Thank god / for fuck's sake (delete as applicable) football is BACK! The women are doing a World Cup, you're all banging on fucking endlessly about players you've never even watched play because some Twitter bore says your awful team might be signing him, Saudi are buying all the players and soon I'm going to have Manchester United back in my life (at least until we're sold to the baddies) whether I like it or not.

Rejoice!