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Thread: Gardens (Sponsored by Shindigs green fingers)

  1. #1
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Gardens (Sponsored by Shindigs green fingers)

    Having previously said we'll be getting Artificial Grass at our new house, we've just been sent a quote of £5500 for doing half the garden. Then £2000 for the patio. Lulz. Fuck that.

    We'll press ahead with the patio but the grass will have to stay as is. However, it's a bit patchy and worn out, so it will need some love. Any tips lads?

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    Get a gardener in. One of the few house related costs that actually seem reasonable, unlike fake grass.

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    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    That may well be a good shout actually.

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    Now in technicolor Pen's Avatar
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    We did quite a bit on our back yard when we moved here. In here it’s the opposite. The stuff is somewhat reasonably priced but hiring anyone to work for you costs a fortune. Luckily the basic stuff is easy, if a bit time consuming to do.

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    Costs me about £80 a time for some chap to come in for 3 hours 2 or 3 times a year to keep mine sorted, albeit it’s not very big.

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    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    Try Speedy Seed, highly recommended in the budget groups.

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    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    I have a gardener now. Should probably make me feel inadequate or a lesser man than my dad, but I’m just glad I don’t have to go in the shed as often.
    I'm a twit

  8. #8
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    It's much better popping into the attic instead.

  9. #9
    mischamischaracterisation Dquincy's Avatar
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    Spikey, AstroTurf is an abomination.

    Unless you're paying for the grade A version, it looks like a gypo's back garden. Even the good stuff looks naff.

  10. #10
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    It was the decent stuff. We weren't looking at the glow in the dark green shite. The geezer reckons he can knock a grand off if we did want that though.

  11. #11
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sir Andy Mahowry View Post
    It's much better popping into the attic instead.
    Well yeah. About ten times less spiders, zero frogs and going up there usually isn’t followed by walking up and down the lawn for fifteen minutes.
    I'm a twit

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    Senior Member Andy's Avatar
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    Spent a small fortune on timber for my new garden today.

    Oak to build a pergola, this will go down the side of the house, this will be my BBQ/Bar area. I might eventually put a solid roof on this, or maybe a section. Once the pergola is built I'm planning to block pave the ground with an oak sleeper boarder. Decided on the block pavers as they're near on indestructible and if I get an oil stain from cooking I'll be able to swap a couple of the blocks out easily.

    Also bought some cedar slats to build some climbing trellis on the side of the garage.

    Then finally I have 18sqm of yellow balau decking which should look mint. This will be on the other side of the garden to the pergola and then we have turf between and a plant boarder. Have some rattan seats to go there.

    The garden turf is pretty shitty but it looks nice, once I've got the the work finished I'll start focusing on that. Would prefer artifical but my wife is dead against it.
    Last edited by Andy; 24-03-2021 at 07:39 PM.

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    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    Sounds like a bigger version of my plan, but being a lazy non practical man I have bought a pre cut decking kit from a timber merchant. Essentially half the garden is going to be decked, the other half will be a lawn bordered by a wood frame that holds raised flower beds. I also have to get a water feature in the corner as per orders from the other half.

  14. #14
    DEATH TO THE WEIRD Raoul Duke's Avatar
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    We need some before and after photos in here

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    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Not fans of composite decking?
    I'm a twit

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    Quote Originally Posted by Baz View Post
    Not fans of composite decking?
    Can't say I am. I had the choice last year and it just doesn't look as good as actual wood so I swerved it.

  17. #17
    Senior Member Alan Shearer The 2nd's Avatar
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    I don't understand artificial turf unless you were wanting to make a putting or chipping area for golf. If you want low maintenance then go with slabs or stones.

    That being said I'm probably the only green-fingered person on here I suspect. Definitely more into the plants than the landscaping. Got into gardening in 2017 and have done quite a bit of planting/potting round the back since then. Top photo was from the home brochure when I bought the house, forgot how sparse it was-




  18. #18
    I used to be funny.
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    That's just showing off.

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    Senior Member Alan Shearer The 2nd's Avatar
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    I'll take that.

    What I will warn people about is digging a new border or cutting and lifting turf is ten times harder than you think it's going to be.

  20. #20
    I used to be funny.
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    One thing my parents did was have a couple of friends that were really into gardening. They tidied the place up for nowt.

  21. #21
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alan Shearer The 2nd View Post
    I don't understand artificial turf unless you were wanting to make a putting or chipping area for golf. If you want low maintenance then go with slabs or stones.

    That being said I'm probably the only green-fingered person on here I suspect. Definitely more into the plants than the landscaping. Got into gardening in 2017 and have done quite a bit of planting/potting round the back since then. Top photo was from the home brochure when I bought the house, forgot how sparse it was-



    With 2 young kids, grass is a must. I just can't be doing with the maintenance.

    I think alot of the views on Artificial Grass are a bit dated too. You can get really realistic stuff these days, it just turns out it's crazily expensive.

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    Senior Member Adamski's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Andy View Post
    Spent a small fortune on timber for my new garden today.

    Oak to build a pergola, this will go down the side of the house, this will be my BBQ/Bar area. I might eventually put a solid roof on this, or maybe a section. Once the pergola is built I'm planning to block pave the ground with an oak sleeper boarder. Decided on the block pavers as they're near on indestructible and if I get an oil stain from cooking I'll be able to swap a couple of the blocks out easily.

    Also bought some cedar slats to build some climbing trellis on the side of the garage.

    Then finally I have 18sqm of yellow balau decking which should look mint. This will be on the other side of the garden to the pergola and then we have turf between and a plant boarder. Have some rattan seats to go there.

    The garden turf is pretty shitty but it looks nice, once I've got the the work finished I'll start focusing on that. Would prefer artifical but my wife is dead against it.
    https://imgur.com/gallery/jkwSa2z

    This is my set up, just finished the other week.

    We got a pergola as well, really like it. We got a sail for the roof but not sure it’s going to give as much protection as we want so thinking of other options for that.

    Edit: fake grass as well. Soz to the haters.
    Last edited by Adamski; 24-03-2021 at 10:52 PM.

  23. #23
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    Yes Alan, that shit be nourishing our souls suitably enough to deal with these plastic wankers who have a panic attack at anything other than straight lines and right angles. Does Adamski's even qualify as a garden by definition? Save your gardener fees and go wild, chaps.

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    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    You had better be uploading pictures of your garden as we speak if you want to send for people like that.

  25. #25
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    Private gardens are outdated but if you must, I am here to offer wisdom.

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    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    My man doesn't even have a garden. Get your poverty out of my face.

  27. #27
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Adamski View Post
    https://imgur.com/gallery/jkwSa2z

    This is my set up, just finished the other week.

    We got a pergola as well, really like it. We got a sail for the roof but not sure it’s going to give as much protection as we want so thinking of other options for that.

    Edit: fake grass as well. Soz to the haters.
    Nice and clean, do you like your neighbours or is that progressively lower boundary fence an issue? Top points for kamado bbq.

  28. #28
    Senior Member Adamski's Avatar
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    Cheers. Neighbours are Chinese with basic English and appear to be vampires as I’ve not seen them in at least a year, so thankfully not an issue.

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    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    I have 4 tonnes of soil arriving tomorrow. The challenge being that there is no rear access in this house thanks to the previous owners building an extension, so I will be ferrying it through the house one wheelbarrow at a time

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    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    I have no real ability to visualise how much soil 4 tonnes is, but that sounds like a hell of alot. Especially to be wheeling through the house.

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    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Well if this (which is just under a tonne) is one of the ones I think it is then I've decided it can't possibly be worth the effort.

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    Senior Member Queenslander's Avatar
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    1 man, 1 shovel and 1 wheelbarrow?

    That is gonna take ages.

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    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ian View Post
    Well if this (which is just under a tonne) is one of the ones I think it is then I've decided it can't possibly be worth the effort.
    Someone down our road had one of them delivered last summer. It sat in their front garden for about 3 months as it slowly emptied into their back garden.

    Lugging 4 of them through then house by wheelbarrow is a joke.

  34. #34
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Queenslander View Post
    1 man, 1 shovel and 1 wheelbarrow?
    The 2 girls 1 cup sequel none of us need.

  35. #35
    Senior Member Queenslander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ian View Post
    The 2 girls 1 cup sequel none of us need.

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    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Don't kink shame me.

  37. #37
    Senior Member Queenslander's Avatar
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    Lofty should livestream the action.

  38. #38
    Pretty Much Amazing Mike's Avatar
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    Moved in with my girlfriend before Christmas meaning I’m out of the flat life and finally have a lawn. Gave the back its first cut last weekend and just given the front one and the back a second go over. It’s not in the best shape but after years of listening to @Baz and our Dad discuss lawns over Monday Night Tea™️ for years I’m just happy to be involved. Got some stuff to make it greener but really it needs moss and weed killer.

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    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    I read that entire post, after the word 'girlfriend', as a euphemism.

    'I'm just happy to be involved'

  40. #40
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    "What is a weed? A plant whose virtues have not yet been discovered.”

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    Administrator SvN's Avatar
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    When we put an offer on our house, it was conditional on the removal of two ponds in the garden. They got rid of them, but left all of the plants surrounding them and big mounds of dirt where the ponds used to be. The garden is huge so it didn't really bother me, but my wife hated it. We spent the last two days digging out all of the weeds and overgrown plants, then worked on getting the ground level. We filled a 7 yard skip, and ended up having to order a replacement in order to finish it.

    I don't mind gardening, but this is back breaking stuff.

  42. #42
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lofty View Post
    I have 4 tonnes of soil arriving tomorrow. The challenge being that there is no rear access in this house thanks to the previous owners building an extension, so I will be ferrying it through the house one wheelbarrow at a time
    It will take you forever and you will be fucked.

    We had 2-4 lugging 6 tonnes, it took us a whole day and my back was completely fucked by the end of it.

  43. #43
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SvN View Post
    When we put an offer on our house, it was conditional on the removal of two ponds in the garden. They got rid of them, but left all of the plants surrounding them and big mounds of dirt where the ponds used to be. The garden is huge so it didn't really bother me, but my wife hated it. We spent the last two days digging out all of the weeds and overgrown plants, then worked on getting the ground level. We filled a 7 yard skip, and ended up having to order a replacement in order to finish it.

    I don't mind gardening, but this is back breaking stuff.
    Alright, showoff.

  44. #44
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sir Andy Mahowry View Post
    It will take you forever and you will be fucked.

    We had 2-4 lugging 6 tonnes, it took us a whole day and my back was completely fucked by the end of it.
    Moved 3 tonight, do the final one tomorrow. Obviously I'm nails.

  45. #45
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    Two working hands was probably crucial.

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    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    I'd imagine the working back was more of a help.

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    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    We've got this raised area at the top of the garden which has been a jungle foe the last couple of years. It's now been cleared and we want to put a shed up there (metal or plastic, no wood shit). I had to take down the small wall that bordered it (was a single line of blocks, 1x2m roughly) and am intending to re-use them to build the wall, but to do it properly this time. There were no foundations before (the blocks were placed on some hidden paving slabs) so going to do that, hopefully well, then chisel off the old mortar and re-build the wall.

    Anyone had similar experience? I know I'll need sand, mortar, cement, ballast etc and a level but not sure if there is something obvious I've missed.

  49. #49
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    The phone number of someone who knows what they're doing when you make a bollocks of it.

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