Since we're agreed, you can have a list. It's actually more a stream of consciousness than a list, so apologies to those whose entries aren't even about them, and I chopped a lot of people for whom nothing immediately came to mind, so apologies to them too.
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Adamski ― I dont know if he used to have another name but Ive noticed him in the last year as an increasingly amusing presence. For some reason, there is a certain manner in which the Scot is often quite funny, a sort of balls-to-the-wall gallows directness which the Englishman, with his privilege and his soft drinks that are not amber hell, can never quite emulate.
Amigo ― When I met him in London, in 2011, and bought him a coca-cola (with ice), he failed to finish it during the three-odd hours that he, I and other TTHers sat around a pub table. I have never forgiven him, and I never shall.
Andy Mahowry ― Perhaps his Andy Murray schtick (what is that? Something Jews throw for a dog?) was a long-game attempt to get himself up towards the top of the WDYTOE list, in which case I congratulate him most heartily on his success. In all other respects, I commiserate him on his failure.
Baz ― I really like Baz these days, even though, were we ever to meet, wed probably be less likely to enjoy ourselves than Hendrik Verwoerd at the MOBOs. But, you know, each to his own.
Blitz ― Saffa, which, as can be seen in the above entry, isnt a good start in life, but he seems nice and most importantly, likes cricket, which is the one true sign of a good man.
Boydy ― I reckon you could send him one of Sir Harvey Yevrahs famous triple cunted hookers, on the house or, lets say, paid for by a workers collective - and each cunt could be fitted with a specially adapted monitor for him to play those stupid pet gifs to his hearts content, and she could ride him like Red Rum every night for a year whilst three virtual Fidos do funny faces and fart, and hed still find something to whinge about.
bruhnaldo ― I find it very hard to relate to his football posts. I discovered the sport in the mid-90s, as a 6-8 year old, sitting eating a crumpet at the kitchen table on cold, dark winter teatimes, listening to the classified results on the telly. My family had no Sky in those days and even if we had, I think it was only 1 televised game a week at the time. So my introduction to football was through the medium of Tranmere Rovers one; Stockport County one being read out by an august old man and the pools results would come in afterwards Five score draws, one no score draw and then it would be time for the latest news from the IRA or the Bosnian war, followed by a repeat of Dads Army (some things never change) and then Jim Davidsons Generation Game would start, at which point my mother would turn the TV off, but Id still remember Tottenham Hotspur two; Queens Park Rangers three, and from there the childhood-long obsession began. I think bruhs introduction to football was probably as far away from that as its possible to be whilst still in the same language.
Byron ― Good poster, Id sometimes like to see him post in more detail, but then Ive said that about people before and theyve turned out to produce out the sort of stuff that normally adorns the inside of South Croydon minicabs at five in the morning.
Chrissy ― Genuine, and there is a lot to be said for that.
Clunge ― Id love to hear from him a detailed, no holds barred account of the local journalism trade in 2016 (or 2017, or 2020, or a year of his choosing). I dont know if this forum grants sufficient anonymity for him to do so. I find it remarkable that something that is a basic tenet of civilised society is being basically smothered to death. Surely if anything there should be more journalism in this day and age, not none at all. I suppose the problem is that nobody pays for it since the internet, but we lose so much as a society and a country just from the loss of that one thing, it genuinely pains me. I hope Ive got the right bloke here.
Cord ― I honestly dont get why he doesnt post more. It clearly cant be because he has anything better to do, and hes the funniest poster on here, give or take, so come on.
Danny ― Good, underrated poster, the board needs more like him.
Dark Soldier ― If hes happy, Im happy.
Davgooner ― Has barely been seen since Tronald Dump got elected? Perhaps hes taken the van stateside. Although he seemed to take more pleasure from Hillary Clintons defeat than displeasure from The Donalds oh so glorious victory, so he must have gone full lefty.
dino ― I still dont buy betting as a job. It must be so fucking miserable and stressful to have your livelihood riding on whether or not some gangland under 19 side from the slums of Bratislava have been bunged enough to bother that day. I suppose its a fairly slippery slope towards doing the bunging oneself.
Disco ― One of the best. I havent managed to work out whether hes one of those long-haired, long-bearded grungey types who repairs things and is known as a bit of a character, or a more austere designer with a slick jawline who sits at a table signing off drawings and has never set foot on the factory floor. Probably somewhere in between. Or more likely just neither.
elth ― Have I ever told the story of when I met elth? I think I have, but probably at another meet and not on here. So I had never seen a picture of elth, and he PMd me telling me he would be wearing green shoes. OK, I thought. So I was a bit early and stood outside the pub waiting for a mid to late twenties Aussie with green shoes to come around the corner. Im not sure why I didnt just go in and buy a drink, but this was my first ever TTH meet I think, I was quite young and a bit nervous. A few minutes pass and then a bloke with longish hair rocks up on the opposite side of the doorway, wearing green shoes, and starts looking edgily around and checking his phone. Well, hes a bit older than I expected, I thought, but how many people in 2009 wear green shoes? So I shuffled over to him and said Nice green shoes, because it suddenly occurred to me that I didnt know his actual name and I didnt want to call him elth. The bloke just looked at me like I was ill, and at that moment I realised it wasnt elth at all, and dived into the pub out of sheer embarrassment, at which point I saw Raoul Duke having just come in on the other side and from then on acted, I think, like a relatively normal human being. Elths real shoes proved greener still.
Foe ― Theres surely only so much you can do in fucking, you know, up there. I know hes been to Shetland so the river Styx probably seems like the Elysian Fields in comparison, but come on, move to Texas. Or have you already done that? I lose track. Nice chap, when I met him.
Giggles ― Really outstanding poster, even though he is the most miserable sod this side of the Pyrenees. Seems to have zero awareness of anything outside his immediate environment, which to be honest is probably the way to go. The reason hes a great poster is that hell be bumbling along being the miserable bastard he is, a mild discussion will take place and hell suddenly change the pace by calling someone a fucking rat cunt for no discernible reason. I tip my hat.
GS ― The Bard of Belfast, or at least he would be if Bard referred to meticulous accountancy rather than elegant verse. Do you remember where you were when Michael Jackson announced his farewell tour? It was branded THIS IS IT. Sadly for Jackson, he was pushing up daisies before THIS IS IT ever came to fruition. GSs repeated use of the phrase whilst adding a generally superfluous hot take in politics threads has ruined those special memories of MJ, so much so that I associate the two with each other. The GS Thriller gags write themselves, so Ill concoct a much more laboured effort surrounding Beat It in which he spits the lyrics in a tuneless Paisley accent to a drum-playing youngster at the back of an orangemens parade who, frankly, grows tired of the constant advice.
Hammer ― The centrepiece of his various, very entertaining, tales always seems to be the striking up of conversation with a total stranger for no particular reason, which, being the patriotic Englishman I am, fills me with utter seething hatred for the bastard.
Henry ― I love his book reviews. Id actually buy a book say, for 15 quid of Henry reviewing every book hes ever read in the 200 word fashion he does.
hfswjyr ― Wonder if hes yet met anyone who isnt either a humourless anzac or a fat, mouthy Saffa.
Ian Webly ― Ian Webly is a great persona. He sounds like an anal bastard from a local news report. Now, bird-watchers across the county will be pleased to know that the first breeding pair of yellow-tailed pottinges for almost three decades has been spotted nesting in the Shropshire Hills. Im joined now by Ian Webly, from the Ludlow and district birdwatchers association. Thanks for joining us, Ian. Its certainly good news for wildlife lovers, but what is the wider significance of this sighting? Well, Amanda, what your viewers may not know *glances disdainfully to camera 1* is that the yellow-tailed pottinge is not yellow-tailed at all in fact, from a distance, it looks rather more like a brown-feathered morningtwat than a European nighthawk, and thats something that newcomers often get wrong. You see
igor_balis ― Given that he likes both cricket and Saint Etienne, he really should be my tragic born-in-the-wrong-decade blood brother. The fact that he definitely isnt is to his great credit.
ItalAussie ― The problem Ital and I encounter is that we are both used to being right 95% of the time he about fluid mechanics, physics and other things that contribute to the betterment of humanity, I about sandwich fillings, batting orders and other things that do not. As such, occasionally we hit little impasses on here where neither of us will back down. Still, your weekend elections are shit.
John ― Also has the jock humour as noted in my entry for Adamski, but whereas the latter deploys it more in little bursts of gunfire, John is more of a NATO airstrike campaign. Sometimes he misses the target and wipes out a load of civilians, but fuck it, innocent people deserve painful deaths for our amusement sometimes.
John Arne ―
Kikó ― He is a delightful chap. He has always seemed the same poster (at least to me), which is odd when you think hes only about my age or maybe younger 27-28? and so we must have had a good chunk of his teenage years, as well as the cappuccino follow-up and its emerging soya latte successor. His posting is a weird hybrid of ultra-cynicism and the opposite, but all good stuff.
Lee ― I can only assume hes in the same hideout as Paddy Ashdown, George Osborne and co, plotting their way out of Brexit Britain. Crack open a packet of custard creams (chocolate digestives absolute max) and enjoy it.
leedsrevolution ― His place in the world of fucking weird drunken posting is similar to that of Tolstoy in the world of literature seminal, and irreplaceable, but actually reading it is a bad experience.
Lewis ― I think Ive already done The best poster I know, definitely the best poster you know in the past, so instead of that Ill offer some incisive social commentary. All the Tony Blair theory the fact that he politicised the civil service, the fact that red wine wasnt as cheap prior to 1997, the fact that wheely bins are rubbish and the outside shots in Mr Bean are snapshots of a better Britain all of this was Lewiss original idea, and hes mentioned it at least as often on the board as I have, and presents it more eloquently and in a more entertaining fashion than I do - and yet Im widely credited with it. What does this say about society? What it says is that we only see in people what we want and expect to see in them. Nobody wants to see a far-fetched politico-sociological theory from Lewis they want to see him do wrestling references, obscure TTH history because he has a spreadsheet (he actually just has an incredible memory, which is presumably also a big help in writing an academic book without slitting your wrists), and off-colour jokes about the dead. Similarly, people in the wider world dont want to see a tough-looking, direct-speaking northern bloke with a thick accent be smarter than them, and nor do they want to give such a person a job. Its how life is now people dont just judge a book by its cover, they judge a book by the cover they think it should have. They probably think Duncan Sandys and British Nuclear Policy should have a picture of Duncan Sandys on the cover. How little they know.
Magic ― I have always seen this board as a completely separate thing to the rest of my life, and this stayed so even once the era of social media dawned. The persona of Jimmy Floyd that I post with is not consciously separate to my actual character, but over the years it has somewhat evolved so. Offline I am less forthright, more boring (I know, right?), and a lot more laid back. I am aware this is not the same for everyone and its probably been to my detriment in terms of getting as much out of modern-day TTH as I once did. Nowadays, we are much more in the Baz camp of being completely open and transparent, with the forum persona and the real person being one and the same. Over the years, TTH has had posters ranging from the Baz types through to total secrecy like Oimoi/niko_cee, and everything in between, and I think that diversity has been to our great benefit as a board. Magic the poster is generally very engaging, interesting to read, very funny yes, with a bit of a dark edge, but thats a good thing. Magic the bloke is none of my business, but I hope hes like Magic the poster.
Manc ― I know he posts a fair bit but I probably confuse him with others and/or it fades into the background but youre sound, I think. Do correct me if Im wrong.
Max Power ― Great company in the cricket thread along with the rest of the crew. He posts very rarely about his own life so I was disappointed to read in the recent thread that it was only packing a 4/10. Upwards next year.
Mazuuurk ― Lovely chap, he was the first and perhaps only TTHer to get me blind drunk and Jesus Christ I was young then. Not even 20, I dont think, and I was a late developer; later, indeed, than that evening. Surprised I survived it.
Mellberg ― Hopefully his absence means pleasure for him and not for Her Majesty.
The Merse ― Seems to have overcome that little bump in the road and is pressing on into the delightful tedium of his thirties, a state at which I can only gaze enviously on.
Mert ― If its an act, its pretty convincing. I like to think that its not an act, and is all true. Accusations that America has gone post-truth are, in my view, deeply unfounded. They never had any truth in the first place, its a country founded on a load of absolute bullshit and has continued along that path ever since. We should have just taken it back in 1812.
Mike ― Historically preferred him to Baz but less convinced of that these days.
mo ― Seems a good guy, always enjoy reading his posts about what its like being a teacher. I know a teacher whos like 23 and ridiculously optimistic about it, presumably because hes only just started.
mokbull ― Gah. Ive tried to be as nice about everyone as not being a pious cunt allows, but what can you say?
niko_cee ― Probably one of the best posters without actually putting any effort into it, which probably says a bit about both us and him.
Offshore Toon ― Good to see you again. You seem happier than in the old days.
Panda Bear ― I like that he still pops in. Always been a nice chap, even though I think we had a period of disliking each other which is so long ago Im not convinced it actually happened.
Pen ― I rarely see him post nowadays, but he was always good.
Pepe ― Gets a lot of flak, including probably from me in past editions of these lists, but hes sound as a peso, which is actually not sound at all, but oh well.
phonics ― I find his political posts pretty risible and never quite see what the point of them is, but aside from that, he seems like a very honest sort of individual and when you get him down to actually posting from the heart rather than reposting stuff from twitter, he is very interesting to read.
Queenslander ― Quality as always. Keep a couple of tinnies cold for my entirely fictional trip to Brisbane.
randomlegend ― I dont get his chip-on-shoulderness about things. If I ever post anything vaguely off message hes always the first to leap in and call it horseshit in a fairly aggressive manner Im sure it often is horseshit, but theres no need to stand to attention like Merts piece in front of a mirror, particularly when you could be spending the time making 10/10 confectionery and posting pictures of it.
Raoul Duke ― Cool dude and I want his predictions of technological dystopia to come to fruition sooner rather than later. The robots will probably eat him first, mind.
Reg ― Has toned down the tactics truck stuff now, or realised the error of his ways, or both, or Ive changed my mind, or some combination of all of the above, or it was a myth in the first place, and now hes one of the best posters on football.
Sam ― Like Manc, I know hes around but hard to distinguish, probably for generic username or avatar reasons. Is this the Wolves fan? Youre alright.
Samadini ― Total geezer, seems to have less time for us these days but hopefully thats for nice reasons.
Shindig ― Still, after all these years, has a funny turn of phrase. Seems completely out of touch in a lot of ways but I suppose that comes from living in Gateshead or wherever the fuck he has to spend his days.
Smiffy ― He reminds me of my dog, and I dont mean he smells bad and shits in the garden, although he may. What my dog does, and I imagine most dogs are like this, is she can only operate at two speeds complete all-out pull-your-hamstring sprinting frenzy, or asleep in front of the fire. She does pull out a little businesslike brisk trot when she takes a chew out into the garden, but that is just for show. Everything is geared towards moments of sprinting ecstasy, or moments of slovenly inertia, and that is how it will always be. Still, I like my dog, shes a lot more likeable than I am, and the household is better for having her in it.
Spikey M ― Seems a really nice guy these days. I mean, I may have thought that before, but it was so long ago that R Kelly was at number one and Pards was still alive, so I really cant remember.
Spoonsky ― I love Spoonsky. If I ever pass through Utah again (though to be honest once in my life was probably enough) Ill stop by for a *insert stupid measure Americans use* of Jesus Juice.
SvN ― Good these days. Used to wind me up, doesnt anymore. I suspect weve both got older. Well, I know weve both got older. But you know what I mean.
7om ― Is one of the better posters when he is around.
Vim ― Managing to be both Italian and Danish is pretty impressive. Both ends of the European shitness spectrum. Hamlet, and the Merchant of Venice. Highly taxed, and terribly organised. Crap pastries, and crap breakfast. Von Trier, and Pasolini. Bjarne Goldbaek, and Gabriele Ambrosetti. Poor guy.
Waffdon ― Seems to have descended into one syllable only now.
wullie ― Still up there with corduroy for funniest poster, and Lewis I suppose, but the former two benefit from being a better player when youre on the bench.
Yevrah ― As close as weve ever come to the soul of the board, drifts in and out these days but I reckon hes got one last big posting spree in him. Mind you, I said that about SG. I wonder what became of him. This wouldnt have been a good year for SG. Might have been a Brexit suicide.