All the talk about 'Amazon's HQ2,' especially on NPR. It can fuck right off.
All the talk about 'Amazon's HQ2,' especially on NPR. It can fuck right off.
My little sister's getting married tomorrow.
Today I had to move a lot of cheese and wine around the south of England. First job I had was to go to the cheese shop and pick up the 8 cheeses that have been ordered. I turn up (this is in twee Lib Dem SW London), park the car on the street where it is, and some old bat emerges from behind a tree telling me to park somewhere else as 'this is a quiet road'. I told her to do one, and went into the cheese shop. 'Wedding order for...' I said. The bloke just looks at me. 'Never heard of you, mate.' So I explained it was for a wedding tomorrow and we'd already paid. 'Nah, mate, no record of that.' Eventually I convinced him to phone 'the boss', but he didn't know either. Then he phoned accounts and they had no record of it either. In this ridiculous Monty Python-esque scene, I was about to just swipe all the cheese off his fucking display cabinet when he suddenly says 'Tell you what, mate, I'll phone Jim.' Before I even get the chance to ask who the fuck Jim is, Jim has already confirmed that the cheese is in a massive box with our name written on it right in front of this mong under the fucking counter.
Next job was to take a hired van down to the venue full of wine and so on, unload the van and dump the drinks with the caterers. An easy job, I thought, and then the day will be done. But no. I turn up and groan myself to death as it turns out the catering manager is fucking French.
'I am surprised,' he says in full Clouseau accent, 'zat you av gone for ze Spanish chardonnay in zis setting. I would have chosen some-sing wiz meur beudy...' and so it goes on and on and fucking on. Being lectured for 45 minutes on something that is nothing to do with me (and subsequently on how great he is at his job) by an egomaniacal Frenchman, probably my absolute worst nightmare scenario. Next thing I know I've been appointed unofficial liaison tomorrow with Jean-Jacques Goldman so that the rest of the family can 'relax and enjoy themselves'. Fuck you and fuck France.
Do you like Hervé Renard?
You'd have been fine had you steered the conversation that way.
Idea for BBC series: Jimmy is inconvenienced each and every week.
What are you serving his Icelandic relatives?Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
I had similar, minus the cheese and xenophobia, at my sister in laws wedding. Running around like a blue arse fly with a list of jobs such as ‘check Dave has the wedding CD’. I had a 9 month old in tow n’all. I still don’t know who the fuck Dave is.
Did he have the wedding CD though?
Well, some bird did. I suppose she could have been a Davina.
Does music still come on CDs?
Your mums sex tape does bruv.
New business opportunity: Audio sextapes.
I was in an Aldi earlier, and this young ethnic girl tried to buy some beers. She got told to fuck off (whatever), but then she came back in with her mother (who barely spoke any English by the sounds of it), who was also told to fuck off because they couldn't sell them to her 'knowing' that she would give them to the girl. Which war did we lose for that sort of thing to happen?
I've been ID'd in a Co-op for just being in the alcohol area. They also ID everybody you're with if you buy booze.
I saw a guy in there with his daughter who was about 8 get refused when he was buying a bottle of wine. He was absolutely bewildered at the fact that they wouldn't serve him.
It's ridiculous.
What the fuck? Were they suggesting he was buying it for the child?
The place nearest me almost always has a little squad of fourteen/fifteen year olds outside it asking people to buy them drink, and there are certain things the shop just won't sell as long as they're there.
They just kept saying they can't serve him alcohol while he's with a minor, its their policy. The guy wasn't even angry or kicking off (I think most would've), he was just confused.
Well that is stupid. The little gimp telling them was clearly getting off on it as well.
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Every fucking time I try to use my laptop at uni to access the online library.
Edit: Some Scouse ladies sitting on the next table have just had an exchange with the tech team which was lol.
They were complaining that they couldn't connect any of their macs to a large screen available.
Do you have a HDMI adapater for the mac?
Macs don't have HDMI
But do you have an adapator?
No
What about VGA?
What about it?
It says here that we can connect using it
You haven't connected a VGA cable though, do you even have a port?
We used this?
That's a USB cable...
They must be thinking about ending it all.
If @Boydy wasn't a fan of restaurants that wouldn't give you plates. How do we think he'll feel about this relaxation palace?
"You get the round in mate, I'll have a pint of Carlsberg and meet you at the table, they've just opened a spot by the pommel horse"
A decent rule of thumb is not to sit on things in pubs/restaurants where your feet aren't touching the floor.
LOL that's where I was working (very near there). You sin the cafe that's a fucking cathedral? Weird!If @Boydy wasn't a fan of restaurants that wouldn't give you plates. How do we think he'll feel about this relaxation palace?
"You get the round in mate, I'll have a pint of Carlsberg and meet you at the table, they've just opened a spot by the pommel horse"
You need to go here: https://www.timeout.com/london/bars-...ters-townhouse
It's amazing.
Anything described as 'quirky' is to be avoided.
I've always had a thing about the word 'Kitchen' in the marketing for eateries. You're quite clearly a restaurant, I hope you've got a fucking kitchen.
Sisters doing it for themselves? Not really: this City cocktail bar was packed with beery blokes in suits when we arrived, crammed round delicate tables with big old pint glasses and plenty of boorish banter. It was a total surprise given the name, drinks and borderline chichi decor.
I'm out.
The City is full of boorish wankers so what do they expect? Showgirls and students? Fucking clowns. The cocktails were amazing and the place was really cool. The couple next to us had a Ł470 bar bill and the guy made his girl pay for half.
Little fucking rat cunts and their fucking fireworks.
Ł470? They're either being ripped off or had been there for three days.
It was Ł10 a drink plus a 15% service charge on each drink. That was if you weren't downing expensive champagne, that is.
Go to a a ‘spoons and have an ale n den we wil c.
lol @ a service charge at a bar
I seem to stub a toe every other day :\
Just whacked the shit out of my little toe on my left foot.
I've just ordered a turmeric latte. I fuck myself off. It was either that or the beetroot cortado.
What did your husband order?
Did it come in a cheese grater?
The drink, not your husband.
And Magic tries to slag off the beer nerds.
A friend has just had their cat killed by the Cat Killer.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M25_cat_killer
Apparently the police literally couldn't give less of a fuck either.
'may also be wearing a headlamp'
Considering these fuckers often go on to become serial killers you’d think they’d take some notice.
I'm glad that Martin Clunes is on the case anyway. thank God.
Fuck cats
You make it sound like they hired him.
That's one for Dragons Den.
I love that 'The M25 Cat Killer' his his/her own wiki page, and that some of the 'killings' are referred to as murders.
End of days.
I’ve gone out for a drive so my daughter can nap. I’ve now parked up and some homeless cunt just started cleaning my windscreen.
1) it’s fucking raining.
2) This isn’t a gritty cop film set in 1980’s New York.
Our homeless lot have taken to insulting passersby in the hope of spending the night in the cells. I guarantee our council is one of the 'one way bus ticket' types.
It's glorious weather here.
Accidentally hotspotted my phone to my computer and downloaded 4GB of UFC
200mb data to last til the 13th.
I'm a twit
News websites that switch to another article when you hit the left or right keys.
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