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Thread: The All New Jobs Thread

  1. #11751
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    Brav download Grindr and enjoy the travels and all that exotic manjuice.

  2. #11752
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Don't waste your v-plates on a Frenchman ffs.

  3. #11753
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    They should have an app where you can upload receipts on the spot and just dump them then. We've just switched to Pleo from having standard corporate cards and it's way better.

  4. #11754
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ben View Post
    I thought Spanish was your second language?
    Spanish third, German fourth.

    We do have an app but we also have dickhead accountants, or, as they're better known, accountants.

  5. #11755
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Jimmy is so exploited it's untrue.
    I'm a twit

  6. #11756
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    Jimmy you are obviously a smart guy. You can sell by the sounds of it and seemingly build rapport with people why the fuck don’t you do something in Financial services? Your job is already soul destroying at least earn some fucking decent money whilst doing it.

    Best thing I ever did was fuck my middle management job off and start doing what I do now.

  7. #11757
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    I'm not really motivated by (big) money, I earn OK, and don't have kids to provide for. Although I may moan from time to time this job is a good balance for me and allows me to use my language skills (which, I always have to tell myself when I get inferiority complexes or am being sneered at by Frenchmen, are fucking amazing given I've never lived in these countries and am 18 years removed from any formal education in them) and get home at a good time and try to be a top class cricket umpire at the same time.

    When I was 22 I got through to the final 5/6 of two really big, competitive corporate London grad schemes, both of which involved a 2 day assessment centre. In both cases I absolutely breezed through all the pre-selection, competency tests, phone interviews, absolutely aced all of it but as soon as I got to the in-person assessment centres I knew I wasn't getting one of the 3 or 4 jobs because they just looked straight through me, I guess I'm just not attractive to corporate people for whatever reason. That convinced me I'd be better off just getting any old job locally and using natural talent to work my way up, that's exactly what I've done and that's probably for the best.

  8. #11758
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    Man got ensnared in the era of positive discrimination focused on BAME, which ironically found itself replaced by the more fruity variety of positive discrimination that would have offered wild riches.

    All joking aside, you can't be making blanket statements about the corporate cretins and what they sought off the back off just two ACs. Getting at least half a dozen of them under your belt was the norm.

  9. #11759
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    I thought my gaff would laugh me away when I applied but I’m still here 12 years later.

    You don’t know until you find out.

    But I wholeheartedly think an enjoyable job (or at least a tolerable one) completely trumps a stressful, soul destroying one for a little bit more. It needs to be game changing or it’s not important.

    I’ve made that clear recently - I’ll stay as long as they don’t kick me out. I don’t need to rise up the ladder any more - this level is fine and comfortable for my needs.

    All that level of scrutiny in expenses does is make you want to exploit it. Ungrateful fucks.

  10. #11760
    Pretty Much Amazing Mike's Avatar
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    Submit your future expenses in overly complicated French, just to remind them they only have you who can work in French.

  11. #11761
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Don't get me wrong, the corporate cretins were right not to hire me. The people that got the jobs were all big, bold, high energy personalities which plays well in those settings and that's just not who I am, so there was no point pursuing that side of things any further.

  12. #11762
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    You could probably find as good a work life balance job for the same if not better renumeration without the complete circus, though.

    If you really want to drive the point home to the thickos simply invite them along on the next one.

  13. #11763
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    The only real way to prove your worth in this business is in numbers, thankfully at this stage I'm 134% up on what the old bastard did last year in these territories so long may that continue.

  14. #11764
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Isn't your commission shit though?

  15. #11765
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    Don't get me wrong, the corporate cretins were right not to hire me. The people that got the jobs were all big, bold, high energy personalities which plays well in those settings and that's just not who I am, so there was no point pursuing that side of things any further.
    I dunno, you need some straight talkers who can get shit done. There's quite a clash of cultures in my place between the yanks (not all high energy but all full of bullshit and all seem to want to live in a fantasy land where everything is great and perfect) and us lot over here who will tell them shit is broken and not perfect and we actually get shit done.

    They're a fucking exhausting people.

  16. #11766
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    The public sector is designed to soak up the freaks/non-cunts.

  17. #11767
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Boydy View Post
    Isn't your commission shit though?
    It is at the moment, but then it's (success permitting) double what it was last year, and the boss recently called me and another guy into a room and said that at the end of the year one of us is getting made manager for all Europe with 6 people reporting into us, and if I lose the battle to that guy then it'll be time for seppuku anyway. So things are alright on that front.

    And yes, Americans are a massive waste of time. They spend all their lives at work but never seem to actually do fuck all.

  18. #11768
    Administrator SvN's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    It is at the moment, but then it's (success permitting) double what it was last year, and the boss recently called me and another guy into a room and said that at the end of the year one of us is getting made manager for all Europe with 6 people reporting into us, and if I lose the battle to that guy then it'll be time for seppuku anyway. So things are alright on that front.

    And yes, Americans are a massive waste of time. They spend all their lives at work but never seem to actually do fuck all.
    Ah Jimmy. I genuinely like you, so don't take this the wrong way, but I feel like I've been reading this sort of post from you for years. The reward is always just around the corner.

  19. #11769
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Probably because I've been waiting for all the old cunts to die. The guy I went to South America with has finally been pensioned off, a month beyond his 80th birthday. From the start of this month I gained two countries from the guy who's 73. So progress is being made.

  20. #11770
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    I’m at a football tournament in the morning, followed by someone’s “leaving lunch” and then the pub after work for their leaving drinks. Annoyingly I’ve got lots of work to try and fit in between.
    I'm a twit

  21. #11771

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    I'm mainly with Jimmy here. Although you don't want to be completely taken advantage of, there's a lot to be said for managing to be happy and avoiding the corporate nonsense.

    I earn a really good salary already, drive 8 minutes to work and am essentially my own boss. I could easily earn at least £20-30k more by stepping up a level (which I'm about to become qualified for) but it would involve interacting with corporate shite and probably travelling around regularly. At the moment there's absolutely no chance I'd even consider it because I can do things like be sat at the dinner table with my child by 5pm every day. I am still doing the necessary qualifications to future-proof myself but even just getting a small taste of what I'd be in for is wanting me to curl up and die.

  22. #11772
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    The corporate bonuses are nice, though.

  23. #11773
    I used to be funny.
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    It's looking likely I'll be switching to WFH permanently later in the year. That might be my cue to leave.

  24. #11774
    Senior Member Gray Fox's Avatar
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    Employer has proposed a new pay rise offer for us that includes a slideshow on removal of the paid break to 'bring us in line with the rest of the contract.'

    They said the money lost from the 2.5h per week would be added onto our pay per hour to make up the difference. Then offered a small rise on top of that. The p/h figure they're offering is now almost £1 higher than now, but obviously most of that isn't actually a raise, it's just being made to look like one.
    When presented with the offer we basically shit on it for a good 20-30 minutes to the GM. He went from being delighted at his offer and being ready to send us to the workforce to discuss it, at the end of his presentation, to actively telling us not to discuss it with them in any way, after our feedback.

    Now in a very lol situation where the staff know we had a meeting and offer. We've been transparent and were hoping it would be a quick process. They know we've had a meeting and most now even know what the offer is down to the small details and yet we are still under instruction not to talk about it.

  25. #11775
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Unions sound terrible for us poor plebs. Seems like we should be glad to accept whatever that bloke was happy to offer.

  26. #11776
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    Just taught my last class ever.

  27. #11777
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    How do people deal with lack of motivation? It’s quite a busy period at work with regards to closing accounts for the year and preparing for the new financial year, but I’ve absolutely zero fucks to give. Feels like time off would be counterproductive though, like I’d have a week off and have even less drive upon my return. Help?
    I'm a twit

  28. #11778
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    Sounds like you're bored of your job. Get another one? (Obviously bringing your assistant with you).

  29. #11779
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Join the private sector.

  30. #11780
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Lack of motivation? You spend your entire day trying to do anything that isn't your job. You are a born skiver. You're just annoyed at having to actually do some work for once.

  31. #11781
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Baz View Post
    How do people deal with lack of motivation? It’s quite a busy period at work with regards to closing accounts for the year and preparing for the new financial year, but I’ve absolutely zero fucks to give. Feels like time off would be counterproductive though, like I’d have a week off and have even less drive upon my return. Help?
    Minimum effort is always the answer.

  32. #11782
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phonics View Post
    Lack of motivation? You spend your entire day trying to do anything that isn't your job. You are a born skiver. You're just annoyed at having to actually do some work for once.
    It probably is this isn't it.
    I'm a twit

  33. #11783
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    7th May and accounts from 31st March still aren't closed.

    STOP. ASKING. QUESTIONS.
    I'm a twit

  34. #11784
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    I've now stopped sending cover letters since they seem to be completely useless. Wish I figured that out a couple of weeks ago. Would have saved me an hour or two.

  35. #11785
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    I've totally given up at my job. I do about 10hrs a week max and mostly just watch telly or play my Xbox.

    I'm just making the most of it before I get made redundant or fired.

  36. #11786
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    Is that the one where you were going to make a fortune in commission?

  37. #11787
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pepe View Post
    Is that the one where you were going to make a fortune in commission?
    LOL no I left that after 4 months. I just get paid 70k GBP with no commission but also no hope so it's kind of pointless.

    Edit: how am I still in a job after 2 years, you ask? I still do my work when I have to and bring in big deals.

  38. #11788
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    Just enjoy your free time mate. No need to be so gloomy. If you do get fired (probably not, companies are firing-averse) then you will find something else quickly with your experience.

  39. #11789
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pepe View Post
    Just enjoy your free time mate. No need to be so gloomy. If you do get fired (probably not, companies are firing-averse) then you will find something else quickly with your experience.
    Yeah I am. I have applied for Uni and am waiting to hear back from them. If I get in I plan to use my annual leave to take the day out each week for 3 years. I think it's about 26 days a year? Which is my annual leave allowance.

  40. #11790
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    Got an interview for a job in the UK on Thursday. TTH Meet in September is ON.

  41. #11791
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pepe View Post
    Got an interview for a job in the UK on Thursday. TTH Meet in September is ON.
    Are you insane?

  42. #11792
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Bring your raincoat, and a torch.

  43. #11793
    Senior Member niko_cee's Avatar
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    TTH meet Thursday surely.

    Ah no, probably a remote interview.

  44. #11794
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pepe View Post
    Got an interview for a job in the UK on Thursday. TTH Meet in September is ON.
    Don't do it to yourself.

  45. #11795
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    Piss Off We're Full...

    In all seriousness though why do it to yourself. It rains all the time and it's shit that's all you really need to know.

  46. #11796
    Senior Member niko_cee's Avatar
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    And was Jerusalem builded here . . .

  47. #11797
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    Feeling welcome already.

  48. #11798
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Are there not easier ways to move to Rwanda?

  49. #11799
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    I mean fucking hell at the idea of moving here but good luck with the interview, I guess?

  50. #11800
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    Is it really still raining? It is almost June.

    Had one for a job in Italy last week.

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