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Thread: My Wife's In Labour

  1. #51
    Senior Member SincereTheRebel's Avatar
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    If

  2. #52
    Senior Member niko_cee's Avatar
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    Are you going to give her a name 20% of the grandparents hate?

  3. #53
    Pretty Much Amazing Mike's Avatar
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    Met her this afternoon and she's amazing

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    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    If Baz doesn't do some sort of Lion King style video to just introduce her to TTH, I'm going to be disappointed.

  5. #55
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    Congrats Baz. My little one is 2 and a half now. It's tough work but so worth it.

  6. #56
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by leedsrevolution View Post
    How horrific was the whole situation? That's all I want to know.
    Epidurals are life, mate. Pubs should sell them; I'd be bankrupt.

    And it's all about the midwife. Ours was amazing and the same one from start to finish, which I think made a massive difference. Plus I got sent home before the dreaded first poo so swerved that one.
    I'm a twit

  7. #57
    Senior Member mugbull's Avatar
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    First poo of your daughter? Or first poo of your wife post-daughter? I bet both are stinky.

  8. #58
    Senior Member mugbull's Avatar
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    That reminds me - do unborn infants not have to pee or poop? Is it all done through the umbilical cord? Or do they just shit shit shit inside the woman's vagina?

  9. #59
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    Quote Originally Posted by mokbull View Post
    That reminds me - do unborn infants not have to pee or poop? Is it all done through the umbilical cord? Or do they just shit shit shit inside the woman's vagina?
    I think a basic biology lesson may be required.

    Congrats Baz. I watched MotD at 2.30 this morning as 10 month old decided it was time for a break from sleeping. So yeah. I recommend you have a decent series ready to watch at those weird times in the morning. I watched most of South Park doing night feeds.

  10. #60
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mokbull View Post
    That reminds me - do unborn infants not have to pee or poop? Is it all done through the umbilical cord? Or do they just shit shit shit inside the woman's vagina?
    They're not meant to poo until they're born. Sometimes they do it inside when distressed and it can cause major problems for both the mother and baby.

    Bad, the 'first poo' is misleading, it's more a series of tar like shite. You ain't off the hook yet.

  11. #61
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mo View Post
    I think a basic biology lesson may be required.

    Congrats Baz. I watched MotD at 2.30 this morning as 10 month old decided it was time for a break from sleeping. So yeah. I recommend you have a decent series ready to watch at those weird times in the morning. I watched most of South Park doing night feeds.
    I watched Breaking Bad in its entirety during my daughters 12 weeks of colic. Every cloud.

  12. #62
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    Baz.

  13. #63
    Senior Member niko_cee's Avatar
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    Meconium.



    +1 for the pain intervention as well. Fuck the NCT, get in there with the diamorphine and epidural ASAP.

  14. #64
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by leedsrevolution View Post
    Bump.
    Protip: epidurals are life.

    Good luck.
    I'm a twit

  15. #65
    Senior Member Mazuuurk's Avatar
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    Yeah thats what I found with any fears I had about having kids: nothing is worse than the whole labour process (and maybe the few days after it, which sort of is included). So from then you generally just get positively surprised.

    Anyway, I hear, up until the teens.

  16. #66
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    You clearly didn’t have a kid with Colic.

  17. #67
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Never could see the point in them at all but you probably need your own I suppose. Thankfully the Mrs has zero wish for them either.

  18. #68
    Senior Member Mazuuurk's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spikey M View Post
    You clearly didn’t have a kid with Colic.

    No, true.

    That seems like some sort of really extended form of torture.

  19. #69
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mazuuurk View Post
    No, true.

    That seems like some sort of really extended form of torture.
    Fucking horrific. 3 months of screaming, for 3 hours, (nearly) every night.

    Then it took us 9 months to get her in a cot because we could only stop the screaming by letting her sleep being held. On the plus side, I did manage to watch Breaking Bad and a few other series that had been on my to do list.

  20. #70
    Senior Member Adamski's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggles View Post
    Never could see the point in them at all but you probably need your own I suppose. Thankfully the Mrs has zero wish for them either.
    Surely the point is rather obvious.

  21. #71
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Adamski View Post
    Surely the point is rather obvious.
    To wipe your chin/arse when you're old? That thought had entered my head before when I thought about it but I don't know if it outweighs putting in 16-20 years for the privilege.

  22. #72
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    There’s a couple of main points to them, none of which are to wipe my arse (mainly because I’m not a sinister nonce).

    1) Because for all their faults, kids are fun and rewarding in their own right.

    2) Because otherwise the mussies will take over, innit.

    Also - fuck giving all my stuff to the government when I carc it.

  23. #73
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    I just can't see them as anything other than a complete nuisance.

  24. #74
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Probably a good job you’re not having them then lad.

    Sad to see Ireland fall to the Islamic sword though.

  25. #75
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    The Poles won't let it go that easy.

  26. #76
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    We're not interested in the tinpot place.

    Suck it dry before moving on.

  27. #77
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    LR.

    The child.

  28. #78
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sir Andy Mahowry View Post
    We're not interested in the tinpot place.

    Suck it dry before moving on.
    Yeah. You're not Polish.

  29. #79
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    And the Ukrainian certainly didn’t suck it dry before moving on.

  30. #80
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    ffs.

  31. #81
    I used to be funny.
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    Heh. Magic can't smack his kid now.

  32. #82
    Senior Member John's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spikey M View Post
    And the Ukrainian certainly didn’t suck it dry before moving on.
    She just about bled him dry though.

  33. #83
    Senior Member Spoonsky's Avatar
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  34. #84
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Ophelia? Yeah, if it’s black it probably isn’t yours. Congratulations to your other half though.

  35. #85
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Ophelia?

    Some people just shouldn't be allowed reproduce.

  36. #86
    I used to be funny.
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    Alright, Brian. Calm your tits.

  37. #87
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    Nothing wrong with the name. Shakespearian.

    My sister just had a similar terrible birth experience and she looked broken afterwards. My sister in law though had her second on Sunday and she just powers them out without problem.

    Hope your wife recovers well.

  38. #88
    Senior Member John's Avatar
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    Giggles used to be part of the Full Name Crew and he has absolutely no place slagging Ophelia.

    Congrats LR. Sounds like a bit of an ordeal but hopefully it's smoother from now on.

  39. #89
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by John View Post
    Giggles used to be part of the Full Name Crew and he has absolutely no place slagging Ophelia.

    Congrats LR. Sounds like a bit of an ordeal but hopefully it's smoother from now on.
    Ophelia is name wankery. Does he think he's in Hollywood or something? Read too many issues of Hello.

  40. #90
    Senior Member John's Avatar
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    How many Hollywood Ophelias do you know? The only two Ophelias who come to mind for me are Ophelia Lovibond, who is English, and the one from Hamlet, written by an Englishman.

  41. #91
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by John View Post
    How many Hollywood Ophelias do you know? The only two Ophelias who come to mind for me are Ophelia Lovibond, who is English, and the one from Hamlet, written by an Englishman.
    The current trend for name wankery, not the specific name.

  42. #92
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    It's a classical Greek name. It's not like he's named her Michone.

  43. #93
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kikó View Post
    It's a classical Greek name. It's not like he's named her Michone.
    Ah, the wife's Greek? Makes more sense now.

  44. #94
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    Giggsy and Spikesy in full on wanker mode here.

    Ophelia is a great name for a future heroin addict.

  45. #95
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by leedsrevolution View Post
    Its a nice name you absolute wankers
    I'm just still scarred by the hurricane

    Seriously though, glad to hear all's good with the whole thing.

  46. #96
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Spikey will kill me for being nice.

  47. #97
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    I do like 'Full Name Crew' though.

  48. #98
    I used to be funny.
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    Magic named his kid Amber Rose. After his favourite pornstar. Never forget that.

  49. #99
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    The only way you can shorten Ophelia is 'Oaf'.

  50. #100
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    If it gets shortened it'll be to "Fee" (Or however she chose to spell it) I'd imagine.

    Or I suppose "Lia" like Leah if she wanted to shorten it to the end of it.

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