Anyone with a brain, let alone the only known air force, would have found out where the other fleet was before sending their only pissing boats out (with all leadership on the same one for some reason). Need some blokes in there love.
Anyone with a brain, let alone the only known air force, would have found out where the other fleet was before sending their only pissing boats out (with all leadership on the same one for some reason). Need some blokes in there love.
Oh aye, the ballista. When I saw it I thought "Is that it?" Qyburn does his sinister thing and says they have a plan. Is he the only person who could have thought of a big fuck-off missile weapon?
Oh yeah, and Pat O'Baelish hit new accent heights this week in that crypt scene.
Crossbows have been part of the universe in the past too, so did it really take 'the best engineers in Westeros' to come up with the idea of making a big one?
That fight scene was a nightmare for the same reasons stated earlier - I had no idea what was going on, and all the embers twatting about in every shot didn't help either. Did Euron get stabbed about fifty times during the fight or was that everyone else & I couldn't tell? It was exactly like when I watched a bootleg of the first (modern) Transformers movie as a teenager & ended up having no idea what was happening because everything looked like the same super shiny metallic blur moving at eight thousand miles an hour.
Other than that it was decent, with Varys' speech being the best bit. Theon probably just needs to be killed at this point, and the Baelish-led Sansa heel turn has been waved around for what seems like an eternity. Meanwhile, Arya appears to have been cast in the Westerosi version of Diners, Drive-ins & Dives.
They do seem to have insisted on starting this series with the traditional three episodes of shuffling everyone around the map without doing much though, so hopefully shit will kick up in the next couple of episodes.
I'm not sure I can be bothered with yet another round of "Theon is a quivering wreck". We get it, he's traumatised. Either kill him off or move past it.
I didn't need that much time dedicated to Greyworm getting his (non-existent) end away either. I bet he dies at Casterly Rock now.
Fair play to Euron for killing two-thirds of the triumvirate of annoyingness that is the Sand Snakes though. What a lad. There's got to be a fair chance that Cersei finishes the other one and the mother off next week. I assume that's where he's going to take them.
Missandei though
I was going to say, his character development from useless coward to useless coward over the last seven series has been thoroughly interesting.Originally Posted by Alex
That episode had several comically bad moments, ranging from Missandei's get-yer-clothes-off-love turn (is there no underwear in the Seven Kingdoms?) to Grey Worm's inexplicable sex drive despite not having a cock or balls, to the whole Yara and Sand Snakes scene (an exercise in getting the worst actors in the world into the same room and killing them, thankfully), to Euron's impression of Meatloaf arriving on stage, and as Lewis says, Little O'Finger in the crypt (what was the point of that? Or him?).
Maisie Williams, Varys and Peter Dinklage did their best to save it, as ever, but even Olenna had her charisma sucked out by the Portrayer of Nuance.
As much as I'm grateful for him getting rid of a few of the hilariously ineffective Sand Snakes Euron is still a lot of nonsense. But he'll never be the worst thing in any episode that devotes separate scenes to the automaton playing Daenerys and the Grey Worm / Missandei story.
I assume the point of the Littlefinger debacle was for him to now effectively try to turn Sansa against John in some way, which way I'm not sure as I can't really see a viable end game from that other than Sansa becoming Queen of the North as the (technically) only Stark with true lineage.
I'm sure they had some fairly nifty siege weapons at Riverrun as well. Qyburn is a greasy twat though so who knows.
They definitely had at least a trebuchet or two. Euron must have had some siege weapons mounted on his ships to be flinging those fireballs around too.
In the books, the various Greyjoys are as dull as it gets (apart from Brienne of Tarth's hotel reviews sections), so at least they've done something with the characters.
It was said in jest John, you really are as dull as dishwater.
All these cunts with 100 posts between them popping up to snipe at John are great fun.
I had thousands on the old board son.
Oh noes
None of which had value.
Well thats subjective but I suspect some were alright. Better than reading the tripe from "boring boring John".
Lads, I hate to say this but you're starting to make a Daenerys scene look appealing with this chat.
That's a low blow.
Someone get naked to distract everyone, quick!
Not you, Mahow
That was a lot better than the first 2 episodes for me.
Sam seems nicely placed to become Lord of Wherever It Is now.
Davos
That's how you introduce a king.
Again though, so much acting talent in a room and 'Dany' shits it up.
All the Sand Snakes officially dead
Someone needs to shove a knife into Bran's throat though.
Nice to finally see a bit of Casterly Rock as well.
Olenna summing up Joffrey
Last 20 minutes or so was top stuff.
Yeah that was a pretty great episode in terms of moving things along.
Tyrion was fantastic.
It gave that impression opening with Jon landing at Dragonstone. I was half expecting that to take 2 episodes.
Why do they have to do that "sewer" bit for invading Casterly Rock though? Got a bit boring. We've seen it in Star Wars, we've seen in Lord of the Rings, we've seen it in I don't know how many similar settings.
To distract you from the siege scenes looking like something off a ten year old strategy game.
The whole castle looked a bit like it was from such a game even without the siege, to be honest.
Euron's slowly becoming my favourite character, despite the HIM outfit.
What a twat Bran is. We get it mate, you're the "Three Eyed Raven" now. That doesn't preclude you from having a normal conversation with your sister though. Fucking oddball. He served as an interesting little distraction when he was off behind the wall, away from everything. But now he's back and his "infinite wisdom" shtick has to mix directly in with the main storyline I think it's going to get old fast.
Obviously it must be very odd for Sansa too. The last time you saw your little brother he was a happy-go-lucky, albeit recently crippled, eight year old. Now he's turned back up and appears to be about thirty five and on the spectrum.
I love that they're just playing Euron as a straight-up, comedy villain. It's amazing. Jaime's facial reaction to his question about whether Cersei likes "a finger up the bum" was genuinely, laugh out loud funny.
I always thought the Tyrell's were meant to have a massive army for some reason? I was surprised they got dicked on quite that easily. I much prefer Jaime off in the field though, rather than moping around King's Landing and playing second fiddle to Cersei.
Big Jorah Mormont back at large too.
Good episode on the whole, I liked it.
Euron had some top quality lines in that. Nice episode overall although I do kinda wonder if we'll regret the quicker pace as it come speeding to a finale.
Dicked on by Euron? Wiped out in the explosion in the Sept of Baelor?What a twat Bran is. We get it mate, you're the "Three Eyed Raven" now. That doesn't preclude you from having a normal conversation with your sister though. Fucking oddball. He served as an interesting little distraction when he was off behind the wall, away from everything. But now he's back and his "infinite wisdom" shtick has to mix directly in with the main storyline I think it's going to get old fast.
Obviously it must be very odd for Sansa too. The last time you saw your little brother he was a happy-go-lucky, albeit recently crippled, eight year old. Now he's turned back up and appears to be about thirty five and on the spectrum.
I love that they're just playing Euron as a straight-up, comedy villain. It's amazing. Jaime's facial reaction to his question about whether Cersei likes "a finger up the bum" was genuinely, laugh out loud funny.
I always thought the Tyrell's were meant to have a massive army for some reason? I was surprised they got dicked on quite that easily. I much prefer Jaime off in the field though, rather than moping around King's Landing and playing second fiddle to Cersei.
Big Jorah Mormont back at large too.
Good episode on the whole, I liked it.
Bigger problem is how Jaime and an army managed to teleport over to Highgarden which is, according to this 760 miles away. Took them by surprise too which is some doing with a massive army.
The worst thing about the Sansa/Bran thing is he basically said "You looked really pretty while you were getting raped".
Explains why he never stood up.
I assume Winterfell to Dragonstone is a fair old trek too? But Jon's managed that in the blink of an eye. Because "favourable winds".
https://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&rc...mf26GugI9ZgAhg
Even Bran had quite the stroll (well roll on the back of his cart) to Winterfell.
The problem with Bran is that the actor has gone to pretty child, to ugly late teenaged fuck who will never get another acting role after this.
I'm not really sure who has donned who in that episode. Cersei seemed to be winning on multiple fronts, and also getting quite Mad King-y which probably isn't good for her prospects, this being episode three of seven.
Jon Snow and the Mother of Dragons are going to be having sexy time within 5-6 episodes as well.
Oh, and Casterly Rock looked like some two star hotel by Boscombe Pier. What a load of rubbish.
The better distance/time question is how the Unsullied a) avoided Euron Gayboy first time round; and b) managed to get there only half an hour before he did despite him taking in a major battle and a victory parade during the meantime.
Certain people can teleport, others have to undertake endless quests. I fear for Jorah Mormont that he is about to be the latter, although Oldtown and Dragonstone have nothing of interest between them on that map unless he goes to say hi to whoever's now running Dorne.
Also directed by the man who directed Ali G In Da House, and it showed.
The actual events of the episode were all good and seem to have moved the conflicts along more in one episode than nine episodes of last season did, despite a load of wank establishing shots and Jon Snow and the Buyer of Sudocrem taking five minutes out to do an extended 'previously on' skit, but it was all very poorly staged.
I liked that they handwaved away Jorah the Explorer just being cured by the toilet cleaner with a line about how loads of others had tried the same procedure, cutting away the tree bark and putting some ointment on it. Above all else it's that sort of complete nonsense which keeps this from being on the same level as the properly great TV.
I suppose you could argue that most Maesters seem to be idiots (I like to think it's a deliberate skewering of academics by Martin) and the general medical knowledge in the realm seems to be minimal, but I thought that was bollocks too, as was Olenna having to explain out loud the way in which Jaime had just donned her in case the American idiots watching hadn't picked it up from the five minute establishing video.
Boring boring John. What an utter utter cunt. John the cut. Old boring John. Shitehead John. Ser John of Cunteros. Tele fwa gwa blud.
Decent episode, that. I initially couldn't work out why they appeared to be rushing so much shit but it did make some sense in the end. Some.
Sadly another of the characters you actually want to see in those one-to-one chats died at the end there. Although on that front it was very nice to see Tyrion, Varyis and those other characters getting to do a bit while that Dany yawned it up.
Did they do the thing in the TV show about Tyrion having been relegated to Lord Bogmaster by Tywin before now? I'm sure in the books it was mentioned fairly early doors. If that's the first time they've mentioned it on TV then it just seems one of those irritating coincidences.
I'm sure George has been planning that particular plot twist since about 1992.
I'm fairly sure Tyrion and Tywin spoke about it at some stage, but I can't remember for certain.
That's a bit noncey.
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