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Thread: The All New Jobs Thread

  1. #5401
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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  2. #5402
    I used to be funny.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggles View Post
    Take it and then get her done some day she lands in pissed.
    You'd be surprised how hard that is to do. If she's there and it's a known thing, one more drunken outburst won't do her in.

  3. #5403
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    igor got donned out of his old job by that girlboss lmao

  4. #5404
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Nah it's the same job, assuming you mean who I think you mean.

  5. #5405
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    I thought she had been donning you in a bank. All go, no slacking, corporate dynamos like. If you're getting bullied by some pushy sociology graduate in a charity office then I am truly appalled.

  6. #5406
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Lolz, there ain't any corporate dynamos working in bank branches, they're all doing graduate schemes in offices and shit.

    And I'd rather she was bullying me than the reality, which is that she's sound, but was clearly brought in to get the big Goldberg push and I'm Igor Awesome the fat arse sniffer, losing Thunder dark matches every week.

  7. #5407
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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  8. #5408
    I used to be funny.
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    Mike Awesome didn't deserve that gimmick. Or the one that came after. Or the early death which was probably Russo's idea as well ...

  9. #5409
    Administrator SvN's Avatar
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    New member of staff starting Monday. I always forget what a fucking hassle it is hiring. Not even the recruitment part, which in itself is like pulling teeth. But once you've got a person ready to start, you've got to spend a fortune on their equipment, spend ages getting their extra subscriptions set up, getting their workspace arranged, etc.

    This cunt better be worth it.

  10. #5410
    DEATH TO THE WEIRD Raoul Duke's Avatar
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    Half the places I've worked at do an abysmal job of getting their shit together for new starters. Like I turn up and they've not got a computer for me etc.

  11. #5411
    I used to be funny.
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    Took me about 3 months for the DWP to approve my accesses. Imagine that shit for a dozen new starters.

  12. #5412
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Generally I find bosses love the idea of hiring but not the nitty gritty.

  13. #5413
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    If anyone can get me a job where I never have to talk to anyone from the north of England again it would be much appreciated.

    I'm just fed up with them.

  14. #5414
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Waitrose.

  15. #5415
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    They have them up here and they are full of cunts.

  16. #5416
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    I'll narrow it down so as to offend the fewest people on here. The problem is Yorkshire.

    They are just right fucking up themselves and think they're great, whilst also thinking they are humble and down to earth. It's a proper toxic combination. At least down here we know we are cold sneering pricks.

  17. #5417
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    Thank you for the clarification. I was about to 'our kid' you.

    Second interview today, went well. The objective was not to say something ridiculous and I think I managed it. The hiring manager wants to hire me so hopefully now it's just going through the internal mechanisms like the workers council approval, work permit etc.

  18. #5418
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    York-shire! York-shire! York-shire!

  19. #5419
    Administrator SvN's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SvN View Post
    New member of staff starting Monday. I always forget what a fucking hassle it is hiring. Not even the recruitment part, which in itself is like pulling teeth. But once you've got a person ready to start, you've got to spend a fortune on their equipment, spend ages getting their extra subscriptions set up, getting their workspace arranged, etc.

    This cunt better be worth it.
    An hour late. "Missed the exit" on the Motorway apparently.

  20. #5420
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Working from the office today, just spent 10 minutes listening to the receptionist tell me about how she has a hat with "blondie" on it and her friend has "brownie" on hers. There was no segue into this. I need to go home.

    No idea what happens if a friend with black hair enters the fray. Stay tuned for updates.

  21. #5421
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SvN View Post
    An hour late. "Missed the exit" on the Motorway apparently.
    Those levels of stupidity should result in an immediate termination.

  22. #5422
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spikey M View Post
    Working from the office today, just spent 10 minutes listening to the receptionist tell me about how she has a hat with "blondie" on it and her friend has "brownie" on hers. There was no segue into this. I need to go home.

    No idea what happens if a friend with black hair enters the fray. Stay tuned for updates.
    The receptionists here are the same, you can get caught in the chitchat tornado and end up there for half an hour. It's fine though cus I'm a #manofthepeople and live for idle chat. Beats doing work.

  23. #5423
    I used to be funny.
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    Early start tomorrow to cover for a planned power cut near me. I’m honestly looking forward to the time away from the desk.

  24. #5424
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    Quote Originally Posted by SvN View Post
    An hour late. "Missed the exit" on the Motorway apparently.
    If I were them I would have been too embarrassed to come in.

  25. #5425
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    If it was my first day at a job and the journey involved using an unfamiliar motorway, I reckon I'd leave at about 5am from the sheer fear of it all.

    Also there isn't a motorway in existence (outside Cumbria, maybe) where you can't turn around at the next exit and the resulting delay is < 1 hour.

  26. #5426
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    I may have told the story on here before about a guy who got a job in our department in my last place. He turned up late the first two days of training and for whatever reason I was in the room when one of the managers spoke to him about it and he's like, "Yeah that's just when I get here because of when I leave the house."

    You could see the manager trying to process this to make sure they hadn't misunderstood. "Yeah well I guess you'll just have to leave earlier depending on your shifts. As you know from the job offer there might be shifts that start even earlier than training."
    "Yeah I know but that's the time I leave the house."

    I think he was gone by the end of the day.

  27. #5427
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    That's amazing My idiot mate tried a similar gambit whilst working in a call centre that his bus got him in 5 minutes late every day, and tried to argue he could work 5 minutes over at the end of the day, despite the lines being closed then. At no time did he entertain getting the earlier bus, as that would have inconvenienced him. His P45 soon followed, then his mrs took the dog and moved back to Grimsby.

  28. #5428
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    It gets to a stage you have to admire someone that brazen.

  29. #5429
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Fond memories of a guy at my old work apologising for being late and blaming the bus. Bacon sandwich in one hand, coffee in the other because "I can't not eat just because the bas was late".

  30. #5430
    I used to be funny.
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    I don't remember anyone like that. We've had lads falling asleep at their desk every day (I ... was one of them. I dunno what's changed between now and then) and one woman who wouldn't leave at the end of her shift.

  31. #5431
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    I do enjoy not working for a place which didn't have designated start or end times. It would drive me crazy having to work to a set time.

  32. #5432
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    The 5pm finish time is genuinely mental at my place. Today I was finishing off an order at 5.03pm and people were looking at me in bewilderment as they flooded out to leave.

  33. #5433
    Senior Member Disco's Avatar
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    I make a point of breezing out dead on 5 these days, fuck giving those grasping cunts a second more than they're paying for.

  34. #5434
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    I have my mouse hovering over log out for the entirety of 16:59. I'm not wasting my own time. You're a mad man Jim.

  35. #5435
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    I quite enjoyed the missus call the doctor the other day at about 16:59 and they asked what's your NHS number, she said one second and in that time it hit 5pm and the line went dead. Great commitment.

  36. #5436
    I used to be funny.
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    Ditto. I'll be logged out of everything else just ready to clock out. I only go past it if I got in late.

  37. #5437
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kikó View Post
    I quite enjoyed the missus call the doctor the other day at about 16:59 and they asked what's your NHS number, she said one second and in that time it hit 5pm and the line went dead. Great commitment.


    I wouldn't go that far, admittedly. Mostly because I wouldn't pick up the phone.

  38. #5438
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    Flexi-time.

  39. #5439
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lofty View Post
    That's amazing My idiot mate tried a similar gambit whilst working in a call centre that his bus got him in 5 minutes late every day, and tried to argue he could work 5 minutes over at the end of the day, despite the lines being closed then. At no time did he entertain getting the earlier bus, as that would have inconvenienced him. His P45 soon followed, then his mrs took the dog and moved back to Grimsby.
    We had a guy who wasn't a twat, just young and idiotic, who would come running in the door at about a minute to every day and when I explained to him that sometimes it's easier to just get the earlier bus and accept five minutes less in bed he looked at me like I told him I'd just cracked cold fusion.

    The thought had genuinely not occurred to him that there was a way to not get to work a sweaty wretched mess every day.

  40. #5440
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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  41. #5441
    I used to be funny.
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    I've never ran for anything, son.

  42. #5442
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    Wednesday is my last day for the month. Might do some work on the Thursday though because I'm not a mercenary. What a man.

  43. #5443
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    My mrs has been offered a job that seems a total upgrade on her current job, before accounting for the fact that the next staff away day is an expenses paid trip to Krakow and partners go too. Her current job you are considered an agitating marxist if you take a lunch break.

  44. #5444
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    Quote Originally Posted by SvN View Post
    An hour late. "Missed the exit" on the Motorway apparently.
    My bet is that the person was feeling extremely anxious, fiddle-faddled, freaked out a bit, then sped to your office with the motorway the best excuse they could conjure.

  45. #5445
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Panda Bear View Post
    My bet is that the person was feeling extremely anxious, fiddle-faddled, freaked out a bit, then sped to your office with the motorway the best excuse they could conjure.
    Even more reason to show them the door.

  46. #5446
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    If I were overly anxious I'd have been at the door about 7 hours early like Jimmy said.

  47. #5447
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggles View Post
    Even more reason to show them the door.
    Unless, you know, their first day antics were a one off and they turn out to be a good employee.

    I doubt it given the motorway excuse rather than owning up to it, though.

  48. #5448
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    There's plenty of people who would be a good employee. I'd get one that can arrive on time the first day.

  49. #5449
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Maybe he had the shits.

  50. #5450
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    Got a deadline for close of play today that I was already stressed about, the work going for immediate review to the execs which will no doubt get significant criticism no matter what. Naturally, my laptop has decided it won't work today

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