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Thread: The little things in life that fuck you off

  1. #3651
    DEATH TO THE WEIRD Raoul Duke's Avatar
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    I've been to a Polish wedding before (my cousin did pretty much the same). It's mental. Like going back in time to the early 90s, in one of those You've Been Framed! videos. They had some absolutely bananas cover band alternating between dad-rock classics (SIMPLY THE BEST, BETTER THAN ALL THE REST) and bobbins Polish music.

    It goes on for two days, you eat nothing but their awful food and drink litres of neat vodka.

  2. #3652
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    You've summed them up pretty well.

    They all seem to take place in venues which are almost identical. I could have sworn that I had been to three weddings in the exact same venue but it turned out that it wasn't the case.

  3. #3653
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    The Polish lad I work with can't get his head around the idea of a wedding not having a completely free bar.

  4. #3654
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    It's brilliant, they keep bringing out bottles of vodka for each table.

    And as Raoul says it's over two days.

    There's always some brilliant bits of comedy for me as a sober person.

  5. #3655
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    *boring

  6. #3656
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    Quote Originally Posted by John View Post
    Room was robbed in Berlin so I've just spent the day in the British embassy paying a hundred euros for an 'Emergency Passport'. The staff there are entirely useless.

    I had a bit of a laugh at the Russian embassy though. Every other nation has a fairly nondescript building with their flag hanging outside, then the Russian one is a colossal big place with gold gates and writing chiselled into the walls.
    Two days? Fuck that.

    That being said though, turn up with a bottle of lemonade and you become the most eligible batchelor there.

  7. #3657
    Senior Member Spoonsky's Avatar
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    Yeah John, you'll be hitched with a cute Russian secretary in no time.

  8. #3658
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    Wait, there are weddings where you have to pay for your drinks?

  9. #3659
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pepe View Post
    Wait, there are weddings where you have to pay for your drinks?
    99% here, and I'd imagine a very high percentage in the UK too. We drink properly at weddings though in this part of the world rather than poncing around all night on sparkling wine.

    A normal wedding costs around €20,000 so fuck getting 200 people pissed too.

  10. #3660
    Senior Member Offshore Toon's Avatar
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    Rent a patch of grass somewhere and set up a marquee then buy shitloads of spirits and wine. The last wedding I went to was like that, although everybody was probably a bit too drunk. Making people do shots during speeches won't end well.

  11. #3661
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Offshore Toon View Post
    Rent a patch of grass somewhere and set up a marquee then buy shitloads of spirits and wine. The last wedding I went to was like that, although everybody was probably a bit too drunk. Making people do shots during speeches won't end well.
    Shots? Spirits? Pints. People want pints.

  12. #3662
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    At weddings I've been to, all the wine and so on is free but the bar later on during the raucous bit you generally have to pay.

  13. #3663
    Senior Member Offshore Toon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggles View Post
    Shots? Spirits? Pints. People want pints.
    If you want a cheap piss up spirits are the way forward.

  14. #3664
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    In Mexico drinks are always provided. No lol sparkling wines either, the proper stuff.

    Weddings are stupid.

  15. #3665
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Offshore Toon View Post
    If you want a cheap piss up spirits are the way forward.
    It's not enjoyable that night or the next day though. Most people at a wedding here will be drinking beer given the choice.

  16. #3666
    Senior Member Offshore Toon's Avatar
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    I still feel like shit no matter what I drink. I've gone well off booze recently, but I've never actually liked the taste anyway.

  17. #3667
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggles View Post
    Most people at a wedding here will be drinking beer given the choice.
    So I guess there is no 'stigma' regarding beer over there.

  18. #3668
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Anyway, hotels here don't let you provide your own drink for a wedding. Except wine and they'll charge you for doing that anyway.

  19. #3669
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pepe View Post
    So I guess there is no 'stigma' regarding beer over there.
    Like the American thing of packing you off to AA meetings if you have more than 3 Budweisers?

  20. #3670
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggles View Post
    Like the American thing of packing you off to AA meetings if you have more than 3 Budweisers?
    More like that it is low class shit therefore not to be drunk in events such as weddings.

    Never been to a wedding in the US by the way.

  21. #3671
    I used to be funny.
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    Mexican weddings usually end in gang warfare before you've had a chance to get tipsy.

  22. #3672
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pepe View Post
    More like that it is low class shit therefore not to be drunk in events such as weddings.

    Never been to a wedding in the US by the way.
    Weddings are a feed and a party here. No point in putting on graces for the night if you drink beer the rest of the time.

  23. #3673
    Senior Member Offshore Toon's Avatar
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    There's no stigma against beer here, or drinking in general, really. If anything, you've got the poncey hipster nonces lauding their fancy IPAs.

  24. #3674
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggles View Post
    It's not enjoyable that night or the next day though. Most people at a wedding here will be drinking beer given the choice.
    Do you all get a potato for the left hand too?

  25. #3675
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Andy Mahowry View Post
    Do you all get a potato for the left hand too?
    In a mind blowing turn of events they come with the dinner.

  26. #3676
    Senior Member Adamski's Avatar
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    awful chat Mahow.

  27. #3677
    Senior Member
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    Our wedding was open bar

    For $100 a head we got the meal, open bar (the 'premium' spirits were off the menu) and cake included. At a lovely country club too and was only that cheap because it was "out of season".

  28. #3678
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Andy Mahowry View Post
    I should but it seems that 90% of the people that Specsavers hire are attractive females, probably to target people like me
    I'm a twit

  29. #3679
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Adamski View Post
    awful chat Mahow.
    It keeps this place ticking over.

  30. #3680
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Offshore Toon View Post
    Sweet. Seems a bit weird you being married. When was the proposal made? It doesn't feel like I've been gone for that long.

    Back in Brighton now. Getting third year out the way then fuck knows what.
    Missed this - proposed in August last year. It was all pretty quick actually.

    You should come to the meet.

  31. #3681
    Senior Member Offshore Toon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kikó View Post
    Missed this - proposed in August last year. It was all pretty quick actually.

    You should come to the meet.
    Good stuff.

    I had a look at that and it won't happen this time. Got a hand in on the 6th. Now that I'm in the UK again, though, I'll definitely try and make whatever meets I can.

  32. #3682
    leedsrevolution
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    I just had to spend 15 minutes pulling poo out of the puppys butt cos it had got stuck in the hair. I'm now drinking a whiskey.

  33. #3683
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    Spent 20 minutes poking myself in the eye in front of the hot contact lens specialist today

    Made myself look even more pathetic and wet by saying 'sorry I wasted your time'. I did get the pity vote from her though.

  34. #3684
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    I bet you kept opening your mouth as your finger got closer to your eye as well, you gorm.
    I'm a twit

  35. #3685
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Baz View Post
    I bet you kept opening your mouth as your finger got closer to your eye as well, you gorm.
    Nope. I just started blinking like a fucking mental.

  36. #3686
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    Also. Dell has to be the worst company when returning something.

    I told them that the only day I wouldn't be at home this week was Tuesday so they obviously organised the delivery for Tuesday. They then rearranged it for today, someone came to pick it up and I've just been sent an email saying that the collection has failed and it has to be rearranged.

    Proper fucking shit.

  37. #3687
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    @Lewis, you never complain about your mum any more. She alright?

  38. #3688
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    She's the most irritating person alive, and her entire mindset/worldview just baffles me, so moaning about specific incidents seems pointless. .

  39. #3689
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    It keeps us entertained.

    I thought to ask because I was off work today and was just arsing about at home but my mother was doing my head in all day. She came in this afternoon and told me to look out my window because there was some kid wearing a Santa hat. What.

  40. #3690
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    I'm constantly trying to work her out, and I'm currently developing an idea that she is really arrogant. What I used to think was just whinging for its own sake (like as a hobby) is actually taking any criticism or disagreement personally, as if the it's the mere idea of doing so, rather than the criticism or disagreement itself, that is beyond her comprehension. The result being that - to use a recent example - when I claimed that my brother makes a better roast dinner than her, she didn't really argue the point so much as point out that my old man doesn't make any dinners so why don't I go live with him if she's such a terrible parent.

    The question is why? My brother is the same, except more volatile with it, so it would make sense; but he has a massive chip on his shoulder. What is her problem?

  41. #3691
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    It's basically like arguing with Harold, except you can only go so far because he does your washing and pays the car insurance.

  42. #3692
    Senior Member Offshore Toon's Avatar
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    My mum is a wanker like that and I've tried sitting her down and explaining why she's an idiot, and she gets it, but still returns to form a couple days later.

    I've realised now that I'm more mature than my parents ever will be and trying to make my relationship with them perfect was worth a shot, but ultimately I just wiped the slate clean and now enjoy what I can.

  43. #3693
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    Egos, lads. They must defeat their egos.

    My mum is emotionally mature but my gran is a total cunt.

  44. #3694
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    The key is not to claim to your mother that someone else makes better roast dinners than she.

  45. #3695
    Senior Member Offshore Toon's Avatar
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    Maybe our generation has heightened self-awareness from growing up with the internet.

  46. #3696
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Haha in your faces, my mum is top.
    I'm a twit

  47. #3697
    Senior Member Offshore Toon's Avatar
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    Yeah, but your mum was born in Kenya.

  48. #3698
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    The key is not to claim to your mother that someone else makes better roast dinners than she.
    Somebody should have had a word in 1981. It's never too late.

  49. #3699
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    To tell her she should have a termination?

  50. #3700
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    I don't think they have much effect several years before any actual pregnancy.

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