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Thread: The All New Jobs Thread

  1. #4001
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    We have almost everyone back from furlough now, and my motivation has literally never been lower. Between organising the restart of cricket, fucking about on here and scrolling through twitter in a deliberate attempt to enrage myself, my work is currently getting compressed into about three hours of the day, and the rest of the time I just cannot be arsed.

    The odd day holiday is now allowed but I can't take a full week until September, apparently.

  2. #4002
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Just updated the old linkedin and set my status to casually looking so recruiters can see. Just to see what's out there.

    Possibly an overreaction to that news from earlier but I've quickly gone from feeling "this place is great, I'd stay here for 10 years" to "fuck this, might as well move on". We're a small office (nine including me) and there's three I really get on with and now two of them are leaving.

    Actually, probably four tbf.

  3. #4003
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    Should probably get LinkedIn.

    Best move I made this year was doing my chartership though. I’m now a chartered engineer (zero benefit to me) which is at least something they can’t hold against me if they compare me against Mrs Process Engineer of Londonshire.

  4. #4004
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Boydy View Post
    Just updated the old linkedin and set my status to casually looking so recruiters can see. Just to see what's out there.

    Possibly an overreaction to that news from earlier but I've quickly gone from feeling "this place is great, I'd stay here for 10 years" to "fuck this, might as well move on". We're a small office (nine including me) and there's three I really get on with and now two of them are leaving.

    Actually, probably four tbf.
    Worth putting it in your headline thing that you’re open to offers too. Though bear in mind your employer can see that (fuck them).

  5. #4005
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggles View Post
    Worth putting it in your headline thing that you’re open to offers too. Though bear in mind your employer can see that (fuck them).
    Nah, I'm not doing that. My employer is fine, I don't have anything against them, they're actually pretty good. These two are leaving of their own volition. They presumably got good offers elsewhere and one's just had another kid so if he needs/wants extra money then fair play.

    I'm not going to rush into anything right away, would just liked to get an idea of what's out there. They'll be hiring more people soon. If they turn out to be arseholes, I'll definitely move on but if a good offer was to come along in the meantime, why not.

  6. #4006
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    Sounds like you were shagging the pair of them.

  7. #4007
    DEATH TO THE WEIRD Raoul Duke's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Boydy View Post
    Just updated the old linkedin and set my status to casually looking so recruiters can see. Just to see what's out there.

    Possibly an overreaction to that news from earlier but I've quickly gone from feeling "this place is great, I'd stay here for 10 years" to "fuck this, might as well move on". We're a small office (nine including me) and there's three I really get on with and now two of them are leaving.

    Actually, probably four tbf.
    Can't you tap up the leavers and see if they might have a role for you where they're going?

    Or step up and take their jobs if it's a promotion opportunity

  8. #4008
    I used to be funny.
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    That's one thing I considered when our TL left for the DWP. The 'take me with you' part, I mean.

  9. #4009
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Manc View Post
    Sounds like you were shagging the pair of them.
    Liking the people I work with is important to me.
    Quote Originally Posted by Raoul Duke View Post
    Can't you tap up the leavers and see if they might have a role for you where they're going?

    Or step up and take their jobs if it's a promotion opportunity
    Yeah, one might, the other's in a different area so I'd imagine wherever he's going probably isn't applicable.

    They're too senior for me to take over from them.

  10. #4010
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    Second day in a row of relentless work due to an approaching deadline for a long-running project which has lacked a project manager and has been a disjointed mess from day one of me joining it. Next 2 weeks are gonna be unadulterated filth, I fucking didn't have lunch till 6pm (21 hour fast) and haven't left the house for my daily walks either. Thankfully it'll be done soon and I'll hopefully be back to my normal calm team but I literally can't comprehend how some people can live their life like this on a daily basis. And then they fucking wonder why they get physical and mental problems. Just venting.

  11. #4011
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Today I watched four episodes of Entourage while working.
    I'm a twit

  12. #4012
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    Quote Originally Posted by Baz View Post
    Today I watched four episodes of Entourage while working.
    Victory!

  13. #4013
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    Definitely winding down a bit now. I'm planned up to the end of term so it's just dealing with emails and now, union issues. Advised a member to get signed off with stress today, head now wants an unspecified meeting with me. Might be something of nothing but he loves his mind games.

  14. #4014
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Don View Post
    Second day in a row of relentless work due to an approaching deadline for a long-running project which has lacked a project manager and has been a disjointed mess from day one of me joining it. Next 2 weeks are gonna be unadulterated filth, I fucking didn't have lunch till 6pm (21 hour fast) and haven't left the house for my daily walks either. Thankfully it'll be done soon and I'll hopefully be back to my normal calm team but I literally can't comprehend how some people can live their life like this on a daily basis. And then they fucking wonder why they get physical and mental problems. Just venting.
    This will turn out to have been a compromised terror cell.

  15. #4015
    I used to be funny.
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    Our work's ramped right up and, by the sounds of it, this is the new, present and forever normal. The benefit system will never be the same again.

  16. #4016
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    I never did finish Entourage. The character development was v poor iirc.

  17. #4017
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lewis View Post
    This will turn out to have been a compromised terror cell.
    Are you saying Taz is a spook?

  18. #4018
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    He wishes.

  19. #4019
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    Quote Originally Posted by Manc View Post
    I never did finish Entourage. The character development was v poor iirc.
    It’s easy watching if you just accept its background entertainment with sporadic tits.

    The film is not the best.

  20. #4020
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    I don't think I could ever truly accept Murph as a ladies man.

  21. #4021
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Not sure what’s happened (apologies to him if he’s had throat cancer or summat) but E’s voice on the new podcast is ridiculously annoying. Like if Bruce Springsteen had a sore throat, after only eating fish tank gravel for a week.
    I'm a twit

  22. #4022
    I used to be funny.
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    3 more years of this job, then. Thanks, Covid.

  23. #4023
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    What?

  24. #4024
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    The uni I work in was 6 million in the red last year and will be 24 million in the red (best case scenario) next year.

  25. #4025
    I used to be funny.
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    Our contract with the DWP was up for renewal in 2021 (with the bidding process going on this year) but the DWP have decided just to hold station until at least 2023.

  26. #4026
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    I mean you could, wild idea, go and do something else.

    You might even find an interesting job out of it.

  27. #4027
    I used to be funny.
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    Aye but it's much easier to do if your hand is forced. Besides, would you jump ship in a pandemic?

  28. #4028
    Pretty Much Amazing Mike's Avatar
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    One of the school governors got every member of staff a Covid-19 Keyworker 2020 pen, a lovely reminder, in pen form, of the pandemic and it’s the strangest gift I’ve ever been given.
    They’ve been labelled as ‘death pens’
    We got a choice of blue or silver. I picked silver cos it had little celebrations stars on to make it extra bizarre.

  29. #4029
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    Day 3 of hell has seen about 40 emails sent by me which is an increase of [40×100/0]% to my norm and it's all just continually on a nice simmer with no sign of cooling until CoP tomorrow. I had to get out the house just now for a couple of hours for a walk or else shit would have gone real troublesome. Ready to bed in for a few more hours of work tonight before a 7am start and the carnage that shall ensue.

    Daily announcements of job cuts warm the heart, come on UBI, you absolute cunt.

  30. #4030
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    What do you actually do?

  31. #4031
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    What a day I had today. In the morning I was getting shelled as has become the norm, just a relentless barrage of enquiries where they give you no information to work on and need an answer immediately.

    Then, just before lunch, suddenly my field manager rocks up at the office for the first time since the pandemic, with his white goatee and his 70s Del Boy swagger, and says he'll take me out to lunch as a thank you for all my work. So I say great, get in his Audi coupe and we end up at this tapas place in the nearby posher town. Only ones in there. Asks if I want red or white wine, I say probably white at lunchtime, so he orders rosé. Then he asks me what I want, there's some scallops on the menu for £7.95, seems a nice lunchtime option not taking the piss out of his wallet, so I say that. He proceeds to order that, and a fish/bean stew, and a whole bowl of chorizo, and jamón, and manchego, and albondigas, and TWO bowls of paella ('they're fucking tiny mate'), and a thing of 'potatoes bravos', and something he called 'chiperoni' by which I presume he meant squid. Fortunately, the squid never arrived.

    So we're starting to inch our way through this ludicrous amount of food that he has ordered - him chivvying me with insults like: 'You've not had any chorizo, call yourself a fat bastard?' and the like. He's about 5 stone heavier than me and, the way he breathes, perhaps within 10-15 working days from death. All the while he's giving me all the goss, like who's about to be made redundant, and the reason why the MD keeps a particular woman in the office next to his is because he 'secretly loves' her.

    Anyway, at the end, he tells me I have to have dessert, and I say you're having a laugh mate and refuse to order one, so he just orders me a panna cotta anyway (we're on about the third glass of rosé by now). Then, out of nowhere, he says: 'Here you are, mate' and thrusts a handful of crisp JMW Turner twenties at me across the table. I say 'You what?' and he says: 'It's a oner, mate, for all your hard work'. Sure enough, he is bunging me £100 cash as some kind of how can I put this, an 'informal bonus'. In my head I think should I be taking this, but there's no Hugh Granting my way out of this one so I accept it with a humble smile. I take the 'oner', and he pays the bill, and on the way out he says: 'Don't tell the boss about the little drink,' and because I'm so attuned to his barrow boy lingo by this point in the lunch, I know immediately that the 'little drink' in question is not the wine we've been guzzling, but the 'oner'. Glorious.

    I then basically collapsed at the desk and could hardly do anything for the rest of the day, because that's what happens when you eat and drink and accept bungs at lunchtime.

  32. #4032
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Is there anything more satisfying than having lost the decision on which supplier to go with, the one they picked catastrophically fucks up left and right. I don't even mind picking up some of the pieces cause I just lol and say told you.

  33. #4033
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    'You've not had any chorizo, call yourself a fat bastard?'

  34. #4034
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    Sounds like a good day.

  35. #4035
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    'You've not had any chorizo, call yourself a fat bastard?'

  36. #4036
    I used to be funny.
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    See, you'd never get this stuff with the Koreans.

  37. #4037
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    I was firmly in Camp Korea but this has swung me over.

  38. #4038
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    Drinking and driving tut tut.

  39. #4039
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    What a day I had today. In the morning I was getting shelled as has become the norm, just a relentless barrage of enquiries where they give you no information to work on and need an answer immediately.

    Then, just before lunch, suddenly my field manager rocks up at the office for the first time since the pandemic, with his white goatee and his 70s Del Boy swagger, and says he'll take me out to lunch as a thank you for all my work. So I say great, get in his Audi coupe and we end up at this tapas place in the nearby posher town. Only ones in there. Asks if I want red or white wine, I say probably white at lunchtime, so he orders rosé. Then he asks me what I want, there's some scallops on the menu for £7.95, seems a nice lunchtime option not taking the piss out of his wallet, so I say that. He proceeds to order that, and a fish/bean stew, and a whole bowl of chorizo, and jamón, and manchego, and albondigas, and TWO bowls of paella ('they're fucking tiny mate'), and a thing of 'potatoes bravos', and something he called 'chiperoni' by which I presume he meant squid. Fortunately, the squid never arrived.

    So we're starting to inch our way through this ludicrous amount of food that he has ordered - him chivvying me with insults like: 'You've not had any chorizo, call yourself a fat bastard?' and the like. He's about 5 stone heavier than me and, the way he breathes, perhaps within 10-15 working days from death. All the while he's giving me all the goss, like who's about to be made redundant, and the reason why the MD keeps a particular woman in the office next to his is because he 'secretly loves' her.

    Anyway, at the end, he tells me I have to have dessert, and I say you're having a laugh mate and refuse to order one, so he just orders me a panna cotta anyway (we're on about the third glass of rosé by now). Then, out of nowhere, he says: 'Here you are, mate' and thrusts a handful of crisp JMW Turner twenties at me across the table. I say 'You what?' and he says: 'It's a oner, mate, for all your hard work'. Sure enough, he is bunging me £100 cash as some kind of how can I put this, an 'informal bonus'. In my head I think should I be taking this, but there's no Hugh Granting my way out of this one so I accept it with a humble smile. I take the 'oner', and he pays the bill, and on the way out he says: 'Don't tell the boss about the little drink,' and because I'm so attuned to his barrow boy lingo by this point in the lunch, I know immediately that the 'little drink' in question is not the wine we've been guzzling, but the 'oner'. Glorious.

    I then basically collapsed at the desk and could hardly do anything for the rest of the day, because that's what happens when you eat and drink and accept bungs at lunchtime.
    vintage Floyd work anecdote. Can't beat them.

    You may feel morally dubious about the 'oner', but it sounds like reasonable remuneration for your lockdown heroics at work. Plus if you feel really bad you could always donate it.

  40. #4040
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    Firmly in his pocket. Can't wait for the sequel.

  41. #4041
    I used to be funny.
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    I feel like this will keep happening as well. Any job he lands, Jimmy will quietly plug away as the best one in the office before taking the boss' daughter out to the MetroCentre ....

  42. #4042
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    I don't feel at all bad about it, I just wonder how on earth I've got to the point where I've ended up taking cash gifts from him in El Mesón on a Thursday lunchtime.

  43. #4043
    Administrator SvN's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mo View Post
    vintage Floyd work anecdote. Can't beat them.

    You may feel morally dubious about the 'oner', but it sounds like reasonable remuneration for your lockdown heroics at work. Plus if you feel really bad you could always donate it.
    If you think £100 is reasonable renumeration for the extra work he's done then send me your CV.

  44. #4044
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    £100 and some chorizo.

  45. #4045
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    I’ve done probably around the same hours as Jim over lockdown period (about 100hr weeks for at least 3 weeks) and I’m getting 9% of my annual salary. You can do better than 100 quid.

    Taking cash also means he has you over a barrel whenever he wants to get rid of you as well.

  46. #4046
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    This guy will never want to get rid of me, he absolutely loves me, probably because I make him (commission only) more money than the chumps who came before me.

  47. #4047
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    You’re making him hundreds of thousands and you’re taking a hundred. I would love you too.

  48. #4048
    I used to be funny.
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    As if by magic, a job comes up in my email alerts I like the look of.

    The catch is that it's in North Carolina.

  49. #4049
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    I'd forgotten how much I hate recruiters. Also, are they the only people left who still leave fucking voicemails?

  50. #4050
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    I left a voicemail today.

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