Show ME your local pub

[Dark Soldier]

I know Giggles won't because Internet people may turn his skull into dust but be a sport you fanny.

If anyone ever passes this pub I live directly across the road from it:



Dirt cheap pint (we talking in the two pound range London wankers), full of dossers (expect two to three mobility scooters on the reg) and the constant whiff of piss. Fucking mega as go with £20, get hammered out ya nut, buy drugs if you desire as loads of dealers hang there, then cross the road, stagger home.

From the perspective of being in that grandiose pub garden you've the best chippy in town to the right, a deceptively shit but filthy when pissed Chinese slightly opposite to the left, and a corner shop with a cashier called Javid (aka THE DON) who has eyes that go in completely opposite directions (one eye on the titties, one eye on the bombs) about 30 seconds from where I live and they do a mean, mean line in Rustlers and Chicago Town mini pizzas.

LADS SHOW ME YOUR LOCALS

Ah shit just noticed the burger van (not in pic but its on Google Earth), he does a cracking line in ASDA bought chicken, burgers, chips, hot dogs and grease served up to you at extortionate prices which match your alcy haze. I got a chicken box once and almost vomited. £4.50. The couple near the entrance are tucking right in, regretting it later.

Here's the CHIPPY OF DEATH, you've seen the wares (pudding, chips, gravy, jumbo sausage):



No doubt a minus five on the health rating, but the family's son's missus is a proper tight little spunk train of the highest degree. Shy as fuck, tight mouth, tight everything. If the son didn't do me top dollar on the food I'd be slamming her into oblivion. I also think she may have a gammy eye or three but nothing I can't correct. She does have a kid so she's essentially Chernobyl on the no go zone right now.

DO NOT buy Chinese from there as you will probably die.

[Dark Soldier]

Also you may wonder why I don't vote Tory fuck's sake look at my life GS and give your head a wobble.

[ItalAussie]

The problem with my new job is that all the local bars/pubs for after-work drinking are terrible. And that's kind of true for Australian pubs in general.

I do miss it in the UK. Maybe I'll post a picture of my old local when I go back for a visit in July.

[7om]

That Chinese looks absolutely rancid, DS, you nutcase.

[Dark Soldier]

Its delicious I don't care. Its actually not too bad when open, clean as fuck, which is rare as they fuck off back to the homeland very frequently. Understandable when 75% of shops are shuttered/boarded up.

Although tbh I've eaten 18 microwaveable meatballs today so I'm not the guy you want to aspire to for guidance. Dead by 50

[Byron]

Next time I'm by work I'll grab a picture of the three pubs I frequent (usually with work people), in order of popularity;

1. Old man pub frequented by all the people from work because you can get a pint for £3.50, cracking beer garden as well.
2. Pub owned by Turkish mafia, good TV for football though
3. Pub owned by a friend of mine that does absolutely brilliant food but is about as a big as a matchbox and the tables are always at risk of falling over.

[Giggles]

Indeed and you're right.

Here's a nice picture of a pub though.

[Shindig]

Mine's a British Legion. Only went there the once and can't remember the price of a pint. Other than that, there's a couple of places the next village over.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The Swan, which takes its name from the royally owned birds which are frequently seen waddling up this road from the mighty Thames, which you can see in the background. In fact I think one of the white velociraptors is just about visible to the right of the Surrey tractors.

In truth this used to be a fairly middle of the road place, but as with all pubs in the region, the last decade has seen at least one if not two refurbs which have tarted it up significantly. These days, you can't get a pint for less than about £4.20. The river-facing beer garden you can see in the picture, a place which once would have been frequented by tradesmen and young families enjoying a Friday night fish and chips at reasonable prices, and a friendly, bubbly atmosphere. No longer; the cuisine has become finer, and the clientele haughtier. I was invited to a Christmas dinner here, and the food was wonderful but frankly it should be at £40 for a three course menu.

One night I had here just about sums the place up. I was meeting a mate who is a few years younger than me, so I asked him what he wanted and he said Kopparberg Summer Fruits Cider. Now, having just about resisted the temptation to strangle him to death on the spot, I bought him said drink (lager for me) and we went over to a table to have a nice catch up. Just after we sat down, a young man on his own - hipster looking, trendy - sat down at the next table, got his laptop out and started tapping away. After about half an hour he could clearly resist the temptation no longer, and introduced himself. 'Hi, I'm Adam (or something), I'm the marketing manager here. I just wanted to ask you guys (always guys), what sort of events you would come to here?'

I told him I used to come to the pub quiz before the refurb, but the quizmaster had been told to do one under the new regime and had taken up residence at the new pseudo-American craft beer place in town instead (formerly a wine bar), and so he was lucky to have me at all. Adam returned to his laptop.

[Samadini]

Bizarrely large selection of ales if that's your thing, not a rip off either. Guy has a setup of dodgy boxes that means he can stream all the 3pm kick offs on his various TVs. There's a Chelsea fan who spends a whole game shouting "RAFA IS MUSTARD MATE" at me and I don't know if he's trying to be my friend or what, but seems nice enough after his frequent trips to the bog for another line.




Two doors down from the pub. As far as I can tell is run by a human trafficker and a 12 year old Chinese girl. Fucking brilliant food.

[Magic]

Is this local as in the pub closest to me or the one I go to most?

[phonics]

The U.K. is a bloody dump isn't it? I'm on mobile but I'll do a Swansea and a Switzerland version in a bit.

[Kikó]

This is my closest but not really my local because it's about £6 a pint:


These are probably my favourite pubs near me:
Myddleton Arms


Decent selection of beer and a little beer garden out back which has burgers done on a barbecue in the summer.

The Old Red Lion


Sells Sagres on tap and mainly serves PIES. It's a cracking old mans pub. Maybe.

[Bam]

The U.K. is a bloody dump isn't it? I'm on mobile but I'll do a Swansea and a Switzerland version in a bit.

Your a prick but we don't all bang on about it.

[Raoul Duke]

This is mine:

Toggle Spoiler

Great selection of craft beers and the best burgers in London. Phenomenal. Also got a basement gig venue where random out-of-town bands come to That London to play their rock and roll music. Is good.

[John]

The pub nearest to me used to be The Royal Oak, but there were a series of shootings in it, then the owner stabbed two people in his own pub and it was burnt to the ground in revenge. There's now an ad hoc car wash in what used to be its car park.

The two closest pubs are now The Hazelwood and the Nia Roo.



The only result for this on Google Images is from an article about it also being set on fire, so I've taken one from streetview. Much like the Royal Oak in the OP, it's basically a scheme pub. Dirt cheap drink, ample supplies of drugs at all times, one fruit machine and a pool table. There are signs up all over the place telling you that you'll be arrested or killed if you're caught taking drugs in the place, and they've put turf over the cisterns in the toilet so you can't do a line on them, but the bar staff and landlord are all coked up at all times so they don't actually care. All show for the licensing board.

They do various karaoke nights and such, but everyone's either seventy, full of gear, or there for half an hour while their group gathers to go elsewhere, so it generally ends up just being the girl running the night singing a load of songs herself.

There's a Celtic supporters' bus run out of the place so it's to be avoided at all costs on matchdays. There's a Chinese next door though, and if you describe their supporters' bus as the 'Thai Sun bus' you can draw a seethe that lasts about an hour and ripples through about a dozen of them, so there's still fun to be had.



Has been open under the same name for about eighty years or something, it's basically the Hazelwood with a legitimate Sky Sports subscription and a disabled toilet. The name is 'Oor Ain' (Our Own) backwards, which less people than you'd imagine seem to have realised. It advertises a 'beer garden', but as you can probably see it's just a load of picnic tables shoved into the car park.

The pub I'm in most often is the one nearest to Ibrox, which couldn't be any more themed.



Lewis would love, LOVE, their playlist.

[Giggles]

No chairs. Fucking animals.

[igor_balis]

This is my closest pub. It's pretty decent, great selection of ales and has the old fashioned bar/lounge separation. Lounge is full of old fellas supping mild, and the bar is mostly coked up builders drinking lager and shouting.



That's my most regular haunt. It is good, but quite expensive and it can sometimes be a bit tediously middle-class rugger bugger. The urinals always have jokes about rugby union I don't understand above them.



That's probably my favourite. Always full of teenage grebz, middle-aged bikers and generally strange people. Great jukebox and always a really fun, unpretentious night. Get the cider and blacks in and dance around to some RARRGGGGGGHHH music.

[John]

That bottom one the site of the famous group photo?

[ScousePig]

This is where I go the most. Mainly for food, but drinking also. It's about a five minute walk, over the canal and river, and pretty much opposite Kirkstall Abbey. The home cooked food is delicious, and the portion sizes very generous. The beer selection is decent, if not spectacular. It's right at the bottom of Kirkstall Lane, and Headingley is exactly one mile up the hill.



This is closer; it's right on the river and just a few minutes walk, and you go past it to get to the West End. It's a bit more alternative or trendy, and where the cool kids tend to hang out. The building itself doesn't give away many clues that it's a pub. There's just a banner up saying something like 'Camra pub of the year 2014, 2015, 2016'. Through the main entrance there's the main bar and room, and you go downstairs to the new layout and into the beer garden, which runs alongside the river. Half of it got swept away in the floods last Christmas, as did plenty of things along Kirkstall Road. The food is average, the beer good.

[Lewis]

That would be the nearest thing I have to a 'local', but I'm only ever in there when my Navy friend is back. I don't drop in on my own accord. As with all of the pubs around here (and pubs in general), it's pretty balls, but it's owned by Phil Lowe, the best best rower England has ever produced, so there is at least some rugby memorabilia on the walls to look at.

[Disco]

This was always my pub of choice in town, good beer and the perfect place to sit and read the paper on a Sunday afternoon.



Unfortunately.....

Toggle Spoiler

[-james-]

Lots of new pins going on Wedge's board after this.

[Giggles]

Lots of new pins going on Wedge's board after this.

Look, he's already burnt down Discos.

[Magic]

Anyone else read it as Show MILLENNIUM EDITION?

[Baz]

This is about ten minutes walk from mine, but I rarely go because I'd rather just go into town where there are more pubs than pigeons, and there are a lot of pigeons. The Bull and Dog is a Pokestop though, which is a bonus. Plus it is next to the train station, so sometimes I go for a pint while waiting for the train, but again it's very rare. Nice pub though. And it's been painted green since that photo.

[Giggles]

What's a Pokestop?

[Baz]

What's a Pokestop?

A place to collect items on the phone game Pokemon Go.

[Giggles]

Christ

I thought it might be a brewery chain.

[Pepe]

[Giggles]

That's my local.

[Mike]

I am within walking distance of three pubs. I visit all three often enough.

The First, and closest is The Black Bull, it's not the best for most of the year but has the biggest beer garden I've seen. So in summer it is amazing and it does great burgers. It is also where I go to vote.


Next up, my favourite, The Bird I'th Hand. It's just a 'proper pub' the food is good, they show all the sport and normally have music on on a Saturday.


Last is The Griffin. It's way more expensive, it's where the people who think the part of St. Helens in is the fancy bit go. Has a nice outdoor area and the food is really good. It is close to work too, so it's the pub we go on our end of term trips to the pub.

[John]

No wonder Black Bull has a massive beer garden, presumably it used to be a playground.

[Dark Soldier]

Good shit, lads. Good shit.

[Boydy]

There's only one pub in my village* but I've never been in it. It's generally only populated by the local scum. There isn't the same pub culture in NI as there is in England. People here seem to save up all their drinking for a Saturday night then just get hammered.

*In contrast, there are about six churches.

[Shindig]

Sounds like how it used to be in the Borders.

[Giggles]

There's only one pub in my village* but I've never been in it. It's generally only populated by the local scum. There isn't the same pub culture in NI as there is in England. People here seem to save up all their drinking for a Saturday night then just get hammered.

*In contrast, there are about six churches.

Do you lot go for pints at lunchtime from work like the mainlanders?

[Boydy]

Do you lot go for pints at lunchtime from work like the mainlanders?

No, that's very rare here.

[Giggles]

I've heard tell of it becoming a thing here of late, mostly bints and their bloody prosecco, but it was never a thing either. You'd be sacked on the spot.

[Boydy]

It'd happen the odd time when I used to work in Belfast years ago. But even then it was pretty rare. It's probably more common in Belfast than it is in the backwaters though.

Where I work now, we had a Christmas lunch a few days before Christmas but we weren't allowed to drink as we had to go back to work in the afternoon and they have a zero tolerance policy on it.

[igor_balis]

That bottom one the site of the famous group photo?

Nah, that was by the first one actually daddy-o.

[ScousePig]

I was in the West End last night and there was a right mix of people. Two bald headed blokes who quite possibly turned out to be gay, and either a couple or a former couple. They had a dog (a Westie) called Graham, and another couple (hippies) came in with some kind of lurcher called Derek. They were near us so we overheard most of their conversation (mainly about the Westie having his balls removed) and joined in a bit. At some point the discussion turned to brothels.

Afterwards we went for a walk around the Abbey.

[Henry]

Some of those brilliant. Pubs are way better in England than over here.

[Offshore Toon]

DS' setup is so good. I'd love to retire around there.

The pubs around me in Jersey are all shit (though I live in town so its no hassle to walk somewhere) and I've never had anything anywhere near to being a local in the UK.

This place is reliable for football streams and is 5 minutes away, but its a porko-run shithole attached to a hotel. Magners is about £4.20 a bottle, which is rather cheap for Jersey, though its probably gone up by about 20p by now.



When its sunny they put (two) chairs in that little smoking area in case you fancy taking in the traffic with your pint.

We used to alternate with this place across the road:



But I got banned and the porko won't tell me why. I think its because my mate took in a can one day, then he flipped out and kicked us both out. Its not a big deal, though the table football was alright at half time. However, said porko doesn't know that I know something terrible about him. In the first pub one day me and my mate were enjoying the traffic and some pissed up bloke (also a porko, but was nice enough) comes out and starts talking to us. Turns out he's friends with Carlos (the porko who banned me) and knows him well. Anyway, after plenty of listening I was told Carlos cheats on his wife, specifically with one of the barmaids, Claudia ("we call her Winter-face" he said whilst puffing out his cheeks). I've forgotten the name of the wife now, but I walked past one night shouting her name and that Carlos cheated on her. Not fair on the kids, really. I'm not proud. Reflecting on it, he may now know that I know.

Now, this place ( ) :



This place is where 30-40 geordies gather for every game and its fucking great. Some of them are seriously deranged - one cried when we beat Sunderland 5-1. Its actually rather cheap for Jersey too, especially if you stick to the spirits. Out of the three, this is the only pub that I actually look forward to going to, although only on match-days.

[Bam]

What the actual fuck is a porko?

[Giggles]

What the actual duck is a porko?

A Portuguese I think. Or maybe it encompasses Spanish too. Hard to keep up with all the racist words you lot have for everyone.

[Bam]

What like paddy?

[Ian]

The nearest to me is a social club that flies a Union Flag and is 'affectionately' known locally as "The Jaffa Club" (that may be a common name for these places.) I've never been in, and all the other nearby ones I go into look a bit worrying too so I've never been into those either.

There's a hotel on the way back from the train station to mine that has crap beer but I know the staff quite well and it has a bazillion single malts and amazing curries so I pop into there. It's not a pub though.

[Kikó]

It's a Portuguese migrant in Jersey. Offy hates them.

[Giggles]

What like paddy?

Among what seems like hundreds of others.