I have a kid and still sleep shit (even when she's sleeping fine).
I have a kid and still sleep shit (even when she's sleeping fine).
It'll be a change of focus, I guess.
Met up with the ex yesterday and regret. We've said we'd try and be friends but I think I'll knock it on the head.
She basically told me that she's been severely depressed for the best part of a year and wanted to kill herself earlier on in the year. I don't understand what good there is in telling me this now and not doing so at the time when I could actually could have been of some help. It's messed me up a fair bit, especially as it's just completely unhealthy for me to be the person she goes to, because I've no interest in having much to do with her. We just meet up occasionally for a catch up but I'm going to pack that in I think.
Maybe you're the only person she feels comfortable and vulnerable enough around to tell, and you cutting her off is going to eliminate her outlet for those thoughts
Maybe if she'd rung me at the time I'd think that. She's only mentioned in passing that she felt like that a few months ago. I don't understand what the point of doing so was, as there's nothing I can do now about it and nothing I could have done if she'd decided to top herself without mentioning anything at the time. What's the point?
Yeah it does sound like she's subtly trying to make you feel guilty, although with this kind of stuff you never want to go too 'fuck you bitch' cuz then you're gonna be messed in the head in the off chance she does kill herself. Not to mention indirectly responsible for it
Probably dont have to keep going on pity dates with her tho
You must be a great councellor.
I amOriginally Posted by Spikey M
You need to try harder. That was a really shit effort.
Yeah I wanna back away from the pity dates but make it clear that I'm at the end of the phone and would always do what I can if it gets to that stage again. I said that anyway yesterday, so all I need to do is not meet up with her anymore.
Maybe she didn't feel able to talk about it at the time? Now she's starting to and mentioned it in passing to test the waters?
When I was suicidal I couldn't tell anyone because I knew the moment I did the floodgates would be open and I wouldn't be able to function til I recovered. Ultimately that was what happened anyway, but asking "what's the point?" of the actions of someone who's seriously depressed is ridiculous. They may well not make any 'sense'. That's part of having a major mental illness.
Icing your suicide note onto a cake would have been a nice touch.
It's an honesty thing. We were always very open and I think she'll have felt she'd be dishonest if she didn't mention it, in a strange kind of way.
As for asking what the point is - I was processing my own mixed up feelings about it, is all. More than anything what's scared me is that she didn't feel she could get in touch at the time, as I've always been there for her when she's felt like shite in the past. The question was rhetorical - I know why, but it's just scared me a bit.
Edit: It was a bit insensitive to phrase it like that though. Sorry.
How fucking pointless
A nice bit of cake might help to take the edge off.
It just doesn't work like that. You can't apply that kind of logic.
She may have wanted to tell you - maybe desperately - but sometimes you just can't.
The fact she "didn't feel she could get in touch" might well have had absolutely nothing to do with you, and absolutely everything to do with her and her illness. Yes perhaps that is scary in a 'she might be depressed again and I wouldn't know' kind of way, but there's every chance it was no reflection on you or your relationship.
I don't know her and can't read her mind, so yeah maybe she is just dicking you about and crying depression for attention. It's perfectly possible. But It's also perfectly possible she's been struggling desperately with this and finally plucked up the courage to tell someone (in whatever way she's gone about that) and you were the person she felt she could tell.
You mean the logic of knowing who she is and feeling I have an understanding of why she'd tell me now? Oh, right.
I haven't commented on whether or not she wanted to tell me. I really was just processing my own mixed up feelings about it.
I've said literally nothing to suggest that I think otherwise.The fact she "didn't feel she could get in touch" might well have had absolutely nothing to do with you, and absolutely everything to do with her and her illness. Yes perhaps that is scary in a 'she might be depressed again and I wouldn't know' kind of way, but there's every chance it was no reflection on you or your relationship.
Again, I don't think she's crying depression for attention at all. She's had the kind of childhood that you only hear about on TV and has struggled with depression her entire life. I've never questioned her sincerity and you're reading along the wrong lines if that's what you think I've been saying. I'm just upset that she could have killed herself. That's literally it. I'm not making a judgment about her, but it has had an impact and I want to process it.I don't know her and can't read her mind, so yeah maybe she is just dicking you about and crying depression for attention. It's perfectly possible. But It's also perfectly possible she's been struggling desperately with this and finally plucked up the courage to tell someone (in whatever way she's gone about that) and you were the person she felt she could tell.
Maybe I shouldn't come in here expressing my reaction to someone else being in that state and not telling me. Fair enough, as this place is when we ourselves are struggling. Probably best not to mix the two.
As an effort to point out you being a self involved cunt whilst a former loved one talks to you about their problems - especially when it is literally your fucking day job - I think it was a pretty good one.I am
You need to try harder. That was a really shit effort.
You literally know nothing about her, myself, our relationship, the situation itself or how I actually dealt with it, other than a quick post in which I vented about it, you judgemental cunt.
That was a better effort then.
I thought about editing it after posting to say well played.
I've no idea what you're on about any more. What you said in the first post and what you're claiming you meant don't sound like remotely the same thing to me, so wevs.
I was just upset that she could be dead right now. That's basically it.
We could all be dead right now.
Speak for yourself mate.
I mean that's not what you said, is it:
I don't understand what good there is in telling me this now and not doing so at the time when I could actually could have been of some help. It's messed me up a fair bit, especially as it's just completely unhealthy for me to be the person she goes to, because I've no interest in having much to do with her.
Not literally, no. I'm not a Zen master, I don't fully understand everything I'm feeling as and when it occurs. I was just processing my feelings, which I thought this place was about.
Refer to my response to Spikey.
Yeah, and we can't read your fucking mind or know what you're feeling if even you don't. We can only respond to what you actually post. If post one thing people will respond to what you actually posted, not what you 'meant'. And you can't expect them to do anything else.
Then maybe the least you should do is give them the benefit of the doubt or ask them what's going on for them. You know, like you're supposed to do with these things.
Ironic considering all I was doing was saying you should do that for her.
Alright, we can be depressed but let's not get angry.
...but you've literally no idea what I've done for her.
No, I just know what you wrote on here and that's what I responded to
Like fucking hell.
Maybe he's expressing his feelings on here that he couldn't express to herNo, I just know what you wrote on here and that's what I responded to
Like fucking hell.
Not hard to imagine, really. But hey, judge away.
I didn't judge you. I responded to what you said you didn't understand about her behaviour by trying to give some insight from the point of view of someone whose been on the other side. Stop being such a princess.
I thought I'd explained things more in literally the next post and even apologised for how it came across, but there we go.
Who do you think will get a nosebleed first?
Argh I just found out an old colleague tried to commit suicide twice. He's married with 2 young kids. FFS.
It will only be you left before long.
I think I will join them. Maybe we need to redefine happiness. The self. Fuck the self.
I've been off the meds for about 4 weeks now.
I made no concious effort but I found myself forgetting to take them every day for a bit and then I realised I hadn't taken any in about a week the day before I went on holiday. Went to the doctors the other day and they told me that they're happy that I weaned myself off them and to continue without but making sure to look out for any signs.
I think that the counselling I had played a huge part in it. I was a mess for most of it as it brought up some really tough shit but my counsellor was brilliant, he knew when to push and when to back off. When it ended I felt that I still needed a hell of a lot more sessions but that wasn't an option but the break allowed me to fully process what came up and what would have come up.
Genuinely can't remember the last time I felt as 'normal' as I do now.
Progress! The longer it goes, the more routine it'll feel.
Scotland seems a happy place.
It's a great place.
https://thebraindumpsite.wordpress.c...al-health-day/
Wrote a bit about my own mental health for World Mental Health Day tomorrow if anyone's bothered. It's more of a 'personal experience' type read rather than a 'theoretical counselling wankery' one. Not sure if anyone is too fussed but I'm chucking it up just in case. Bosh.
If anyone does read it, any feedback is appreciate on if it reads well etc.
I read it and I can't help but think you've just changed your coping mechanism somewhat. You weren't a victim, you weren't a rescuer, you were a mug who got hung up on a lass who played you. As I read each sentence I formed more of an image of the girl than yourself, I can imagine her asking you to jump and you ask how high, I could envisage her giving you shit, making you feel worthless but because she's had a difficult past, you've let it slide. I can imagine trying to process how thoughtless she was after you'd invested a lot of emotion to be a big hurdle for you, her completely blanking you and blocking you with no explanation, no closure, nothing, I can see why that would have you jumping to your own conclusions.
Confabulation sprung to mind. Possibly for the pair of you.
I'll have another read tomorrow but forgetting your story, it's a good post. It's good to talk about such things, whether it comes across as intended or not, it's still helpful both to yourself for venting and letting it out and for others who might follow suit or learn something from it.
You're a good guy, a nice guy, blah blah blah, just be the guy you want to be, don't label yourself. You are you. You aren't defined by your job, your supported team and what not, you're defined by what you do in life, what you believe in, your morals, your convictions. I do have to ask, would you have been such a nice guy, so keen to help her if you knew that fuck all was going to happen after Uni? I wouldn't be so sure. Does that still make you a nice guy?
Some people need a rescuer but in this instance, I think the person who needed rescuing was yourself and you needed rescuing from yourself.
To be honest what you've said is exactly what I meant when I was writing it. I don't think I was a 'nice' guy in any kind of genuine way - it just made me feel good to think of myself like that.
If I knew nothing would happen, I'd have probably walked away from the beginning. I was just trying to explain the kind of destructive thought process I was having at the time.
I agree that I changed my coping mechanism so I didn't carry on trying to understand it.
Good post that Hammer, quite a lot of what you’ve wrote resonates with me and a similar situation I’ve had in the last year or so.
How are you, @Smiffy?
Feeling a bit rough for the last week or so. I think it's coincided with finishing my courses. I'm qualified to give counselling to adults and kids, woot.
I've worked my arse off for two and a bit years to work towards this, and now I'm hear and it's cool and all but....I dunno. A fog has come down and I feel really weird. It's not 'depression' but I want to write about it to figure it out before it fucking grows.
I think having a 'project' like a course or something really helps me. It gives me a feeling that I'm moving towards something, rather than swirling an endless, meaningless universe. Now I've finished my courses and I'm not working towards anything, and I'm a bit lost really.
Life's all about the next fight.
Forgot to reorder my sertraline so haven't taken it in a few days. My teeth feel odd.
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