The little things in life that fuck you off

[Ben]

So my new neighbourhood is mental. In a nice way but I was non-stop answering the door since coming in from work. I chortled at my wife for spending £40 on sweets for the kids but they’re actually all gone. Easy 100 kids in total.

Some geezer a few doors down has done his whole house up INSIDE and out as a haunted house and invited the entire neighbourhood round for a tour. Obviously got the ‘Gram in mind when he’s done but fair fucking play, the kids love it. After reading Boydy’s post though, “nonce” could be a possibility however.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

100% a nonce and it sounds like your whole neighbourhood is enabling the sick freak.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I left them a bottle of Cordon Rouge 1969 and four glasses, no takers though.

[Ben]

100% a nonce and it sounds like your whole neighbourhood is enabling the sick freak.

Turns out it’s a yearly thing and he makes a shit ton of money for a dog rescue and rehoming charity. But it results in foreign vehicles clogging up the cul-de-sac, so the good deed is neutralised.

[Disco]

Is there any point to fire alarms anymore? The one in our house just went off and I muted what I was watching and simply waited for it to stop, I genuinely don't know how long it would have to go off for me to walk down the hallway to the panel let alone actually think there was a fire.

[niko_cee]

Presumably their main use would be if there was a fire and you were asleep, at which point you might wake up and realise there was a fire.

Whilst 99.9% of their activations are probably burnt toast or the like they'e certainly not as theoretically useless as car alarms, or, frankly, any other type of alarm.

[Pepe]

I've removed the batteries of all of mine.

[Ben]

I'm sure Amazon or Google will do a smart version, allowing you to control it from your phone like everything else in the house these days seemingly.

As a side note, I'm usually a proper relic with "smart" stuff but Philips Hue is the absolute dogs bollocks for the garden and exterior.

[phonics]

One of my fire alarms goes off if the temperature drops in the house. Annoyingly it's not battery operated it's in the mains and I don't know how to turn it off. It's been beeping for weeks.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Turn it off from the fuse box? Assuming it's on it's own fuse that is.

[niko_cee]

I've removed the batteries of all of mine.

If you were a real freedom lover you'd have shot them all.

[Baz]

One of my fire alarms goes off if the temperature drops in the house. Annoyingly it's not battery operated it's in the mains and I don't know how to turn it off. It's been beeping for weeks.

It will likely still have a battery in? Mine are mains operated but still have one of those weird rectangular batteries in each that needs replacing every few years.

[Ben]

The battery is a backup in case your mains electricity fails (ie. a fire).

[Baz]

I follow some suicide account on instagram cos of work and they posted something like ‘115 men commit suicide every week’ so I commented that that’s not the accepted language anymore (take their own life) and it’s all gone a bit weird. People liking my comment, but then people replying saying it shouldn’t matter, and the account owner liking all the anti-me comments, but then more people commenting to back me up. Some guy moaning it’s affected his mental health, how the focus has shifted. Like fuck off I was trying to be helpful. I have zero empathy towards anyone, but can’t help fucking trolling.

I also regularly get seven day suspensions from commenting on anything on instagram because I can’t help myself. Thick people and sensitive people deserve trolling, I can’t help that.

Caught another one today, after commenting #blackface on Davide from Love Island’s Halloween outfit. Had someone accuse me of being a snowflake so I told her to lighten up and she said she can’t when people make jokes that enable the snowflake generation so I told her that was snowflake behaviour and she ‘saw my point’ and basically acknowledged my top trolling.


It’s becoming a bit of a hobby, so probably the wrong thread for it.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Can you make a new thread for it all so I don't have to read the posts?

[Pepe]

Or a new forum.

[Disco]

Ours is a central system for the whole house with, actually quite cool, big red alarm bells. There are also separate smoke alarms which are useful because they remind me to close the kitchen door when I'm making toast.

[Shindig]

I've yet to set mine off over here. In my old place I had to dust them out because they'd do that periodic beeping every while.

[phonics]

It will likely still have a battery in? Mine are mains operated but still have one of those weird rectangular batteries in each that needs replacing every few years.

Those wires dont even clip out so the onyl thing I can think to do is cut the wires which would probably just set off a different alarm.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Mine are mains powered too.

Only set it off once when I made a curry using caramelised cauliflower.

[Lewis]

The wires will unplug unless the landlord has glued them in for some reason.

[phonics]

The wires will unplug unless the landlord has glued them in for some reason.

Just double checked and yes that is literally polyfiller on the wires.

[Ben]

Probably a liability thing because you could probably void his insurance if you burned the house down and the investigation showed the alarm was disconnected.

[phonics]

I thought maybe I could do something with that little screw bit but no thats stuck under the socket. So I tried to do the socket and thats glued too so I've conceded defeat and just turned the heating on.

[Spikey M]

Just double checked and yes that is literally polyfiller on the wires.

Does the plastic bit that the wires go into not detach?

[phonics]

Nope tried pressuring it at every angle hoping for a tab or something but no luck. Presuming that things glued to the gills too.

[Ben]

See if you can source an identical alarm, then just cut it off at the wires and put the new one up, there's enough slack there.

[Lewis]

It should detach so it's either glued or you are a weed.

[Baz]

I’d bet on both.

[phonics]

I’d bet on both.

This.

[Jimmy Floyd]

This new 'Beatles' track, like everything John Lennon did post-split, is fucking appalling. Why won't people shut up about it?

[niko_cee]

Heard someone droning on about this on the radio yesterday, and, having heard it, yeah, it's pretty meh. Best that can be said is at least it's just one track rather than a whole fucking album, unlike some other massively past it stars of yesteryear.

[Shindig]

Putting the Beatles name on it was the worst they could’ve done. It’s a Lennon track that doesn’t have the arrangement and production The Beatles are known for.

Free As a Bird and Real Love were handled way better.

[Spikey M]

The way people talk about The Beatles always makes me laugh. It's just pop music, lads. It may have been groundbreaking at the time, but it's shite, let's face it. Yellow Submarine? What? Fuck off you Scouse mongs.

[Alex]

This new 'Beatles' track, like everything John Lennon did post-split, is fucking appalling. Why won't people shut up about it?

To be fair I do think the first solo album he made (by which I mean Plastic Ono Band, I'm not including that avante-garde shit with Yoko beforehand) was genuinely really good. Imagine is alright but (both the album and particularly the title track) is overrated as fuck.

He was a bit of a tosser, let's be honest. He definitely wouldn't have wanted any part of this either. Were he still alive he'd probably be living in a commune somewhere and releasing albums of himself banging dustbin lids together while Yoko speaks in tongues over the top of it or something.

I think this new song, I mean whatever. it's just a very average, inoffensive song. Shinners has it right. It's just an old John Lennon demo dressed up a bit and with "The Beatles" slapped on it. It's daft really, but obviously will be very profitable so I suppose it's a no-brainer to them from that perspective.

We don't really need to be faffing about with the official recorded output and legacy of The Beatles in 2023 though do we? It's completely unnecessary.

[igor_balis]

This new 'Beatles' track, like everything John Lennon did post-split, is fucking appalling. Why won't people shut up about it?

Instant Karma is the only good Lennon solo track, and that was recorded pre-split. Great tune though, fair play to the scouse wife-beater.

[igor_balis]

The way people talk about The Beatles always makes me laugh. It's just pop music, lads. It may have been groundbreaking at the time, but it's shite, let's face it. Yellow Submarine? What? Fuck off you Scouse mongs.

I dunno, I don't LOVE The Beatles, but I think they do just about deserve their reputation. Don't really agree with the "just pop music" thing either. There's plenty of absolutely gash pop music, some alright, some quite good, slightly less good, and very little very good. And The Beatles produced loads of REALLY good pop music. Yellow Submarine is fucking awful though, agreed. As is Hey Jude, which I honestly think might be my least favourite song of all time. The appropriation of the "nah nah NAH NAH NAH NAH" in football chants is genuinely the only good thing to come from that absolute wank, and I reckon I'd rate even the most half-arsed "nah nah NAH NAH NAH, [insert some random league two clogger]" over the original material. But yeah, dunno, Beatles are alright I reckon.

[SvN]

The new Beatles song is alright, probably similar in quality to their 90s songs. Hard to know how I'll feel about it in 6 months, but it's better than I was expecting.

Lennon and McCartney both had some excellent solo songs, but never reached their Beatles heights. McCartney came closest with Ram and Band on the Run.

[Shindig]

Temporary Secretary is kinda class. Paul McCartney trying to do Devo should've happened more often.

[Ben]

I'm a month late registering for my self assessment. I'm not going to get fined am I?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Currently at the airport as I'm going to Poland.

Went for a shit and there was a queue because only 3 of the 5 stalls has paper. When it was finally my turn the stall I went into no longer had paper, so 2 of 5.

Whilst I was shitting the guy in cubicle one said that it no longer had paper.

Absolute shit show.

[Ben]

Just be thankful you got in before the Delhi flight arrived.

[Shindig]

Looks like I'm working from home today because trains have all been cancelled. The part that fucked me off is this all started last night. Meant that the one bus not on strike had a mammoth queue for it. Then said bus didn't turn up.

10 more weeks of this shite.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Paid for an extra legroom seat but they've changed to a smaller plane which means I'm in a normal seat.

£20 or whatever down the drain...

[niko_cee]

Surely you would be entitled to be refunded that?

I'm sorry Mr Mahow, I see you have a ticket, but we've switched to a smaller plane and there is now no longer a row 23, so looks like you're fucked.

[Waffdon]

So, did Mahow wash his arse with his t shirt or not bother at all?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

So, did Mahow wash his arse with his t shirt or not bother at all?

My toilet had a full roll thankfully.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Surely you would be entitled to be refunded that?

I'm sorry Mr Mahow, I see you have a ticket, but we've switched to a smaller plane and there is now no longer a row 23, so looks like you're fucked.

I'm going to aim for a refund and a bit extra.

I'm thinking of going down the emotional damage route. Tell them I injured my knee in Vietnam and the squashed seat aggravated my injury. That and it sent me back mentally to Nam and triggered my PTSD.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

In a Polish supermarket right now and it's chaos.

None are allowed to open tomorrow as it's Polish independence day and no shops (other than those privately owned) are ever allowed to open on Sunday.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I was lucky enough to have someone from the Department of Levelling Up ringing the doorbell the other week telling me I've been selected for this: https://www.gov.uk/government/collec...housing-survey

Reluctantly I agreed to do the interview, so sat there giving her a load of mundane answers for 45 minutes before she eventually fucked off. At the end - lucky me - she told me I'd been selected to have a physical survey done on my flat. Not for any valuation or anything, of course, just for their data. I told her I didn't really want or have time for some agent coming and snooping around my place, so didn't wish to take part. After some begging because 'it's scientific data, we can't ask anyone, it has to be your house' I still said no and she finally gave up and fucked off.

Next thing I know, I get a text saying I've been assigned a surveyor appointment at 10am on 11 Nov. I rang them up and told them I didn't want this and to cancel. They bleated but agreed to cancel, and emailed me to confirm said cancellation. 10am this morning, what happens? Some woman with a fucking clipboard rings the doorbell. Being me, and not a normal person, and also quite ill today, I couldn't be arsed to go to the door and tell her to do one, because she would probably overpower my strength of will with her bullshit. So I sort of played dead for a bit lying in my paracetomol-ridden bed. She rang the doorbell SIX times (she can't have known I was there). Eventually she called my phone and I let her leave a voicemail. She said she was free all day and could rearrange the appointment for any time today. I texted her back pretending that I was at work and saying I'd already withdrawn from the fucking thing.

They're laying siege on my property for data, it's the desperation that does my head in.