Christmas 2021

[Lewis]

It is December once again, and, having mourned the dog, we can now turn our attention to Christmas. For previous threads see:

Christmas 2015 (Christmas of Chaos)
Christmas 2016 (Make Christmas Great Again)
Christmas 2017 (Christmas means Christmas)
Christmas 2018 (#PeoplesChristmas)
Christmas 2019 (Get Christmas Done)
Christmas 2020 (Stolen Christmas)

2020 was regarded by some as the shittest Christmas in ages (mine was alright), and a fitting end to a wank year. This year we are going to Build Back Christmas and do normal things without noncey masks. What have you all got planned?

[Panda Bear]

My wife and I plan to hole up in Vancouver without visiting any family. We can't leave the dog behind at a daycare because she's way too anxious (our vet informs us that she's one of their most anxious clients ever ), so we would have to fly or drive to visit family. We can't fly because the dog wouldn't be able to handle it and could literally die from extreme stress, and we can't drive because (a) driving through the Rockies in winter is extremely dangerous, and (b) the entire province has flooded so severely that all the highways to the mountains are either underwater or fell into the earth.

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-59352803.amp



This is a couple weeks old, but more has happened since.

We are also still required by law to wear noncey masks indoors.

[7om]

I’ve completed all my Christmas shopping, which must be a record for me.

[Ian]

I'm expecting it to be some level of downer depending on how my dad is as he'll be right in the middle of his treatment but we'll see.

Hopefully we can get my parents out for a bit but I imagine pretty early they'll be ready to go and get parked in the house in front of the TV. I still love Christmas day so hopefully we'll all have as good a day as possible and I'll still be full to the scuppers and merrily tipsy.

As the opposite of Tom I still have all my shopping to do bar one thing.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Rumblings that my family are thinking of doing Secret Santa this year.

I only buy presents for my Sister, my Mum and 2/3 nephews/nieces depending on who comes. Other than my Mum they're all fairly easy to buy for (although I have no idea what to buy my Sister this year), I would not have any fucking idea what to buy for anyone else in the family so I'm hoping the idea gets fucked.

[Baz]

I’ve completed all my Christmas shopping, which must be a record for me.

Same, I think. Just gotta find time to wrap it all now.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Get Christmas Done was the best recent Christmas. I am utterly unprepared for it as always. It always turns into melancholy reflection and wishing it was summer.

This is the first one since my sister's marriage broke down, so either it will be cathartic or it will be awful. Anyway, here are my top ten things about Christmas.

1. The moment when you leave the office/get in your car/log off for the last time before Christmas, and have no further outside obligations before festivities begin. My father calls this 'declaring Christmas'. It's like all your Fridays come at once. As a retired man he gets to declare Christmas a lot earlier than I do, but it doesn't really matter when the declaration is, it's just as good.
2. Cheese.
3. The feeling when you do something non-Christmassy again for the first time - say, seeing a friend on the 27th or 28th - and experience this sensation of renewal and the idea that another year is stretching out in front of you like a great blank canvas. This feeling tends to have dissipated by about the 3rd of January, but it's great while it lasts.
4. The quiet knowledge, throughout Christmas Day, that pretty much everyone you know is really enjoying themselves somewhere.
5. Mary Poppins coming on the telly.
6. The instrumental outro to Fairytale of New York (from about 3.27 onwards). This evokes Christmas even better than the bits with words. It runs in my head throughout.
7. Descants in carols.
8. The feeling of pine needles on your bare feet. It's nice just to feel something, sometimes.
9. The massive crossword in the paper that eats up all the dull time.
10. Bubble and squeak with brown sauce.

[Pepe]

I will be going to France, but I am flying back, alone, on the 24th. So on Christmas I will do nothing. We are having 'Christmas' on the 16th with my wife's family. I look forward to eating without having to talk to anyone thanks to the language barrier.

[phonics]

This will be the first christmas in years that I've been unemployed but also due to a mixture of not having to pay rent/no longer doing cocaine, I will have money to do Christmas things on.

[Lofty]

Last year I had two weeks off which is unprecedented for me so really felt like declaring Christmas as Jimmy says.

This year I will be holding the fort between Christmas and New Year I suspect. Going to my in laws on the main day then back to Barrow on Boxing day. Panda's Christmas sounds better, Pepe's maybe the best.

[Giggles]

I haven't got a thing yet, not even ordered the turkey and ham. Still renovating the living room for it too and setbacks mean I probably haven't a hope.

[Kikó]

We can't travel due to the imminent arrival of the bairn so hopefully the brother and sister in law can visit from Switzerland. That should make Christmas relatively nice. I'm just massively looking forward to not having work for a week and not having anything related to my MBA looming over me as it'll finally be submitted.

A few friends are passing through Frankfurt before as well as it should be a pretty pleasant time (covid permitting).

[Ian]

As far as time off goes I'm in right until the 24th then off until the 4th, though with a few (hopefully quiet) days on-call from New Year.

I was hoping to know one way or the other about the new job sooner so I could give myself a gap and extend the Christmas holiday but no such luck.

[Boydy]

Friday 17th is my last day of work until the 4th Jan.

[Manc]

Jimmy out here in Narnia.

[Raoul Duke]

I've got a couple of weeks off - 1 week in Belgium with the wife's family and the other here in Amsterdam. Shame the Dutch are so stingy with national holidays though

[niko_cee]

Is Christmas Eve the day after Christmas in Holland?

[Spikey M]

[Raoul Duke]

That's Christmas Schteve

[Giggles]

8.5kg turkey and 3.5kg ham ordered this morning from the butchers. That’s one of the main jobs done, now to renovate a living room.

[Reg]

8.5kg turkey

A what, sorry? Will it have its own bedroom?

Started to feel the first real glimpses of Christmassyness yesterday, so will start shopping and maybe put the tree up today.

[Giggles]

I always find you need to be going above 6 for the best flavour. Plus we always do dinner the 26th too and turkey in some other form on the 27th as well.

[Don]

Gammons gotta gammon.

[Giggles]

Gammons gotta gammon.

Actually went for a centre cut this year, though had he horseshoe I’d have gone that road.

What sides do you have with your live rat in the cave network?

[Baz]

Giggles is all talk. Makes it sounds like he’s serving out chicken legs and mead to all of Ireland, then posts his Christmas Dinner on the day and it looks like Jamie Oliver’s childrens portions.

[Giggles]

Mine wouldn’t warrant a photo on Christmas Day, it’s normally just about as much as I can possibly fit on a plate. Unless the in-laws are over, then you’ve to posh it up and leave the vegetables half raw.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Giggles is all talk. Makes it sounds like he’s serving out chicken legs and mead to all of Ireland, then posts his Christmas Dinner on the day and it looks like Jamie Oliver’s childrens portions.

But with less veg.

[Giggles]

But with less veg.

Less shit talk than Oliver’s kids have to listen to at least.

3 veg for me this year (not counting 2 types of spuds). Bacon sprouts, honey mustard parsnips, and marrowfat peas.

[Baz]

I’ve started wrapping.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

View Tweet

[Mellberg]

You could take the gun off every single one and just give them a massive slap.

[Baz]

After a Christmas playlist? Got you covered, lads: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1s...330b7b46d549f6

[ItalAussie]

Merry Christmas, all! Looks like I'll be able to get to Brisbane for Christmas. It's been a long year.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Rumblings that my family are thinking of doing Secret Santa this year.

I only buy presents for my Sister, my Mum and 2/3 nephews/nieces depending on who comes. Other than my Mum they're all fairly easy to buy for (although I have no idea what to buy my Sister this year), I would not have any fucking idea what to buy for anyone else in the family so I'm hoping the idea gets fucked.

Secret Santa has gone ahead. It took many fucking draws because people kept getting their own name (I got mine 3 or 4 times) but I've been fairly lucky in the name I got. It's a cousin who I think is pretty easy to buy for.

[Shindig]

Went to Newcastle to get a couple of things today. The grill tower at the Christmas market is a piss-take. Alongside all the standard log cabins, there's a fuck-off monolith to Bratwurst.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Today I have a Christmas lunch and, later, a Christmas dinner. The menus are thus:

Lunch:
Panko-breaded brie served with an autumnal chutney
Maple-glazed rotisserie pork belly with a pulled pork & cider bonbon, roasted celeriac & Braeburn apple purée, Dauphinoise potatoes, a Bordelaise sauce, roast parsnips & carrots, pan-fried sprouts & green beans
Apple & blackberry crumble topped with a Demerara sugar crumb, served with stem ginger ice cream or vanilla custard

Dinner:
Duo of melon served with Parma ham, garnished with micro herbs and balsamic gel
St George's Hill honey-roasted lamb noisettes with a butternut squash and potato dauphinoise, beetroot purée, parsley butter glazed carrots accompanied with a garlic and rosemary jus
Tarte au citron served with a strawberry sorbet and raspberry caviar
A selection of cheeses

I've skipped breakfast, but that feels like wearing safety googles to jump into a volcano.

[Ian]

How long between meals?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Lunch is at 1 and dinner probably about 8, so long enough for a couple of snacks to keep me going.

[niko_cee]

Some classic starters there.

[Boydy]

Lunch sounds better than dinner but they both sound very good.

[Spikey M]

I have 2 problems.

1) Autumnal Chutney. What the fuck is that? Meaningless shite.

2) Raspberry Caviar. Do raspberries lay eggs? No? Fuck off then.

Please provide this feedback to the respective restaurants on my behalf.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I didn't know the people of Southend-on-Sea were so particular about their caviar.

[niko_cee]

I really hope, rather that some 'spherified' gel shite, that they've just picked the raspberries apart into their constituent tiny balls.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Lunch sounds better than dinner but they both sound very good.

Lunch will be better, as it's in a pub, whereas dinner is a crusty old golf club nightmare with loads of old people and consequent social dead ends. It's at this time that knowing loads about old sport comes in handy at last.

'So, John Snow, eh? What a bowler.' *20 minutes elapse as old man dribbles onto blazer*

[Spikey M]

I didn't know the people of Southend-on-Sea were so particular about their caviar.

I live in the Essex Countryside with the retired gangsters, tyvm.

[Giggles]

Lunch is the winner there.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I live in the Essex Countryside with the retired gangsters, tyvm.

While you're here, can you give me a write up on 'Hadleigh & Thundersley'? They gazumped me at the 11th hour to sign a good Australian player yesterday and I want to know if the money comes from gypsy blood deals or 20th century bank robberies.

[Spikey M]

While you're here, can you give me a write up on 'Hadleigh & Thundersley'? They gazumped me at the 11th hour to sign a good Australian player yesterday and I want to know if the money comes from gypsy blood deals or 20th century bank robberies.

They're all pensioners round that way, so it will probably be the proceeds of the 7 houses they each own.

[Baz]

How was it, Jimmy?

I’ve used up the wrapping paper and now I feel like I’m wasting time when I could be getting presents wrapped. I’ve ordered some more recycled stuff but tempted to just go the corner shop and pick up a few rolls of the cheap stuff.

[Giggles]

I can’t find bread sauce anywhere.