Imagine going about your day and suddenly being assualted by Mahow and his transformer grundies. The poor thing must have sucked the insecticide in like sweet nectar after that.You mean Lynx.

[niko_cee]

You need anti-aircraft missiles to get rid of maybugs. They're best just left to it.

The best (or worst, depending on your perspective) thing about them is that those badboys can be downed, and ostensibly dead, and then if not disposed of can Lazarus it up several days later, usually in the small hours, and sound like a small aircraft whilst they do it.

Anyone who is afraid of daddy long legs has serious issues. Spiders I can accept, over a certain size, but not the flying numpties. They must be just about the least threatening creature on the planet.

[-james-]

I'm in Greece and I felt something nip me on the arm earlier. Looked down and it looked like a small fruit fly. A few hours later and there's a lump the size of a 20p on my arm. I'm going to die.

[Magic]

Holy shit that's the eggs. :drool:

[randomlegend]

Holy fuck I just had a hornet fly into my room.

Had my headphones on and the noise still made me shit myself. Sounded like something Lofty would have delivered to his mum's house.

[SincereTheRebel]

Those little bugs that get behind your monitor are out with a vengeance.

[Shindig]

A daddy long legs is unwittingly about to drop into my toaster. First time I've seen one of them dangling. It looks proper morbid.

[Yevrah]

https://s15.postimg.cc/505rf005n/Flies.jpg (https://postimages.org/)

What are these?

Not sure if you can make it out, but they look like flying ants but not. A friend's front room is infested with them.

[randomlegend]

What makes you sure they aren't flying ants? Cus they VERY look like flying ants.

[Yevrah]

I used to have flying ants loads as a kid and close up they didn't look like them, so I guess the question is what could they be instead? Termites? Do we get them in the UK?

[randomlegend]

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/7420663/Britains-only-termite-colony-returns-to-North-Devon.html

Does he live in North Devon?

EDIT: there seem to be lots of different species of ants native to the UK. I'm still going with flying ants and they are just a different species to the ones you're used to.

[Pepe]

I don't care what they are. Burn the fuck out of them.

[Spikey M]

I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords.

[Baz]

Define infested. :sick:

[Yevrah]

Well you see that picture? There are clumps of them like that all over the shop.

[SincereTheRebel]

That image looks disgusting. Just looking at it is making me scratch.

[Giggles]

I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords.

This one's on at the moment.

[Magic]

God DAMN a wasp just flew in to the bathroom which had me hiding pathetically behind the shower like it was some sort of impenetrable waterfall, like this (skip to 4:24):


https://youtu.be/yHjyxQP8OWI?t=4m24s

[Mike]

For the first time in my life I got stung by a wasp today.
Wasn’t a fan.

[Shindig]

I came close. Here's a fun tip, wasps don't like flying over bodies of water as it knacks their navigation up. As a result, they take bridges all day long. I was on a bridge today eating lunch and, whilst it usually is wasp central, they steer clear.

Except today. One was really into my sunglasses. So I moved away from it. Turns out the sod was hitching a ride on my Greggs paper bag. The fella was as big as my little finger. Scarpered further into town to escape it. My big worry is, if I'm ever stung, I find out I'm allergic to them. At least you have that knowledge, Mike.

[mugbull]

Wasps ew. Couple years ago i stepped in a wasp nest while out campi g. Was also freaking I’d go into anaphylactic shock as I had about a dozen stings along my legs but I survived. Had to saw my legs off though, just in case

[Spikey M]

I found out why Wasps are cunts the other day and it’s actually made me like them - from a distance - a bit more. Absolute LADS.


One of their main jobs is searching for soft bodied invertebrates to feed the developing larvae. Bizarrely, adult wasps cannot digest the food they catch because their gut is so constricted by their thin "wasp waists". Instead the workers chew up the prey and feed it to the larvae. In return the larvae produce a sugar rich spit that the workers can drink.

The colony will go on expanding throughout the summer until the queen decides to produce males and new queens. After these "reproductives" have left the nest, the old queen stops laying. This means the workers no longer have access to larvae. Instead they live on the sugar produced by rotting fruit and tree sap. This can be a problem because fermenting fruit contains alcohol so wasps can become intoxicated and rather irritating.

They are also attracted to the abundance of sweet foods that humans provide. To a starving wasp a jam sandwich or a can of coke is just too tempting to avoid. For this reason, wasps are generally only a nuisance in late summer/autumn.

http://www.countryfile.com/blog-post/why-wasps-sting-late-summer-and-autumn

They’re basically a pissed up group of geezers willing to fight you for your lunch. :cool:

[Shindig]

Explains why it was after my Greggs packet. Also, I think they're quite tame. When I was a kid I thought they were really aggressive but it's more because they move fast and more direct than a bee.

[Ian]

Nah, fuck 'em. They still need to fuck all the way off.

[SincereTheRebel]

Wasps are worse than spiders for me. I don't start running around all crazy when I see one but I hate to hear them buzzing around my ear. I allow them to fly and land on my arm no problem. It's the sound I have a problem with.

[niko_cee]

Had about a dozen bees in my house today, can't figure out where the little buggers are coming from.

Saw a swarm last week when I was out in the garden. Never seen (or heard) one of those before. Quite scary.

[Jimmy Floyd]

We had a shitload of them appear a couple of years ago. They tend to have migrated/escaped from nearby beehives and will have holed up in a corner somewhere. If you're lucky there will be a local bee man who will come and remove them.

[niko_cee]

I don't think it's anything as severe as needing a bee man, I just think these might be dense stragglers from a bigger batch who have wandered off. Hopefully anyway.

Had a similar thing with wasps when we first moved in, and they just seemed to sod off on their own terms after a while.

Did get a bee man round then (said they were queens looking to start a new nest) and he was telling me about how bees can build hives in chimneys, which can then break and drop down releasing a bomb of thousands of bees at the bottom. I'm maybe 1% concerned that's what's afoot here as I can't work out if the dopey fuckers are emanating from the fireplace.

[Spikey M]

Burn. Down. The. House.

[Disco]

I think I could die a happy man if I saw a bee bomb just one time.

[Offshore Toon]

I'm getting bitten to fuck. It's been years since I've been targeted like this. What's the best way to sort the cunts out?

[mugbull]

I don’t know, but my shampoo has quinine in it, which should work in a pinch if you get malaria

[Spikey M]

Flying ants are utter pricks.

[SincereTheRebel]

The bugs that end up behind your monitor have returned on a mass scale.

[Shindig]

I want moths to evolve to a point where they can find their way back through an open window.

[Spikey M]

Just heard the loudest buzzing I've ever heard and came face to face with a Cockchafer in the kitchen. got it out via the medium of flapping, shouting and swearing.

I didn't want the windows open tonight anyway. :moop:

[Giggles]

I've just realised I left the kitchen window open. Bet there's a cunting moth got in.

[Giggles]

Also, a what?


Just heard the loudest buzzing I've ever heard and came face to face with a Cockchafer in the kitchen. got it out via the medium of flapping, shouting and swearing.

I didn't want the windows open tonight anyway. :moop:

[Spikey M]

Maybug.

This spawn of satan:

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/d/d0/Maybug.jpg/250px-Maybug.jpg

[Giggles]

Christ, that’s a hideous looking bastard.

[Spikey M]

Big fuckers as well. They say they're completely harmless but I'd rather wrestle a Pitbull for a steak than be in the same room as one.

[Yevrah]

Thankfully those fuckers appear to be quite rare. Had one at my mate's house when we were teenagers. Trapped it in a glass and left it on the window ledge, where it proceeded to bang the side of the glass, making a sound like a pair of nail scissors being struck against it hard.

Evil, evil things.

[John]

I've never seen one of those in person but if I ever did I think I'd just sign the house over to it and move.

[Lewis]

I had never seen one back home, but one floated through my window in Norwich and I had no idea what it was. I cracked it with a book and it just lolled in my face.

[Spikey M]

They're not fucking rare enough.

I only went out there because it was so loud. I thought the freezer fan was fucked or something. But no, I switch the light on and it's this cunt headbutting the backdoor.

Top 5 worst experiences of my life.

[Giggles]

Have you squashed it yet?

[Spikey M]

I managed to get the door open and it made it's own way out. Calling me a cuck as it went.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I had one fly into my bedroom once, I must have smacked it out of the air with an empty coke bottle at least 5 times before it was weak enough for me to spray it with deodorant.

[niko_cee]

If you don't dispose of the body they come back to life, usually with an ungodly buzzing sound in the early hours of the morning.

Legendary little buggers.

[Jimmy Floyd]

They always seem to come out of nowhere as well, like ninjas the size of buses. You could stick a V6 engine in the back of one and take over the world.

[Shindig]

I haven't seen a maybug this side of my childhood. I get monster flies coming in from the backyard, though. Luckily, they always tend to get jammed in the blinds and die.

[Baz]

I had one fly into my bedroom once, I must have smacked it out of the air with an empty coke bottle at least 5 times before it was weak enough for me to spray it with deodorant.

:D

[Spikey M]

If you don't dispose of the body they come back to life, usually with an ungodly buzzing sound in the early hours of the morning.

Legendary little buggers.

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=1684990711655054&id=611941945626608

They will inherit the earth.

[Kikó]

This page needs to be archived.

[mugbull]

I guess you could always make this

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cockchafer_soup

[Spikey M]

That's ruined my whole year.

[Ian]

Thankfully those fuckers appear to be quite rare. Had one at my mate's house when we were teenagers. Trapped it in a glass and left it on the window ledge, where it proceeded to bang the side of the glass, making a sound like a pair of nail scissors being struck against it hard.

Evil, evil things.

Who was it on here who trapped some big horrid beastie under a glass, sprayed it with some random aerosol (probably deoderant) and then basically watched it die rather try and get it outside?

Was it nickfootie, back when he was a thing?


I had never seen one back home, but one floated through my window in Norwich and I had no idea what it was. I cracked it with a book and it just lolled in my face.

:D

[Spikey M]

It was probably Offshore

[Disco]

Half of tth unmanned by a beetle, disgraceful behaviour.

[Spikey M]

Calling that 'a beetle' is like calling Hitler 'a man'.

[Don]

https://i.imgur.com/Ak0ynPJ_d.webp?maxwidth=640&shape=thumb&fidelity=medium

Both hands, feet and even palms and soles. There must be a three figure total of bites. Only one or two elsewhere presumably due to hair coverage. Never had anything like it, I assume it was just one fucker too as the gap in my window is not that big but it seems to be that they can taste the alcohol in your system because it always happens after a sesh.

[niko_cee]

Is it not just 'hives'?

[Spikey M]

Why is your thumb longer than your little finger you freak?

[Don]

Is it not just 'hives'?

I did think it might be something like that, the fact it's so focussed on my hands and feet with a couple bites on my leg and arm make me think it's insect bites though. Fucking hell, death would be a sweet release in these times.

Edit: I take that back, it seems to have randomly flared up so I think it might well be hives. Haven't cone into contact or eaten anything new, very odd.

[Baz]

Why is your thumb longer than your little finger you freak?

Arent most people’s?

[Spikey M]

Arent most people’s?

Mine are about the same, but that thumb is a freak show

[Giggles]

Trigger finger.

[Boydy]

Do you take any antihistamines?

If you normally take them and then stop for a bit, you can get horrible hives. Happened to me once and I thought I'd been bitten all over by something.

[Don]

On the thumb, it's an angle thing, they're similiarly sized (half an inch in it, tops).

No to antihistamines, I have(/had?) no allergies. Maybe it's a reaction to an insect bite. Maybe it's a dodgy batch of bananas I just binned the rest of. Maybe it's Maybelline.

[Manc]

What a melt.

[Shindig]

It's a covid rash. Proceed to the nearest quarantine.

[Don]

For those worried sick about me, the hives remain and I think I have identified the cause to be a possible insect bite on my neck. Absolutely mad shit if it is that. Hopefully the fucker took some of my COVID-19 and mutates it to some lethal strain.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I've seen far too many flying ants today.

[Shindig]

The fattest flies find their way into my flat.

[niko_cee]

Looks like the hottest day of the year might also be flying ant day this year.

:moop:

I mean, who wants to open their windows when it's 30 degrees outside anyway?

I'm hopeful the small army of tiny birds that seems to have amassed over lockdown will take the bastards down.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Wasn't it Flying Ants Day a couple of weeks ago?

I'm sure when I posted about the fuckers I checked on Google.

[niko_cee]

I'm not sure they keep to a nationally accepted schedule.

Seems to have been a false alarm though. The heat also seems to have substantially buggered off as well.

[niko_cee]

Sex-crazed giant house spiders 'the size of your hand' are invading UK homes now (https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/sex-crazed-giant-house-spiders-22577203)

[Spikey M]

Saucy.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Even they would reject me :(

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-54681723

The invasive species insects, known as "murder hornets", have a powerful sting and can spit venom.

RIP America.

[Gray Fox]

If only the Murder Hornets had guns to protect themselves.

[Shindig]

What about a gun that shoots hornets?

[Ian]

Or dogs with bees in their mouths. And when they bark they shoot bees at you?

[Shindig]

Y'see, I considered the Simpsons reference but went with the Half-Life weapon instead.

[niko_cee]

Just had to deal with a moth the size of a small bird as the wife thought it was a good idea to leave both the window open and the light on in a bedroom upstairs.

[Spikey M]

Bees are having a bad year this year. I keep seeing dead bees all over the place. In worse news, Horseflies are having a great year, the evil cunts. I've murdered 3 of then this week alone.

[Boydy]

Just killed possibly the biggest spider I've ever seen in any house I've lived in. Hate this time of year for the bastards.

[Baz]

Why are there beetles everywhere?

[Spikey M]

Liverpool innit.

[Offshore Toon]

Has anybody else had a shitload of black moths storm their gaff in the last week or two? I think I've booted five out and accidentally killed one, but I've never seen them before this summer. One of them was a huge cunt too, which could have turned nasty, but most are medium sized.

I can't identify them on Google but they've intrigued me as they seem to avoid light, so I'm wondering if they're some random cave moth that have decided to migrate inland to our garden.

Whatever they are, the flight pattern is unnerving in close quarters so I'm quickly losing any patience I had for moths. The numbers need stamping out.

[Spikey M]

Are you sure it's not a SummerChaffer or one of the other flying beetles? Not that I'm sure they avoid light, but I know moths don't :D

[Offshore Toon]

Absolutely. If Chaffers were about I wouldn't be able to sleep.

I tried baiting one out last night and it kept moving towards the dark. I don't know what's going on but it's too much at this point.

[Giggles]

I know I ordinarily wouldn’t change how wild it is around here but I got 4 fucking horsefly bites mowing the lawn yesterday. Every time I looked down there were 4 or 5 on my legs. Do those things nest, because they’ll have to go.

[Foe]

First moth of the year is getting close to getting the fabreeze treatment if it doesn’t fuck off soon.

[Spikey M]

I know I ordinarily wouldn’t change how wild it is around here but I got 4 fucking horsefly bites mowing the lawn yesterday. Every time I looked down there were 4 or 5 on my legs. Do those things nest, because they’ll have to go.

No idea if they nest but they are absolute cunts. I don't normally approve of killing things but I would flame tower every last one of them.

[Giggles]

I mowed it again at a lower cut and you can make that 3 more bites :(

[Shindig]

How big does a spider get before you don't want to get near it?

[Spikey M]

Nothing in this country. Had a fair few Giant House Spiders this year. The heatwave appears to have done wonders for them.

[Shindig]

The one I spotted last night was the size of a coaster. It's moved on but this house seems like a magnet for them.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Every morning, both my wing mirrors have fresh cobwebs across them. Every morning, I get rid, and every morning they are back. We must have some of Surrey's hardest-working spiders. No productivity crisis in the arachnid kingdom.

[Yevrah]

Every morning, both my wing mirrors have fresh cobwebs across them. Every morning, I get rid, and every morning they are back. We must have some of Surrey's hardest-working spiders. No productivity crisis in the arachnid kingdom.

Exactly the same thing happens to me, the little fuckers even managed to survive a car wash when I last went.

[Spikey M]

My wing mirrors are also home to some kind of spider. I leave their webs alone though. #BeKind

[Spikey M]

Flying Ant Day has arrived. RIP.

[niko_cee]

What? (https://uk.yahoo.com/news/mile-long-swarm-flying-ants-132135617.html)

[Offshore Toon]

Flying ant day was always mad in Brighton. It's a testament to the species that so many of them can swarm without being a pain while a single mosquito will fuck your life up.

[Jimmy Floyd]

In the last few days I noticed a few bees getting into my bathroom. At first I thought they were coming through a gap in the window. Then I thought they were getting through a hole in the wall. I filled both of these gaps only for the fuckers not only to keep coming in, but in larger numbers. They're useless fuckers once they're in - almost drunk and die very quickly - but they get in and clamber up the window in groups of 3-8 on any given day.

Finally, from outdoors, I noticed the fuckers buzzing around the air duct above the bathroom window. A large tree in the opposite person's garden hangs across the road and provides ample pollen for these lazy fucks having set up shop mere feet away in my bathroom air vent. It also doesn't help that I live next door to an apiary, which is presumably where they came from. Obviously it would have been rude of them to go into any of the other people's bathroom air vents, so they're in mine.

Having worked this out, I went to tape up the extractor fan so that the bathroom would be a completely sealed unit. Obviously it's on the ceiling so this involved reaching up. While doing so, my t-shirt went above my waistline, and one of the fuckers appeared from nowhere, went in and stung my exposed belly.

I do not want to get fucking Bumblebee Man out to ay-ay-ay the fuckers into oblivion, but if any of the fuckers still manage to get in now it might be the only option.

[Lewis]

That's like a Mahow story.

[SincereTheRebel]

You got off lite. Mahow had to spend millions before that tramp from eastern europe stung him

[Baz]

Get yourself some True Classics, tubby.

[Spikey M]

You got off lite. Mahow had to spend millions before that tramp from eastern europe stung him

:D

[SincereTheRebel]

Flying Ant season in Wolves. This creatures are the size of deodorant cans.

[Lofty]

Talk to the apiary, Jim.

At my old place the neighbour had a wasp nest which resulted in being half alseep in the shower with wasps on more than one occasion, nightmare stuff.

[Yevrah]

Had to let about 6 green (blue?) bottle flies out today. Fuck knows how they're getting in or where they are and I can't smell, see or find anything that would have attracted them and acted as a breeding ground for the little fuckers.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

So many fucking flying ants in my town today.

Massive fucking pricks.

[Giggles]

The clegs are rampant here. Two bites today already.

[Ian]

What is a cleg?

Apologies if this has been covered before.

A midge?

[Giggles]

A kind of horsefly.

[Baz]

I swear flies over a certain size just get branded as a horsefly.

[Ian]

Probably but if it's a Big Horrible Bitey Fly it makes the point.

Similar to how people say wasp when it could be a bee but they mean it's not shaped like a bumblebee and is being a cunt.

[Offshore Toon]

I've just dealt with an almost apocalyptic ant attack. Thousands upon millions of flying cunts and normal cunts, plus a few brave and loyal spiders, were devoured by the hoover.

I'm not entirely sure how I'm supposed to sleep after that, but hopefully the ant powder keeps them away until the landlord can torch the place.

In the meantime I'm tempted to relocate spiders from other rooms to preempt any potential cowardly night attack, but I'm not sure how much more I've got in me.

[Spikey M]

We've reached the stage of the summer where wasps turn into horrible little cunts. One of them has just been stalking me for the beetroot in my salad and the dick stung me for wafting it away. The next one that comes near me is getting laced. :mad:

[Lofty]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-66697968

Makes wasps look like bunnies.

[Ian]

So we need more honey buzzards to fuck these lads up then.

We'll worry about what eats honey buzzards once they've sorted the hornets out.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

If one of those rock up in my place I'm gone.

I'll live on the street.

[Spikey M]

So we need more honey buzzards to fuck these lads up then.

We'll worry about what eats honey buzzards once they've sorted the hornets out.

I learnt about this once and basically we just need an old lady to eat a horse and we're sorted somehow.

[niko_cee]

Can we not just get some of those Japanese bees that do the overheating thing on the hornets?

https://youtu.be/UNroEwFxh6I?si=5dFBNly0VAGlSWCA

Dunno how to do precise linking but it all kicks off at about 3:20.

[Mike]

Anyone have an excessive amount of MASSIVE spiders this year?

[niko_cee]

Yeah, seen a couple. Had one with a palm sized chunky leg span the other day which was unwelcome.

[Shindig]

Aye, I've seen several getting in or hanging about on the windows.

[Spikey M]

It's Giant House Spider mating season. They're in the house all year round, you just see them more in the Autumn because they're out looking for love.

I quite like them. They sort the flies out and they mind their own business. I only evict them if the Mrs sees it and I get the order.

[Boydy]

Discovered a massive one on my bed the other day. Woke up, got up and went for a piss and came back into my room and it was just there on the headboard.

Dread to think where it had been during the night. :sick:

[Baz]

Of course it’s frickin’ giant spider season and the outdoor light needs a new bulb. :uhoh:

[niko_cee]

Don't worry, all the giant spiders are INSIDE the house.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The normally-irritating arachnids are my greatest ally in my ongoing war against bees. It's a bit like when Churchill palled up with Stalin to see off the Nazis. The bathroom ventalition shaft is the eastern front; alas, I am still awaiting the intervention of Twickenham Beekeeping Society, with all their power and might. I hope a Pearl Harbour style event will not be necessary.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Spiders are boss.

I let them do their thing.

[Manc]

Nothing worse than one of the juiced up freaks dancing across your living room floor.

[niko_cee]

There's that eye contact moment when they clock that you've clocked them and [usually] freeze.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Nothing worse than one of the juiced up freaks dancing across your living room floor.

Stop being a girl, it will slink away to a corner quickly and then start webbing up.

[Giggles]

Fuck spiders, I've the mice back.

[niko_cee]

This is a novel, and probably highly effective form of insulation. (https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/videos/cp668d5ngjgo)

Trust a penny-pinching Jock to come up with it.

[Shindig]

Given the precarious state bee populations are in, they should've kept them up there.

[Spikey M]

The Horse flys are back :moop:

[SincereTheRebel]

Over here in Wolves. We have had decent weather all week and ive yet to see one bee, flying ant or butterfly

They gone for the winter?

[Spikey M]

Like most insects, we're killing them off.

https://www.theguardian.com/environment/article/2024/jun/14/wildlife-experts-urge-action-on-pesticides-as-uk-insect-populations-plummet

Or are we?

https://jeffollerton.co.uk/2022/07/13/have-honey-bees-declined-in-britain-an-update-of-the-numbers/#:~:text=So%20the%20answer%20to%20the,were%20almos t%2070%20years%20ago.

As with everything in this clown world, it's impossible to get a straight answer these days.

[niko_cee]

Shit loads of bees, butterflies and flying ants down these parts. If anything stinging nettles seems to be at all time highs, I can't ever recall seeing so many, presumably as a result of re-wilding/local government cutbacks/laziness and I've always been told they're super good for pollinators.

[Ben]

It’s because of the very wet but humid summer so far. Same reason lawns are full of selfheal (those little purple flowers) this year.