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Thread: The little things in life that fuck you off

  1. #2651
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    A video with 500k views? Poor form, Igor.

  2. #2652
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Sorry. Here's another one just as anger inducing with just 20k views:


  3. #2653
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    Someone keeps using my email to make accounts on various websites.

  4. #2654
    I used to be funny.
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    Is it that camgirl?

  5. #2655
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    I doubt she's a club penguin fan.

  6. #2656
    I used to be funny.
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    She might have kids.

  7. #2657
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lewis View Post
    I spied this the other day, but I didn't want to risk it when there was some top, top stuff on offer. Maybe next time.
    Quote Originally Posted by Disco View Post
    Oh my.

  8. #2658
    Senior Member SincereTheRebel's Avatar
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    I would rather see a celebrity create their own dance/finishing move instead of following the trend. Just see lewis hamilton do the dab after he won the race. Create your own and run with. Be an innovator, not an imitator.

  9. #2659
    I used to be funny.
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    People have the worst domestics on buses. Call them back. you twat.

  10. #2660
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    My dickhead chainsaw wielding neighbour.

    Wouldn't be a problem if I wasn't an insomniac but as he is, he's a twat.

  11. #2661
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    The neighbour's kids who are always out playing like noisy little bastards in the garden now seem to have a drum kit. Fuck's sake.

  12. #2662
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    Get out there with your flu... Oh no wait you're bent.

  13. #2663
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Go out there with your fleshy flute and they'll probably move.

  14. #2664
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lewis View Post
    Get out there with your flu... Oh no wait you're bent.
    Not that type of drum.

  15. #2665
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggles View Post
    Go out there with your fleshy flute and they'll probably move.

  16. #2666
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    Saw a guy dressed as Altair (I find it a little bad that I knew exactly which assassin he was dressed as) from Assassin's Creed in town yesterday, why? I have no fucking idea. Was it a good costume? Nope. What did he seem to be doing? Just standing outside of Wilkinsons with a girl who wasn't in a costume.

  17. #2667
    mischamischaracterisation Dquincy's Avatar
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    Loud rev'd up cars and motorbikes. Fucking hate them...and the cunts that drive them.

    Utter cunts.

  18. #2668
    Senior Member Disco's Avatar
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    "Where all the good stuff we does goes."

    Because every time I see it I want it to be a play on words gone wrong but really it was probably just phonics being a mong.

  19. #2669
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dquincy View Post
    Loud rev'd up cars and motorbikes. Fucking hate them...and the cunts that drive them.

    Utter cunts.
    We've a cunt does donuts on the road outside the house at all hours with one of those dustbin exhausts. Bad enough but he's easily in his 40's.

    The morning I hopefully go outside to see it upside down and his torched carcass being pulled from it

  20. #2670
    I used to be funny.
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    Watching a CM01-02 playthrough and this cunt has no idea how to pronounce names. "Aaron Lennon's here! Anthony Lennon!? They've given him the wrong name and age."

  21. #2671
    mischamischaracterisation Dquincy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggles View Post
    We've a cunt does donuts on the road outside the house at all hours with one of those dustbin exhausts. Bad enough but he's easily in his 40's.

    The morning I hopefully go outside to see it upside down and his torched carcass being pulled from it
    I use to know a guy who followed home someone who cut him up. He then waited until night-time and slashed all the bloke's tyres. Bit mental.

    He had anger issues, but I'm seriously considering it.

  22. #2672
    mischamischaracterisation Dquincy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shindig View Post
    Watching a CM01-02 playthrough and this cunt has no idea how to pronounce names. "Aaron Lennon's here! Anthony Lennon!? They've given him the wrong name and age."
    Link?

  23. #2673
    I used to be funny.
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    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=05XLA_1EW0E

    Mainly looking for ways to make an 01-02 series interesting.

  24. #2674
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dquincy View Post
    I use to know a guy who followed home someone who cut him up. He then waited until night-time and slashed all the bloke's tyres. Bit mental.

    He had anger issues, but I'm seriously considering it.
    I wouldn't take the effort to do anything myself. I just want to stroll out and laugh.

  25. #2675
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    I posted about motorbikes a few pages back, but yeah, I genuinely want every last one of them to crash and die. In an ideal world they'd remain sentient enough to think 'what a cunt I've been' before finally carcing it.

  26. #2676
    I used to be funny.
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    I live by a biker road and love it. Proper bikes, though. Not those little dirt bikes. Do not underestimate how cool as fuck you can look in a Yamaha replica kit complete with Rossi leathers.

  27. #2677
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shindig View Post
    I live by a biker road and love it. Proper bikes, though. Not those little dirt bikes. Do not underestimate how cool as fuck you can look in a Yamaha replica kit complete with Rossi leathers.
    That'd be like going out getting into your Fiat Tipo in full Ferrari gear. Full kit wankers as they say.

  28. #2678
    I used to be funny.
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    Yup. There was a lad that parked his Repsol Honda imposter outside the Subway he worked at. Looked fucking mint.

  29. #2679
    mischamischaracterisation Dquincy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shindig View Post
    I live by a biker road and love it. Proper bikes, though. Not those little dirt bikes. Do not underestimate how cool as fuck you can look in a Yamaha replica kit complete with Rossi leathers.
    You wouldn't if you had a 6 week old baby, trust me.

    Fucking hate them. Even the little 50cc ones make that grating noise. Urgh.

  30. #2680
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shindig View Post
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=05XLA_1EW0E

    Mainly looking for ways to make an 01-02 series interesting.
    I still find it telling that Guido never did one of those.

  31. #2681
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Trying to write a speech.

    Should I write it out word for word to be read out in gormless fashion, or write bullet points and adlib on the day but risk forgetting something?
    I'm a twit

  32. #2682
    Senior Member Disco's Avatar
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    Write what you want to say then read through it and condense it a couple of times. You'll end up with bullet points as reminders and reading it through should commit most of it to memory.

    Get Mike to do the gags though.

  33. #2683
    Senior Member niko_cee's Avatar
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    Depends how confident you are speaking. Bullet points and winging it is probably better, but equally more likely to go disastrously wrong (relatively speaking). No one is going to think anything of you reading something out - people are willing you on at a wedding, not looking for you to fail. If you have any say in the running order, try to break with tradition and do the speeches before the meal, because if you are nervous, it'll wreck your enjoyment of the meal if you don't.

  34. #2684
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Yeah I went a wedding in June and the newlywed couple didn't eat their meals because they were nervous (lol) so we're eating after the speaking.

    As for getting Mike to do gags, is that cos it's not normal for a groom to tell jokes, or because he's funny and I'm not?
    I'm a twit

  35. #2685
    Senior Member Disco's Avatar
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    I'm just messing

    Do you have to do the thanking of bridesmaids etc?

  36. #2686
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Yeah. I've gotta thank her dad for his speech, then her mum, then my parents, then her bridesmaids, then everyone else, then her brother, then all my mates, then mike and the reid. And all that's BEFORE I've talked soppy bollocks about the her.
    I'm a twit

  37. #2687
    Senior Member Disco's Avatar
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    Thank TTH and hand out some cards.

  38. #2688
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    I left all the ones I had left in Belgium.
    I'm a twit

  39. #2689
    Senior Member John's Avatar
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    For fuck sake. Fredman incoming.

  40. #2690
    I used to be funny.
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    When you turn up at an empty dentist waiting room and still have to wait 4th in line to be seen.

  41. #2691
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Baz View Post
    Trying to write a speech.

    Should I write it out word for word to be read out in gormless fashion, or write bullet points and adlib on the day but risk forgetting something?
    How confident are you? I did both my grooms speech and my best mans speech via bullet points and was fine. It's much more natural and allows you to add stuff that's come up during the day. Saying that, I'm used to speaking in front of large groups of people.

    My best man wrote his word for word and it was good, he's not used to giving speeches so it worked. However, he thought it was a bit robotic so he switched and did bullet points for his own wedding. It was a disaster. He promptly shat his pants and just ended up reading the bullet point before repeating it slightly reworded a couple of times.

    "Bridesmaids are looking beautiful. So, yeah, you're all looking beautiful. You look great."

    Made my speech easier, mind.

  42. #2692
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    Quote Originally Posted by Baz View Post
    Yeah. I've gotta thank her dad for his speech, then her mum, then my parents, then her bridesmaids, then everyone else, then her brother, then all my mates, then mike and the reid. And all that's BEFORE I've talked soppy bollocks about the her.
    As someone that speaks in front of people every week with the pressure of having to be engaging here is my advice.7

    - Don't be crude (she'll have relatives that hate it trust me no matter how funny you are)
    - Speak from the heart. Be genuine. There is a reason comics write "buzzwords" on their hand. It's cause they have material to remember and want one word to remind them of what 5 minutes or so they'll talk about. Do the same but use a card sat in front of you in bold type. Do not make it scripted. Folk will switch off.
    - Take into account your audience.

    The above is all things people have already said here. What is important, more than all the above, is to enjoy the moment. This is a wonderful occasion with all the people you and your partner love there to share it. Smile, relax, deep breath and remember how actually brilliant it all is. If you can't enjoy moments like this in life then you never will.

  43. #2693
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    these bitches are so fucking annoying in my office oh my GOD SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

  44. #2694
    mischamischaracterisation Dquincy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bruhnaldo View Post
    these bitches are so fucking annoying in my office oh my GOD SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP
    Care to elaborate?

  45. #2695
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dquincy View Post
    Care to elaborate?
    "Like omg and then he text me a smiley face"
    "Whaaat girl that's so crazy!!!"
    "And he was like babe... this smiley face is a metaphor for US."
    "Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww"

    Not what they were saying but it might has well been.


    edit: I work in a shared office space that's about 100 square feet (not counting various tables desks and bins) so it's pretty much every day.

  46. #2696
    Senior Member niko_cee's Avatar
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    Your office is 10 feet by 10 feet?

  47. #2697
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    Quote Originally Posted by niko_cee View Post
    Your office is 10 feet by 10 feet?
    okay maybe 10x15

  48. #2698
    Pretty Much Amazing Mike's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Disco View Post
    Write what you want to say then read through it and condense it a couple of times. You'll end up with bullet points as reminders and reading it through should commit most of it to memory.

    Get Mike to do the gags though.
    Wrote mine. We open by apologising about how bad it is. Got it down to a single page of size 10 font though. Got told we had to make it quick!

  49. #2699
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    I'd spend at least 3 quarters of the page on ear puns.

  50. #2700
    Senior Member Spoonsky's Avatar
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    Back in America and the first thing I do is lose my iPhone with all of the pictures. Fuck.

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