One of my favourite things in football, when I actually go to games, is watching the goalkeepers warm up. There's always some gnarled old cunt who volleys balls at them and knocks floated crosses in for them to catch, and then the 2nd and 3rd keepers step in doing exercises and finally launching clearances at each other, at which point there's always some awkward banter between the one on halfway and the opposition team's 2nd/3rd keeper doing the same thing. I like to think that is basically all that the 3rd keeper ever does for his job.

Then the fancy dan outfielders run out to muted applause and I go back to reading the programme.