Now imagine that being bent over whilst being fisted by a leather glad transsexual midget...
Now imagine that being bent over whilst being fisted by a leather glad transsexual midget...
The jumper is pretty good, but that Postman Pat mask has seen better days.
Good luck with that.Originally Posted by Boydy
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Aww, how Christmassy.
I'm a twit
I feel my new avatar has saved the day.
See the old one for comparison:
I'm a twit
I'm going to be a tyrant of a father.
You'll just be ruining your own life. Cbeebies is pretty much worth the licence fee on its own.
It's the toddler crack (youtube) you have to try and keep them off.
Cbeebies is probably okay since at least it's kind of educational and they're not bombarded with advertising.
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Oh, Hammer.
Between the family and the mrs I've not the time for the annual lads night out. Dogshit.
The Korean Christmas party (as well as a load of other absolute fucking madness) had this single fucking track (starts at 0:09) playing quietly in the background for two hours, until they finally changed it to Wham's 'Last Christmas'. I'm absolutely convinced it was some form of advanced torture technique.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7JNAD0t93aw
That's fucking amazing.
I bet you were fucking begging for a bit of K-Pop 15 minutes in.
I'm getting old. I was out last Friday night and on Tuesday for two work Christmas things, then down the pub on Wednesday night for the Christmas quiz. i'm absolutely fucking knackered from them and I only had a single pint across all three nights. Lauren's doing her usual Christmas Eve have everybody around for food next (in a nother sign of ageing/mellowing I'm actually looking forward to having people come round) then I'm going for a curry and a few drinks on the 30th. If not for the bank holidays coming up I'd probably die.
That needs a longer post dedicated to it.
A little bit into that video the visuals change from a load of gently dancing creature characters to a scene of full on raving. Was there much of that going on with the Koreans?
Basically Korean drinking sessions involve surprisingly little alcohol (they have very little tolerance) and a lot of toasts. So as you see them getting more and more leathered and the toasts become more and more risque, you are sitting there stone cold sober on a shot glass and a half of soju, wishing it would end.
Some of the toasts ranged from going around every single person in the room, and then as they got more smashed, it got weirder and weirder until the fattest Korean insisted that next time he would wear a mankini, and repeated the claim at five minute intervals, and the final toast was 'Monkey! Monkey! Gooood luck!' which defies explanation.
I think the highlight was when the top banana asked someone how many kids they wanted. He said 'two'. Then the chief said 'And how many wives?' Now it's a solid 5/10 joke and in your second language probably nearer an 8 or 9, but one Korean actually spent the rest of the evening in tears of joy because of it, quietly repeating it to himself to set off a new burst of mirth.
I'd love to spend a couple of days in the company of these people.
My gran is just off the phone to tell me that I've been summoned to a birthday dinner for a couple of cousins. We're meeting at half one for dinner, then back to her brother's house for drinks and festivities. On fucking Boxing Day. Who schedules a big, fairly important dinner for the day after the biggest meal of the year?
The tree is fucked. It's drooping really badly and going brown. We haven't done anything different with it this year. It can come down tomorrow and we'll put the artificial one up. Shame, I like having a real one but I'm not paying another £50.
I bought ours today but I can't find the fucking stand.
I spent 20 minutes in the jungle otherwise known as the shed looking for it before getting annoyed and booting the lawnmower out of anger.
It's just lying on the floor in the living room still in the netting right now.
My mother does a good tree, but for some reason one of the lights (it has three sets on) is red. It makes me seethe to see this one stupid fucking red bulb flashing on and off, but she isn't bothered, and the fact she isn't bothered annoys me even more.
Must have been some boot to get it in the living room.
Literally no decorations up here, and my mum insists it'll stay that way. Moody git.
Maybe you left it in Ukraine?
Of course, how can I forget that I took a Christmas tree stand to Ukraine.
I tweeted my issues with said stand and I've gotten a like from a Christmas lighting installation company who are based in Minnesota.
Do you have a 'personal' account that follows things other than cambirds?
Nope.
My mother arranged a 'present swap' with her sister, my cousin, her annoying three year old, and the put-upon dad. I've been banned from just going out and told to 'be sociable' (she didn't specify with them, so here I am). Is suicide an over-reaction? It would give them something to talk about.
I'm going to kick the shit out of that kid. He minced in, saw the buns my mother had made, and then bowled up back to his mother and said 'Come see the buns I've made'. He told everyone I told him I loved him when he was last here. There is some serious baldness coming his way in the future, so good luck making lies up about that you little bastard.
Tree's down. Fuck's sake. The room looks shit without it. I always hate taking it down. Was a pain in the arse as well. She can put the fake one up later I've and enough of trees for one day.
Set the dog on him.
He's seething. His settee has been occupied, and nobody is giving him any food.
'Did you go watch City yesterday, Ryan?'
'Nah mate. They were in Rotherham.'
'Yeah. You'd only have been molested.'
'Yeah 2-0 wasn't it.'
This is why I don't bother, mother.
Stick to Club Lewis, we get you (sometimes.)
Extended family is the worst bit about Christmas. I'm avoiding most of them this year, thankfully. I'll have to get annoyed by the gay nephew on Chrismas Eve and Christmas Day though. I might put alcohol in his drinks. How much would make a kid sick but not kill them? He was ill last year as well; I might make it a tradition. That's not a crime if there's no harm done, is it?
Lewis.
How the fuck does a Christmas tree go bad within a week or two of putting it up?
What sort of cunt puts a tree up with less than a week to go until Christmas day?
Fuck knows it didn't last year. We obviously picked a dud.
He's just pissed himself (the kid, not Ryan; although he is no doubt capable) because apparently screeching and talking shit for two hours makes people ignore you.
He pissed himself because he was being ignored?
Although, that said, I bought one for my parents this year and it is pretty ropey. You just have to walk near it and it starts shedding its needles. They're sharp little bastards as well. The tree man had to don gloves to bag it, which I thought was a bit odd, but upon handling the fucker I knew why. Something to do with the type of tree it is (spruce?). It was cheap though.
I'm not sure if it being massive has anything to do with it. It was a good two foot taller than last year's. We've got the artificial one anyway so that will go up this evening but it's not the same as having a real one. I'll pay more attention to how you're meant to care for them next year.
Lewis seems unaware of how children behave, seeing them like adults.
That's a nonce trademark.
I don't know how people can be arsed with real trees.
Also think of the spiders you're willingly importing into your home.
He obviously needed taking to the toilet (or whatever), but they were just ignoring him because he's a wanker. He was embarrassed for about five minutes but now he's back on.
What age is he?
Best way (apart from the noncing). Treat them like the cunts they all are.
So at the moment Christmas day looks to be panning out like this:
- Up at about 5.15so I can get ready for work, with a work-funded cab arriving at 6.
- Start work at 7 where there will be absolutely nothing to do because all the customers we deal with are government departments.
- Sit about at work watching Christmas films and eating junk for eight hours.
- Get picked up by another work-funded cab to go to my sister's house where our parents and five (inc;luding a toddler) of her in-laws will be there in time for boozing, food and her in-laws being the tedious shits they invariably are.
Might text my sister and find out if there's any shithousery or family tension going on and if there is nip to the pub for a quick pint to brace myself.
I wasn't a cunt at his age. Today's children are feral dickheads.
Three.
Ffs.
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