Well it's almost time for the most exciting football match of the season: Liverpool vs. United at Anfield.
Liverpool's top goalscorer and overall best player, Sadio Mane, is injured. Meanwhile United's Belgian scoring genius with a twenty-four inch penis, Romelu Lukaku, was supposed to be injured but isn't. But thankfully Fellainimaina is. Well, supposedly. (I've put him in my fantasy team, just in case.)

Anyway, fixtures:

Friday 13th October
St Johnstone vs. Rangers (19:45) BT Sport 1
Birmingham City vs. Cardiff City (19:45) Sky Sports

Saturday 14th October
Liverpool vs Manchester United (12:30) Sky Sports
Burnley vs. West Ham United
Crystal Palace vs. Chelsea
Manchester City vs. Stoke City
Swansea City vs. Huddersfield Town
Tottenham Hotspur vs. AFC Bournemouth
Watford vs. Arsenal (17:30) BT Sport 1

Wolves v Aston Villa (17:30) Sky Sports
St Albans City v Boreham Wood (12:30) BBC red button

Sunday 15th October
Brighton & Hove Albion vs. Everton (13:30)
Southampton vs. Newcastle United (16:00) Sky Sports

Monday 16th October
Leicester City vs. West Bromich Albion (20:00) Sky Sports