The Cricket Thread

[Danny]

From the Cricinfo article

One the plane: Alastair Cook, Mark Stoneman, Joe Root, Ben Stokes, Jonny Bairstow, James Anderson, Stuart Broad, Chris Woakes, Moeen Ali

Waiting by the phone: Keaton Jennings, Tom Westley, Gary Ballance, Dawid Malan, James Vince, Alex Hales, Ben Foakes, Mason Crane, Adil Rashid, Jack Leach, Liam Dawson

Outsiders: Haseeb Hameed, Sam Robson, Joe Denly, Nick Gubbins, Rory Burns, Ian Bell, Liam Livingstone, Sam Northeast, Dan Lawrence, Jos Buttler, Alex Davies, Mark Wood, Jake Ball, Craig Overton, Steven Finn, Liam Plunkett, Jamie Porter, Samit Patel

If we are taking an 18 man touring party I would take the highlighted. I would be tempted to send Crane on the Lions tour rather than carry drinks and maybe bring Lawrence over Westley but do we really want to chuck him in against the Aussies? He says picking Foakes as the back up keeper....

[niko_cee]

Those Welsh twats who did that declaration to win the league thing have been relegated.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'm not sure what the bigger injustice is, Vince on the plane or what niko said.

I have to say Vince and Crane both being from Root's management company, and Ballance being his mate, looks suspicious to me.

[Max Power]

Crane is whatever, guy isn't going to play. Vince and Ballance is pure shit, how many goes do you need before you realise someone is shit. Hameed breaking his hand at the wrong time, surely he'd have gone ahead of at least one of them.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I read that Hameed wasn't going anyway. Remember how they left him out for Duckett in Bangladesh? Not a Bayliss player. He wants AGGRESSION and other bullshit Aussie values.

Vince is the one that makes absolutely no fucking sense. At least Barry Gallance has done ok in the championship. Vince has averaged 30 in that and was shite for technically transparent reasons when he played Tests. I can see absolutely no reason for picking Vince over at least 15 other candidates.

This is a shite squad and if Australia don't win at least 4-1 they will have played extremely poorly.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The selectors are backing James Vince to make an impact on his recall to the Test squad. He is a quality strokeplayer and we believe his game will suit the Australian pitches. His understanding of the England set-up will help him settle into the environment quickly and hit the ground running when we arrive in Perth next month.

Gahahaha that's James Whitaker's actual words, not a parody written by me.

[Max Power]

How many recalls does Ballance need before everyone realises his stupid, crabbing, stand 1cm in front of the stumps, no backlift shite technique isn't going to score runs at international level.

Vince seems a classic 'his face fits' selection as backed up by that ludicrous statement.

Bowling is much of a muchness, all lambs to the slaughter and I'm sure others from the Lions will be tapped to play at some point.
At least the Lions are touring at the same time so when both fail again someone else gets a go on the carousel.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Bejesus, I had assumed Vince was going as a spare, he's actually going 'to bat at three' with Gaz and Malan dicing for five.

Cook nicks off in the third over, who do we want striding to the wicket at the Gabba. JAMES VINCE. He has the presence of a scented candle, and the face of a world number 81 ranked snooker player who has somehow made it through to his only appearance at the Crucible but destined to lose 10-2 to Liang Wenbo in the first round.

Our best hope here is that the Aussies decide to TARGET Moeen Ali and end up in a heap.

[Max Power]

Why no spare opener as well? Probably have Moeen opening up by the third Test.

[igor_balis]

Bayliss doesn't care about / watch FC cricket from what I've heard, and someone on a cricket forum I look at made a reasonably convincing case that Vince has been picked partly on the basis that he's done alright on the telly playing t20 shite, which Bayliss has actually bothered to watch. Plus #intent etc.

[Max Power]

https://twitter.com/willis_macp/stat...27360366252033

Why is he retiring. What a man.

[Jimmy Floyd]

We are going to get absolutely relegado without him next year unless they can get Amla or someone of that ilk onto Kolpak Boulevard.

[Waffdon]

That Stokes video is brilliant. He isn’t half swinging.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I have to say, I'm with Stokesy on this one. It's mostly the tea-and-creams brigade lining up to slate him.

[Ian]

The batting options in our Ashes squad are absolutely vile. Should be interesting to see how we do trying to come back from 80-odd for three every single innings.

[Max Power]

Some twat starts trying to bottle his mate and Stokes knocks him out. No problem there. Well in lad.

[niko_cee]

80-odd for three

Chance'd be a fine thing.

[ItalAussie]

Mellin went down for less.

He's well within his rights to swing back when the guy goes at him, but the damning thing is continuing once he's on the ground.

[Shindig]

He could've backed down but it's not like the other guy's pressed charges.

[Queenslander]

He's touring Australia he's fine none of us are in a position to judge because our National game is played by king hit cowards.

[Jimmy Floyd]

My mum thinks he should never play cricket again, which is evidence enough for me that he's an innocent man.

[niko_cee]

The bloke he smashed was apparently a 'former soldier' which makes him even more of a hero (Stokes that is). Squaddie knobhead trumps sporting knobhead every time.

Nude image(s) of Hales being circulated.

Jos Butler having a stag do in Amsterdam.

It's all going off.

[Shindig]

It's like a 90s England World Cup build-up.

[Jimmy Floyd]

http://www.espncricinfo.com/series/1...recard/1120284

Pakistan going absolutely undiluted, full strength Pakistan there.

Rangy Herath 11 wickets, somebody build that man a throne.

[Ian]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/cricket/41507153

Freddie's been on the eccies.

[Jimmy Floyd]

He played in at least two better teams than this one.

[Jimmy Floyd]

We've called up Finn as a (possibly temporary) replacement for Stokes. Fucking like for like.

[Max Power]

Ready made replacement is already there lads. He don' t go out boozing though...

[Jimmy Floyd]

I was at a dinner tonight with Hoggard (semi-dull) and Gareth Batty. Gaz Batts is probably the biggest legend I've ever encountered. Just absolute pure heart on sleeve from beginning to end. He was almost in tears talking about Sangakkara.

[Jimmy Floyd]

http://www.espncricinfo.com/story/_/...oved-icc-board

I think 4 day Tests are an absolute nonsense sham (no one will ever bowl 110 overs in a day), but there we are. The rest of the stuff is a step forward, even if the format of the Test Championship makes zero fucking sense.

[ItalAussie]

Test Championships.

You know who the test champion is, because they're the team who everyone else is scared to play. Tables and points are just a way of keeping score, but if people need to check the score, you're not really a champion.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Shall we apply that to football.

[ItalAussie]

Meh - cricket and football practically live on different planets.

[Max Power]

110 overs a day

Unless they literally start executing captains for poor over rates it will never happen.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It will end up being 95-100 and they won't even manage that, especially now you can review almost anything without losing one.

[Ian]

Does the Test championship not just put a bit more structure to the existing test rankings?

Edit: though reading it again the format is a bit shonky.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Sort of but it will have actual points for wins and a final. The flaws are that you don't play everyone, just a random selection of 6 series (presumably to avoid India and Pakistan having to play each other) and that the Zimbabwe, Ireland and Afghanistan will have to play in random tagged on Tests as they aren't included.

Digging into the politics, the main issue is that Bangladesh and Sri Lanka (and presumably Pakistan, were they to become shit) absolutely reject any form of two-tier system. The most logical system would be endless divisions of 6, with one up one down, going all the way down to France and the Cayman Islands.

[Ian]

Ohhh, I hadn't read it properly. And I suppose it didn't occur to me that playing sets of fixtures would mean missing a load out.

[Ian]

It's a bit low of this WACA XI to let Stoneman, Vince, Malan and Ballance get decent scores to to give them a false sense of confidence.

[niko_cee]

Low scores for Cook and Root as well. We're fucked.

Is the head of Clifton CID an Australian or something?

[Max Power]

If Mo is out the balance of the team looks shit. I had a bit of hope a couple months ago, but no Stokes and no Ali takes away our biggest strength - two world class all rounders and middle/lower order game changing runs.

[niko_cee]

Stoneman and Vince also dropped twice each I see.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The middle order engine room that has powered us through any recent victories has been Bairstow-Stokes-Moeen (in some order). Take two of those out of the picture and we will lose 5-0 unless Cook scores a thousand, which he won't.

Bowling wise, without Mo I can see us descending into some 12 overs an hour nightmare and never playing Crane because why the fuck have we taken him.

[niko_cee]

In the process of banking the first defeat of the tour by the looks of things.

[niko_cee]

Maybe Anderson (and Ball) save the day, although the BBC scorecard is struggling to keep up with what is going on and, whilst a bit more accurate, the cricinfo one is about 5 overs behind and is now suggesting Moeen is bowling?

[Jimmy Floyd]

I was looking at one of the fuckers on the WA XI to be an overseas last week, little fucker suddenly turns up in this team, gets Root out and his value will have quintupled.

Look at Jimmy's figures compared to everyone else. It'll only make the side strain more galling.

[niko_cee]

They appear to be attempting to contrive a tie.

[niko_cee]

Steve Finn's knee has obviously gotten wind of what is likely to come and has given up the ghost. I reckon they'd have gone with Ball ahead of him anyway. Sir Mo is on the mend apparently, but I'll believe that when he turns out in Townsville (that game should be a laugh). This Pomnishambles thing 5live have on tonight about the last tour sounds like it might be quite entertaining.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The Lions bowling cover out there consists of Tom Helm, George Garton and Jamie Porter. Porter bowls at 78mph and is injured; the other two are talented but raw as fuck to the point where they're not necessarily county regulars even.

Wonder which idiot they'll call up next.

[niko_cee]

Presumably Chris Jordan will be over there big bashing it up.