Depression

[Jimmy Floyd]

Friend told me this morning he has severe depression. Waking up in the middle of the night in pain, all sorts of other shit. He told his mum last night (was seeing a doctor/CBT person on the sly before), and then told me this morning - even though we're not really long, long term close mates - because I'll 'understand' and his other friends won't. Knocked me back a bit. Anyway, we had a chat about how he was feeling, and I said he could always talk to me whenever he needed / ask me to help him with anything practical, but that aside, is there anything I should be doing?

[Dark Soldier]

Just be there for him if/when needed. What he needs at this point is support more than anything, its just a long road to feeling better.

[Spammer]

Simply put, I'd say the main thing is to show him that you give a shit.

[randomlegend]

Don't try and rationalise him better. It feels like shit.

[Jimmy Floyd]

OK, well ticked all of those so probably in the right ballpark. Thanks.

[Lewis]

Friend told me this morning he has severe depression. Waking up in the middle of the night in pain, all sorts of other shit. He told his mum last night (was seeing a doctor/CBT person on the sly before), and then told me this morning - even though we're not really long, long term close mates - because I'll 'understand' and his other friends won't. Knocked me back a bit. Anyway, we had a chat about how he was feeling, and I said he could always talk to me whenever he needed / ask me to help him with anything practical, but that aside, is there anything I should be doing?

Changing your phone number.

[ScousePig]

You don't need to do anything else really Jimmy, just try to be open and available for him and make sure he knows that you are. You don't need to be all up in his business or instigating things or anything, but the odd phone call/chat/whatever asking how he's doing/feeling would be nice.

If you're close but not so close that he'll feel uncomfortable talking about these things then that's great really. That he's come to you in the first place is good.

[Chrissy]

Having a really hard time getting through each day unscathed from the black dug humping me.

Trying to keep myself busy, exercising etc. It's these hours in the morning though that are a cunt. Can't switch off at all. Head is totally fried. Stayed off the drink and anything else that might or has made things worse in the past.

I know it's very self indulgent but it felt good just typing that there.

[Spammer]

Nothing self-indulgent about it. If it does you good, say it. Especially in here

[Chrissy]

Nothing self-indulgent about it. If it does you good, say it. Especially in here

Cheers dude. Reading this thread and others helps no end. Sometimes getting that wee bit of support makes a massive difference, thanks.

[Reg]

Definitely a useful thing to do, Chrissy. Also writing down your thoughts by hand each day, especially when you're not feeling too good, is absolutely worth it.

[Spammer]

Yeah putting words to things helps process your experience and give distance to it, whether it on here or to someone IRL or in writing. As part of my counselling training I'm expected to keep a journal and even though I thought it was a bit daft at first it's definitely helped me personally to have this little book I can confide to about anything at all. It was interesting to read it back over the last year or so too, actually.

[-james-]

I've always known my girlfriend to have mild/moderate anxiety issues but for years it never impacted her life much. A month or two ago she had her first panic attack, then they became daily, and now she seems to have full blown depression.

I'm finding it really hard dealing with it on a daily basis, which makes me feel like a massive cunt because I'm not the one that's ill. I spend a lot of time trying to rationalise it, which as RL has pointed out is a bad idea. I guess it's human nature to ask someone what's wrong when its evident they feel like shit.

I do feel like it's her work environment that triggers it though. She had a week off recently and it subsided a lot during it. She says she doesn't want to quit because having something to do helps. I dunno. She is meant to be starting on Prozac but is freaked out by the list of side effects. Think I've talked her into it, we'll see how it goes.

[randomlegend]

Not for depression, but diazepam is nice.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Had my worse CBT session on Friday.

Had to go out into town, sit on a bench and look around. It was probably only 5-10 minutes that she made me do it but it felt like at least half an hour. I've never just sat in public on my own with no distractions.

Near the end I told her how anxious I am about returning to Uni because it will be with people I've never even seen before due to being held back a year. Due to this she wants me to introduce myself to 3 people (doesn't count if they introduce themselves to me first) and I'm fucking bricking it. I've been a mess ever since she told me to do this. I have never introduced myself first to anyone.

[Panda Bear]

Had my worse CBT session on Friday.

Had to go out into town, sit on a bench and look around. It was probably only 5-10 minutes that she made me do it but it felt like at least half an hour. I've never just sat in public on my own with no distractions.

Near the end I told her how anxious I am about returning to Uni because it will be with people I've never even seen before due to being held back a year. Due to this she wants me to introduce myself to 3 people (doesn't count if they introduce themselves to me first) and I'm fucking bricking it. I've been a mess ever since she told me to do this. I have never introduced myself first to anyone.

You're Mahow, though, and you're likeable.

You can do it.

[randomlegend]

I don't understand how you managed to fly yourself to fucking Ukraine to meet someone off the internet despite all these problems. 99% of people wouldn't come close to having the stones to actually go through with that.

[Lewis]

I respect the dead dad depression, but isn't this more of a confidence thing? There may have been some details missing, but you admitted on the Old Board that your improvement ages ago (when you got into archery lol) coincided with losing weight and feeling better about yourself. Have you packed it back on since then? Would that not be a more sustainable solution (not to mention something to focus on) than sitting on benches and starting conversations in Waitrose like a weirdo?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I respect the dead dad depression, but isn't this more of a confidence thing? There may have been some details missing, but you admitted on the Old Board that your improvement ages ago (when you got into archery lol) coincided with losing weight and feeling better about yourself. Have you packed it back on since then? Would that not be a more sustainable solution (not to mention something to focus on) than sitting on benches and starting conversations in Waitrose like a weirdo?

This is completely confidence and social anxiety. I think the depression is gone or being suppressed by the meds I'm on, it's working on that level.

Yeah losing weight would help a lot but they won't make all the negative automatic thoughts that I have about myself just disappear.

[Adamski]

And talking to a stranger in the park would?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

And talking to a stranger in the park would?

Stranger at uni, I need to introduce myself to 3 students.

It's more to show that my irrational ideas about what will happen are wrong.

[Lewis]

This is completely confidence and social anxiety. I think the depression is gone or being suppressed by the meds I'm on, it's working on that level.

Yeah losing weight would help a lot but they won't make all the negative automatic thoughts that I have about myself just disappear.

Well, no. Nothing solves everything. But what 'negative thoughts' about yourself and 'irrational ideas about what will happen' in social situations do you have, and how are they linked to how you believe people perceive you (elements of which will be based on your appearance)?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I see myself as shit and worthless. The weight obviously doesn't help with those.

The irrational ideas are that they'll ignore me/reject me thus fuelling those negative thoughts that I have.

[Smiffy]

.....

[Lewis]

Right. Well, in the meantime, why not also lose some weight and see what happens? I don't want any of this to sound harsh, but it just seems like the most obvious thing you could be doing. Do the CBT people suggest it?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Right. Well, in the meantime, why not also lose some weight and see what happens? I don't want any of this to sound harsh, but it just seems like the most obvious thing you could be doing. Do the CBT people suggest it?

They haven't, at least not yet.

[igor_balis]

I found CBT a bit shit (mostly because my person was a horrible bitch), but the ideas behind it are quite sound. It is really easy to forget that like, people are generally alright. I used to have fucking awful social anxiety and that stuff would make me brick it too.

University was an obvious example - I'd get really nervous about going to seminars and lectures and thinking oh no what will people think about me, but I forced myself to be polite and friendly and set myself little target of making conversation with a couple of people waiting outside before and afterwards, or have little chats with fellow smokers during fag breaks between 2 hour lectures etc etc. 99% of the time people will be receptive and friendly because people are, and by the end of 3rd year I'd given myself the social anxiety all-clear.

Your head makes this stuff really hard, but the reality is a piece of piss. And I agree with Lewis that losing weight will massively help the self-confidence, but it's hardly a prerequisite. Just forcing yourself to make conversation with people (not total randoms on the street, but people in lectures and stuff) will have far quicker results than cutting back on the sweeties.

[Shindig]

I mean, exercise might at least give your brain the hit it needs whilst being an alright conversation topic but I think igor's summed it up. I mean, you'll make friends at uni because that's just what happens. It doesn't need to be forced.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Didn't happen in the first year (or the few times I was in during my first attempt at the second), although that was largely due to my default face being 'pissed off, angry and bored' and being too anxious to say much other than one word answers.

Obviously it will happen if I'm more open, especially during group work tasks where I just go largely mute as I think that none of my ideas will be good enough. I then ask to see what has been done, fix everyone's mistakes and question why I didn't speak up as my ideas were clearly better.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I agree with Lewis tbh. I think if you try and lose some weight at the same time as trying to do these other things, then even if you only manage to do one of the two, you should still get some increase in confidence. If you do try to consciously lose some weight, but think you won't stick at it, then maybe create a thread on here or something.

Why don't you do archery anymore? Taking up a hobby where there's some involvement with others seems an obvious route to go down.

Money.

I'd have had to pay for a bow, arrows, accessories, member fees etc etc. I did a 4 day beginner course and that was it.

She's also pushing me to join a group on that meetup place, none of them near me appeal to me though.

[Lewis]

This is equivalent to telling an alcoholic to work on their tolerance.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

This is equivalent to telling an alcoholic to work on their tolerance.

http://www.meetup.com/cities/gb/f8/hitchin/

I should join up with the 'Footy Fanatics' and get them to join this place.

[Lewis]

Posting forty times a day like he used to.

[igor_balis]

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Forgot how hot the University corridors were, coupled with my anxiety I made Lee Evans look dry.

[Spoonsky]

Mahow, your doppleganger had to a presentation in my Italian class today and totally bricked it, he forgot everything he knew despite being pretty good at Italian. The thing was that everyone in the room was rooting for him, people are nice and if they can tell that you're struggling they're double nice. In addition probably a majority of people will have felt shy or socially anxious at some point so they'll know how you're feeling and won't be a dick about it.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Didn't help that EVERYONE knew each other in the one lecture and seminar I was in today.

Oh and fuck my doppelganger, despite my anxieties I'm amazing at presentations so 1-0 me.

[Spammer]

If you just say 'Hey I'm Mahow, I'm new here' (or whatever reason it is that you don't know anyone), you'd smash your quota immediately.

[Shindig]

There's some good advice here.

[Spammer]

I've written a blog post about finding meaning in life, especially as an atheist, if anyone's interested. This isn't about depression/mental illness per se, but it's definitely related. Not sure if anyone's gonna be fussed about it but I'm chucking it up anyway, just in case:

https://thebraindumpsite.wordpress.c...aning-in-life/

[Spammer]

Dad's been a bit of a cunt this week. It's his 60th so me and my sister bought tickets for the three of us to go to a gig. Sister gave him the tickets on Tuesday and he immediately told her to get a refund and started shouting at her for being 'presumptuous' and 'not giving him a choice'. Then he decided he didn't want to go out for a meal for his birthday, which is fine - whatever - except I'd booked the day off to come over for it. Sister was on the phone to me on Tuesday crying about how much a twat he'd been with her. He's depressed as fuck but won't ever talk ar even acknowledge any of his feelings about anything, so he just projects his own misery onto everyone else, which is fucking shit.

On top of that, I've had to put in a child protection concern for a kid after he basically told me that he didn't want to go home because his dad was picking him up from school. His dad isn't allowed contact with them because he's in the habit of beating the shit out of him and his brother. The kid hasn't ever really 'let go' in the therapy room and been able to just play freely, and I've reflected on how I am with him to make sure it isn't me. When I saw him with his brother I could see why though. He's the older brother and he's basically the carer for the younger one - we brought them together and he was like a little parent, comforting him and making sure he was alright and so on. I've done CP concerns before in this role and as a teacher but to see him be like that was hard, and made sense of how he's been in the therapy room. Kid is fucking 8 years old, he shouldn't have to be like that.

Stuff has caught up with me really and I've a lot of shit swirling around. I kinda just want to piss off somewhere random for a few days and forget about everything.

[Baz]

My mates been prescribed anti-depressants. Does that mean she's officially clinically depressed? (Or whatever the correct terminology is) I know nothing about it. When does it go from just being really down, to being depressed and getting medication?

Also, any advice for me as a bystander?

[Offshore Toon]

Just get her out as much as you can. The mind plays tricks and all that.

[Boydy]

I've never really thought of it as 'being official' but I suppose it is, yeah.

Just be a good friend to her. Listen to her if she wants to talk about it. Invite her to things or whatever and don't be offended if she doesn't want to go sometimes. Don't stop inviting her either even if she says no often. Don't try to force her to have fun though. Just makes sure she knows you care about her.

[Baz]

She's a miserable cunt these days though.

Do people still drink when on antidepressants? We only see each other when we go the pub.

[Offshore Toon]

Tell her you've noticed she hasn't been happy as a subtle dig at her being miserable and that you want to help. She should get the message. Ultimately, there's only so much you can do, so outlining that you're there for her and inviting her to stuff is as good as it gets. She has to want to get past it, even if it takes a while for her to realise what's required.

[Offshore Toon]

I cottoned on to the fact that my mate's been depressed recently. He came back with "I just can't do anything right, can I?" after I took the piss out of him for something. A few hours after telling him he sounds like a broken housewife, I went back and told him that acting like that doesn't help anybody and if there's something going on that's stressing him out about then its better to talk about it. That conversation soon exploded and I've given him some advice and told him to get to the doctor. He's gone through 'miserable' episodes too where I haven't wanted to hang out with him, so it might be similar. Just get it out in the open and then you can sort it out and move on.

[Lewis]

She just needs something to take her mind off it, so start stalking her.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I jacked in the CBT as my self confidence was holding me back massively.

NHS have referred me to a counselling service so I'm waiting for them to call.

I also think that I'm going to request a different medication. The venlafaxine seems to be working less and less lately so I don't see much point, it's also taken away my ability to lucid dream (my kryptonite) and I've been having some rough nightmares as well as dreams that my Dad is still alive having faked his death for no real reason.

[Offshore Toon]

Venlafaxine was dreadful for me. It had the side effect of making me sweat ridiculous amounts, which brought out anxiety. Given my experience I think doctors are far too quick to hand out this stuff. They're not really sure which one is going to work, and then they faff about with doses even if its not working, before conceding a switch might be best. I think the experience of being told you're depressed and constantly trying to figure out why only makes things worse. Or did for me, anyway. I got put on anti-depressants because I'd never been able to sleep well, and one of the reasons was a 'racing mind.' Its only when coming off sertraline and venlafaxine that I've felt seriously depressed. Now I'm on mirtazapine which is taken before bed and helps you sleep. I'm carrying on until I'm done with uni because I could do without the 'coming off' week which is absolutely hellish. Though I've been told its not addictive, I don't really trust their word.