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Thread: Christmas 2016

  1. #101
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    Black Swans are heard of, both as pubs and swans

  2. #102
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    The good old 'black swan event', the 21st century update to the 'act of God'.

  3. #103
    Senior Member Adamski's Avatar
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    Apologies for my racism.

  4. #104
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Adamski View Post
    Apologies for my racism.
    Black (swan) lives matter.

  5. #105
    Senior Member John's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    Cheese footballs are the one. And by the one, I mean the worst foodstuff ever created, yet somehow appropriate at yuletide.
    I've long thought a festive repackaging of those 'Cheese Moments' you get off a card in pubs would go down well.

  6. #106
    Senior Member Adamski's Avatar
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    Scampi fucking fries

  7. #107
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    I always seen those cheese moments in the bacon/scampi cards but never ever seen a bag in the flesh.

  8. #108
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    What are these 'cheese footballs'?

  9. #109
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    A 1970s relic of generic cheese paste surrounded by two half-globes of thin, wafery biscuit which more or less dissolves in your mouth. Greater, I think, than the sum of its parts.

  10. #110
    Senior Member wullie's Avatar
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  11. #111
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Gonna have to try those.

    I went into town this morning to do some shopping. Didn't think it would he that busy. I was wrong. Got a few things but still have some other stuff to get. Or, more accurately, people to get for because I don't actually know what to get them.

    I always do this. I think I'll get it done early online every year then procrastinate because I don't know what to get people until I have to just brave the crowds at the actual shops and panic buy.

  12. #112
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    Quote Originally Posted by wullie View Post
    That is not cheese footballs.

  13. #113
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    I got everything on Amazon today, except for my mum. I hate buying for my mum. I don't want to ask her what she wants as that's boring, but her interests are literature and (classical) music, which I know a bit about but she has a very well developed/particular/snobbish taste in both which I can't cater for unless I ask her for precise details.

    As such I'm now scrolling through various crap garden implements and cookery books, as that's what 60 year old women want, right?

  14. #114
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Foe View Post
    That is not cheese footballs.
    Those are cheese footballs. Whatever you've been having is a fraud.

  15. #115
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    I had all done over a month ago because it takes so fucking long for Amazon stuff to get here.

  16. #116
    Senior Member wullie's Avatar
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    Should be in this packaging Foe



    Anything else is a poor substitute.

    'Perfect for Sharing' is a load of bollocks though, you can basically inhale the entire pack without noticing.

  17. #117
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    It may say 'Perfect for Sharing' on the tub, but they're also perfect for clearing the contents alone as you contemplate your failed life on Sunday 3 January each year.

  18. #118
    Senior Member wullie's Avatar
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    Can you get them the rest of the year? I don't think I've ever seen them outside November-January.

  19. #119
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    I got everything on Amazon today, except for my mum. I hate buying for my mum. I don't want to ask her what she wants as that's boring, but her interests are literature and (classical) music, which I know a bit about but she has a very well developed/particular/snobbish taste in both which I can't cater for unless I ask her for precise details.

    As such I'm now scrolling through various crap garden implements and cookery books, as that's what 60 year old women want, right?
    At least your mum has interests.

  20. #120
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Do you remember when you'd never had fish and chips, Jim?

    Maybe I'll make a thread about having cheese footballs for the first time. Although they're not really of such cultural import.

  21. #121
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    I've never tried, and never will try, them cheese footballs. That Powdery cheese shit is disgusting. Fuck Wotsits.

  22. #122
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spikey M View Post
    I've never tried, and never will try, them cheese footballs. That Powdery cheese shit is disgusting. Fuck Wotsits.
    Fucking heathen.

  23. #123
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    If we all bought a tub of cheese footballs we should enough activity to get us through the Christmas to New Year lull.

  24. #124
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    These sort of irk is what I know, and they are magnificent.

  25. #125
    Senior Member John's Avatar
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    That's just a tub of nutrition free sadness.

  26. #126
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Boydy View Post
    Do you remember when you'd never had fish and chips, Jim?

    Maybe I'll make a thread about having cheese footballs for the first time. Although they're not really of such cultural import.
    I'd had fish and chips many times, just not from a 'chippy', since I live inland and in the south.

    I still haven't heard of those northern crisps either.

  27. #127
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by John View Post
    That's just a tub of nutrition free sadness.
    'What is igor balis?'

  28. #128
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Foe View Post


    These sort of irk is what I know, and they are magnificent.
    Good for firing at a dog.

  29. #129
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    I can imagine a certain type of Scotsman surviving for months on those and Tennent's.

  30. #130
    Administrator SvN's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    I'd had fish and chips many times, just not from a 'chippy', since I live inland and in the south.
    This reminds me of a primary school friend who's mum used to make them their own "McDonalds" using oven chips and Aldi burgers.

  31. #131
    Senior Member Adamski's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    I can imagine a certain type of Scotsman surviving for months on those and Tennent's.
    @Waffdon

  32. #132
    Senior Member Waffdon's Avatar
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    Disgusting beverage.

  33. #133
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    Off to Christmas lunch with work today. Doubt I'll hit the pubs later but a merry time shall be had all the same. Hopefully nobody decks anybody.

  34. #134
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    My Mum is so crap at keeping secrets. Rings me out of nowhere and asks how The Arsenal are doing for 10 minutes before proceeding to investigate where I'll be on Boxing Day. Think I've got tickets to the West Brom match

  35. #135
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    A 0-0 against Pulis.

  36. #136
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    It's been a royally shit Christmas thus far. No parties, no presents that I know of, and I'm working round the clock.

  37. #137
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    It's been absolute yonks since I've gone. Used to go quite a bit when I lived in the country but haven't gone since I moved back.

    Think the last time I went was this game in fact


  38. #138
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    Get me some fucking cheeseballs.

  39. #139
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    It is the 'present swap' (see: here) tomorrow, and I am once again commanded to stay in and 'be sociable' as if 1) anybody expects me to be; and 2) anybody wants me to be. Then my brother is meant to be coming for the dog to spite my mother, so that should be fun if she finally KICKS OFF.

  40. #140
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    First present received



  41. #141
    Senior Member John's Avatar
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    I've got my gran one of those digital photo frames that I'll be loading up with old pictures she's told me over the years she'd love to put on display if she had the space. I've spent the last month and a half furtively rifling through photo albums and nabbing those I remembered every time she goes to the toilet.

    I wonder if a prescription diuretic has ever facilitated a Christmas gift before.

  42. #142
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    I'm wrapping presents while the wife watches Strictly Come Dancing tonight.

    I'll have a Whisky to make it less depressing.

  43. #143
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    God I seen an episode of that the other week and it's fucking atrocious. Why are the judges so shouty?

  44. #144
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    I bought my dad a cooking blow torch as part of his Christmas.

    Bought myself one to play with too. Lighting my candles is going to be far more interesting now.

  45. #145
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Foe View Post
    I bought my dad a cooking blow torch as part of his Christmas.

    Bought myself one to play with too. Lighting my candles is going to be far more interesting now.
    Got mine a heat gun.

  46. #146
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggles View Post
    God I seen an episode of that the other week and it's fucking atrocious. Why are the judges so shouty?
    It's fucking awful. The only slight positive is that they forced Bruce Forsyth off the TV. The old cunt.

  47. #147
    Senior Member Adamski's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Magic View Post
    Got mine a heat gun.
    Will that be the first warmth you've ever shared together?

  48. #148
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Adamski View Post
    Will that be the first warmth you've ever shared together?
    Very good.

  49. #149
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lewis View Post
    It is the 'present swap' (see: here) tomorrow, and I am once again commanded to stay in and 'be sociable' as if 1) anybody expects me to be; and 2) anybody wants me to be. Then my brother is meant to be coming for the dog to spite my mother, so that should be fun if she finally KICKS OFF.
    My cousin and her mother aren't speaking, she fell out with her boyfriend this morning, and my grandad is ill. I think I will use the surplus food to help the dog kill himself.

  50. #150
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    The four year old is raking presents out from under the tree, running into the kitchen where everyone is ignoring him, and shouting 'WHOSE IS THIS ONE?!' He is such a dickhead.

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