Well that's the feeling to focus on, isn't it.Originally Posted by Magic
I've read you writing on here about her for about 3 years so it's not like this is just a blip over the last few weeks. I'd suggest getting marriage counselling if you want to try and make it work, if only so you can have a mediator to help you both talk openly and honestly about things.
Both that and counselling cost money, which I don't have at the moment.
Well going off what you said, there seemed to be a history of Facebook back and forth between them. They know each other from school. There is dialogue between them frequently (otherwise there would be nothing to delete right?)
I get it. You're trying to see the best in her but it seems hugely unlikely that there wasn't something to prompt it. Think like a bloke, what could cause you to act like him?
And I've never had anyone send me there bits without a least me asking...
I'm sure there are costs you can put to one side for a few weeks for the sake of your marriage. Or your sanity, if it's the lawyer you're looking at.
Aye sorry thats what I mean, if she's not showing remorse then it means something isn't quite right there.
The three of you. If she actually wants it to work.
Yes some comments. There were other messages and now looking back I should have fucking read the whole conversation but I was just so like WTF I didn't think.
I dunno mate, I'm anything but a ripped fucking kickboxer so I wouldn't be sending full body shots to any cunt but if I was and I was single why not? Annoyingly I could live with a Snapchat because it could be sent en masse but this was a 1-1 conversation.
A ex-colleague accidentally snapped a photo of her in her bra to me, but it turned out it was a mass one which she apologised for on Facebook (lol). I've been out of the game for 9 years so I don't know what is acceptable behaviour now, honestly fuck knows. Snapchat, WhatsApp, there's so many avenues for potential shit you have to do nothing but blind faith.
Are you going to muddle on as before then?
She, after I had a total meltdown, showed 'remorse' and said if it was on other foot she'd be raging as well but that over the course of the day turned to anger and me making constant jibes and ignoring her which didn't help. We eventually had a cuddle. I can't keep referring back to it after I've said I will move on and forget it, but it's the only thing in my head right now.
I don't know what to do, I don't know how to act, I appreciate all the advice, but none of it sounds like what I want to hear...
What do I want to hear? Even I don't know. Ultimately I bet this is all my fault anyway, I haven't been a good husband.
Yes. Looking at it from a point of view is our marriage really that weak that it will collapse because some guy sent her an inappropriate photo?
I saw a thread on Reddit where a guy found photos on his wife's phones of some guy, now that's a whole different ball game.
Maybe I should counter this by trying to be the best husband ever.
Ffs. Look at yourself.
You're trying to convince yourself that it's just a random photo that's been sent. It's not, as I said before the likelihood that this is the first one is really small and her deleting the conversation only backs that up. Don't minimize this, it's not ok and in fact it's in line with her previous behavior (telling you about the offers she received on a night out).
Listen to me, I know you think you have problems, and surely you do have some. But you are not the problem here. You are not the one who's received a nude. She's a terrible influence on you it seems to me, she's somehow manipulated you to the point that you see her getting this picture as you own fault for not being good enough. You talk a lot about the effect your parents and upbringing have had on your psyche and self-esteem but I think you understand the effect that she, and your marriage, have had similarly.
The main consideration is - assuming you do want to stick around - whether or not you both want to take responsibility for trying to improve the relationship. If you don't, if she's dragging her heels, then you should just end it now. Muddling along as before is a complete and utter bottle job, all things considered, and it'll only serve to fuck you all up even more as time goes on.
Hi, lads.
Hi, Magic. Shit to read what you're going through. As has been echoed already, just try to find it in you to get out and do what is undoubtedly the right thing.
Also, talk with some of your mates IRL. It's not embarrassing to admit that it's going down the pan and it will definitely help to talk to someone who can give you the support you need.
Hope it all works out for you and the kid. x
I feel like TTH is probably better-informed about Magic's marriage than nearly anyone else in his life, possibly including himself.
Remember you are only getting my side of the story. There's always two sides.
Yo @SvN, yo' got PM.
(Stop ignoring me please)
The relationship is already destroyed
Why would you be chatting with 'some bird?'
Now that's sad.
I got it when I was on my phone yesterday and couldn't be bothered to reply as I was at the pub. I've replied now.
Naked pics eh?
Can I just get clarification on this?
Your ultimate response then is to do nothing and to just carry on as before. Is that right?
No.
I think tonight because I am driving myself insane I will have a crunch talk. I want to know exactly the ins and outs of this so I can come to a well-informed decision.
After that, who knows. I feel like spewing at the moment to be honest. Had I not found that message who knows what may or may not have happened. That's speculation, right enough. I need to try and stick to facts.
My bet: she'll try and brush it off and say "Why are you still going on about this?". It's a well known tactic.
To be fair, I did say I was going to bury it yesterday. I'll just say I can't because we haven't really discussed it.
All I'll say is that had that been my wife, she'd be in a Premier Inn looking for other accommodation. This isn't a one off, especially if she's deleted the fucking chat for fuck sake. The red flags are everywhere.
Kids are resilient but they'll be damaged if you stay in a marriage for the sake of them, not just from the arguments but from the guilt of thinking that you sacrificed your happiness for their sake.
Are you married with kids?
To be fair my own advice would be 'omg get her to fuck' but I wouldn't have to live with and through that decision so...
Giving the advice is easy, acting on it when it's your life and your family is quite another matter. I think some in this thread would do well to remember that.
Not claiming it is easy. Still the right thing to do (imo of course.)
This is now all your fault Pepe.
It's ok. If things don't work out I'm willing to take over as a surrogate father.
Magic does need a father figure.
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Last edited by Chris; 27-02-2020 at 10:26 AM.
Cheers mate.
Would be interested to hear your story (if by PM if you prefer?).
I feel for you , Magic, purely because of the kid.
At our age I wouldn't have any reservations about booting out a woman and starting out again with someone else because, with all due respect, your marriage sounds fucking awful. Zero trust, a complete communication breakdown and the in-laws sound like a massive burden. But the presence of the kid makes a lot of the advice in the thread redundant unfortunately. I think we can all see how much you love your daughter and only seeing her two days per week or whatever it is? That is fucking heartbreaking shit.
So even though you've got, probably pretty sound, advice telling you to bail out for the kid I can see why you are thinking the exact opposite - because you don't want some kickboxing cunt taking your place Monday to Friday. My advice would be to try and sit down with the missus and have a calm and composed heart-to-heart. No sniping, no raised voices, just an honest and frank assessment of where the fuck you both are. At least clear both of your heads.
Magic, sorry to read about what you are going through. Some friends of mine had a similar situation going recently but got out of that it seemed.
Personally I think what Chris says makes sense. To me it still seems like your daughter is the most important thing here. And I don't get the impression your relationship is completely doomed, it genuinely seems like you want it to work at least. She's definitely acting shady as fuck. For instance for me a warning flag would be the fact that she seems to so willingly fuck off to her mothers' place to give you space when she also claims she didn't do anything. And the whole message history and all that.
But even if she had done something, or even just had a flirt with some sexting or whatever involved, is that not something some couples can come back from? Hell, people cheat and then go to councelling and come out a stronger couple, sometimes. Not always, but if there's 1% chance it's worth taking for your daughter, right? It doesn't hurt making sure you have a backup plan in the meantime. A sort of thing like this can also set a baseline for what is and isn't acceptable behaviour (it shouldn't be needed but sometimes it seems it is). For instance she's been off to 4.30AM once, so basically she can't really do that again if you have a talk and agree on what the things that have gone wrong are.
I'm not sure if I'm making sense to you here but anyway, I'll say follow your guts and it seems to me your guts tell you to stick around and try to make it work. And maybe to do that you'll need to adopt some sort of "fresh start" mentality, both of you to be honest. Maybe some time apart without the intention of splitting up, maybe a vacation if you can manage it. You know whatever.
Here's the other thing. The wife is on just over minimum wage. If we split up she'd have to move even if we did 50/50 or 60/40 or whatever it is she wouldn't be able to afford a house in a nice area (neither would I really!). That means moving the kid in to some fucking housing estate no doubt and going to a school full of cunts.
Child maintenance would be between Ł3-400 a month as well.
Swallowing your pride will be incredibly difficult, but I think you're doing the right thing by putting your daughter first. She won't feel guilty about it when she's older. When you agreed to have a child you knew the risks, and this was one of them. Get as much out of your wife as you can and make sure she's putting your daughter first as well.
Ok so she apparently told my mum, I totally forgot about this comment yesterday. I phoned her and asked her if she did, she said yes. She was at work though and is going to call me when she finishes. My dad cheated on her using an internet messageboard (Yahoo!) so should be interesting.
God the idea of my girlfriend/wife calling my mum up to discuss such things. I'm never going to be responsible ever.
This has aged well.
She was round yesterday for a silverside pot roast for mother's day. She sensed the awkwardness.
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Last edited by Chris; 27-02-2020 at 10:27 AM.
At this stage you'd be better off just letting her fuck whoever she wants, because she's going to do it anyway. At least this way there's no lying about it.
I'd forgot the bit a while back about Magics Mrs not coming home til all hours either. That's ominous.
Shit that was pretty similar. What do you reckon chances are of her doing it again?
Wow, that is spooky! Just shows what a major fucking problem social media must be in relationships. I bet a lot of us aren't even aware and stuff like this is going on behind our backs and it's just pure chance that we ever find out.
I'd like to say the whole 'meet up' sounds sinister but then I am not aware of the pre-text to the picture so who knows.
On the other hand, this has never really been a great relationship (I blame myself for that quite a bit).
As I said, I'm going to have that crunch talk tonight and keep calm. I've never lived on my own, I had really low confidence before I met her, with no aim or purpose in life really. I was failing college and a complete dickhead with the wrong crowd. She definitely did turn my life around.
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Last edited by Chris; 27-02-2020 at 10:27 AM.
Right I'm pushing my missus down the stairs tonihht fuck all this.
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Last edited by Chris; 27-02-2020 at 10:27 AM.
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